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Thursday, July 3, 2014

Too entitled to be dateworthy? Or just young and foolish?

Is it Amazon that's killing a woman's Seattle sex life?  Maybe it is. Maybe it's not.  This article caused quite a stir with many people coming down on the writer of the article about her age or not being that cute anymore.  Well, a word about love - size, shape, age, and attractiveness often have nothing to do with finding love.  Being attractive can help, but that's not the root of Tricia Romano's dating woes.  It's a matter of men not developing their personalities because they think all women really want is money.  It's not true.  What Tricia Romano really wants is companionship and adventure.

Don't get me wrong, it's possible to have a comfortable life with an interesting man who makes some dough.  I'm not going to lie, my husband and I aren't exactly poor.  We're doing quite well.  But we have many interests in common, such as an appreciation for art, fine food, and arty movies.  But sometimes we spend more than we should on dinner.

Romano says, basically, that it was often more fun and more interesting to date without money in her 20s.  Grunge was in, Seattle was a hotspot, and all you needed for a great date was conversation over a cup of coffee to spin caffeinated yarns and creative adventures.  A hike could be a great date.  But these were shared experiences.

She complains of dating men who only talk about themselves.  I think she could be a little more forgiving.  From my experience dating, men talk about themselves and their accomplishments out of a desire to impress.  Unfortunately, this is a poor conversational style.  It's possible to snap someone out of it by saying you are impressed so that a guy feels validated, or asking a question that refers back to you somehow.  "When I was young, I dreamed of X, what did you dream about as a child?"

It might still be worth a second date just to see if it was nerves or a straight up character flaw.  But, really, if that kind of conversational style continues, it doesn't sound like the makings of a solid relationship foundation and its probably wise to let such a person find  more appreciative audience who will be impressed.  Some women might not mind at all.  Or maybe, after losing a few second or third dates, he will wise up to his doucheyness and change.

But, then, what is a douche?  And is he one just because he wears the company ID, T-shirt, and carries a backpack with a computer?  Seriously, that's kind of shallow.  I've been guilty of similar behavior in my Coachella garb with my backstage pass on display, hanging in the VIP section, or always carrying my computer to write about whatever or connect to the internet.  Am I cool, or am I a bit of a douche, too?

In San Francisco, said Violet, “There were a lot of men to date with disposable income who wanted to take women out. It’s just, it was so boring,” she said. “My dating life went from dating artists and writers and going on cheap but exciting dates, to men who thought the ability to buy someone an expensive meal made them interesting.” - See more at: http://www.damemagazine.com/2014/05/23/amazon-killing-my-sex-life#sthash.d0Yp1J4A.dpuf
Perhaps I'm saying this because I married an engineer who sometimes isn't as polished as I would like for him to be.  He wears his company ID, company ts, company jackets, and sometimes even a backpack, or a beat up briefcase.  But boring, he most certainly is not - at least in my opinion - which is all that counts in this context of getting beyond dating to marriage.  I mean, isn't that the goal here?

Ultimately, many men need to learn better social skills, and many women need to learn greater patience.  This is especially true of techies who tend to spend their days in "sausage factory" environments with other dudes.  Maybe, instead of being frustrated, it might be fun to join in what they think is cool.  Order the foie gras, the fine wine, and the dessert.  Try to have fun with it.  If someone is new to actually having some money, they do tend to be quite impressed with the extra income.  Maybe something interesting will happen between courses.

And maybe it's all a part of growing up.  When a man starts looking at owning versus renting and starting to pay down debt, or thinks about having a family, he will usually tighten up his spending.  There's a certain beauty to being young, wealthy, and slightly foolish.  It takes a real woman with superior social skills to see a diamond in the rough and have the patience to chip away at the exterior and let the inner beauty shine.  Or, at least, that's what women used to do en masse, and what women who are man friendly still do today. 

PS  I love nerds.  :)
In San Francisco, said Violet, “There were a lot of men to date with disposable income who wanted to take women out. It’s just, it was so boring,” she said. “My dating life went from dating artists and writers and going on cheap but exciting dates, to men who thought the ability to buy someone an expensive meal made them interesting.” - See more at: http://www.damemagazine.com/2014/05/23/amazon-killing-my-sex-life#sthash.d0Yp1J4A.dpuf

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! Commenting is now open to everyone! (Write to me for advice! SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

2 comments:

Monica A said...

I can relate with you and your husband. We do the same. We spend more than what was intended especially on things that we both like. I think that's normal. Anyways, you have a great article shared! Thanks :)

SavvyD said...

Thanks Monica! Some days I wonder if I do any good. Your comment was very encouraging! Thanks.