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Monday, August 23, 2010

On my own (pretending he's beside me)

I know how to do alone. The movie Emily Cross sent a link for recently is really nice for people who are just venturing out into being alone. But I'm an expert at it. Here's an insight into all the things I do alone. But, at the end of the day, I'm still alone when I would like to have a sweetheart--the sweetheart I have longed for all these years. I wonder if he's in Portland, OR because I hear so many great things about that city. I'm determined to visit when I have the chance.

Things I do alone:

Practice singing.
Practice keyboard (when I can due to my injury)
Practice guitar (when I can due to my injury)
Installed my own software.
Wiped the hard drive clean.
Flashed the BIOS.
I've gone to the movies by myself.
I've taken myself to a restaurant on numerous occasions.
I used to go dancing by myself all the time.
I've gone hiking by myself.
I've gone walking by myself.
I always go to the gum by myself.
I always go to the library alone.
I go shopping by myself.
I've gone to weddings by myself.
I go to church by myself.
I often go to parties by myself.
I go to coffee by myself.
I've gone to operas alone.
I've attended recitals by myself.
I moved to New York by myself.
I found an apartment by myself.
I lived in my apartment by myself.
I've gone to ballets by myself.
I usually go to rock concerts by myself.
And I went to Coachella by myself. Though I had a friend who was there, we each did our own thing and I found a hotel by myself late at night and stayed in it by myself.
I've driven from LA to San Francisco by myself.
I've driven cross-country by myself.
I've flown by myself.
When I lived in NYC, I spent most of my days by myself.

I write by myself, that's how you get this blog. (Thanks for reading!)

I imagine that if I were married to my sweetheart, I would still do most of these day-to-day things alone also, what would be different is that I would be his support and in return I'd have his support. And I wouldn't still feel alone at the end of the day. And maybe he'd be the one holding my hand at a concert, like I see so many other people doing. When I got to do that finally, it was with Tough, and there is something inherently not right about it. I want a sweetheart to call my own and I want him to think of me as his.

I seem to have lost someone over a recent post. Sorry for any offense, but I do need to keep it real and this business of keeping a blog is the best way I have of doing that.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment!


Emily Cross said...

I hope my posting wasn't upsetting etc. I'm alone (actually never been in a relationship really) so I thought it was kind of nice but then after i posted my comment I was afraid it looked patronising (cause you mightn't know that i'm single too).

I imagine it would be same for me. You want to do things alone but be nice to share it with someone.

P.S. Hate mushy couples at concert - you're there for the music/live performance not to be all over each other!! Get a ROOM lol

Nope, i'm not bitter at all ;)

Anonymous said...

Girl, I have been alone (until now) for so long that sometimes I wonder how I am going to cope with having someone with me 24/7 when I get married. I truly like my single life, but like you I think life could be so much more rich with someone (the right man) by your side.

Lindsay said...

Good for you! I'd like to add a few skills that I've recently developed. Much to the mercy of the Lowes people who tolerate my almost daily visits.
I installed a washer and dryer by myself
Hung curtains by myself
Assembled furniture by myself

SavvyD said...

@Emily don't even worry about it hon. It was a lovely video. I think being OK with doing things alone is a good skill. It made me think about it. I'm very good at doing stuff alone and I wonder if sometimes the next 20 years could be spent practicing guitar and posting recordings on myspace without any real human contact. Many of the things I do alone make me happy, but like I said, that's not the part I'm sad about. I'm sad about still being alone after enjoying my alone time.

SavvyD said...

@Lindsey--good for you!
@mchristiangirl--I've often wondered if I have enough relationship skills to handle that myself!! LOL.

EuropeanCatholic said...

I'm a few months late with a comment, but here goes anyway.

>>I've gone to the movies by myself>>

I've wanted to, but I've never quite brought myself to. The last woman I was going out with in January, I wondered whether to take her hand while watching the film as it was a romantic film. But she broke up with me shortly thereafter anyway.

I've also done these things:
>>I've gone hiking by myself.
I've gone walking by myself.
I go shopping by myself.
I've gone to weddings by myself.
I go to church by myself
I go to coffee by myself>>

Going to a wedding myself and the wedding party afterwards was probably one of the most depressing events of my life - at one point, all the couples danced together leaving me all by myself in a corner(it was 6 years ago, but the feeling still haunts me)

I've simply got used to going for coffee by myself. Occasionally, I go with friends, but 90% of the time is on my own.

I really enjoy this blog. It makes me feel I am not so alone :-)

Anonymous said...

I completely understand where your coming from,but if you werent single you probably wouldnt have even started this blog!


LT said...

I completely understand you! But if you werent single you couldnt dedicate this time to your blog!When you have a mate its harder!Be patient its coming.


SavvyD said...

Dude, seriously?? Does intellectual life somehow stop when you are married? I'd be so busy with kids and husband that I wouldn't have time to write about anything? You're kidding right?

Look at the plethura of mommy bloggers out there and suddenly that "consolation prize" sounds like idiocy and a chance to plug your nifty blog TWICE!