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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Single for the Holidays

I just rode with my uncle for about an hour after visiting my cousins. It was an interesting conversation.

Someone asked me to write about being single for the holidays and initially I thought I was fine with it. But, truthfully, I’m not. Not anymore. I am incredibly lonely. Crushes on pop stars fill the void when you are 12, but not so much when you are older.

I did what I have done most years. I spent it with my family. My older brother has been married or in a relationship with his wife for many years. Naturally, I thought I would be next. Another of my cousins has been married or involved with her boyfriend for 10 years. Another cousin got married 2 years ago. My youngest cousin has a boyfriend. And then there’s me.

I have not usually had a boyfriend for the holidays. When I did about 2 years ago, no one liked him. I’m sort of used to this, or I should be by now. No one asked me this year if I am seeing anyone. They can pretty much guess I am not because I hardly ever do.

It’s really getting to me lately that there is never anyone who is worth having. My uncle said none of the guys he has met that I was dating have been worth anything. Great.

He told me, “Forget about men. They’re all jerks. There are trainable jerks, but all have the potential of being jerks, even me.” I agreed with him. I know his track record for having hurt my aunt and my cousins. I will spare the details.

There have been other things which the Lord answered my feverish prayers, but never in this department. I sincerely believed in my teens that I would marry a wonderful man and that our love would be a great testimony to my dysfunctional family and they would all be saved.
I’m not Baptist anymore, though.

“Try online. That’s what your cousin did.” Yes. I know. “That’s how I’ve met some of these jerks I was telling you about.”

“I went to college in the 1960s and it was the sexual revolution then. I would do things with girls on the first date. I was a real jerk. But then, sometimes it was shocking that I wouldn’t even ask. One girl I had just kissed her on the couch and she stood up and said she didn’t want to get her clothes wrinkled, so she just took them off right in front of me. Many times I was the one being seduced.”

“I’m sure. But it’s been a long time since I have been with anyone and I just think it should be more special than that.”

“Well, if that’s not what you want, then you’ll just have to move on and toss them aside as not good enough. But really, forget about men. Just find what you really want to do and do it.”

I guess that’s all that is left. Me. It doesn’t look like there will be a happy ending for me when it comes to love, marriage and children. I know it’s a pain. I know it’s not a rose garden to be married.

But then, maybe it is. Those who say God never promised you a rose garden clearly never gardened. Rose gardens have bugs, thorns, and fungi. They have to be pruned, fed, and watered. They have to be planted in the right spot and in the right soil.

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Sunday, December 26, 2010

Married men hit a new low

I hate to chalk it up to someone being married... it's really just that Tough is a bit of a lying, cheating ass. A guy I know from my past who went out of his way to find me and contact me again sent out Christmas cards with his wife. That's a normal married thing to do, right? Lots of singles send out Christmas cards as well. It's not something I have really wrapped my head around, though I'm starting to think I should in my spinsterhood. In any case, this man propositioned me slyly saying that he wouldn't ask me to do anything I didn't want to do but making himself completely available for anything I might want to do. People, that is a LINE...

Of course this came with multiple assurances that he was actively seeking to disavow himself of his wife because she refused to sleep with him. Um... people, dare I say that's another line? Then he said that he couldn't leave her because he doesn't believe in divorce. And that he didn't want to leave her because of the children. Apparently he DOES believe in cheating on the side. Sometimes when friends get back in touch with you, they don't have the best intentions. But men who do not like their wives should not send out Christmas cards featuring little representations of them on the card as if nothing is wrong. Dear folks, does he think I'm an idiot who can't see through his lines? I sent him packing forthwith but kept him as a friend on Facebook. That's how I saw the card his cheating ass sent out with his family.

I called him Tough if you would like to check out how things get going in August please click on Tough. Why the Lord continues to allow such people to hit on me while I so far have not met a decent man is at this point so beyond me, I just can't fathom it.

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Saturday, December 25, 2010

Love is just around the corner...

A newlywed couple sat on the couch discussing relationships with us singles. And somehow my status came up...oh shit. (I did not say that.) The female newlywed assured me that I was, indeed, cute.

Savvy: That's nice to hear. It's hard to tell. None of the guys ask me out.
Nwlywd: Oh, well, you can't want it.
Savvy: I don't think that's true.
Nwlywd: Have you tried Match.com?
Savvy: Yes.
Nwlywd: Have you been going to church?
Savvy: OK, let me rephrase...I have had offers, but they are the wrong kind of offer from the wrong kind of guy. And anything you name, I have tried it to try to meet someone since none of the guys seem to notice me.

An interloper involved himself in the conversation. I had expressed interest in said interloper and when he failed to seemed interested in me, I gave up and would just say hi but did not seek him out to converse with him any longer. We shall call him Chuck.

Chuck: Love is just around the corner.
Savvy: Um...
Chuck: Do you mean none of the guys at church have asked you out?
Savvy: Yes. No one.
Chuck: So, wait, out of all the guys you have met at church, none have asked you out?
Savvy: That is correct.
Chuck: So, wait, out of all the years you have been going to church none have ever asked you out.
Savvy: In all the years...I would say about 2 or 3 guys at church have ever asked me out. But that was 5 years ago the last time someone from church asked me out.
Chuck: I really believe love is just around the corner.

I must have turned the wrong corner. And believe me, I have turned too many corners to count.

Just so we are aware that I'm not seeking some outrageously perfect man. I will share with you one of my early crushes circa 1991-1993 was Gordan Gano, lead singer of Violent Femmes. He is 5'4", has stunning blue eyes, and writes music that I find equal parts disturbing, enjoyable, inspiring, and funny. He is both devout Baptist and singer of torch songs for troubled teens (and misfit modern singles). My two best friends and I probably drove people insane singing every lyric to every album ad nauseum with feeling. I did make someone laugh tonight by singing their classic, "Girl Trouble."

Now, some of you might think I'm strange. I'm so fine with that. I'm just looking someone who can still love me. So far I haven't met him yet. And sadly, Gordon Gano was not around any of the corners that I turned.

And never shy about the ugly side of life, this is ripped from the headlines of an 1862 news story about a man who threw his daughter down a well and hanged himself.

And this ditty always makes me laugh.

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Thursday, December 16, 2010

The X in Xmas

As you can tell, I'm currently obsessed with MUSE.  Above my deep discussion of Xmas are tabs with articles featuring Matt Bellamy (lead singer of Muse) and very early demos of Muse from 1997.  Another tab is related to space, and this particular skin shows scenes from the music video "Sing For Absolution" in which the band play astronauts.  Check it out on Youtube.  It's totally awesome.  My Xmas wish is for more Muse, that they have safe travels, and think of Christos this Xmas.

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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Red Flag Fail

My friend Katrina is one of those really sweet girls who gets asked out constantly by guys. I have never been in her shoes. I have no idea what it feels like. Yet, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Why?

Katrina: I was thinking about that guy I mentioned to you and I don't think I would be happy with him because he jokes around alot and I think I need someone more serious.
Savvy: well, I have my theories about him, but yes, he jokes around. Wait, has he asked you out?
Katrina: No, so maybe I should focus on the ones that like me and ask me out.
Savvy: Sounds like a really good plan.
Katrina: I met this guy tonight who talked about going out with me.
Savvy: Did he ask for your number?
Katrina: Yes.
Savvy: OK, then go out with him.
Katrina: I don't know.
Savvy: Why not?
Katrina: Well, I was talking to this other guy at a party and he mentioned that he would like to go snowboarding with me.
Savvy: Snowboarding? really?
Katrina: Yeah, but he's divorced and I see that as a red flag.
Savvy: Really? A red flag? Um, I hate to be rude, but how old are you?
Katrina: 29.
Savvy: How old is he?
Katrina: He's in his 30s.
Savvy: I'm going to be blunt here, it seems to me that you have alot of guys asking you out, but at 29 your red flag list seems very interesting. I mean, at 29 it's going to be hard to find guys who haven't been involved in a serious relationship, divorced, or even having lived with a girl in their past. Many might even have kids by their 30s.
Katrina: I never thought about it that way.
Savvy: It's just something to think about. Are you picky?
Katrina: Well, yes, I'm selective.
Savvy: Sounds like you might be a little too selective in ways that aren't helping you. If I had guys talking about going out with my, I would go out with them to check it out and see what's up. I don't have anyone asking me out.
Katrina: No one? You're so cute. And you're such a great conversationalist.
Savvy: All the girls are very sweet about it, but the guys just don't like me like that. It's probs the 30 lbs I've been trying to lose and I'm totally out of shape.
Katrina: Don't say that about yourself.
Savvy: Well, it must be something. They just don't look at me like that. I'm working on it, but it's so slow. So listen, if I had guys asking me out, I would go out and see what's up instead of twisting myself into knots over hypothetical situations and red flags that aren't helping.

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Saturday, December 4, 2010

Swedish Fishing

I went to a party called a Gloggfest which was basically a Swedish drinking party. I was feeling a little bit sick, but decided I didn't mind. I met alot of people that evening, and ran into friends. However, yes, I remember the guys...

First, there was a British guy. And he might not be the best looking guy ever, but his smile knocked my socks off. He was also mildly flirtatious, putting his arm around me and touching me on the arm.

Savvy: So, what part of England are you from?
Glsvgs: The northern part...so North that it's called Scotland.
Savvy: Oh! Haha. Sorry.
Glsvgs: It's alright.
Savvy: I've actually been exploring the music of Anglo peoples lately. I've been listening alot to Frightened Rabbit from Scotland, and then I've been listening to a great deal of Muse. But, I didn't realise that the band Glasvegas was called that and were from Scotland until I actually met them--out here of course.
Glsvgs: It's a well-known secret that we call it Glasvegas.
Savvy: Now I get it. So what brought you out here?
Glsvgs: I work for a company which sells whiskey and I educate people about it.
Savvy: So, what should I know about it?
Glsvgs: Now, what is it you do?
Savvy: I'm a journalist.
Glsvgs: So, I'm not going to ask you to write a novel tonight, now am I?
Savvy: Hahahaha. No.

But then after some more conversation, he said:
Glsvgs: Well, I'm sure I'll be seeing you at another one of these since it's a rather small social circle.
Savvy: Oh, sure. That would be lovely.

That, my friends, is called the Hollywood kissoff...

A friend started showed me where lives on his iPhone and asked where I live on the iPhone. Glogg (it has some alcohol) makes it a little hard to find...but I did. We sat together for a large chunk of the time at the party. I'm very attracted to him and he's always been nice. In fact, he made quite an impression having been the guy who's really into conspiracy theories. We were both wearing velvet and I petted it occaisionally while we were talking. For some reason, it seemed like no big deal. I loved the idea of having him for my boyfriend this evening. These meetings at events have so far come to nothing.

But, while we were talking, I noticed a stunning Swedish guy. OK, stunning to me. Usually I like taller guys. This one was 5'6", had blond curly hair and blue eyes. I had no idea what an effect curly hair could possibly have on me, but it did and the eye contact dance began, and then as he and his friends walked past me, I asked a question.

We didn't really have some stunning or remarkable conversation, but after my conspiracy theorist friend left, I ended up spending the rest of the evening until 3 am hanging out with them and sitting next to him. Then when I dropped them off, the joke was, "You can always sleep in the bed with X since he's the smallest." I answered, "Oh, I don't do that on the first date." I was amused to put it that way and still feeling sick, but I can see how easily someone can be caught up in the moment. Seriously, he was really good looking to me. It was fascinating how much he looked like a young Martin Gore complete with slightly crooked teeth. It was nice to have such an attractive guy be a little attentive to me.

SwFish: Can I have your card?
Savvy: Oh, sure...wait... Oh, no. I seem to have run out.
SwFish: How can this be? Everyone in America has a card.
Savvy: Well, it's just that I gave a bunch out and I don't have any more. I actually got to give some out to the guys in Muse last week.
SwFish: Who is Muse?
Savvy: They are playing on my stereo right now.
SwFish: Ah.
Savvy: Well, are you on Facebook?
SwFish: Yes.
Savvy: OK, write yourself down.

He looked at me longingly while his friends got out of the car. I wanted to kiss him, but didn't have the nerve with his friends watching. He gave me a hug. I sent him a friend request already.

I've been single a really long time, and I have to say, I wish I could talk to this one again. We talked alot about curly hair, which might seem stupid, but when you've got naturally curly hair, it seems very profound. It was lovely for one night to imagine a man like him could like me. And perhaps if he were staying longer...but he isn't.

Woke up with my cough even worse than it was and stayed in bed most of the day. It was worth it. Ah, well. Back to singledom.

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