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Saturday, October 24, 2009

Sex Degrees of Separation

I've been saying this for years. And now there is an article saying that people should be aware that when they sleep with someone, they are in effect, sleeping with everyone that person has slept with. I first heard this concept at, of all places, my church youth group.

The best prevention is abstinence or severely limiting the number of sexual partners one has. In other words, God's design of sexual intimacy being enjoyed in marriage and for procreation is still the best design. Solving the "problem" of procreation with the Pill, leaves us with STIs/STDs in higher numbers than in the past. And now they are more deadly (HIV/AIDS). Please note that I said sex is meant to be enjoyed. I know that it would be difficult for me to enjoy it any other way than in marriage. That's why I'm waiting.

LONDON - THE average British man or woman has slept with 2.8 million people - albeit indirectly, according to figures released Wednesday to promote awareness of sexual health.

A British pharmacy chain has launched an online calculator which helps you work out how many partners you have had, in the sense of exposure to risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STIs).

The 'Sex Degrees of Separation' ready reckoner tots up the numbers based on your number of partners, then their previous partners, and their former lovers, and so on for six 'generations' of partners.

The average British man claims to have actually slept with nine people, while women put the figure at 6.3, giving an average of 7.65.

'When we sleep with someone, we are, in effect, not only sleeping with them, but also their previous partners and their partners' previous partners, and so on,' said Ms Clare Kerr, head of sexual health at Lloydspharmacy.

'It's important that people understand how exposed they are to STIs and take appropriate precautions including using condoms and getting themselves checked out where appropriate.' -- AFP


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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Cowboy UP!!

Sometimes even what seems like the tallest tale is true. I went country line dancing for fun on Saturday and dragged my friend Nikki with me for the meetup group. In case you haven't been in awhile, it's changed a bit over time. There are line dances for Men In Black and some rap group teaches line dances with their songs--71 North Boyz. Around midnight it's cowboys and girls dancing ghetto freestyle. I go for the lessons, a little exercise and to hang out with meetup people. And yes, I met a real life Cowboy with a beer in one hand and a thumb splint on the other.

Savvy: Oh, no! Look at that!
I pouted and pointed at his thumb splint. He pouted back.
Savvy: How did you get that boo-boo?
Cowboy: Long story.
Savvy: I hope it gets better soon.

I kiss his hand. He smiles.
Cowboy: Aw, thank you, little lady.

Savvy: Well, I know how it is to have injuries. I'm gonna call you Boo-boo.
Cowboy: I hurt my shoulder recently. Had to have surgery.
Savvy: Me too.

I show him the scars on my shoulder.
Savvy: They've gotten way better. It's amazing what they can do arthroscopically nowadays.
Cowboy: I got a ton of injuries. Heck I've been stabbed, shot at, thrown off a bull...
Savvy: Wow! Are you serious?
Cowboy: Yes. I used to support my kids ridin' bulls. That's a cowboy. People ask me if I dance and I say, "No, ma'am." Seriously, we don't sit by the fire at the end of the day and dance this sh*t. Bunch of fags out there. Real cowboys don't dance.
Savvy: Well, then, you're a real cowboy, so what do you care? You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
Cowboy: That's right. If I weren't so fat now, I would still be ridin.
Savvy: You don't look fat to me. But I can see that you might be too big to ride bulls. I guess you have to be light. I'd be too scared to get hurt.
Cowboy: Yeah, I've been playing minor league football, so I've gotten really big.
Savvy: Yes, yes you have.

This is so interesting that I miss the line dances I know to hear more stories. The funny thing is that this isn't very flirtatious, I don't think a date or a kiss is on anyone's mind. I start poking at his shirt while we're watching the guys do the birthday dance. Boo-boo smiled.
Cowboy: What are you doing?
Savvy: Well, Boo-boo, I want to see the scars from when you were stabbed and shot and I was trying to find them.
Cowboy: Alright, fine. I'll show you.

He sets down his beer and untucks his shirt. Nikki's jaw drops. He pulls it up and shows me. It's hard to see in the light. He has the most amazing six pack ever, a few tattoos and the scars are impressive, too. This is fun.

Savvy: Wow.
Cowboy: I was shot when I was in a gang.
Savvy: You were in a gang?
Cowboy: Yes. That's how I got stabbed, too.
Savvy: Wow. Rodeo, football, gangs...what else do you do?
Cowboy: I'm a steel worker. That's how I hurt my hand. Almost cut off my thumb.
Savvy: Seriously? Steel worker?
Cowboy: Yep, I got the pictures from when I went to the ER.

He searches his phone to find them. It's pretty gory. I almost asked him to send me a copy. Should I have studied medicine? I'm fascinated.
Savvy: Awesome.

His friend comes by to collect him for a short time.
Nikki: Darn, where's our boy toy?
Savvy: He's not a toy, he's a man. Though, he is very entertaining.
Nikki: Do you even believe him?
Savvy: I don't know. Some of my stories must sound pretty wild to some people. I was a professional opera singer, schoolteacher, head injury salsa dancing, shoulder surgery...after awhile it sounds like blah, blah, BLAH, right?
Nikki: Meanwhile, we're missing all the line dances.
Savvy: It's OK, I'm terrified someone's going to hit my head on the dance floor.
Nikki: Really?
Savvy: Terrified. I know, not normal, huh?
Nikki: He's coming back.
Savvy: Awesome...hey, Boo-boo. We missed you. Tell us more.

Cowboy: I got plenty more, sorry I had to leave. My friend feels guilty because the injury is kind of his fault. He was in the middle of breaking up with this girl and he left me working on something by myself and that's when it happened. I've been working for him managing the company.
Savvy: So you help manage the company for him, too? That's a big change from rodeo.
Cowboy: My friend always asks me why I tell girls all of this stuff, since half of them think I'm lyin. If they don't believe me, shoot, they can always look me up on the internet.
Savvy: Well, I believe you, but now you have me curious about looking you up. I love rodeos.
Cowboy: Well, OK, I'm on YouTube.

He tells me how to find him. Nikki doesn't have much to say, but she looks amused.
Savvy: Alright Boo-boo, it was really great fun.
Cowboy: You are the sweetest thing.

I give him another get well kiss to his hand. He gives both me and Nikki a hug.

Nikki: I'm still trying to figure out how you got him to lift up his shirt.
Savvy: Oh, I don't know, I guess I can get people to do things sometimes because I'm sooooooo SWEEEEET. After all, I got you to come all the way up here for me.
Nikki: Yes, it's true.
Savvy: I hope you had fun.
Nikki: Boo-boo made it all worthwhile.

Look him up, I did. Sho 'nuff, he was being totally honest. I think it might be a lesson to me to take a man at his word--whatever that word might be. Listen long enough and you can tell. I have heard men sit across the table and confess that they were actually still married but hoping to be free really soon.

I really did want to see videos of my new friend getting thrown off a bull. There were no football pictures at his team's website, sadly. No, I won't post my secret cowboy's videos, after all, it's an anonymous blog. But, here's wishing Boo-boo a big Cowboy Up for his hand. He really ought to be more careful out there!

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Monday, October 12, 2009

Another Night of Insanity

I am convinced that out of all the screenwriters out there who say they are working on a screenplay that 75% of them are insane. And don't get too mad at me because I haven't had a date in a few months and would never do this again.

Screen: I just left my job to work on screenwriting full time.
Savvy: Have you ever worked on a screenplay before?
Screen: No, this is my first one.
Savvy: Really? That is so coooool.

A year ago after 2 glasses of wine, a glass of champagne and just having barely survived an awful school year, it all made perfect sense.

And then the next time I saw him, I ended up getting together with that atrocious guy who pulled my hair. Boys, Boys, Boys: Boys at the Roller Rink

FADE IN: one year later...

When I saw this ghost from the past at Betty's birthday shindig, I tripped on Becky Sue's boyfriend's toes and was hugged by everyone at that table. I even greeted Pops though I'm still mad at him. He gave me a guilty look for things he said last time. And then I finally made my way over to Screen.

Savvy: So, are you still working on that screenplay?
Screen: Yes, actually I am.
Savvy: So, I meant to ask you what it was about.
Screen: It's about this guy who is going about his life and he realizes everyone is sleeping their way through it and he can see through everything at once.
Savvy: I want to hear more about it, but I need something to drink first. I'm trying to decide between the Belgian or the Half Moon.
Screen: I'm not much of a beer drinker.
Savvy: Oh, no worries.

I paid for my own beer. Usually a man uses this as an opportunity to show interest. I didn't write that rule, it just exists. I shrugged it off.

Savvy: I really want to hear more about this screenplay, so let's go outside.
Screen: It really is too loud.
Savvy: So how far along are you in that?
Screen: Well, I had a 1000 pages and then I worked it down to about 400.
Savvy: 400?

A successful screenwriter wrote a book which recommends only 110 pages. It's called, Save the Cat.

Screen: I moved to Tahoe so that really has helped me.
Savvy: Tahoe?
Screen: Yes, my doctor said I needed less stress in my life, so I decided to move.
Savvy: Doctor?
Screen: Well, yes, I have glaucoma and I'm on disability.
Savvy: Me too. I had shoulder surgery and it's taking forever to heal.

I showed him my scars.
Screen: Wow, that's from shoulder surgery? It doesn't look like much.
Savvy: Arthroscopic. It's taking longer to heal on the inside. So, tell me, have you read any books about screenwriting?
Screen: A book? What would I need that for?
Savvy: I read one called "Save the Cat" that gave me ways to structure the story and points to hit within it.
Screen: Why would I need that? I know movies.
Savvy: Um, oh, OK.

And that's the trouble with most people who are writing anything, there are things that everyone thinks they already know. Good luck. But somehow after one beer, this all made perfect sense, as did going to the beach to have a glass of wine.

Savvy: So, I'm just curious. What happened that night? I remember having a good time and then all of a sudden that was it
Screen: Do you want to know the truth?
Savvy: Well, yes. I mean, I remember some really nice kisses in there.
Screen: Yes, me too.
Savvy: So what happened?
Screen: You started acting flirty with another guy.
Savvy: Another guy? That was my friend. We're all friends.
Screen: Some guys would stay anyway, but it was a real turnoff to me.
Savvy: Why didn't you say anything?
Screen: I started seeing someone else after that.

What really happened? It was a combination of things. He started acting weird and angry. An acquaintance told me later that Screen asked her out that same night, but she had seen him with me so she told him no. Hmmm...sounds like someone else was flirting and misinterpreting.

Savvy: I was tipsy that night. I can barely remember what happened.
Screen: Well that's what happened.
Savvy: So what happened with the woman you were seeing?
Screen: I told her I was leaving for Tahoe and after a year of being together, the best she could do when I asked her to give me a reason to stay was tell me the weather was really nice.
Savvy: If you had been my boyfriend for a year I would have told you I needed you to stay.
Screen: Wow.
Savvy: So how about we make a deal and I don't talk to anyone else tonight but you.
Screen: Deal. It's been a really nice surprise running into you again.
Savvy: Awesome.
Screen: Do you want to go to the Angels game with me tomorrow?
Savvy: OK, sure.
Screen: How about we take a walk on the beach? I have a bottle of wine.
Savvy: It's really late.
Screen: It's not far...

Somehow that led to a blanket, more kissing than I intended to do and feeling bad about it. He wanted to cuddle with me and though I relented for awhile, all I could think of was Seattle and that there was more for me in Seattle than in Tahoe. I tried thinking that it was Seattle holding me, but it wasn't working. Besides, Seattle and I are only friends.

Savvy: Wow, it's really getting late and I have to get home.
Screen: Just a few more minutes.
Savvy: Um, OK....

Silence for awhile. I got up
Savvy: I really can't. Don't you have to get a hotel room?
Screen: I was just going to sleep in my car, or maybe go to Denny's for the night. I don't get a check for another few days.
Savvy: Um, oh.
Screen: Come to Tahoe.
Savvy: Um, I don't know.

Overnight I started to put it together. He told me he just turned 50. He left work, not so much to write a screenplay, but because he has other health issues. He didn't have the money for a hotel room for himself. I so don't want to go back to living like a Bohemian. Plus, he lives in Tahoe and I would got there to... to what? Seattle is already bad enough. How do I explain why I want to ditch an Angels game with this guy to go to church instead? How do I explain that I don't want to see him again because I don't think he is marriage material. Decision time...my phone was ringing.

Savvy: Hey what's up? How are you?
Screen: I just woke up.
Savvy: So where did you sleep?
Screen: By the beach, in my car.
Savvy: Um, really?

So, in addition to everything else I had been pondering, he would expect me to sit next to him at an Angels game, sweating profusely in the hot sun, getting a sunburn while noticing that he reeked distinctly of goat from not having showered? I don't ###ing think so.

Savvy: Listen, I feel really bad about this, but a girlfriend of mine asked me to go to church with her and have lunch after, so I'm not gonna make it.
Screen: So you waited until an hour before we're supposed to be there to flake on me?
Savvy: I'm sorry. I just got out of the shower.
Screen: Let me get this straight. You're flaking on me?
Savvy: I forgot about the other plans.
Screen: An hour before we're supposed to be there?
Savvy: You asked me at the last minute.
Screen: But the whole point of us talking about it was so that you would come.
Savvy: I know and I feel really bad. You're probably going to be too angry with me to talk to me later.

And I would be so OK with that. I felt guilty. How would I explain? I need to go to church because I'm a bad person and I want to try and live better and I just don't see how going to an Angels game with some guy I made out with last night when I was imagining someone else is going to make me feel any better.

I told my mom about canceling as I left to go to church.
Savvy: He got mad at me for canceling, but I just didn't want to sit through the game.
MyMom: Anger is a bad sign.
Savvy: And he lives in Tahoe anyway. I would go there to what?
MyMom: You better not.
Savvy: I know, it's just that I felt really bad.
MyMom: Why? It's not like it hasn't been done to you plenty of times.

Moms have such a way of making things feel better--and she didn't even know the whole story. Maybe the whole story doesn't really matter.

For those who say I should have been completely honest: I really did want to go to church. And please tell me if there is a NICE way of telling someone that you don't see a future with them because you don't see them wanting to get married and have a family with their present financial and health situation, don't want to visit him in Tahoe and don't want to have sex with him on those visits.

Canceling sent a clear enough message: Yep, I'd rather go to church than go to an Angels game with you even if it means you never talk to me again--in fact, I hope you don't. Clear. Crystal clear.

Note: this happened two months ago at time of posting. What else is clear to me is that people DO NOT DESERVE SECOND CHANCES!
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Saturday, October 3, 2009

Wired on Vacation

A vacation used to mean getting away from it all. But somehow, it really isn't anymore. We bring our wires with us whereever we go so that we are never truly where we are. After all, I'm writing this to you from Palm Springs on my netbook.

We all used to get so angry with our uncle who had to be conscious of where the payphone was because he had to make a phone call for a business deal. Now there are cell phones for that. And we have to bring cell phone chargers. We all have to step away from the family so that we can take or make a phone call.

A computer used to be too big to take with you, and laptops were too expensive. Now I can type from my $300 netbook while sitting at the hotel which has internet service throughout the area for no extra charge. This time my dad even brought a printer with him for a week's stay in the desert. A printer? Even that's going a bit too far for me.

We don't just listen to the crickets, talk and have a nice dinner on the porch. We don't play cards or games or talk. We have to have the computer, cell phone, television and camera there. Because it's not how much fun you had, it's how much fun you can make it look like on Facebook later...

And yes, I'm guilty, too.

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