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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Successful at everything but relationships??? What would Kate Middleton say?

Life sometimes sucks. Yep, there, I said it. But I hate to tell all of you that the problem is not your success that is driving men away. This is my response to some Boundless articles. Successful at Everything But Relationships and Hyper-Achieving Woman, Underachieving Man

Let's take an example of a successful, accomplished, and very feminine woman who everyone presently admires. How about Kate Middleton? She went to college-a very exclusive one at that. She played field hockey. She rides horses. She skis. She was born into a family that created great wealth. She's hot. And she's spiritual. Did you notice that both she and Prince William unashamedly sang along to all of the hymns at their wedding?

Do you think this modern princess (OK Duchess) told herself not to try so hard in school or the boys wouldn't like her? Do think she didn't do excellent work in classes? Do think she didn't work hard at any jobs that she had outside of school? Everyone slept in occasionally, but overall, this is a talented, driven, and beautiful woman. This is a well-read and very accomplished woman who uses the skills that she learned in school to be one of the very public faces of her country every day. And she's still feminine.

And yes, it's not really a fair comparison because she is now married to Prince William. But truth be told, she doesn't "need" a man to provide for her. Neither does Pippa Middleton. These aren't helpless damsels in distress. But if Kate weren't married to the Prince, she would be working in the family business being her excellent self. And I think that's what she would tell you to do.

It's better to be authentic, be true to yourself, and excel where you can. The right man will admire you, not be intimidated. The right man will look at you and see that you are a Proverbs 31 kind of girl, a Ruth, or a Deborah. The wrong kind of man looks at you and is afraid. Personally I don't get what that's about. (I'll get back to you as I'm coming up with a theory.)

I would suggest you go out there and be your excellent self. If the guys at church don't notice you or can't seem to get it together for you, move on. Yes, that's right. Move on. Forget about it. It's clear that they just aren't ready for you. Don't dwell on it. I know it's hard to do. And I know it seems like the pickings are slim. Look at picking elsewhere.

There are guys at church who are nothing short of amazing and can't seem to ask a girl out. But if he's "intimidated by you" or can't get it together for you he's not right for you. Do you really want to be with someone who isn't right for you? Or who isn't ready for you? It's torture! But the alternative is to sit at home wasting away waiting for a man to come along and fulfill your dreams accomplishing nothing. And you might end up being very disappointed.

There are plenty of men who are very motivated to run their own businesses and work very hard. You might not be meeting them because they're working very hard in a completely different field. And they might not be making it to church. I'll have to write a bit more about that, too, as this is getting pretty long.

I can recommend that you look out of type, try online dating, etc. But really, it's just not going to happen until its the right time with the right person. I can suggest that you be open to someone who is older than you were thinking who might not be quite what you thought you would be with.

My last piece of advice would be to stop looking to Boundless for dating advice. They are so far beyond what the average person is into that it makes people not want to be Christian and turns people off that would otherwise consider it. They really mess people up. I have aquaintances with very serious relationship problems. Yes, there are some women who are angry and turn men off. But just because you're driven and talented doesn't mean you aren't also feminine and attractive just because you haven't met your man.

And sometimes you get most of what you're looking for. But really, when it works, it works. I guess I'll have to tell you all about my fiance, so come back around.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)


fisher said...

Hooray for not being the only Christian woman in the world who has some real issues with Boundless. My not so humble opinion: both men and women should use their God-given talents to the best of their ability, rather than squandering them to fit in with what a narrow segment of Christian society expects.

Thanks for the great read :)

SavvyD said...

No, you seriously aren't the only one. I have a few other things I have written if you click the Boundless tab here.