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Monday, June 2, 2014

Don't date a man who asks for nude selfies

Though this post has been out there for awhile, the kind of man who would ask for nude selfies can be particularly detrimental to a woman.  And the men who read the blog Chateau Heartiste might be best avoided.
Chateau Heartiste was formerly known as Roissy, a man who thinks he is a head alpha male who teaches other men how to get laid and play games to get women interested.  Whatever.  But, it's the specific techniques used in "How to get a girl to send nude photos of herself" article that you can use as red flags of men to stay away from.

Do not date a man who talks about nude selfies, mentions nude selfies, or texts you about sexually explicit topics or texts you asking for nude selfies.  This is not a healthy man.  A healthy man has an interest in you as a whole person, not just a sexual being.

Once a nude photo is sent, it can't be unsent.  It may be shared on a wide variety of social media or blogged.  It might end up in the comments at Chateau Heartiste.  While I have no comment on what consenting adults wish to do, there is an inherent problem with the manipulative techniques taught in this article.  Can you spot them?

One particular technique is called the "neg."  Another kind of "neg" is just a sarcastic dig at someone, a put-down.  It's hard to tell the difference between witty reparte and a "neg" but in this case, the "neg" is barbed toward trying to get a girl to do something.  His "reverse psychology" sounds almost like what a man who cares about you might say.  "Don't send nude pictures of yourself."  But when he follows it up with a "You won't get anywhere with me," that's when to run.

Most articles about sexting are directed at teenagers who are exploring their sexuality and appropriate boundaries.  But the same advice goes for adults who may not have experienced manipulative men.  I worry about some of the courtship advocates because they don't learn how the social skill set to avoid these kinds of men and might fall into their clutches.  While you might not need to worry about all the kids at your high school seeing a nude or suggestive selfies, you do lose control over a photo once you have sent it.

Obviously, any sane Christian woman would walk on some of the more direct approaches which use lewd language.  But the more subtle tactics are more worrisome for the Christian set who focus on love and marriage without acknowledging how quickly someone can fall into a dangerous liason.

Dating is not the danger.  The social skills one learns while dating help eliminate the good from the bad. You can very quickly sort through them just by asking questions and listening to a man's responses.  I call it giving them enough rope so they can hang themselves.  If you give them lots of rope but they don't hang themselves with it, then keep going out with them.

This is old news, but the reason why Roissy changed his blog title was because he was exposed by another blogger, Lady Raine who posted photos of the perpetrator of misogyny (please scroll to the bottom of the article), along with his home address.  In the battle of Raine v. Roissy, it's hard to say who really won since Chateau Heartiste took over where Roissy left off, and Lady Raine also disappeared.  Roissy apparently had to move and may have been fired from his job for his distasteful blog.  If it's indeed Roissy still blogging, it's obvious that social consequences don't change people.

But let's not diss the blog entirely, as it does give women perspective on some types of men to avoid.

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1 comment:

Jolly Kumar said...
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