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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Things aren't always what they seem

Dating or courtship is supposed to be a wonderful time of getting to know each other, praying together, and seeing if marriage is right for you. Right? You're supposed to date / court a Christian man. And you would think dating someone who studied to be a pastor would be a safer bet...

Dating is not supposed to be a time when your boyfriend cheats on you constantly with MEN and confesses to it. It's also not supposed to be a time when you get a call from him because he is in jail and you post bail for him. Why are you doing this? He's just been arrested by the FBI for having child pornography on his computer.

I'm thinking about this friend who told me he was let go from a pastoral position a few years ago. He said that a young man in the youth group falsely accused him of doing something to him or saying something innapropriate in the bathroom. There was a physical altercation where the kid punched him or something. And then he was fired.

I thought he was telling me the truth, so I didn't question it. We used to hang out and talk in a cafe before he found his current job and started dating this mutual friend.

I'm reflecting on all of the times he assisted in giving communion, led prayer for large groups, helped with various volunteer activities, and preached a few sermons.

I thought he was a spiritual man, I thought they were happy. I thought they were destined for the altar. I thought wrong.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)


SingleMamma4God said...

This is why I do not believe in dating. I do not think it is the best approach to start dating someone and then pray to see if it is Gods will.

That being said a guy on my Twitter said he married the woman God said was for him (now how he knows it was God I cannot confirm) never the less she has recently left him and they are now fighting over two kids under 8.

That sounds like a nightmare.

I have learned to be and become a woman of prayer. We must all be learning to hear from the Lord. No matter what a person looks like in the natural we have to get Gods approval when we want to merge lives.

It reminds me of the story of the call of David which comes after God anointed and appointed king Saul. Samuel had been disappointed with Saul as a king and would have been deceived by the sons of Jesse but God spoke and he listened.

Years later we know David sinned letting his position get to his head and the temptations run away with him. Too many wives, not being a great father, adultery, murder.

Nothing new under the sun. At least your friend didn't get married.

SavvyD said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with "dating". These friends were contemplating marriage.

We were all mutual friends and they had a long acquaintance before they even went out.

This was all found out during the stage when they were contemplating getting engaged.

Courtship vs. dating would not have saved this relationship.

And actually, I was friends with the guy much more than the girl.

SavvyD said...

I'd rather go out on a few dates, see what someone is about and see if I want to keep going out with them. Sometimes I don't. Otherwise you spend forever praying and waiting for some magical sign. What if you think there is a magical sign and you end up with a fight over two kids under the age of 8 - or bailing someone out of jail for sex crimes.

you aren't going to convince me that courtship is superior. Give up now.

SavvyD said...

I know this girl had a serious spiritual life, and yet, he still turned out to be a bad one.

SavvyD said...

I see what happened, you got hung up on dating, so I changed the article to say dating OR COURTSHIP.

I hope that clears it up for you.

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness your friend found about all this before she walked down the isle. I'll be praying for her.

SavvyD said...

Well, actually, he was the one who was more my friend. They were both friends of mine.

Miss Shields said...

Savvy, this is what terrifies me: That we can think we know a "good Christian man," but he ends up being a monster. I have two friends who were charmed by men who, by all appearances, were their Christian Prince Charming; then the horror dawned on them, that they had married a pedophile and a physically abusive sociopath. So, as an unhappily single Christian woman hoping to find a truly great man, can I expect to see into a man's soul any more than these unfortunate women? I visit your site when I am overwhelmed by the need to know that other rational Christian women out there are struggling as much as I am. I need validation for my feelings of frustration. I just read an article on the Focus on the Family webzine for singles, and I was so upset. The author makes good points, but the message I read was, "If you want to have marriage and children, that must be your first priority, above your career, because you may be infertile after 35." I turn 32 in a few days. Sorry it seems I'm going off on a tangent--the point is, I DO want a family, but not only have dating rules changed, it also seems more likely than ever that we'll find ourselves marrying a man with hidden sexual addictions, thanks to the proliferation of online porn. Right now I'm trying to decide whether I should make a big change in my life that would probably make marriage even more difficult or if I should continue seeking out a husband with no guarantee that my endeavors will lead to marriage.

SavvyD said...

People get hung up on dating vs. not dating and doing courtship because the bible doesn't talke about dating.

Please date. I've heard nightmare after nightmare from getting locked into courtship. If you are just dating, you can bail at a moment's notice.

SavvyD said...

@MissShields quite few women have had healthy babies in their 40s. I was shocked to discover that the increase in having babies with Down's Syndrome is from 1% to 3% according to one study. That not so monumental as people have been eld to believe!

Yes, the rules have changed. It's wise to wait and take the time to get to know someone.