I was trying to call someone I had met about singing with his band for a guest spot. The drummer is a former classmate.
Paul: I was just returning your phone call.
Savvy: Oh, awesome. Did you listen to my message?
Paul: No, but that's OK. What's going on?
Savvy: I thought we could meet up and talk about stuff.
Paul: Sure thing.
Savvy: I'm trying to think of a place to meet, where you can bring your guitar.
Paul: If you want me to bring my guitar, then you've got the wrong guy.
Savvy: This is Paul, right?
How do I get into these situations?
Savvy: Ummm...So how do we know each other if you aren't in the band?
Paul: I'm not sure, but let's just go out anyway.
Savvy: I don't know. Are you a nice guy?
Paul: I'm a very nice guy. I have alot to offer the right girl.
Savvy: What do you see us doing?
Paul: I just got a new car last night--a white convertible BMW. We can go for a drive on Mulholland, we can go to Santa Monica; anything you want to do.
Savvy: I'm just trying to figure out when we met.
Paul: Well, we must have exchanged phone numbers at one time so there must have been some attraction.
Savvy: Can you send me a picture of yourself? I still just don't remember you. What do you look like?
Paul: I'm about 5'10", handsome, I work out at the gym every day so I'm really muscular. How about you?
Savvy: Short, cute, green eyes, curly blond hair, more to love right now.
Paul: Sounds familiar. How about I give you a call tomorrow and we figure something out.
Savvy: OK, You'll send me a picture then.
Savvy: What's your last name?
He told me and I ran it through my head for two days. I thought about it at stoplights. I thought about it and wondered if this was going to be something great. I wondered if I should really do this when I really wanted to be with Seattle and he hadn't left yet--but Seattle hadn't asked me for my time. Paul called me again.
Paul: I'm guessing you're in your 20s from you voice.
Savvy: Oh just so you know...I'm 40 and I weigh 400 lbs.
Savvy: nooooo....I'm 50 and I weigh 300 lbs, but you gave me your phone number anyways.
Paul: You're really funny.
Savvy: Funny looking, too. Nothing can stop love, though.
Paul: Well, we must have found each other attractive at one time.
Savvy: Yep, so why worry. Except that I lied, I really weigh 350.
Later, like an electric shock, I gasped. It hit me who he was. The day I met him, I stuck up a conversation with him:
Savvy: Hey, I really like your shirt.
Savvy: Let's have a seat and talk.
Savvy: So, tell me about yourself and that cool shirt of yours.
Paul: You seem really cool, but I'm thinking I should ask out that girl over there because she's totally hot.
Savvy: Oh, she's totally hot?
Paul: Yeah, just look at her.
Savvy: Oh, you mean Michelle who has a boyfriend?
Paul: I'll ask her anyway.
Savvy: Um, hey, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.
I didn't go back. I tried to be gracious to him and got an earful about some other girl. I can guarantee you he didn't walk out with ANYONE'S number. But I am an eternal optimist. Maybe he was having a bad night.
He then canceled our impending date via text.
Paul: Let's reschedule. I'm wiped out.
Savvy: I drove all the way out here for you. Would coffee help?
Paul: I'm taking a nap.
Riiight. A nap on a Friday night. I hate last minute cancellations...that's how I ended up going out with Trainer at the last minute. He also tried texting and calling several times during the evening when I was out with Trainer as if would actually go out with someone who had already inconvenienced me for the evening. As if I would even pick up! I thought to cancel the whole thing, but I like to see things to fruition. I called him and we decided to meet in a town near both of us.
Savvy: I remembered who you are, by the way.
Paul: So where did we meet.
Savvy: It was a year ago.
Paul: That's a long time.
Savvy: Yep and that's all I'm going to tell you because I want it to be a surprise.
Paul: I'm on my way. I have to take a shower first.
Savvy: Ummm...OK I guess.
Paul: Oh yeah, I have a peg leg and a hook arm...and a huge stye.
I rolled my eyes, it was too late for that.
He was two hours late. It was annoying.
I wore dark sunglasses, red lipstick and a scarf to keep my hair from blowing all over the place.
Paul: I'm here. Can you peek out?
Savvy: No. You have to come all the way around.
Paul: Come on, the game is going to be up in about 60 seconds.
Savvy: Then you have to wait 60 more seconds and park.
Paul: Can you see me?
Savvy: Yes, just a second.
I walked out side with a smile. He looked at me with a flattened affect. His expression didn't change.
Paul: It's you? What the fuck?
Savvy: Wow, what a sweet thing to say.
Paul: Why didn't you just tell me it was you?
Savvy: I don't know I thought it would be a fun surprise. So are we going somewhere?
Paul: Yes, the earth is rotating on its axis and around the sun, we're going somewhere.
Savvy: I meant in the car. You talked about going on Mulhulland and showing off your new car.
I moved a banana peel that he had placed on the brand new white leather seats. What idiot does that?
Paul: Did I? We should all wear a scarf for our hair.
Savvy: I don't want it to get messed up.
Paul: What are you doing out here? Isn't it far from where you live?
Savvy: Um, well, not really. I go shopping here when I need things.
Savvy: So have you heard anything from that girl you were seeing?
Paul: No and I hope I never do. What was I thinking? She just turned 39 and is gonna be 40 next year. What an old hag. I went out with a girl last night who is 22. She's a stripper.
Savvy: Last night huh?
Paul: Yeah. What did you do?
Savvy: I had a date.
Paul: Did you send me the same text message twice. It was exactly the same wording.
Savvy: Yes. I was busy.
Paul: It looked like the same message, exactly. Did you have fun?
Savvy: It was OK.
Paul: Do you ever talk to the other Paul?
Savvy: Well, I sorta stopped talking to him because he wanted to use my out of state phone number to get out of a contract by saying he had moved. I didn't feel comfortable.
Paul: Let me show you what happened when I call. I always get this message.
Savvy: Well he did say that he might actually move. I guess he did.
Dude, let it go.
I was out with friends and a guy I met started talking about a really nice friend of his who had his heart broken by some girl. He put me on the phone with him because that girl was there with us. We talked and exchanged numbers. He said he thought I was really nice. Then I figured out he was the guy in the red shirt. Why did I make another excuse when I remembered who he was? He wasn't having an off DAY, he is just socially off. Creepy. Someone had to step in and tell him to stop calling that 39 year old. I remember listening to him obsesses about her, hearing every gory detail about what a tease she was sleeping in her thong and how little he slept that night he stayed over.
Paul: I just feel like calling her and asking her why she changed her mind.
Savvy: Don't do it. Keep not calling her.
Paul: Keep not calling her. I like that.
It was like it was the first time he ever heard of the concept.
Returning to the present, we neared where we had left, I was ready to say goodbye.
Paul: You know you can call me anytime.
Savvy: Thanks. And have fun going out with your stripper.
Paul: I don't know, it's alot of drama with them.
Savvy: OK, then don't. See ya. Have fun with the car.
Paul: I would say that the game was a draw.
Savvy: I wouldn't.
I think I am like an Edward Gory Gashlycrumb Tiny.
Find me along with
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
S is for Savvy who went out with a rake..um, OK, not deadly.
Just very uncomfortable.
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