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Friday, August 21, 2009

F R U S T R A T E D

I am frustrated. Not just any old frustrated, life altering frustrated. Outrageously angsty. F R U S T R A T E D. I narrowly dodged an accident and still ended up with whiplash. This gave me some serious feeling of panic because it's my 3rd whiplash injury in 3 years, and other complications. I'm finally off anti depressants and I feel different. In some ways better. In some ways concerned. I am finally losing weight because I am off of it, but I'm frustrated that I gained 30 lbs though I have lost 6 of it. There was some to lose before the 30 I started talking about. It takes time...

I need a new hobby. I'm totally out of shape. Seriously, going to the gym is one of the loneliest things you can do. Maybe I really do need to find a hobby though I scoffed at it before. Salsa dancing, swing dancing...those are out. Though the only ones I can think of are solitary ones--going to the gym, reading, even blogging. All solitary.

I just reconnected with my very first best friend, not solitary. We ran around Old Town having lunch, eating cupcakes, having a drink with a friend of hers, running around to different places that have organic gardens and grilling a squash that she grew. There is a great ease of being with someone who accepts you no matter what. .

I want to go up to Seattle. I'm afraid I've shared too much and felt too much for someone I barely met before leaving. Being kind of in this new weird mood, I doubt myself. As I wrote this this, they discussed the "Seattle Amnesia Mystery Man." How strange. As I wrote him an email, Seattle appeared on TV.

I have a deposition and mediation coming up for an accident I was involved in, the memories of which give me the heebie jeebies. I got whacked in the head while salsa dancing at an ex friend's house. In truth, I've been a bit off ever since. And that goes back to the beginning of the post.

There is a place in my heart where only God can exist and designer shoes and purses cannot fill that void--believe me, I've tried.

This month I will finally pay my bills off. Yeah! It's the silver lining in all the clouds.

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