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Sunday, October 3, 2010

Do you have a boyfriend yet?

I spoke with one of the ladies from church about my predicament. I can't find a worthy boyfriend. There really are NO single straight men at the church where I sing professionally, and plenty who don't seem to be interested at the other church where I fellowship.

One Sunday as we prepared for the processional:
Lady: Do you have a boyfriend yet? I've been praying.
Savvy: No. But thank you so much.
Lady: I was hoping."
Savvy: Keep praying, maybe God will do something.

It was so sweet. I hate to be a disappointment. I keep praying, and praying, and watching, and waiting, and dreaming, and dreaming of the special man I admire. Sometimes I pretend I'm with him. But, of course if I met someone I would drop that dream...but instead I only have dreams...*SIGH*

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Paul B said...

"I hate to be a disappointment."
Ms. Savvy, please refrain from that line of thinking. A relationship is between YOU and the MAN that you find. You need not be in a relationship for that lady... no matter how sweet she may be. You are not a disppointment. Being single is not a sin. Likewise, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship - but pray and seek for you (that you will find someone that completes and compliments you), and not other people.

SavvyD said...

The thing is, I'm disappointed, too that people are praying for me and God still doesn't seem to hear. I have wanted a good relationship my whole life. I have decided that I'm going to seek out people who inspire me and speak to my heart, or for whom I can do the same. It surprises me that those people aren't my church "friends."

edaa157 said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

EuropeanCatholic said...

From my perspective as a 32 single Christian guy.

1. I've spoken to a good friend about me not being able to find a girlfriend.

2. There are no single Christian women where I am (they are all in relationships, engaged or married!)It's quite incredible really, I was on a Mission Team a while ago and all the women had boyfriends.

3. When I have met someone, they turn out not to be interested (as is their discretion of course) for no reason - we get on well and have lots in common, but they don't seem to want to be bothered.

4. Regarding Prayer. I've been praying now intentionally for over 7 years and mostly daily that God would bring someone into my life and that I would have the eyes to see someone if He does. I'm still single!

I too only have dreams. When I was in my early - late 20s, although I feared the fact I was not married, I still had hope that in the end it would all work out.

Now, at 32 and staring at the spectre of middle age, I genuinely fear that I will be permanently single.

I think it also leads to isolation - I have found I am reluctant to head to Church events and contact some friends because it is all so marriage centered and dominated. A single 32 year old - well, I'm just out of place.

Keep writing this amazing blog.
It makes me think i am not alone in this burden of singleness.

SavvyD said...

Thanks Euro Catholic. I share your same feelings. I would definitely like to be bothered with the right kind of man. Some imaginitive dreamy type who is really into music would be great. I sort of enjoy the boho life...

SavvyD said...

PS I have many single Christian female friends who do not have boyfriends. YOu might have to change that to the ones you know rather than all...

EuropeanCatholic said...

Yep, definitely just the women I know and meet have boyfriends.

I must try and get out to different places I suppose.

It's a very individualistic and fragmented society nowadays compared with say 40 years ago. I don't think that helps.

SavvyD said...

I think that is the real key. Society has changed along with our expectations of ourselves, our mobility, etc.

Jenny said...

I can so identify with this. It's been awhile since someone from church has asked if I finally have someone or told me that they're still praying for me. I think that our perpetual singleness really tests the faith of women who've prided themselves as being "prayer warriors." I'm really grateful for them thinking of me, but when it all stopped, I began to wonder if they just gave up. :(

SavvyD said...

Perhaps praying to the Blessed Virgin is a bad idea...or perhaps they prayed to Our Lady of the Perpetual Singleness.

blessedbabe said...

I'm sure God hears every prayer. Sometimes it's also our turn to respond.

But I'm done with the 'what's wrong with me' mode. I am just certain that it's just me. I've been praying and dating but well, there's just nothing yet.

It is what it is. We have to move on in faith that the desire that we have isn't there for no reason. As for me, while I'm hopeful that there's someone in my own church (because it'd be easy that way instead of moving), there's the outside dating world too.

You're not a disappointment. They're just probably praying for you because they think you're worth a lot and wonder why a guy didn't see it yet. So it's a form of appreciation.

Jeanine Giuffrida said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SavvyD said...

@jeanine I get it, God is SUPPOSED to be writing a LOVE story. But, instead, all that is being written is a story of pain, disappointment, heartbreak, and men who are attempting to use me instead of honor me.

Just because God isn't writing my love story, doesn't mean he isn't writing something. Where's the love in this story?

I would be happy with crumbs from God's table and don't even get that.

It makes me sad that God hasn't written a better story when people say that God should write your love story.

Lastly, these people we see aren't married or dating someone because they hotly pursued God, if that were true, I should have been married quite some time ago. It gives people false hope they can earn someone to love by doing the right things.

Let's face it, society has changed.

SavvyD said...

I should have been married when all that mattered to me was following God and before I became the bitter, frustrated and lonely person I am today.

Why would God want me to be bitter and frustrated over so many bad love stories??

I think I would like to commiserate with those people who love the Smiths and Depeche Mode. Their songs make sense to me.

Jeanine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SavvyD said...

Curse you out? Why? It's not wrong to expect that you would have been married by now. That's the way things always were BUT society has changed.

That God would think its better for me to meet the jerks I've been meeting instead of being married to a decent guy is, quite frankly, unfathomable. Being single and not giving up means trying. And when I try, there's alot of crap out there--not just for me, but for most women.

Me + God alone = being a nun.
Me trying = meeting jerks who treat me like garbage and disrespect me or guys at church not asking me out at all.

SavvyD said...

To be a nun is a very special calling to be devoted to God solely. What we are doing as modern singles is trying to be holy about it after the fact, not necessarily devoted to a special calling. It's backwards. I'm not the only person who doesn't want it.

The Bible also says if you are burning with lust to marry.

Fire, fire!!! I'm burning.

SavvyD said...

No boyfriend STILL. No dates either. Why does prayer not work?

Jeanine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SavvyD said...

@jeanine Sounds like bullshit.

Sorry. Im seriously thinking about just not going to church anymore. People aren't that great as hard as I try I don't feel very accepted. I can't take it that everyone I went to high school with is in a relationship or married and I only end up with jerks and losers who treat me like shit as my options.

I'm sick of only ever having God. He hasn't looked out for me very well in other areas and left me to be kicked around by bad people in other area of my life.

I don't know why I keep this blog anymore. It's just a testament to God not doing shit.

SavvyD said...

also, what you are describing is being a nun. I never knew any of my friends to have earned their marriages by seeking God so wholeheartedly like you describe.

Jeanine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SavvyD said...

If I'm angry at God and contemplating whether or not going to church is worthwhile, that's real. So my relationship with God may be in the dumps because alot of bad things have happened to me and to my friends and I'm totally doubting him doesn't mean there is no relationship. That doesn't mean I have no idea what it's like to be a "real" Christian.

It may mean you're a little judgmental because my relationship with God isn't as good as yours and I don't trust him as much.

Who are you to decide who the "real" Christians are? I can tell you this much, I certainly don't make those calls.

You don't earn things like marriage by kissing up to God. I had friends who married who they thought were Godly men, didn't settle, prayed all the time and ended up discovering that their husbands were lying cheaters. I haven't settled, don't sleep around and still don't have anyone. I know of people who did sleep around and lived with their husbands before marriage and, apparently, God has blessed their marriages.

Jenny said...

Jeanine: I don't think you're helping any. God made people to NOT be alone. It's perfectly natural to desire a relationship apart from one with God, and He's not in competition with a person's spouse for attention. History is filled with terrible people who found happiness in marriage, and wonderful people who were stuck being single for their entire lives. One's marital status has no baring on the health of one's relationship with God.

Jeanine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SavvyD said...

As far as "trying to pick them" I only do what is normal and natural. Please go back through and read my stories. They are picking me. They will pick anyone, though.

Why are you blaming me for their bad behavior? If anything it should just point to their bad behavior. Could it just be that there are ALOT OF BAD ONES and that's why my uncle said men are are jerks and to forget about men?

Is it possible that you can keep writing and not realize you sound judgmental? Apparently.

And other people are seeing what you wrote as an attack. Why is it your assumption that someone being angry with God means they aren't really a Christan?

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Go look it up.

Jeanine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Hello I can definitely identify with everything you are saying specially about friends sleeping around then being blessed by marriage. I am a 24 year old virgin and never had a boyfriend, everyone i know is engaged, with boyfriends married and even pregnant and here I am suffering with two diseases one from birth, the other developed in my teens while everyone else is having a good time. When people say god does not give you a mate is because he doesn't want to be second, that's a lot of crap to me specially for those ladies that still live with their parents and have to please not one but 3 people and have the same responsibilities as being married minus actual affection from the opposite sex...it's like when you get married you actually have more time for god (there's just 2 people now who help each other as opposed to a whole big family of 4 people) does anyone not see this? Circumstances are against us placed by society, men want to have it easy and everyone's so selfish but the light of god will shine equally anyways..

SavvyD said...

The truth is that not everyone finds someone. People are afraid of those who are different. I am sorry to hear that you have two diseases which have afflicted you since birth. And I agree God isn't so selfish in terms of not allowing people to have relationships with humans.

Unfortunately, you will have to do what all you able-bodied unmarried sisters do. Suck it up and try to have a good time with your friends without getting overly bitter. Some of the girls can actually be very beautiful and still not find anyone.

I also recommend that you go to school, or go back to school, or move to a big city where there are more singles.

Good luck.