Can you imagine me as a nun? Apparently after I sang an amazingly anointed Ave Maria, one of the the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus can! When the subject of my advanced state of singleness came up, Sweet Sister Mary Margaret was happy to help...
Sister: We have many young adults who help lead the teen group. Perhaps you'd meet someone if you got involved.
Savvy: Umm, well, I've tried pretty much everything to meet someone.
Sister: And you have such a pretty face...
MyMom: That's what we've been trying to tell her.
Yah, and my friends, too. Still no boyfriend, husband, etc.
Savvy: Thank you Sister.
Sister: Perhaps it's a sign from God.
Savvy: I hope not!
Sister: We have a special class called Handmaidens for spiritual direction.
Savvy: That sounds lovely. (for them)
Sister: We'd love for you to come.
Savvy: I'm not completely Catholic...
Sister: Weren't you Baptised?
Savvy: Umm, yes. By Baptists. And then I went to RCIA.
Sister: So, you aren't practicing.
Savvy: Ummm, I am, now. It's just that I'm more comfortable with the protestant faith.
Sister: It's not what you're more comfortable with, it's what will get you into heaven.
Sister: Protestants only have bread, but we have the whole pizza pie with anchovies, mushrooms, cheese and pepperoni.
(For those who don't know, Catholics believe that the Eucharist IS transformed into the ACTUAL body and blood of Christ.)
Savvy: I don't like anchovies or mushrooms.
Sister: Spiritually speaking...
Savvy: Umm, well, make it BBQ chicken like CPK and we might have a deal.
Sister: I hope you will come to the class. There's no obligation to become a sister.
Savvy: It's on the website, right?
Sister: I'm not sure what the address is, let me find out.
Savvy: I know I don't want to be a sister.
Sister: Come anyway.
Savvy: I want to get married and have children.
Sister: If you are to be a wife and mother, you also must be spiritual. The right kind of men are looking for that.
Savvy: True. That's what they tell me.
Sister: You have until you are 50 to have children and there are many children who need homes. Don't be impatient, it causes physical illness.
Savvy: Yes, Sister.
Sister: And don't wear too much makeup. Men don't like it.
She touched my face. I wasn't wearing much makeup--sheer foundation, eyeliner, mascara and a bit of subtle eyeshadow.
Savvy: Yes, Sister.
Sister: In the meantime, make sure you say the rosary for your future husband. Oh, and do a novena.
She handed me a piece of paper with the information written on it.
Savvy: Thank you, Sister.
I wish I had distracted her by saying I saw an image of Mary in the leftover cake pieces. Nuns aren't known for being subtle or having great social skills. After all, they spend most of the day in silent contemplation because talking is considered frivolous. I wanted to tell her that an inspired Ave Maria and advanced stage of singleness are not signs of a calling. They are just indicators of a great talent and an even greater social ill.
This is what I get for having joked about becoming a nun at the age of 14 when I first became aware of boys and realized that I didn't have a boyfriend.
Can you even imagine me in that Handmaidens class? They'd have to call me Sister Mary of the Constant Cutup -- or Sister Martha of the Perpetually Moving Mouth. I'd be talking at the back of the class, looking around the room during prayer and handing out cards saying, Here, read my blog. It will scare you into being a nun if you have the least inclination or calling.
As for me, I have NONE. Get it? It's a play on words. NONE/NUN. hahahahaha!
My prayer request at the class:
Dear Sweet Jesus, Mary Joseph and ALL the saints please send me a husband fricken soon!
Then again, what if I did the "Yes Man" thing and went...
(PS The sister depicted is from another order, but it's a great picture.)
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