Watching the Bachelorette the other night bothered me. Actually it bothered me before. It used to be the way of things to get to know someone sexually AFTER marriage. It was a seal and sign to the verbal oaths of marriage. No one expected it to be perfect from the first time. Fast forward to 2009 and if it's not perfect the first time, you are out on your ear. I couldn't believe that the Bachelorette was talking about her beaus down to what happened in the bedroom. One was great and the other left her wondering if it shouldn't have been better--on national television. What?
The funny thing about women is that they need recovery time in between sexual events (even with the same partner). How they respond is also dependent on the timing of where they are in their cycle. I've always believed that sex, like any other physical activity, can be learned over time. Being a natural at it is a bonus, but it shouldn't be a primary requirement--and certainly not on the first time. Maybe I'm naive about it because I don't do it with every guy I go out with. OK, none of them.
I know of a woman who turned her back on her marriage to her high school sweetheart because it was always the same in the bedroom--other than that, things were great. I try not to talk about this with her because it seems like a complete waste. The only real requirements should be attraction to your partner, good grooming, fresh breath, and a willingness to please your partner within reason. And no, having sex early in the relationship does not guarantee real attraction or great sex later in the relationship. But good communication skills and a marriage in which both partners are honored will definitely help with that.
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