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Monday, November 29, 2010

Why teens are leaving church

This could easily be titled "Why Singles Are Leaving the Church."

This is a reprint. It very old in blog years and it made me think.

Teens are leaving the church. According to the National Opinion Research center, in 1998 only 16% of 18 to 22 year olds had an active ongoing relationship with the faith of their parents. In “Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers” Christian Smith concludes that even when living at home and active in church, teens are embracing an aberrant Christianity, which he describes as moralistic, therapeutic deism.”

Ask teens why they’re leaving the church and they may say:
1) I never experienced God there;
2) My tribal associations are stronger outside church than in it;
3) The issues that matter to me aren’t addressed at church and the issues addressed at church don’t matter to me; or,
4) I never saw anything in my parents that made me want to be a Christian.

There is an mp3 of the discussion online at the original site. Check it out.

www.thekindlings.com/2006/11/17/why-teens-are-leaving-the-church-podcast-live-at-hales-segment-3-of-3/

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Saturday, November 27, 2010

Love is like poker...

I ended up having a conversation with a guy who I had not heard good things about and it was enlightening. He fully admits to his shortcomings and that he is not the most faithful of guys when it comes to either love or spirituality. After that, nothing is truly shocking.

And let's just clarify that the conversation was just that, a conversation. I was not flirting with him. Hells no! Besides, I don't think he was joking about how much drinking he does. He had a metal flask on hand at a party where there was already plenty to drink if you wanted it. But evenings do end, as do poker games. I won, by the way.

Svvy: Why don't you take this opportunity to be a gentleman and walk me to my car?
Dxtr: Well, OK. Usually they say a man is a scholar and a gentleman, I usually skip to scholar.
Svvy: So...I heard something interesting from you from someone who used to date you...and sorry to say the report was not so good.
Dxtr: I know who you're talking about. And she was right.
Svvy: Wow. Good for you, you admit your shortcomings.
Dxtr: Look, you should know that I dated her because I wasn't dating anyone else, I was bored and she was fun.
Svvy: True, she's fun.
Dxtr: So, I was always coming from a place of not taking it very seriously.
Svvy: And she was looking for someone to be serious with.
Dxtr: And she's way more Christian than me.
Svvy: Yeah, one time I teased her about making out with her boyfriend and she said "we don't do that." And I was like, "That's what I would be doing if I had a boyfriend."
Dxtr: Yeah, well, if I'm making out with a girl, I'm going to try to go further. And if a girl doesn't want that either we don't make out or she will take my hands and push them away. But I'm a man whore. And that whole waiting business doesn't necessarily make us stay or go.
Svvy: I know that. I guess my issue is they are pushing sooner than I am ready.
Dxtr: What 3 months?
Svvy: No. Try before 3 dates. Before I'm even comfortable talking about where he has been and if he has anything because...well...I know I don't have anything.
Dxtr: I get tested.
Svvy: Yes, well, that's one way of knowing, but there's other things to talk about, too. And if you aren't comfortable talking about it...well, it's best not to do it.
Dxtr: Those conversations are awkward.
Svvy: Well, so far no one has offered me enough in exchange in terms of a relationship or being good looking enough for me to want to do anything.
Dxtr: Well, that's how some guys are. Like, I might be seeing a nice girl and then when she goes home, I call my booty call.
Svvy: I know that, that's why I'm not going to do anything with them. Not only is it that I would rather wait, it's that I know guys do that and I'm not going to do anything with someone until I know it's a little more serious than that.
Dxtr: Well there are definitely guys out there who are looking for something serious. But you aren't going to find that in a bar.
Svvy: I don't go to bars except with my friends because it's someone's birthday.
Dxtr: Well, maybe it's a matter of putting in the time with a guy who isn't ready to be serious yet and then when he is...it's sort of like poker. Sometimes it's a waiting game. Sometimes you have to take risks and then ultimately you win.
Svvy: Yeah, winning at poker tonight was fun. But you also have to know when you have a bad hand from the outset. And besides, this wasn't real poker tonight. I wouldn't bet real money. I guess if love is like poker, I'm either waiting to be dealt in, or I haven't been liking the cards I've been dealt. I'm going to wait for a better hand then. One with cards that can make a serious impact. Maybe then I will consider it fun to play.


Let's be honest, Dxtr is something of a jerk, but he does seem to live by something of a moral code. He is this way because he can be. Some girls out there are allowing this. Either they hope he will change because they have bet a great deal on him, or someday he will meet the right girl at the right point in his life and he will change.

But because I know that there are guys out there like that, I think I am making the right choices.

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Friday, November 26, 2010

Go and meet them! Date at church!

I was at church talking to this guy and for some reason dating at church came up.

Savvy: I think people should date people at church. After all, where else are you going to meet someone nice who might be spiritual and possibly get married?
Dude: Well, Paul said in scripture that it's better to be single.
Savvy: What is this? A monastary? The bible also says it's not good for man to be alone.
Dude: Well, I just don't think the purpose of going to church should be to meet someone.
Savvy: Why not?
Dude: You should go to church to worship God.
Savvy: I mean if you aren't going to have people you are friends with at church and have people you have fellowship with or even date, you might as well stay at home. I can worship God by myself.
Dude: The Bible says that we should not give up meeting with each other and that we should worship together.
Savvy: But you just said that you shouldn't go to church to meet people. I'm just saying that there's really no point to going to church if you aren't going to meet people. And that could include asking someone out on a date.
Dude: Well, I don't see anyone I'd like to pursue.
Savvy: How do you know that? You don't even know any of them.


He was sitting at a table alone. Yes, he had come with his roommate, but let's face it, he wasn't a joy to meet. He wore a dour expression on a seemingly permanent basis and seemed to put on the breastplate of solitude.

Savvy: I mean seriously, all of this stuff about us repeating what Paul said about being single...it's more like we're just rationalizing that we're single without really a spiritual reason. We're single because society has changed, not by choice.
Dude: Well, if the Lord brings that to you...
Savvy: And 40 years ago the Lord most certainly would have brought that to the majority of us. But we don't have partners because society has changed. All I'm saying is if you are serious about meeting a nice girl, go meet them.
Dude: OK, fine. I will.


And whether he did it because he found me entirely disagreeable I'll never know. He got up and went to a group of more seriously minded, more likely to quote scripture than Savvy kind of people and started talking. He actually talked to a pretty girl. I think I did something good.

So, guys, go out and meet them!! Get to know them.

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Friday, November 19, 2010

Your English is not good

Hi back good looking. What else can you tell me about yourself. What kind of music do you like? Where are you from?

Savvy


did i sent you a reply i may have not but i like a big vriaety of music and i was born in el savador now have been sigle for some time and looking forward to meet and talk to new friends and make a new start is what im hoping for but this is i big fish pon and who knows if you will like to reply or not but if you do ill be here to reply prontly and good hunting to you too

TRANSLATION: Dear Miss Savvy, You so smart. Im green card hunter and my inglesh is not to gud.



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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Conversing with Feminists

Later I was crying to a friend who is a doctor and her mom about how much it hurts that I haven't found anyone at all and most of my dates have been horrible.

TheMom: I'll bet you anything your friends who are married wish they could be you. I'll bet they aren't happy. Kids can be horrible, look at my oldest daughter who came at me with a fist. Men are nothing but trouble. You can go where you want when you want and you don't have to answer to anyone.

DrFrnd: I was dating someone. It was nice to hear that I was pretty at first, but then that's all he ever said. He didn't notice how kind I was to my patients even though we worked together all the time. He never said how smart I was. It was always how pretty I was. Well, what happens when I'm not pretty anymore? What then?

Savvy: I guess that would bother me too.

Drfriend: And I made it really hard for him to date me. He asked me out a few times, and then I said yes, but I told him, "I'm Indian. You know what that means, right? We don't put out."

Savvy: I wish I had a line like that. That's funny.

Drfriend: I have a guy friend who's Christian and he always tells me that I shouldn't let any of those stories guys tell about having to have it get to me. He says any guy who is worth it and thinks you're worth it will wait.

Savvy: My friend's mom told us that he thought his wife was pretty, but he married her because she was smart and she was a teacher. He knew that she knew how to work hard and that if anything happened to him that she would be able to take care of the children. So those other things are important.

DrFrnd: You can always have kids even without a man.

Savvy: Dude, no way. I wouldn't want that by myself. Too much trouble. Kids deserve to have a dad.

DrFrnd: We have it so good as women today. Yes, our generation has problems. Most women are complaining about how they can't find someone suitable. They're shallow and irresponsible. So many of them think with the wrong head. Men were always the same way, it's just that women used to have to turn a blind eye when their husbands cheated.

Savvy: I don't think they all cheated, but I see your point.

TheMom: Maybe you should travel and just take time to enjoy yourself. They say if you do the things you love, you meet people along the way.

Savvy: It's never worked out that way for me. I've been wishing and hoping and praying that there is someone for me and he's looking for me too, but we can't seem to find each other.

Drfriend: So, then, just do what makes you happy anyway. You don't need a man these days.

Savvy: Sometimes the temptation hits to date someone just to have someone, but I refuse to be with someone who isn't going to treat me right. There are some guys who you can tell they are violent on the very first date.

Drfriend: And you shouldn't. I've seen things as a surgeon that would shock you. So has my dad. And I work at a private hospital, too. There have been women who were stabbed to death by jealous ex-boyfriends who said they just wanted to talk. One of my dad's first cases involved examining the body of woman who was killed by her boyfriend. She was chopped up to bits. Another time a woman was brought in and she had been chopped with an axe by her boyfriend who was caught in the act by the police. And yet another time, a guy ended up dead...the woman told us that she got a new boyfriend on the same street and he would beat her every time she walked by. So this time, she protected herself with a hammer. We weren't able to save him.

Savvy: When I was working at a hospital, I heard about how one of the doctors shot his mistress out on the lawn.

Drfriend: I'm not surprised. These are supposed to be the best and the brightest minds, yet so many of them are on drugs it's not funny. I don't trust them any more than anyone else.

Savvy: There's a reason why they round up "the usual suspects". It's always someone they knew. And it seems that the men always choose very violent methods--guns, axes, knives--while women choose things like poison. It's scary. I dump them early and often.

Drfriend: Definitely listen to your instincts. There are alot of bad ones.


I get their point. I really do. It's just the years of feeling rejected are all piled up. I have some really shitty things happening in my personal life that I don't blog about. I'm not expecting life to be perfect. I never have. It's just that if I had been planning to be single forever, I should have studied medicine also. I'd be making alot more money and could enjoy being a feminist and not needing a man. I feel like I have to pretend I think that. Though, honestly, from my experiences with men, I'm starting to hate them. There are so many bad ones who really aren't worth the space the take up. They lie about who they are, they want Greencards. Forget it.

And seriously, the Mom has put up with her husband cheating on her. And when she got her bachelors and masters degrees recently, he made rude comments to her about her age the whole time. "They gave you a fellowship? Do they even know how old you are?" As if it were a waste to give someone older a fellowship. That is sad. She ended up not working after she got a degree. A little kindness goes a long way, but so does unkindness.

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"You'll make a cute wife!"

I went looking for engagement rings. Not that I'm engaged, it's just that I wanted to feel what it would be like to look at engagement rings and have everyone asking me about my man and how we met and when the wedding is and what I look forward to on my special day...

It was great for awhile. After looking at several rings...

Savvy: You know I've been watching that Bridezilla show and I just don't understand how these women act like that and have such nice boyfriends.
Seller: Back in my day it certainly wasn't like that.
Savvy: I'm sure it wasn't.
Seller: My husband and I got married 46 years ago and I just got a small ring. Over the years I've gotten bigger rings from him. This is my 5th ring.
Savvy: I would do that. I would marry him with just some little tiny ring and have the ceremony at the courthouse. I don't care about all that other stuff. I just care about being with the right person.
Seller: That's the right kind of attitude, but if you can afford it, you might as well get a really nice ring.
Savvy: That's also true.
Seller: You'll make a cute wife.
Savvy: Aww. thanks!
Seller: The ones who smile and laugh alot always make things easier.

I thanked her so much for her time. And then started to tear up a little as I walked out the door. And then sat on a bench and cried my eyes out for 5 minutes. Someone thinks I would be a cute wife. But it's never any of the guys.

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Sunday, November 7, 2010

How to lose at winning a date

So, I went to see a band play at a club. Yes, a club. But I was press covering and, quite frankly, ain't nothin' happ'nin' at church on Thursday nights. And it was Dennis Quaid's band. Why not? But that doesn't tell the full story. Did I mention the club was in Beverly Hills? Just checking.

What do you associate Beverly Hills with? Well, of course, wealthy and very attractive people who wear expensive designer clothes. Perhaps people would be there would want to see and be seen. And then there was dancing after the band. I just minded my busines moving very subtly to the music.

Suddenly a man walked up to me out of nowhere and took my hands...
Man: Hey, do you want to dance?
Me: Sure, OK.
Man: Wow, you're so pretty.
Me: Thanks.
What is that smell?
Man: Are you an actress?
Me: No.
Man: You should be. You're beautiful. And you're wearing a pretty flower in your hair.

OMG, what's that smell?
Me: No, I don't want to be.
Man: You really should be. I'm an actor and a director.

Wow, he's really laying it on thick.
Man: So do you live around here?
Me: No.
Man: Where do you live?


I back away just a little bit. First, I hate yelling in clubs. Second,dear God, he really smelled. It reached 100 degrees that day, but it didn't quite explain what offense hit my nostrils. He reeked as if he had worn the same suit for two weeks without showering. Or brushing his teeth.

There was no way that this guy wearing a non-designer suit and unfortunate shoes plus severe BO was going anywhere in this town. Thank God my silence seemed to work. He turned around and looked at the dance floor. Then he turned back to me at the end of the song.

Man: Thanks so much for this dance. Have a wonderful evening.
Me: OK.


Hallelujah! I left the club laughing and feeling sorry for him a bit. Wow, if he's an actor, he's only acting like he's taking showers. And if he's a director, he should direct himself to take a real shower, use some real deodorant, and also have his suit dry cleaned. Seriously, people, I was ready to puke!

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