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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Sister Savvy of the Hell No!

Can you imagine me as a nun? Apparently after I sang an amazingly anointed Ave Maria, one of the the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus can! When the subject of my advanced state of singleness came up, Sweet Sister Mary Margaret was happy to help...

Sister: We have many young adults who help lead the teen group. Perhaps you'd meet someone if you got involved.
Savvy: Umm, well, I've tried pretty much everything to meet someone.
Sister: And you have such a pretty face...
MyMom: That's what we've been trying to tell her.

Yah, and my friends, too. Still no boyfriend, husband, etc.

Savvy: Thank you Sister.
Sister: Perhaps it's a sign from God.
Savvy: I hope not!
Sister: We have a special class called Handmaidens for spiritual direction.
Savvy: That sounds lovely.
(for them)
Sister: We'd love for you to come.
Savvy: I'm not completely Catholic...
Sister: Weren't you Baptised?
Savvy: Umm, yes. By Baptists. And then I went to RCIA.
Sister: So, you aren't practicing.
Savvy: Ummm, I am, now. It's just that I'm more comfortable with the protestant faith.
Sister: It's not what you're more comfortable with, it's what will get you into heaven.
Savvy: Umm...
Sister: Protestants only have bread, but we have the whole pizza pie with anchovies, mushrooms, cheese and pepperoni.

(For those who don't know, Catholics believe that the Eucharist IS transformed into the ACTUAL body and blood of Christ.)

Savvy: I don't like anchovies or mushrooms.
Sister: Spiritually speaking...
Savvy: Umm, well, make it BBQ chicken like CPK and we might have a deal.
Sister: I hope you will come to the class. There's no obligation to become a sister.
Savvy: It's on the website, right?
Sister: I'm not sure what the address is, let me find out.
Savvy: I know I don't want to be a sister.
Sister: Come anyway.
Savvy: I want to get married and have children.
Sister: If you are to be a wife and mother, you also must be spiritual. The right kind of men are looking for that.
Savvy: True. That's what they tell me.
Sister: You have until you are 50 to have children and there are many children who need homes. Don't be impatient, it causes physical illness.
Savvy: Yes, Sister.
Sister: And don't wear too much makeup. Men don't like it.

She touched my face. I wasn't wearing much makeup--sheer foundation, eyeliner, mascara and a bit of subtle eyeshadow.

Savvy: Yes, Sister.
Sister: In the meantime, make sure you say the rosary for your future husband. Oh, and do a novena.


She handed me a piece of paper with the information written on it.
Savvy: Thank you, Sister.

I wish I had distracted her by saying I saw an image of Mary in the leftover cake pieces. Nuns aren't known for being subtle or having great social skills. After all, they spend most of the day in silent contemplation because talking is considered frivolous. I wanted to tell her that an inspired Ave Maria and advanced stage of singleness are not signs of a calling. They are just indicators of a great talent and an even greater social ill.

This is what I get for having joked about becoming a nun at the age of 14 when I first became aware of boys and realized that I didn't have a boyfriend.

Can you even imagine me in that Handmaidens class? They'd have to call me Sister Mary of the Constant Cutup -- or Sister Martha of the Perpetually Moving Mouth. I'd be talking at the back of the class, looking around the room during prayer and handing out cards saying, Here, read my blog. It will scare you into being a nun if you have the least inclination or calling.

As for me, I have NONE. Get it? It's a play on words. NONE/NUN. hahahahaha!

My prayer request at the class:
Dear Sweet Jesus, Mary Joseph and ALL the saints please send me a husband fricken soon!

Then again, what if I did the "Yes Man" thing and went...
(PS The sister depicted is from another order, but it's a great picture.)

I love comments!

10 comments:

Novaseeker said...

I've met quite a few smart-mouthed nuns when I was younger, but they don't seem to be becoming nuns these days -- not very many women *are* becoming nuns.

I have to say, though, that I can't picture you as a nun.

SavvyD said...

I was going to also write about her ceremony and its significance. She has more freedom than many nuns because she felt a sense of calling about studying speech therapy and she is honoring God through that.

Is it that I have a picture of me kissing Kermit?

Novaseeker said...

Eh, most nuns I have known are, generally speaking, not women who have seemed to have been very interested in men, per se.

SavvyD said...

My friend who took the leap had been engaged two times. At least two of the nuns had stunning eyes. And others qualified as cute by any standard.

vanover521 said...

hey. found you through 20sb and seriously, you are hilarious. i see so much of myself in you and it's comforting. you remind me that it's ok to be a Christian and be slightly off the wall. i'll definitely be stopping by again.

and from what i've read on your blog, no, i could NOT see you as a nun. at. all.

SavvyD said...

vanover521--I exist for YOU! You are the cream in my coffee, the chip in my chocolcate chip cookie and the cheese in my macaroni!!

singlelutheran said...

When I was growing up classmates would ask me if I was going to become a nun, just because I was religious (I always mentioned that I wasn't Catholic). Because of this your entry was very entertaining. I actually did a report/project on Nuns in college and learned a lot about them.

Some of my single friends from college and I will joke that we're going to become "Lutheran Nuns" because we cannot see to find anyone either.

I agree with some of the other comments, I cannot see you as a nun either.

BeltainAmerica said...

Wonder what happened with the popes visit to "reset" the nuns in America?

I was speaking with a catholic friend the other day and he seemed to think it was a big deal and that the current nuns had become so out of touch and feministic that the church had to do something.

I once read that if a nun gets a love letter (prolly depends on order) they were suppose to put it on display in the common room of the nunnery. So if you choose to join the sisters Savvy let me know and I will write you one to keep the other sisters entertained :)

SavvyD said...

I have no idea what happened with the Pope. Nuns at their very core are feminist in a way. They forgo family in favor of a life of service, prayer, education and achievement-- but they know they are set apart by choice and it's a special and beautiful calling ( One I don't have)so unlike the manhating that happens today.

You can still write me a love letter. ;)

Enbrethiliel said...

+JMJ+

If you don't mind the Catholic edge, Savvy, why don't you try this traditional prayer:

"Good St. Anne, send me a man!"

(St. Anne is the mother of Mary.)