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Thursday, July 30, 2009

Sex--Bachelorette Puts Too Much Pressure on the First Time

Watching the Bachelorette the other night bothered me. Actually it bothered me before. It used to be the way of things to get to know someone sexually AFTER marriage. It was a seal and sign to the verbal oaths of marriage. No one expected it to be perfect from the first time. Fast forward to 2009 and if it's not perfect the first time, you are out on your ear. I couldn't believe that the Bachelorette was talking about her beaus down to what happened in the bedroom. One was great and the other left her wondering if it shouldn't have been better--on national television. What?

The funny thing about women is that they need recovery time in between sexual events (even with the same partner). How they respond is also dependent on the timing of where they are in their cycle. I've always believed that sex, like any other physical activity, can be learned over time. Being a natural at it is a bonus, but it shouldn't be a primary requirement--and certainly not on the first time. Maybe I'm naive about it because I don't do it with every guy I go out with. OK, none of them.

I know of a woman who turned her back on her marriage to her high school sweetheart because it was always the same in the bedroom--other than that, things were great. I try not to talk about this with her because it seems like a complete waste. The only real requirements should be attraction to your partner, good grooming, fresh breath, and a willingness to please your partner within reason. And no, having sex early in the relationship does not guarantee real attraction or great sex later in the relationship. But good communication skills and a marriage in which both partners are honored will definitely help with that.

I love comments!

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope that woman enjoys her old age lone with her cats.

Female sexual purity is now nearly impossible to find. We've discussed this before, of course.

Us average Joes may as well forget any chance of a normal marriage based on love and mutual respect. The pop culture machine has so thoroughly corrupted the majority of female minds that us guys will never satisfy the limitless list of female demands.

Don't misunderstand; these women are COMPLETELY free to hold to this standard. Most will not collect the pot of gold, however, since there are simply not that many 'dream guys' around.

So, the female dreamers will be left with the ugly outcome that dreamers often reap.

I was never looking for my 'dream girl'. Personally, when people talk about their dream home, dream job, dream boy/girlfriend, I want to slap them into next week. I just wanted a girl who was average looking, sweet, and had saved herself for marriage.

Who/what started all this 'dream' nonsense anyway? Go to some third world country and see how few people get anything in life, let alone their dreams. Dreams and fantasies are for children, which describes a large percentage of American Women.

Slaves to their lusts and their lists, they have lost all sense of accountability and perspective.

Novaseeker said...

I think it's because or many people nowadays, test driving the other person sexually is just as important as knowing anything else about them, because the ability to sexually please has now become one of the most important selection criteria, as you can see from what she said there.

Sex is important in a marriage, but from my perspective it's more along the lines of what you said -- it's more about regularity, constancy, opennness and consideration for your spouse. Rather than being a gymnast in the bedroom.

But ... for many people, alas, this is not the case. We shouldn't be surprised when the culture is so coarse -- the supermarket checkout magazines scream with headlines about orgasms and X number of things to blow his mind in bed and so on. The culture has been inundated with the message that high levels of sexual performance and satisfaction are one of the most important parts of life, and so it's not surprising that this has become a very important selection criteria for some women.

Anonymous said...

You might find this blog post interesting -
http://www.adivorcedwoman.com/2009/07/less-than-a-bump-a-grind.html

SavvyD said...

Well, some of us who aren't holding out for some pipe dream of perfection are also having a hard time. Anon, I know some really supernice girls at church. But yes, some of them are really young.

Is it really about men being afraid of being trapped in a sexless marriage? That's what I've heard from some of my male friends. One was in a marriage where the woman thought he would be a good father and really wanted children. She never thought about his feelings or his needs. Really sad. He's an awesome guy. A bit lost right now and not practicing his faith, but it will fall back into place eventually for him.

Ms. G said...

First, I have to say I was really embarrassed for that poor guy. Even though she picked him, his performance business was announced on live TV. Additionally, the pressure put on these people to actually fall in love, which I am not sure how that can happen given the circumstances. I mean they do have to go back to the real world that does not consist of a corporation planning the most romantic scenarios possible. The whole show bothers me.

Paula S said...

I'm not overly religious but I do agree with you about the Bachelorette discussing such intimate things about dating these guys on National TV. I'm pretty open-minded but it certainly made me very uncomfortable. And to make a big deal about Ed not being able to perform! Are they kidding me! Honestly, is nothing private and personal anymore? I'm not necessarily saying that a woman need to wait until she gets married, but I also don't think that you should judge your future husband on how well he performs in bed. Sex is something that is ever-changing in a relationship and the couple has to explore, grow and change with it. I really liked your blog post. Thank you for allowing me to comment.

vanover521 said...

i wish i knew what to say to this. but i really don't. i'm actually speechless.

Anonymous said...

Asking a man if he is afraid of being in a sexless marriage is like asking a woman if she is afraid of being trapped in an emotionless marriage, or an affectionless marriage.

When a woman offers herself sexually to a guy and to HIM ONLY, it is the highest validation that she can give.

SavvyD said...

They put it under the guise of her talking to her sister, but seriously, on television? They dressed her in fine gowns and made it seem like she had some actual class. I would wait to discuss that stuff until there was no on around. Doesn't anybody blush anymore?

SavvyD said...

And definitely, the show bothers me. How can you enjoy just having coffee or taking a walk when having the camera around or flying in a helicopter helped create some of those feelings.

SavvyD said...

anon--I totally agree, and yet I can't tell you how many times men have asked me to have sex with them when there is no emotion involved. It upsets me.

MarkyMark said...

And you wonder why I rail against women & relationships like I do? The Bachelorette is Exhibit A as to why; that encapsulates the mentality of American women...

SavvyD said...

MarkyMark--there's plenty to rail against. I thought it was disgusting. The Bachelor is equally bad. I don't watch either show except for the ending.

Certainly I don't agree with it, nor do many of my friends. I'm pretty disgusted with the way people ask me to conduct my relationships. I'd rather take poison than do that.

Anonymous said...

And I'm sorry, but that NOSE.

What makes a girl with a honker like that she's all that and a bag of chips?

It's getting so that the only attribute necessary to qualify as 'hot' is that a girl isn't fat.

She is average with a capital "C".

MarkyMark said...

SavvyD,

I don't own a TV, and I've never seen a single episode of most modern shows. When I want to watch a race, I can usually do it from right here on my computer... :)

MarkyMark

SavvyD said...

Hotness is a combination of many factors. Me personally, I'll take a pleasant face and an average body any day.

I'm thinking about doing a little piece on the first Miss America competition to show how the beauty standard has changed.

Marky--no TV? that's almost feral.

Anonymous said...

Marky Mark; sadly Jillian is Canadian. A disgrace to us all.