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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Celibate In The City: The singleness problem cuts across all denominations

One of the blogs I follow is called Celibate In The City, a blog about the trials and tribulations of a single Mormon girl. Apparently they have the same problems in the Mormon Church that the rest of us Protestants have been complaining about.

Oh, and the Catholics, too. At least the Catholics have the option of making an official dedication of their lives to Christ by becoming a priest or a nun. It's a very serious and beautiful ceremony with vows.  (See A Special Wedding)  It marks a very special right of passage, an official eschewing of worldly life into single life forever dedicated to the Lord's service. That's the ideal we're now being told to pursue,and I've not taken kindly to it, sorry.  (See Sister Savvy of the Hell No!)  We're told that as singles, we can dedicate our lives to the Lord's service--regardless of feeling that high calling. I quite the great philosopher of love, Morrissey: "The story is old."

Please have a read of her version of singleness Mormon style and dating Mo'men. It's enlightening, and certainly eye-opening in terms of our ecumenical experiences as singles.

I commented thusly:

THIS IS A GREAT POST! Just so you know, I find that ALL CHRISTIAN MEN OF ANY CHURCH ACT THE SAME WAY! Why? Because they can. I posted a treatise on marriage by a man who is a Christian and in a rock band. He says men are jerks. He included himself. That man is Gordon Gano of Violent Femmes.

Also, don't makes excuses about men being "intimidated" by your level of success. There are many women who are far less "successful" or working menial jobs who are having an equally hard time finding a date.

I'm tapped out of answers and only full of more questions.

I also love her take on the "Singles Crisis." She asks the important question about the church bleeding its singles population and begs the question, "What kind of shepherd loses 90% of his flock then goes home grumbling about his crummy sheep?"

Do read, please. You will find her to be a worthy friend not matter what your denominational leaning. Just a note, Mormon congregations are called "wards" and she discusses active and inactive for church attendance.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment!


J.L. said...

Hi SavvyD,
This is Celibate JL-- the mormon blogger. Is it tacky of me to thank you for the plug? Thank you anyway! I'm glad to know I've touched other people. We're not as alone as we feel.

I do have protestant friends who face the same issues, so I know we're not very different. We're all Christians trying to stay faithful in an increasingly secular world. Stay strong!

SavvyD said...

Sho thang. Thanks for stopping by. Your blog was a great read.

SavvyD said...

And you're welcome!

Sushi Girl said...

This might be a good thing for you to check out yourself, or post to your blog so other single peeps can take part


SavvyD said...

Well, it's interesting. I suppose it's not more or less embarrassing than a regular dating profile. I am thinking about trying a rock n roll dating website as the bands I love are second in importance to Jesus, meaning Jesus is number one (even though I get fairly pissed off at Him lately.)

LadyElaine said...

Here's the problem: We've created a social pecking order by marital status, creating a pendulum back and forth between idolizing singleness or idolizing marriage. No encouragement and support for BOTH is discussed. And that is part of the problem. Both sides suffer from a "I'd be so much happer if I get what I want attitude." And I get it, because it's very real. But we need to be honest with ourselves and with others when it comes to this. Marrieds need to be straight with their single friends and be honest (not condescending) about the joys and trials of marriage, as well as things that are blocking their ability to connect with others. Singles need to know that their acceptance is not based on marital status, but truly Christ. Seriously.

That may mean you have to respectfully tell your married friend to shove it when she gives a pat answer about your desires to marry, or asks for the umpteenth time, "how are u single?"(which, btw, is one of the most insulting questions singles get.)

SavvyD said...

Some people do feel they would be happier if they had not married.

But, whether you are single or married, you gonna have trouble in this life. Seriously.

And, glorifying singleness as "your special time with the Lord" or whatever does not help anyone either. Some feel more spiritual inclinations than others and have varying degrees with which they serve the Lord.

I think I would be happier being married in man respects. Many people would be. But being a christian means you are giving up things as a single that non-christian singles do not "have to" give up so in some ways we are more pained by the experience.

Kevin Barney said...

SavvyD, I found your blog via Celibate in the City, which I've followed for a long time. Just wanted to say that I like your take on things. This is a quality blog.