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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Tea and Sympathy, Coffee and Pity

I've been going through a hard time, though things finally did clear up--Praise God. At one point a friend from church was very upset and we paused to pray for something a friend was going through--something to do with marital infidelity which always breaks my heart. I mean, I'm trying to be faithful to a man I haven't even met. If I had someone special in my life there is no way I would every cheat on him. In any case, after we finished praying, I began to tear up about my own situation. And a male friend seemed sad about that...I had recently offered him tickets to see a classical concert I was singing in with a choir and he had to turn the tickets down for whatever reason.

Friend: Hey, Savvy, are you OK?
Savvy: No, not really.
Friend: DO you want us to pray for you?
Savvy: Yes.
Friend: How can we pray for you? I only have a minute, though.
The girl he came with started honking the horn.
Savvy: How rude.
Friend: Let me just tell her whats going on really quickly.
Savvy: Sure.
Friend: Sorry about that, she said she's feeling trapped.
Savvy: Well let's just make it an unspoken request, but please pray for protection and for the truth to be revealed.
They prayed for me.
Friend: Do you want to go to coffee and talk about it?
Savvy: I don't know how much talking about it will actually help.
Friend: Well, I hope it gets better.
Savvy: Thanks.

Well, I have to say that I was, in part, touched by his offer to talk about it over coffee. I was, on the other hand, a bit tortured over it. I haven't been invited to coffee by anyone at church in 5 years or so and when I do get asked it's because he feels pity for me??? That's terrible. I had just been saying that I would even accept invites to coffee out of pity, literally the week before. I mean, certainly I deserve better than a date out of pity, but since no one seems to be interested in me at all, it might be nice to go out with a friend who felt sorry for me as they might treat me better than someone who wants to use me to satisfy their urges. Some emotion is better than none.

Wait, what? Yes, it sounded very pathetic. But the man was/is at the very least my friend. And because of our friendship, I set aside that it was only pity and called him to see about scheduling coffee with him.

He didn't call back.

Not for a week.

Not even as a friend.

Then I saw him at church.

Friend: So, how was Saturday?
Savvy: What was Saturday?
Friend: The concert, I'm sorry I didn't get to come hear you sing.
Savvy: It's no big deal, thanks though. I will sing at other things.
Friend: Cool.
Savvy: Hey, when did you want to go have coffee?
Friend: Um...
Savvy: Don't worry about scheduling it right now. Give me a call.

All this time I've thought that we were friends. Certainly I should say yes to going to coffee with my friend. I might not feel comfortable sharing about my situation, but perhaps we could talk about other more comfortable topics.

He didn't call.

Not all week.

Not even as a friend.

Not even out of pity.

What the hell?

I will see him again this coming Tuesday more than likely.

I'll bet now he's worried that I might get the wrong impression by going to coffee. I think I had the right impression. But I guess I didn't really. The impression I have now is that we aren't even friends after all.

What should I do? Should I say anything or not? I just don't know.

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Cheryl said...

I find it hepful to pray for others when I'm struggling too. Hoping and praying your situation improves.


SavvyD said...

Cheryl--it did. Thanks!

Jeanine Giuffrida said...
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