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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's You? What the ...?

I was trying to call someone I had met about singing with his band for a guest spot. The drummer is a former classmate.

Paul: I was just returning your phone call.
Savvy: Oh, awesome. Did you listen to my message?
Paul: No, but that's OK. What's going on?
Savvy: I thought we could meet up and talk about stuff.
Paul: Sure thing.
Savvy: I'm trying to think of a place to meet, where you can bring your guitar.
Paul: If you want me to bring my guitar, then you've got the wrong guy.
Savvy: This is Paul, right?

How do I get into these situations?
Paul: Yes.
Savvy: Ummm...So how do we know each other if you aren't in the band?
Paul: I'm not sure, but let's just go out anyway.
Savvy: I don't know. Are you a nice guy?
Paul: I'm a very nice guy. I have alot to offer the right girl.
Savvy: What do you see us doing?
Paul: I just got a new car last night--a white convertible BMW. We can go for a drive on Mulholland, we can go to Santa Monica; anything you want to do.
Savvy: I'm just trying to figure out when we met.
Paul: Well, we must have exchanged phone numbers at one time so there must have been some attraction.
Savvy: Can you send me a picture of yourself? I still just don't remember you. What do you look like?
Paul: I'm about 5'10", handsome, I work out at the gym every day so I'm really muscular. How about you?
Savvy: Short, cute, green eyes, curly blond hair, more to love right now.
Paul: Sounds familiar. How about I give you a call tomorrow and we figure something out.
Savvy: OK, You'll send me a picture then.
Paul: Yes.
Savvy: What's your last name?

He told me and I ran it through my head for two days. I thought about it at stoplights. I thought about it and wondered if this was going to be something great. I wondered if I should really do this when I really wanted to be with Seattle and he hadn't left yet--but Seattle hadn't asked me for my time. Paul called me again.

Paul: I'm guessing you're in your 20s from you voice.
Savvy: Oh just so you know...I'm 40 and I weigh 400 lbs.
Paul: 30s?
Savvy: nooooo....I'm 50 and I weigh 300 lbs, but you gave me your phone number anyways.
Paul: You're really funny.
Savvy: Funny looking, too. Nothing can stop love, though.
Paul: Well, we must have found each other attractive at one time.
Savvy: Yep, so why worry. Except that I lied, I really weigh 350.

Later, like an electric shock, I gasped. It hit me who he was. The day I met him, I stuck up a conversation with him:
Savvy: Hey, I really like your shirt.
Paul: Thanks.
Savvy: Let's have a seat and talk.
Paul: Sure.
Savvy: So, tell me about yourself and that cool shirt of yours.
Paul: You seem really cool, but I'm thinking I should ask out that girl over there because she's totally hot.
Savvy: Oh, she's totally hot?
Paul: Yeah, just look at her.
Savvy: Oh, you mean Michelle who has a boyfriend?
Paul: I'll ask her anyway.
Savvy: Um, hey, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

I didn't go back. I tried to be gracious to him and got an earful about some other girl. I can guarantee you he didn't walk out with ANYONE'S number. But I am an eternal optimist. Maybe he was having a bad night.

He then canceled our impending date via text.

Paul: Let's reschedule. I'm wiped out.
Savvy: I drove all the way out here for you. Would coffee help?
Paul: I'm taking a nap.

Riiight. A nap on a Friday night. I hate last minute cancellations...that's how I ended up going out with Trainer at the last minute. He also tried texting and calling several times during the evening when I was out with Trainer as if would actually go out with someone who had already inconvenienced me for the evening. As if I would even pick up! I thought to cancel the whole thing, but I like to see things to fruition. I called him and we decided to meet in a town near both of us.

Savvy: I remembered who you are, by the way.
Paul: So where did we meet.
Savvy: It was a year ago.
Paul: That's a long time.
Savvy: Yep and that's all I'm going to tell you because I want it to be a surprise.
Paul: I'm on my way. I have to take a shower first.
Savvy: Ummm...OK I guess.
Paul: Oh yeah, I have a peg leg and a hook arm...and a huge stye.

I rolled my eyes, it was too late for that.
He was two hours late. It was annoying.

I wore dark sunglasses, red lipstick and a scarf to keep my hair from blowing all over the place.

Paul: I'm here. Can you peek out?
Savvy: No. You have to come all the way around.
Paul: Come on, the game is going to be up in about 60 seconds.
Savvy: Then you have to wait 60 more seconds and park.
Paul: Can you see me?
Savvy: Yes, just a second.

I walked out side with a smile. He looked at me with a flattened affect. His expression didn't change.

Paul: It's you? What the fuck?
Savvy: Wow, what a sweet thing to say.
Paul: Why didn't you just tell me it was you?
Savvy: I don't know I thought it would be a fun surprise. So are we going somewhere?
Paul: Yes, the earth is rotating on its axis and around the sun, we're going somewhere.
Savvy: I meant in the car. You talked about going on Mulhulland and showing off your new car.

I moved a banana peel that he had placed on the brand new white leather seats. What idiot does that?

Paul: Did I? We should all wear a scarf for our hair.
Savvy: I don't want it to get messed up.
Paul: What are you doing out here? Isn't it far from where you live?
Savvy: Um, well, not really. I go shopping here when I need things.
Paul: Oh.
Savvy: So have you heard anything from that girl you were seeing?
Paul: No and I hope I never do. What was I thinking? She just turned 39 and is gonna be 40 next year. What an old hag. I went out with a girl last night who is 22. She's a stripper.
Savvy: Last night huh?
Paul: Yeah. What did you do?
Savvy: I had a date.
Paul: Did you send me the same text message twice. It was exactly the same wording.
Savvy: Yes. I was busy.
Paul: It looked like the same message, exactly. Did you have fun?
Savvy: It was OK.
Paul: Do you ever talk to the other Paul?
Savvy: Well, I sorta stopped talking to him because he wanted to use my out of state phone number to get out of a contract by saying he had moved. I didn't feel comfortable.
Paul: Let me show you what happened when I call. I always get this message.
Savvy: Well he did say that he might actually move. I guess he did.

Dude, let it go.

I was out with friends and a guy I met started talking about a really nice friend of his who had his heart broken by some girl. He put me on the phone with him because that girl was there with us. We talked and exchanged numbers. He said he thought I was really nice. Then I figured out he was the guy in the red shirt. Why did I make another excuse when I remembered who he was? He wasn't having an off DAY, he is just socially off. Creepy. Someone had to step in and tell him to stop calling that 39 year old. I remember listening to him obsesses about her, hearing every gory detail about what a tease she was sleeping in her thong and how little he slept that night he stayed over.

Paul: I just feel like calling her and asking her why she changed her mind.
Savvy: Don't do it. Keep not calling her.
Paul: Keep not calling her. I like that.

It was like it was the first time he ever heard of the concept.

Returning to the present, we neared where we had left, I was ready to say goodbye.
Paul: You know you can call me anytime.
Savvy: Thanks. And have fun going out with your stripper.
Paul: I don't know, it's alot of drama with them.
Savvy: OK, then don't. See ya. Have fun with the car.
Paul: I would say that the game was a draw.
Savvy: I wouldn't.

I think I am like an Edward Gory Gashlycrumb Tiny.

Find me along with
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
S is for Savvy who went out with a rake..um, OK, not deadly.
Just very uncomfortable.

I love comments!


Mr.M said...


I'm confused, how did numbers get exchanged in the first place?

SavvyD said...

Through the mutual friend that we were talking about not being able to reach. But seriously, what a tool, eh?

SavvyD said...

OK, I fixed it, now I explain where the phone number exchange comes in.

MarkyMark said...

You complain about what Paul does, yet you went out with Trainer as a backup? Trainer was your 'second choice'; how do you think that made HIM feel? No guy likes being settled for.

SavvyD said...

Marky Mark,

You obviously didn't read "The Last Minute Man's Failed Attempt"

Trainer called ME at the very last minute to ask if I was available. At the time I thought I had a date. 30 minutes later, Paul canceled. I called Trainer back. Trainer had seduction in mind for me.

Why should I EVEN CARE?

MarkyMark said...


What I can't understand is why you're having problems meeting a guy. You're a chick; you have it easy! All you have to do is sit back, let the offers roll in, and figure out which ones to accept. How hard can that be?!

As a woman, you have the power to decide whether or not a relationship will begin. You have the power to decide when or if it'll move on to the next stage. YOU have all the choice, which begs the question: how are you exercising your power of choice, hmmm?

Though I haven't read your entire blog, I've read enough to discern that you ARE meeting guys; it's just that you're not meeting the right guys. Why is this? Have you ever asked yourself this? The common denominator in your trials & tribulations is YOU...

Oh, and did you ever contact the lady bloggers I recommended? You know, the ones who married young, and lead a lifestyle which you SAY you want to lead also? I have two simple rules when seeking advice on how to do something: 1) find someone who's done what I want to do; and 2) someone who's done it WELL. If marriage to a man of like faith is what you seek, then why not seek the counsel of Godly ladies who are LIVING the life you say you want? Seems to me that this would be a wise course of action. If you want a couple of links, I'll send 'em to you.

Oh, and one more thing: don't try finding the right person; try BEING the right person! What do I mean by that? Let me put it to you this way: if you were a guy, would you marry SavvyD? Would you want her as a wife? Why or why not? IOW, are you good WIFE material? If not, then what steps must you take to be good wife material?

I don't know what else to say. Seems to me that you could meet and marry someone if you really wanted to. Again, what's the COMMON DENOMINATOR here? I know that this is difficult to face, but face it you must. If you want to get married, you can. Time waits for no man-or woman...


SavvyD said...

I don't know why you think girls have it so easy.

weak argument. The blame game does not make anyone these days feel any better or help anyone at all.

Let's not forget alot of guys don't want to wait for sex, just want a date for sex, never want to marry, are MGTOW or Roissy's disciples. There are alot of wrong people out there. You have to meet the right person at the right time. This dude was WEIRD and I'm better off without him.

I'm seriously on the lookout for a really nice guy, its really easy to meet jerks because they are the ones who aren't afraid to approach.

SavvyD said...

Also, this guy wasn't really ever a date. I think you missed something.

MarkyMark said...


What you have to remember is that, when nice guys DO approach, they were shot down when they did so. Some gal misled him into thinking that an approach was desired, when all she REALLY wanted was her ego puffed up. IOW, a gal isn't really interested in the good guy, but she'll flirt and do other things to make him think that she IS interested. He'll act on these false signals, only to get shot down in flames. Well, after this happens a few times, a guy gets suspicious of any girl showing interest. You gals need to shame and call out your sisters who do this.

Secondly, the reason you see a rise in jerks and players is simple: because, on the whole, THAT is what chicks are responding to! If gals (I'm talking in the aggregate here) rewarded good guys over bad boys & players, you can bet your bippy that you'd have more good guys to choose from. However, since chicks want jerks, more guys are becoming jerks; it's not that complicated.

Thirdly, good gals HAVE to do more to distinguish themselves! An observation that I and other guys have made is that good gals do not do enough to distinguish themselves from the bad girls. They dress alike. They talk the same. They do the same things. From a distance, how am I, a man, to distinguish between the two? If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck-well, you know the rest.

Finally, my question was never answered; why not contact GODLY, married young ladies your age, and ask them how they did it? If THAT is your aim, why not learn from someone who's DONE what you're seeking to do? Their example has shown that what you want can be accomplished; why not LEARN from their example?


Kathy Farrelly said...

"Though I haven't read your entire blog, I've read enough to discern that you ARE meeting guys; it's just that you're not meeting the right guys. Why is this? Have you ever asked yourself this? The common denominator in your trials & tribulations is YOU..."

Sorry Savvy, but Mark hits the nail on the head here.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why you even met with him after you remembered who he was. He seems to immediately not be suitable.

Anonymous said...

I'm interested in seeing the answer to this question:

"Let me put it to you this way: if you were a guy, would you marry SavvyD? Would you want her as a wife? Why or why not? IOW, are you good WIFE material? If not, then what steps must you take to be good wife material?"

Mr.M said...

Mark -

Lol, whats with the lashing out at our blog host? I don't ever like to "white knight" at all, but that did seem over the top/out of nowhere. Maybe I've missed some prior exchanges. I will say as an observation...I lived in LA for 5 years, everybody's fukt up over there anyway.

SD (or both) -

Yes, women have the ability to decide whether a man's approach is successful or not.

However, they do not control who approaches them (to an extent). That said, not every girl gets the type of guys they want, even if their expectations aren't of the alpha male. Why? Beauty (imo, weight) is the primary factor of the equation. Not everybody is petite (thanks standard american diet).

Further, each gender has to learn about what attracts, and keeps, the other. It isn't a one sided deal. Ie: Only men need to learn game *OR* Only women need to stop being alpha-chasing, grrl power bitches, and love the betas as they are.

I don't think its easy being a man at all in this day and age (obvious reasons). On the flip note, I don't think its easy being a female either. Both genders have been force-fed the feminist bullshit from the cradle, so what we have are a bunch of pussy men and overbearing women.

Both sides need to work on their shit.

MarkyMark said...


If you want more information about the game I talked about in my last, as of yet unpublished, comment, you can learn more about Rapo, a game girls play nowadays. After a guy's been through that, his view of women will not, shall we say, be charitable...


SavvyD said...

Professor Hale, I wasn't looking at him to be a "date" or a boyfriend once I remembered who he was. It was more the wondering if I really did have the right impression and getting caught up in the surprise factor of him not being able to remember me.

SavvyD said...

Mr. M is right, I can't control who approaches. If I accept a date with someone I don't know, I have to observe who they are and decide if they are worth another meeting.

Trainer--I had no idea what his plans were until I got there. He had invited me hiking the past two times. I had no idea what his intentions were until I showed up.

Kathy, et, al. If it were JUST ME as the problem, then there wouldn't be any interest in books like why He Didn't Call You Back--which I wrote about.

SavvyD said...


whether or not a woman becomes anyone's wife rests on whether or not she meets the right man at the right time who wants the same thing and there is enough attraction between them. I've gone out with guys who I didn't kiss at the end of the date and I never heard from them again. Sometimes we were on the date and just weren't a match--he was atheist, still married, not quite divorced, another religion, said things that offended me, or I didn't feel that we were a match.

SavvyD said...

Marky--some men play rather vicious games themselves.

MarkyMark said...


Number one, we're not talking about guys' games. Number two, good guys won't play games; the ones you purport to seek shouldn't anyway. I was simply giving you a good guy's POV as to why good guys aren't approaching you. I was simply giving information that I THOUGHT you might find useful.


SavvyD said...

1--if you talk about women's games it opens the doors to discuss men's games. You also posted a link to an article. My response to the author bringing up Potiphar's wife? Tamar was lured to a relative's chambers under the auspices of taking care of him. He raped her. Sometimes it really is because the man raped the woman. Not every woman is flirting with a man when she is just being kind, some men don't get this.

2--"Good guys" don't approach for a variety of reasons. Some are too shy. Some might not be that good.

3--the purpose of this story was to show that I was right and should trust my instincts about a person and not give them a benefit of a doubt that they just had a bad day. I think I'm too naive.

4--your blog spews alot of hatred toward women. I have a hard time accepting that and then having you say you are a "good guy".

SavvyD said...

From Marky Marks blog:

I used to wonder what I was doing wrong. After all, I was the common denominator in my relationship failures; naturally, I took a hard look at myself. I found some things that needed changing, and I changed them. Even after doing that, I STILL struck out!

If you believe this about yourself why would you leave a comment about this on my blog? I used to wonder what I was doing wrong. After all, I was the common denominator in my relationship failures; naturally, I took a hard look at myself. I found some things that needed changing, and I changed them. Even after doing that, I STILL struck out!

If you believe this about yourself why would you leave a comment about this on my blog? I've spent hours reading books, attending church and attending Bible studies and trying to be more Godly and more wifely. I've tried any number of things--the internet, going to coffee, losing weight, etc. and nothing seems to work.

BeltainAmerica said...

Damn... OK Savvy here is a hug -> /HUG

I think your a wonderful woman. Your open minded and yet value history and tradition. Those are just the two things I can tell from your blog and from the other blogs you visit.

Your problem at least from my limited information position is that you are looking for something that isn't there.

Now it's been some 7 years since I traveled alot especially to the coast either East or West but I cannot imagine the kind of man you are looking for to be numerous in LA or Seattle or New York etc. Men like you want were eaten alive before they could even become what you are looking for.

You need to search fly-over country I think. There are still some guys in the Mid-West that I think would fit what you are looking for.

My impression of what you are looking for are older values therefore why look for them where time has hit the hardest?

Just my thought mostly formulated from the comments and not your actual blog post.

Kathy Farrelly said...

To be frank Savvy, the title of your post " It's you? What the fuck?" is the sort of thing that may be a turn off for some men.

I know that f**k is a word that is freely tossed about these days.. But when one hears a woman utter that word!! Ugh! Call me old fashioned, but I was brought up to believe that a nice girl never used such language.
Whilst you may not have uttered the word yourself, you were quite happy to use the word emblazoned on a post of yours.

I think perhaps you are trying too hard..Men can sense this,(desperation) and it's a turn off.
Just go with the flow sister.

Be true to yourself..
Things will work out in the end!

MarkyMark said...


Beltain has offered WISE counsel...


SavvyD said...


The person who SAID that was PAUL! Ergo the title.

And BTW I'm not trying to get a date through my blog.

I keep a blog to WRITE.

Mr.M said...

Haha, you guys are funny.

"Move to the mid-west to find a husband."

"Your failure to find a good man is your entirely your fault."

"Go talk to those women who are married and figure out how they did it and emulate appropriately."

Relax! Here's the best advice for you:

Go for a walk everyday and sometimes do mild to high effort activities (sprint, weights, whatever).

Eat better.

Smile at guys who look your way, appear approachable. Be amiable.

Go get 'em, tiger.

Adam F said...

Wow Sav, sounds like you have a lot of Leykis 101 students giving you advice on this one... again...lol. I wish I knew some nice single guys. Most of the single guys I know are either socially inept or jerks. Neither will do for you. Actually what surprises me is the men that go out of the way to pay you a compliment and then disappear. It's like a batter walking of field before the first pitch is thrown. I say take a year off and let your shoulder and ankle mend properly and start up again down the line.