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Monday, April 19, 2010

WRONG: Wrong place, wrong time, wrong offer

Wrong Pt. 1 (Incl. Non-Album track)I've said before that there's something I love about Depeche Mode's frankness, though some find them blasphemous. I went to the Coachella festival. Little did I know that it's basically Woodstock in the desert. OK, that's not completely true. There were alot of people smoking out and I'm sure there were a few people tripping on acid or Ecstasy. There were alot of people who were drunk. But there were just as many people who weren't. I wasn't. I went as press to write concert reviews.

I was hanging out in the press tent when I met a man who...
lives in New York.

Savvy: Oh, wow, you live in NYC?
Visit: Yes.
Savvy: I used to live out there. It was great.
Visit: Where do you live now?
Savvy: Out here.

We then compared notes about who we went to see an what we thought of them and then walk out to the field to watch another band.

Savvy: I thought Vampire Weekend was awesome.
Visit: Vampire Weekend? I can't stand them. They sound like they ripped off Paul Simon.
Savvy: Actually, they don't if you really listen to both. In any case, the lead singer is really great at working the crowd and he had everybody singing along.
Visit: Those are the bands that really last.
Savvy: I'm telling you, I think they have what it takes.
Visit: So you said you sing opera, I'd love to hear you sing sometime.
Savvy: Really?
Visit: Yeah, opera is amazing. that takes some real talent.
Savvy: Well, I'm not doing it right now, but I might get back to it.
Visit: Yeah, I think you should. Can I be honest with you?
Savvy: Um, sure.
Visit: Every time you lean in to talk to me, I look down your shirt.
Savvy: Um, really? What do you see?
Visit: I imagine you singing opera while you straddle me.
Savvy: Oh, really? I think that really naughty.
Visit: I think you're thinking about it every time you lean in close to me.

I sit blot up right and then check out my shirt. I don't think he can actually see anything. I think he's imagining it. I start laughing. I can't believe this anymore. I didn't come here to get some action and I sorta thought press would be safer. Guess it's only safer when you're in your home town.

Visit: Do you have backstage or camping access?
Savvy: No. I see you do. I did get to go backstage for a few interviews, but they brought me back with them. It was the only way I could go.
Visit: This band isn't that good. Let's get out of here.
Savvy: And go where?
Visit: Back to my campsite.
Savvy: Oh, you have a campsite? I thought about getting one, but I didn't want to be camping by myself.
Visit: Yeah, but what do you think?

What do I think? I think this is really bizarre. I think I haven't kissed anyone in a few months and I turned down someone from one of the bands earlier that day telling him he was married and I don't do anything with married men. I think I wish I had married very young because I would have been spared much of this BS. I always dreamed of being with someone really nice who loves me and respects traditional values and wants to wait until we get married. I think I have to dumb this one down for him.

Savvy: I'm really flattered, but I would only go "camping" with someone who is my boyfriend and who cares about me.
Visit: Just because it's just one night doesn't mean someone doesn't care.
Savvy: That's not what I mean. I mean there are things I would only do with someone who is my boyfriend.
Visit: Well, I won't lie to you. It's really difficult to make something work long distance after meeting and having a great time together. But I'm here until the 23rd...
Savvy: I know myself and I know what I'm looking for and I've been waiting a long time for someone who really cares about me.
Visit: Alright then, well I think I'm going to go back to my tent. I'm really tired. But keep in touch.

I'm sure if any girl were dumb enough to actually fall for his BS lines that he would have said about the same thing in the morning. "That was amazing. Keep in touch."

I often wish I were a man. Since I don't have anyone looking out for me, I can sort of see why men used to guard women so carefully. They knew the one thing that many women can't seem to figure out. Alot of men are up to no good.

I'm trying to figure out why some men think that we ladies are the evil ones. Why I don't just outright hate men like some men hate women at this point is beyond me.

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Novaseeker said...

I think that the culture as a whole is just crass when it comes to sexuality.

it's true, there are many, many men on the make. But ... there wouldn't be as many men on the make if women weren't doling out the goods to a substantial degree. Casual sex requires two people, really, and the expectation that many men have regarding the provision of casual sex is based on women having doled it out to them in the past. It's just how crass sex relations have become.

I think men and women who are either (1) opting out of the casual sex thing or (2) disfavored in it (more men are disfavored in it than women are, in terms of the cutoff for who gets shut out of it, if they are interested in participating in it) are going to rub up against resentment at some point, regardless of whether they give in to the resentment.

Women like you see men making passes at them and are tempted to see men as the evil ones who are on the make. That's fair enough, because that's what you're seeing. Most men who are average in mate value (4s-6s) and who are under 50 have seen many peer mate value women blow them off and have casual sex with men in the 7-9 category throughout our days in HS, college and 20s, and even into the 30s in some cases. That creates resentment, too, and makes many of us think less of women as a whole.

Neither attitude is "fair", because both discount the significant number of men and women who are not participating in the casual sex scene. But, because the people who *are * participating in it are obvious (either because they are hitting on you, if you're a woman, or because they are blowing you off and heading off to some frat guy's room instead, if you're a guy), that behavior tends to get noticed and there is a tendency to "tag" the other sex with the behavior in a more general way. It's natural to do that because it's based on our own experiences, and we tend to take our own experiences, even if they are anecdotal, as very convincing evidence of reality.

Anonymous said...

What I have learned from this is that there is nothing wrong with the way you look. You seem perfectly capable of attracting a man.

I think your title sums it up nicely. The venue likely plays a role in the kind of people you meet there and their expectation of what kind of person you are.

Anonymous said...

Further, I always thought the position of "woman hater" is kind of self-defeating if one actually likes being around women.

SavvyD said...

I'm not so sure about my level of attractiveness being the cause in fact of these offers.

I attribute these offers partly being due to boredom, ennui, loneliness, and my being female in their proximity. The hotter girls would probably not have been as friendly to them.

Plus some guys just like variety. I just take myself out of their assortment.

Anonymous said...

There is also a floor value of attractiveness that even a bored man will not go below for sex.

Congratulations, you are above the minimum.

SavvyD said...

haha! @Hale--you crack me up! I remember seeing an episode of Mythbusters in which they challenged the idea of beer goggles with hilarious results. Drunkenness did not make a difference in terms of attraction level, however it probably lowers inhibitions.

TabithaVenasse said...

Gosh. Some men in this world.

I hope one day, you write a book Savvy. And in that book, you discuss all your experiences. Because it would rock our socks off.

And good on you for sticking to what you believe. I know for me personally, when an offer has been on the table where there hasn't been one in a while, the temptation to gave for 'just one night' sometimes gets pretty hard to ignore.

EDavis said...

WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?!?! What the heck? He said he looked down your shirt? And he imagined you stradling him? And this wasn't after years of happy marriage but after talking a bit? What a whack job!

I would have run screaming. Or at least hobbled away wretching. One wierd guy!