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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Red Flag Fail

My friend Katrina is one of those really sweet girls who gets asked out constantly by guys. I have never been in her shoes. I have no idea what it feels like. Yet, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Why?

Katrina: I was thinking about that guy I mentioned to you and I don't think I would be happy with him because he jokes around alot and I think I need someone more serious.
Savvy: well, I have my theories about him, but yes, he jokes around. Wait, has he asked you out?
Katrina: No, so maybe I should focus on the ones that like me and ask me out.
Savvy: Sounds like a really good plan.
Katrina: I met this guy tonight who talked about going out with me.
Savvy: Did he ask for your number?
Katrina: Yes.
Savvy: OK, then go out with him.
Katrina: I don't know.
Savvy: Why not?
Katrina: Well, I was talking to this other guy at a party and he mentioned that he would like to go snowboarding with me.
Savvy: Snowboarding? really?
Katrina: Yeah, but he's divorced and I see that as a red flag.
Savvy: Really? A red flag? Um, I hate to be rude, but how old are you?
Katrina: 29.
Savvy: How old is he?
Katrina: He's in his 30s.
Savvy: I'm going to be blunt here, it seems to me that you have alot of guys asking you out, but at 29 your red flag list seems very interesting. I mean, at 29 it's going to be hard to find guys who haven't been involved in a serious relationship, divorced, or even having lived with a girl in their past. Many might even have kids by their 30s.
Katrina: I never thought about it that way.
Savvy: It's just something to think about. Are you picky?
Katrina: Well, yes, I'm selective.
Savvy: Sounds like you might be a little too selective in ways that aren't helping you. If I had guys talking about going out with my, I would go out with them to check it out and see what's up. I don't have anyone asking me out.
Katrina: No one? You're so cute. And you're such a great conversationalist.
Savvy: All the girls are very sweet about it, but the guys just don't like me like that. It's probs the 30 lbs I've been trying to lose and I'm totally out of shape.
Katrina: Don't say that about yourself.
Savvy: Well, it must be something. They just don't look at me like that. I'm working on it, but it's so slow. So listen, if I had guys asking me out, I would go out and see what's up instead of twisting myself into knots over hypothetical situations and red flags that aren't helping.

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EuropeanCatholic said...

Found the post really interesting as always.

I have never been in the shoes of someone who is always asked out. Mine are the shoes of someone who is not asked out. They are lonely shoes.

You mention that guys don't look at you like a potential girlfriend.
I can't find any women who see me as boyfriend material. It's difficult.

I get on well with my female friends. But, I think they see me as nice and maybe brother material, rather than boyfriend material.

And then the women I go out with, when they dump me, they describe me as a real gentleman, lovely etc, but don't want to continue going out.

Maybe you could post something about being a single at Christmas?

SavvyD said...

Yes, I can do that. I was thinking about it as this marks most of my Christmases--me not having someone.

blessedbabe said...

I kind of 'was' in that position...of getting asked out a lot. But still no guy. I guess at that time I was questioning the 'quality' of guys who ask me out, not the quantity.

(Not to diss them totally. They're great guys. But them and me were just not right at that time.)

SavvyD said...

If they were great guys and the timing was wrong, is it possible the time is better now?

Sometimes the quality is not there, as has been the case for me, but in her case they are all professional men.

MarkyMark said...

Your GF is without men probably because she thinks she's too GOOD for them or something. Any gal who wants a guy can HAVE one. Even ugly chicks get hit on every day; any woman who's at least semi-attractive will be hit on 5-10 times day. There's plenty of opportunity to find someone, or so it seems to me...

SavvyD said...

@MM I think the real issue is that she sees red flags where she shouldn't for her age. I don't get the sense that she thinks she is too good for them, but it seems she is overly cautious...but then it's because no one wants things to end in divorce.

I'm not sure about your statistics. I'm only getting hit on about once a week-if that-and when I do it's been reprehensible. And before you says it's where I am...I'm not getting hit on there...I got hit on by an old friend who found me through Facebook. He ought to be ashamed as he's married.