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Friday, October 8, 2010

30 year old virgins on Oprah

I sort of hate the Oprah show. I also sorta like it. They produced a show about two women who are still virgins at 30 years old who felt a bit traamatized by circumstances in their lives. I suppose there's something to that. But sometimes it's really a combination of things. Personally, I've tried having relationships with people who didn't respect the religious reasons and they were very disrespectful and impatient--something which in turn makes them very unattractive.

To their credit, they did disgust the societal shift in feelings toward virginity. Dr. Laura Berman and Oprah both stated that, "It's not a problem if you don't have a problem." Good. I'm glad for that.

One of the girls (#1) is really overweight, like 250 lbs. In some ways that's not fair. Though not feeling good about your weight is a major reason for not wanting to have sex or be naked around someone.

The other woman (#2) had problems after her mother died. Her father started sleeping with a parade of women. She became angry because her mom was replaced, and yet not because her father was just using them. I somewhat agree with her hesitation to be intimate. You do want to know that someone really likes you and enjoys your company.

Now, lest you judge, as so many do. The weight gain that girl #1 experienced was the result of a medical condition. Both the treatment and the medical condition caused a sudden weight gain. Oh, I've heard this before and experienced it on a smaller scale myself. And that weight is impossible to lose. You can feel the judgment coming from other people and then you cast it on yourself. And before anyone knows it, they are stuck in a chronic system.

The funniest part was talking about masturbation, which Dr. Berman thinks is OK and important. Girl #2 said, "I just think it's a team sport." In some ways, though, that people talk about it on TV makes some people think it's OK to talk about on a date. I've had guy ask bizarre sexual questions very early--too early for me to even know if I even want to see them again. Actually, no, I take it back, that makes me know for sure that I don't want to see them again. LOL!

And let's not forget that there really are more than a few people out there who are users and losers. As far as I'm concerned, it's better to be safe than sorry. The other thing addressed was that Girl #2's father's inability to love impacted the whole family.

Girl #1 experienced meeting with a stylist and then being set up on a few dates with men who seemed very nice, even if they weren't outrageously attractive.

I wonder what the Oprah show would do with me? I mean, it's not like I'm never out there. But I'm not asked out as much as I would like and not by the right kind of men. I'm doing all the right things, but just not getting the right amount of dates with the right kind of guys. I've tried online dating. Nothing has worked. I'm trying to lose every ounce of the weight I gained from my accidents and medical ills,though the process is slow.

I have friends who are thin and beautiful and even they get the runaround from guys. I've tried living in other places, less glamorous towns. And that didn't work out very well either. Perhaps I should just hire someone to be my boyfriend. An actor. Why not? Just kidding!!!

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment!


Christian said...

You know I saw that show a few days ago - my wife was watching and I just happen to be there :-)

The one thing that I realized early on was that the plus sized woman, had a low self esteem. Look....I'm a guy and I'll be brutally honest - looks are important us. BUT what is even more important is a woman's ability to "sell herself". Being overweight isn't the "death sentence" that most women think it is. REAL MEN like curves! You've got to give guys the impression that [even] being overweight won't stop you from being the sexy, loving, and beautiful woman that he’s dreaming of. Overweight women have to work a little harder - to be sure - but there are plenty of stores that cater to plus size beauties, and with that, there is nothing keeping you from catching his eye when you walk in a room. Guys are out there...and it's just a matter of time before the right one asks you out on that first date!

C. Love

SavvyD said...

Thanks. Like I said, I do get dates, but often they try to rush things along on the first few dates. After awhile it's hard to feel good about yourself when you aren't being treated right when you do get asked out. And I'm learning that it isn't my fault, that some guys are just that way, but it makes me afraid to flirt with someone because that happens enough. And then when I meet a guy who I find really attractive I'm often embarrassed by the way it makes me feel. I really wanted to talk to this guy today...it was so hard. We didn't really have time though as he had to go with his group...ah well.

EuropeanCatholic said...

My last relationship which lasted 2 months and she sadly split up with me. I would have wanted to continue seeing her and hopefully let the relationship develop.

Anyway, I think treating a woman is very important.

I surprised her with flowers and then with chocolates plus choclates that I had specially made for her ie. they had to [her name] from [my name] written on them.

I would add for me as a guy, its hard to feel good about youreslf when you do get rejected various times.

It's quite an imperfect world we live in sadly.

SavvyD said...

Specially made chocolates????

You're a KEEPER! Or at least I would have kept you.

Jenny said...

Hmm...Maybe those two girls were chosen for the program because it would be easier for the audience to excuse someone being a 30yo virgin by pointing to things like body image/weight and family problems. There's a lot of us who don't fit either.