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Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Two guys recently told me I'm very forward. I don't get it. I really don't. I'm friendly, I'm easy to talk to, I generally try to be good to the people I talk to.

The guy who said it most recently said:

He: Well, Savvy you're very forward.
Me: How? I don't get it? I'm really offended that you would say that.
He: It's just that maybe guys are intimidated by you.
Me: Why? I just try to be friendly and nice to people. Are you saying I shouldn't be nice to people?
He: You shouldn't ask guys out.
Me: I don't.
He: Well, that's good. Just don't ask them to coffee or anything.
Me: I don't.
(I did once and the look of shock on his face was insane. I vowed never to do that again.)
He: You should watch that move "He's just not that into you."
(Really? What a waste of time. I'm using the book as a cooling stand for my laptop.)
Guy2: Except you should stop before the end because he negates everything he says.
He: And makes sure you don't seem needy and desperate.
Me: Are you serious? I just told some guy off for being innappropriate. If I were needy and desperate I would have put up with his crap. I don't know why anytone would think that about me. I mean, seriously.
He: Well it's just that it scares guy off. You never know if they've got you on their radar.
Me: Listen, I've been at the same church for a year now and not one person has asked me out. Not one. So I just assume I'm not on anyone's radar.
He: Don't do that either. That's not good for your self-esteem.
Me: I don't think I have any self-esteem when it comes to nice guys. While the nice guys are trying to figure out if they should ask me out, I'm think that no one likes me and that only jerks are interested in me because those are the ones doing the asking. Maybe it's just my weight or something.
He: No, I mean look at the girl in Hairspray. She gets the guy at the end.
Me: I keep wondering where that guy is. From what I can see none of the guys at church would even give me a second glance because I'm on the lower end of attractiveness. There are so many girls who are way prettier and thinner than me. Perhaps there's just no one who's "into me."
He: Listen, maybe we can meet up and I'll give you some pointers to help you out.

Seriously? Pointers?? Yippee skippee. Just what I need. The only pointer I need is someone to point the guys in my direction. I mean maybe if he were my wingman or something. Like if there actually were one of these guys who was interested in me he could encourage them to actually ask me out. I mean, jerks have no problem asking me out because there is no stake. They want to use me, and if I say no, they just try to use someone else. No big deal, right. But the nice guy who is actually nice keeps hemming and hawing in the corner, gets to say I'm scary because I'm forward though I've done nothing but be nice and friendly, and then I end up with no one year after year after year. Oh sure, maybe a jerk for about a month who at least has the "respect" to date me 3-4 times before expecting me to sleep with him because he really doesn't like me that much. Anyone remember Astro?

My friends were very supportive and said that maybe it's just a time to enjoy hanging out with girlfriends. Except that its always time to hang out and be with girlfriends. When is it ever going to be time to hang out with my non-existent husband/boyfriend?

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TabithaVenasse said...

I think a lot of people like to draw assumptions about those who don't get asked out enough, or haven't landed serious relationships.

Like, if the nice guys aren't asking you out, it has to be because you're too forward and needy.

They like to make these assumptions because then it makes the world make sense. But the world doesn't make sense. It's random, and weird, and illogical.

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SintheaP. said...

Geez, what a coincidence! I just had one good guy tell me awhile ago on Facebook that I'm forward. It didn't really upset me or anything because I must admit, partly it's true. What offended me was when he told me "I'm taking back what I said, I wouldn't want to date you anymore." One good guy telling me that is just too much too handle. I then realized that even good guys can really hurt you. :(