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Thursday, February 2, 2012

How to avoid the "nice guy" trap

I've heard many complaints from so-called "nice guys." One alleged nice guy said he didn't start getting attention from women until he started acting like a jerk (Astro). Well, I dumped him because he was a jerk and I don't date jerks.    He still thinks he's a nice guy, but in truth he wasn't.

Just because a guy has been nice to the women who he has liked and haven't liked him back doesn't mean a guy is actually a nice guy. Just because a girl says a guys is really nice but she doesn't like him like that still doesn't mean he's actually a nice guy.  Some alleged nice guys sound sound bitter and angry - those aren't true "nice guy" qualities.

But if you really are a nice guy, this advice will help you avoid the "nice guy" traps...

  1. Ask someone out. If she says yes, go out. Observe her behavior. If you have a good time, ask her out again. If you don't don't. Repeat. Do it with the idea of a probationary period and don't let your feelings get the best of you. 
  2. Don't rush into making a commitment. Give yourself space to do your own thing, but call when you say you will call and honor your commitments. This isn't a "game" and it isn't to "keep her on her toes" this is FOR YOU. This is what I do as a female.
  3. If girls are falling for "bad boys" they are immature and possibly young, but the one thing some of these "bad boys" have that "nice guys" don't is a certain level of social ease. Date women of various ages. Older might be better or at least more mature.
  4. Put some of your emotional chips into your career. Often men find satisfaction and confidence from having a solid career.
  5. Up your confidence level through good grooming and sharp dressing. It will make you more attractive because you look better and feel more confident.
  6. Plan dates that you like, take her to restaurants that you like, and see how she responds. Does she complain about everything? Does she have opinions? Do really like listening to what she says? This will let you know if you have anything in common. My current boyfriend loves art, art films, martial arts, antiquing, and music. He has taken me to see martial arts films - which I like.


Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

7 comments:

Robin said...

Thank you for making this post. I have dealt with these so-called "nice guys" before. No one should begin a relationship by guilt-tripping and (in cases that I know of) harrassment.

Miss said...

I had a boyfriend years ago, before I became a Christian, and he professed to be a nice guy. I soon found out this was far from the case. He was a liar, and bitter, and a momma's boy. A bad combination.


In his eyes, I think what made him think he was a "nice guy", was that he didn't sleep around. He wasn't a "dog", so to speak, sleeping around and using women. And he didn't wear baggy pants. I think that was why he thought he was a nice guy.


What's sad, and even worse than that, he didn't think anything was wrong with how he is/was. It was everybody else. It was his past girlfriends. It was his father. It was society. Nothing he did was ever his fault, and nothing he did or said was ever wrong.


That's not very "nice" to me, but hey, that's just me.

Kevin said...

I read a book on this topic that was VERY helpful--I highly recommend it.

http://kuyakevin.blogspot.com/2010/07/no-more-christian-nice-guy-book-review.html

SavvyD said...

Ain't nothin' wrong with a momma's boy. My boyfriend is a momma's boy to a certain extent.

I hope some of the guys will follow the steps that I have outlined to asking women out and avoiding the "nice guy" label - one which is often a misnomer. As I outlined, sometimes a girl will say, "You're really nice but..." because it's easy.

Miss said...

This is just a thought, but if your able to label your boyfriends as a momma's boy and still stay with him, he's probably not a momma's boy. Or at least not that bad of one.


Maybe he's just a man who cares about his mom.


My ex boyfriend couldn't barely wipe his butt without asking his mom's permission.

SavvyD said...

Ok, yeah, that's clearly something different.

My guy really loves his mom and helps to take care of her now that she needs that.

groupspostings said...

@Robin,
I considered myself a "nice guy" when I dated in my 20s.
That is, considered myself a Christian man who didn't press women for sex and really cared for their feelings and Christian morality.

Looking back and reading Internet posts by single, virgin Christian men in their mid-late 20s and older, it seems many "Christian" women in their church "pass them over" and won't give them a chance.
Even the "religious" girls "look down" on guys that don't have any sexual "experience."

Instead, they have eyes for the "Bad Boys" like this jerk who took this Christian woman's virginity....

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/313588-my-awesome-breakthrough-experience-tonight-read-blessed-3.html#post3918938

http://www.christianforums.com/t7656985-4/#post60547992

Trust me, gals, there are Good Guys out there like me.
We're not "Momma's Boys" and we really want a relationship.

Wasn't repulsive looking, wasn't a "loser" but wasn't Mr. Suave and never landed the girl.

Too bad many of you "Christian" girls acted like I never existed.
That was one reason I stopped visiting the church singles groups and didn't focus so much on the "Christian" girls -- the ones who seemed to possess little judgement in men.