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Sunday, July 11, 2010

So much for older men

I suppose this is the way it goes. Two in one week. Luckily, the week is over. I learned what I've heard about older men being more settled and knowing what they want is actually a myth. I sang in a choral event this weekend in a lovely outdoor stage setting. I also ended up with bleeding blisters from walking around in shoes which had recently been resoled. Luckily, one of the guys who worked at the venue got bandaids for me and delivered me to the stage area in a golf cart. What a night! And that was before the show.

And those who hate rock's alleged seediness would really despise the scenes we gave a concert reading to. In Tosca, Scarpia sings about how happy he will be to have Tosca in his arms while her lover is on the gallows. He sings it in church with the choir singing a Te Deum mass. In Turandot, Liu kills herself so she will not reveal the name of the Princess's suitor. The Princess makes every man answer 3 riddles before she will marry him. She's had many men beheaded when they don't answer correctly. Classical music can be so naughty!

In any case, my friends came, but left before saying hi. I can't say I blame them when there were thousands of people in the audience. I was a little disappointed. As much as I looked forward to seeing them, there was a cast party with soloists, choir and orchestra. It cheered me up a little.

While enjoying some wine and cheese, I ended up meeting eyes and smiling at a man in the choir who I had never actually met. We started talking. Enjoying the conversation under the torch light, we actually sat down and talked more. I plucked a rose from a bouquet near me which ended up being bent and he got another one for me that wasn't which I though was really sweet. I wondered why guys aren't sweet like that.

And then we kept talking about somewhat deep things. We told each other things we shouldn't probably say to anyone. I drank more than I should have, but cheese and crackers just need wine. Somehow my purse and folder were picked up and taken to lost and found, but we were able to recover them.

We continued talking as I walked with him to his car, and he then took me to mine.
Savvy: I think I'm too tipsy to drive home.
OlMan: I think I can stay with you. Maybe we should get something to eat.
Savvy: Oh, I'm not sure if anything's open here. Denny's?
OlMan: No, that's OK. I just want to make sure your OK.

We continued talking. He told me about how he used to be a plastic surgeon and then just couldn't do it anymore. He told me about how he sings in choir and loves it. He's Christian and we talked about going to church. He did all the right things, made alot of money but didn't find happiness with any of it. He then studied law instead.

Savvy: So you had kids and got married and all of that stuff.
OlMan: Yes. I did everything I thought I was supposed to do.
Savvy: And you still weren't happy? Man, that's terrible.
OlMan: I just couldn't appreciate it. I'm more teachable now.
Savvy: That's good to know.
OlMan: Have you ever been married?
Savvy: No. I guess guys just don't like me like that.
OlMan: Don't sell yourself short. I think you're very pretty.

We have discussion about age and it turned out he is 20 years older than me. He doesn't look it and he's really handsome. And then we ended up telling each other lots of things that have been troubling us. We talked about music and California. The soloists were amazing. The Beach Boys and The Doors were fabulous.

Savvy: I love the Doors. I was alway so sad to find out about their involvement in drugs or about their personal lives being in shambles.
OlMan: I never knew about those things.
Savvy: You're lucky. I feel a bit dmaged by the truth. Though that's not all groups. Many are just supernice guys.
OlMan: Wow. You have such a beautiful voice.
Savvy: Oh, really? Wow. Thanks.
OlMan: It sounds like music when you talk.
Savvy: Wow.
OlMan: I'm just really enjoying listening to you. You're very lucky to have such a beautiful voice.
Savvy: Wow, so, do you want me to read you something? I can tell you a story.
OlMan: I'm really embarrassed that I said anything. I shouldn't have said anything.
Savvy: No, don't be. It made me happy.
OlMan: It's just really nice.
Savvy: Here, why don't I read you this? (I pick up a piece of paper.)
OlMan: No, don't read me that. That's a bill that I used to write directions on. But you can have it. (We both laugh.)
Savvy: Seriously I don't usually tell people these things.
OlMan: I don't usually say these things to anyone either.
Savvy: You don't seem very judgemental, so I guess I felt comfortable.
OlMan: No, I'm not. It's OK.
Savvy: Well, I think I'm OK to drive now. Thanks for waiting with me.

I felt really connected to him, and let's be honest, a little attracted. I'm not sure if it was the wine, the weather, the foliage, or the conversation. I gave him a hug and he hung on to me, breathing deeply and longingly. And then, as I pulled slowly away, he kissed me. Twice.

Savvy: Well, it was nice to finally talk to you. Imagine being in choir all this time and now we finally just met. That was a really nice surprise.
OlMan: I'll follow you for awhile to make sure you're OK.
Savvy: Thanks, that's so sweet.

And yes, he kept his eye on me the whole way home. And I started to wonder if it might be OK to go out with an older man, even though it had brought a few problems even with someone 14 years older. 20 years older is more. But love doesn't find me very easily or very often. In fact, it had been a year since I kissed someone. So when I saw him at the next day's choir performance, I made sure to say hello.

Savvy: Hey, there. I just wanted to say hi. I just got here.
He smiled but didn't get up to hug me. I thought about sitting next to him and talking to him a little bit. I imagined it would be nice to hold hands...

OlMan: Well, hi. So you got home OK? I followed you until you got off the freeway.
Savvy: Yes. Thanks so much I felt really safe.
OlMan: You're welcome.

Suddenly I felt really stupid for having gone over to say hi to him. It wasn't quite how I imagined. But then, maybe he was embarrassed about our age difference now that there were all these people around.

Savvy: Um, well. I guess I should go sit in my seat.
I was a bit troubled, but thought that we might talk after the show since we were about to start. When I sat down, he looked over and smiled at me. He did this a few times.

And then once the concert was over, we were back in our seats backstage. Our eyes met and he smiled at me. I thought he might come over and say hello or something. I turned to say goodbye to some of the girls in the soprano section. When I looked up again, he was gone.

I around the room at everyone saying their farewells. I wondered if he was in any of the groups taking pictures, or that maybe he went to the bathroom post-show. And then finally started walking out slowly hoping that maybe he was waiting by the door, or at the bottom of the stairs or something. He wasn't. And then I walked to my car wearing my sunglasses to hide that my eyes were turning a bit red from tearing up.

I hoped that at least he would have been more friendly or at least acted like a friend. Or maybe said he was sorry that he kissed me, that I'm really pretty, but he just doesn't see it. Or whatever nonsense I keep hearing. I thought he was attractive despite being much older. The way things are now, it makes me feel like he realized I just wasn't very attractive in fluorescent lighting as opposed to the torch light of the after party. I mean, I was struggling to see it, but I would have tried it out for a couple of dates at least. Perhaps there were too many secrets told, and too much honesty. I thought he would at least be good to me. I guess I was wrong. Again.

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3rd Lawrence said...

Great post. As an older man who just met a 20-year old girl, it was great for me. If your older man is like me, it could be he just thought there was no way a much younger woman could seriously be attracted to him. I have my doubts constantly about this girl I'm sort of seeing, because other than being very friendly/neighborly with me, she gives me zero indications of being attracted to me. No touches on the arm, no demure looks, nothing that couldn't be construed as simple neighborliness.
But, perhaps unlike your old man, I've wisened quite a bit with time regarding women, and I will pursue her as long as I think there is a possibility. Wish me luck. Thanks for your blog.

SavvyD said...

So, you have met her. When I say I met someone, I just mean that I met them, I was attracted to them and that's it. Could be you're just imagining it. You have to actually asked her out and see what her reaction is. This guy actually kissed me and I kissed him back. There was no imagination. You'll have to come back for the follow-up.