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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Dating a non-Christian

After many years of being single and everyone having the common experience of not dating anyone from church, it's bound to come up. Should you date a non-Christian if the opportunity arises? What if I said yes?

Let's face it, after a few years of not having a boyfriend and having only 2 dates from church in 10 years, I found myself saying yes to going out with a non-Christian.
I've often stated that there is a certain kind of man I find irresistable. Jerks? No! Nerds! It's all about nerdy guys for me. Not all have been a comfortable fit for dating. Some have given me nightmares with their lack of social skills. But, I've always been interested in intelligent guys. When I met a man whose mother was a classical anthropologist, I thought perhaps this guy might have interests I might enjoy. So I said yes. And I'm having a great time

I don't want to get into all the Biblical directives. This last Friday I went out with a friend of mine from church who I have had a crush on for years. I still like him. He suitably nerdy, sweet, and loves music. But the reality of it is that he doesn't seem to have girlfriends at all. And as much as I like him, he's not really doing anything.
Do I recommend going out with just any non-Christian? No. But I find it hard to say no to someone whose company I enjoy when none of my Christian guy friends seem to be doing anything. Maybe if they see that I'm dating other people, one of them will want to ask me out if it doesn't work out.

You should only date a man who shows he cares about you - Christian or not. I've gone out with a few alleged Christians who treated me like crap. Remember Astro, the alleged Presbyterian?  Clash of the Pet Peeves   Or Dude, the Greek Orthodox?  MA in Theology with an Emphasis in Being a Jerk

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)


SavvyD said...

Well, I always know I've touched a nerve when I lose a follower over something I've written.

Darn, I thought I was about to hit 100 followers.

I might get some not so nice mail at my email addy. :(

Regis Zoula said...

Interesting take...I did navigate toward the other direction...although Christian, never wanted to date a Christian woman...maybe I didn't want anyone to hold me accountable...:-)at the hand of the day...nice or not, you will have to deal with the Christian compatibility, and make the hard choice...how many times did I have to answer I am single, but Christian...lol...nice read, keep it coming.

Kevin said...

Just randomly dropping by to say "hello." I'm too sleepy make a substantial comment right now.

Joe said...

Dating between different faiths can be incredibly difficult. I found myself with similar problems and was not able to resolve them. I've begun to use Christian dating websites, because in my daily life, I did not encounter many like-minded Christians, but on the website I was able to find people who suited me well. I had the same problem... at my church there are not too many younger, single women. Everyone always has someone that they 'have to introduce me to,' but they never go through with introducing me.

SavvyD said...

We're talking about this on Facebook. If you want to join us, please click to the right.

igktd said...

I just discovered your blog and I love it. Just in case you want to see some other thoughts on this topic, I have a lot about this on my blog:


Emily said...

Hi Savvy,

I don't think it is a good idea for any Christian to date someone who isn't a Christian. Period. I felt lonelier when I dated a person who wasn't a Christian and even though I will be nearing my 32nd birthday without a significant other and I have seen the man who broke my heart get married to someone he had known for a very short time, I feel much better completely free of relationships with men who are not Christians, or worse, who are Christians and not living in the Light. I live in a fairly liberal city, so there are not a lot of Christian men, but I'd rather be on my own than feeling lonely in a relationship with someone who doesn't share my faith. The thought of going to church alone knowing that my partner, who isn't a believer, is sitting at home or out at brunch with his friends reinforces my resolve, even though temptations come out of the woodwork every now and then.



SavvyD said...

Hi Emily,
Wow, it's been awhile!! Thanks for your input. While I understand where you get your opinion, I've gone to church alone my whole life and I'm happy to be dating someone who is good to me even if he doesn't share my faith.

I too have dated some professing Christians who were complete jerks. That's almost worse.

Tim said...

I feel that dating a non-Christian is okay to some extent. I don't think it should be your first choice, however it shouldn't totally be avoided as it may lead them to discovering your faith.

That being said, from experience I know that dating a non-Christian can put a lot of unnecessary strain on a relationship due to conflicting priorities, morals, and lifestyle in general.

SavvyD said...

I understand your point of view, Tim.

I have always considered dating a Christian to be my first choice, those who have met that requirement have not met other requirements. However, I have had conflicting moral views with CHRISTIAN guys.

I've dealt with quite a few who pressured me to have sex with them after a few dates. My current boyfriend hasn't pressured me at all.

In terms of lifestyle, there can be alot of conflicts besides just faith. You can be the same faith, but one is super into attending Bible study and the other is content to go on Sundays.

Had I known that I would be dating a non-Christian man today, I would have considered some of the guys I rejected as a young woman-guys who were very sweet, kind to me, did not pressure me, and would have been good husbands.

It's important to realize that not every non-Christian is running around town as a complete hedonist.

adultdatingtalk said...

You must know anything about your match if you care about him and you love him very much, you must know the guy is he reply same or he care about you and concern about you that guy was love you.

http://www.christiandarlings.com said...

For me , I feel free of relationships with men who are not Christians.
I don't care if we are different religion as long as we love each other.christian women

Anonymous said...

I am a 20 year old strong Christian girl and have been dating a non-Christian guy for the past 9 months. He is unlike any guy I have dated and seems to be more selfless and caring than any Christian I have ever dated. However, the one huge thing missing in our relationship is that bond over the Lord. It breaks my heart that I can't pray with him or talk to him about my walk with God and I'm not sure if I should keep dating him and pray that he eventually finds Christ or just give up even though I love and care about him so much.



SavvyD said...

Hi Meredith, I was not raised in a Christian home, and did not pray with people growing up. As a result, I do not miss it. I can tell you this much, I certainly wouldn't judge you for staying with a man who loves you and supports you. One of the things I have learned in the last two years is that religion is only one part o a marriage or relationship. If he supports your interest yet does not share it, this is a happier mix than thinking you have met the ideal Christian man only to discover that he's been cheating on you for years the day he leaves you for the other woman as a friend of mine did. I guess that may not be from the Bible, but that's my real thought about the subject. You may never find perfect as I have also heard about people marrying as the same faith but then the other person "falls away" and doesn't go to church any more. The reality of life is that people change over the years.