Later I was crying to a friend who is a doctor and her mom about how much it hurts that I haven't found anyone at all and most of my dates have been horrible.
TheMom: I'll bet you anything your friends who are married wish they could be you. I'll bet they aren't happy. Kids can be horrible, look at my oldest daughter who came at me with a fist. Men are nothing but trouble. You can go where you want when you want and you don't have to answer to anyone.
DrFrnd: I was dating someone. It was nice to hear that I was pretty at first, but then that's all he ever said. He didn't notice how kind I was to my patients even though we worked together all the time. He never said how smart I was. It was always how pretty I was. Well, what happens when I'm not pretty anymore? What then?
Savvy: I guess that would bother me too.
Drfriend: And I made it really hard for him to date me. He asked me out a few times, and then I said yes, but I told him, "I'm Indian. You know what that means, right? We don't put out."
Savvy: I wish I had a line like that. That's funny.
Drfriend: I have a guy friend who's Christian and he always tells me that I shouldn't let any of those stories guys tell about having to have it get to me. He says any guy who is worth it and thinks you're worth it will wait.
Savvy: My friend's mom told us that he thought his wife was pretty, but he married her because she was smart and she was a teacher. He knew that she knew how to work hard and that if anything happened to him that she would be able to take care of the children. So those other things are important.
DrFrnd: You can always have kids even without a man.
Savvy: Dude, no way. I wouldn't want that by myself. Too much trouble. Kids deserve to have a dad.
DrFrnd: We have it so good as women today. Yes, our generation has problems. Most women are complaining about how they can't find someone suitable. They're shallow and irresponsible. So many of them think with the wrong head. Men were always the same way, it's just that women used to have to turn a blind eye when their husbands cheated.
Savvy: I don't think they all cheated, but I see your point.
TheMom: Maybe you should travel and just take time to enjoy yourself. They say if you do the things you love, you meet people along the way.
Savvy: It's never worked out that way for me. I've been wishing and hoping and praying that there is someone for me and he's looking for me too, but we can't seem to find each other.
Drfriend: So, then, just do what makes you happy anyway. You don't need a man these days.
Savvy: Sometimes the temptation hits to date someone just to have someone, but I refuse to be with someone who isn't going to treat me right. There are some guys who you can tell they are violent on the very first date.
Drfriend: And you shouldn't. I've seen things as a surgeon that would shock you. So has my dad. And I work at a private hospital, too. There have been women who were stabbed to death by jealous ex-boyfriends who said they just wanted to talk. One of my dad's first cases involved examining the body of woman who was killed by her boyfriend. She was chopped up to bits. Another time a woman was brought in and she had been chopped with an axe by her boyfriend who was caught in the act by the police. And yet another time, a guy ended up dead...the woman told us that she got a new boyfriend on the same street and he would beat her every time she walked by. So this time, she protected herself with a hammer. We weren't able to save him.
Savvy: When I was working at a hospital, I heard about how one of the doctors shot his mistress out on the lawn.
Drfriend: I'm not surprised. These are supposed to be the best and the brightest minds, yet so many of them are on drugs it's not funny. I don't trust them any more than anyone else.
Savvy: There's a reason why they round up "the usual suspects". It's always someone they knew. And it seems that the men always choose very violent methods--guns, axes, knives--while women choose things like poison. It's scary. I dump them early and often.
Drfriend: Definitely listen to your instincts. There are alot of bad ones.
I get their point. I really do. It's just the years of feeling rejected are all piled up. I have some really shitty things happening in my personal life that I don't blog about. I'm not expecting life to be perfect. I never have. It's just that if I had been planning to be single forever, I should have studied medicine also. I'd be making alot more money and could enjoy being a feminist and not needing a man. I feel like I have to pretend I think that. Though, honestly, from my experiences with men, I'm starting to hate them. There are so many bad ones who really aren't worth the space the take up. They lie about who they are, they want Greencards. Forget it.
And seriously, the Mom has put up with her husband cheating on her. And when she got her bachelors and masters degrees recently, he made rude comments to her about her age the whole time. "They gave you a fellowship? Do they even know how old you are?" As if it were a waste to give someone older a fellowship. That is sad. She ended up not working after she got a degree. A little kindness goes a long way, but so does unkindness.
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