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Monday, July 13, 2009

No Man On This Earth Is Going To Wait

Seattle has gone on his way to Seattle. I've been tearing up partly because I'm sad over this, and partly because I went to court and was trampled by the cop who actually showed. Darn! I ended up at happy hour talking to some friends who are divorced with kids. We discussed 2 things we shouldn't--religion and sex. The only time I was ever with someone we waited 5 months.

Pops: No man on this earth is going to wait 5 months!He then got up and sat by himself rather than sit anywhere near me. Is what he said true?

As a few of you may recall, this is the same man who said dicey things to me when I was in tears over Bass.
Pops: I'll do things to you that'll make you forget him and put a smile on your face for the next two weeks.
Savvy: I want someone to love me for meeeeeee!

Joany & Glenn tried to figure this out with me.

Glenn: Savvy, we're really amused by you because you don't realize how funny you are when you tell us these things. But we know you are sincere. It's just that you're also so cute.
Savvy: I know people who think sex is for marriage and this guy really treated me with respect and cared about me as a person.
Joany: We're just in such different stages than you because we're divorced and have kids.
Glenn: I remember waiting for a girl but it's because I was in high school.
Savvy: Well I need someone who understands and can appreciate this about me.

I started to cry.

Glenn: we didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Savvy: I just don't think I will be happy having sex with guys after 3 dates--especially when the dates really aren't that great. I need someone to care about me first.
Glenn: Well, if a guy is calling you and wants to know what you think about things and you feel a connection most people won't wait that long.
Savvy: But most of the time it isn't like that at all. Some people will have sex without even feeling anything for a person. And it's not like a guy wouldn't lie to get his needs met.
Glenn: That's very true.
Savvy: I know Pops is critical of me, but I turned him down. From what I know, Becky Sue did too. In fact I met the woman he was dating a few months ago, and she said she doesn't give it up easily. If he's having sex with anyone, it's not anyone here. Maybe that's why he gets so angry with me.

Of course Glenn also wanted to argue with me about religion. I told him I was the wrong person to argue with since I just started going back.

Pops had heart surgery recently. Even though he has been consistently so disrespectful toward me, I still called him to see if he was alright. When asked if he got the message, he said his kids must have erased it. I wonder how he would like someone speaking to his daughter the way he has spoken to me. Probably not too much.

I love comments!


SavvyD said...

And folks, I've heard of guys waiting even longer but it's only if they are convinced you are the one. I think we should only go on a few dates if we aren't convinced that we can have deep feelings. Oh well, I'm dreaming. I would date Seattle even if he didn't return the same feelings.

Anonymous said...

lol @ dating Seattle even if he didn't return the feelings--love is a two way street my dear! But me and a friend of mine just had this convo bc she was dating someone who would 'wait' *for her.* I think it might be something with men in and out of the church to wait, but if their focus is God then they should want to wait for God, not necessarily (just) for the girl b/c it can turn into a pressure-fest which might not come out as 'girl, stop makin me wait' lol but it could be gestures and tone of voice that could show their irritation and make 'the girl they're waiting for' uncomfortable. Know what I mean? I mean I'm new at this whole dating saved people thing and I've been in the world a while so I'm just having a naive ball lol, but I hope I can find someone who'd protect that bubble for me, like just maybe there is a guy who'll wait.

The question is for how long?? It may be easy to go a year or two without the nook, but what about having to wait 15-20 for Mr. Right to even come along? ...Yikes!

but anyway, you and a few dates with Seattle may be a good idea! That's one thing I want to learn how to manage though, is the long distance relationship thing. I'm kinda in that situation now...it's so new for a variety of reasons. But like you said, if the feelings aren't returned I'll keep dreaming along with you!

Emily said...

Pops and I would probably be having a big rumble in the alley if he came to my neck of the woods. He sounds like a person with a huge chip on his shoulder and a bone to pick on and he probably took out his frustration on you when he told you that no one would wait for you.

I have dated men who have been very nice and been okay with waiting and even not having sex. But now I only will go out with professing Christians and don't date much, but I am happier with things the way they are.

Talk to you later.

I have to finish my ice cream sandwich (the kind with the chocolate cracker like cookie and the white white ice cream) before my student comes.

SavvyD said...

Let me clarify...I meant I would still want to date him even if he wasn't as serious as I wanted to be. But he's not the fling type. The thing is, I think I understand the kind of guy he is--nerdy and logical on the outside but super sweet on the inside. Everyone tells me to go visit...

Lauren Thomas said...

Hi there! I'm new to your blog, but I want to offer you some encouragement. See here's the thing. The right guys WILL wait. Don't fall into the trap that they won't and then make the mistake of sleeping with them. If they truly feel a connection with you and truly care, then they would completely respect your decision to wait.

I had sex with two other men before my husband and those are my biggest regrets. I let someone take a special gift that was made for my husband. I saw in your post that you were just getting back into the religion thing. Maybe you should take 30 days of no men and let God do a little work in your life. It sounds corny, but it really is eye opening.

Guard your heart and don't fall into the lies this world tells us.

Best of luck!

SavvyD said...

30 days of no men? How will I survive? Just kidding. I've been on Man Diets before--I went three years without a date awhile ago. I recently went a few months without a date. Seattle and I never went on a date, but it didn't stop me from falling for him about the moment he introduced himself to me and we started talking. THanks for stopping by. I'll think abut it. I've just had P-L-E-N-T-Y of time on my own and am not sure what it really proves.

Anonymous said...

I'm a 42 year old Christian Virgin (male), how's that for proof that a guy is willing to wait?

I've had countless opportunities to stumble, with both Christian and non Christian women, and a few dumped me because I would have sex with them.

At this age, I've pretty much given up on finding a girl who has saved herself for me, so I'll just be single. Kinda sad, though, there used to be so many pure women. Now, not so much.

SavvyD said...

I think that's really cool, however, it would be a good idea to forgive someone if they have had sex with very few partners--say 1 or 2. However, it is possible that there may be a few women. I haven't been with anyone in a long time, and I was away from the Lord when I was. I know how much better it would have been in a committed marriage relationship. You may also be able to find a younger woman. Relationships do require some forgiveness and flexibility. Good luck anon.

Anonymous said...

Forgiveness? What makes you think it was about forgiveness?

I am holding nothing against women who have not waited. They owe me no apology or repentance.

It has more to do with what I hear women say when they talk about their 'first love'.

It just would not be fair for me to give her the honor of being the waited for and not have it returned. The idea that my future wife was with another man is a painful one. I've dated plenty, and most of the girls never knew my status, because there is not way to ask that delicately. Sooner or later, they would reveal their past sexual experience, and I would find a way out of the relationship gently, without being too specific.

Don't get the idea that guys like me are parent-basement dwelling loners: I've dated a lot, and had more than a few girls hint at marriage.

All that aside, every time I started dating a girl I really liked, I could only imagine her yielding her first time to someone else.

Pathetic? That's for others to decide. The pain of aloneness is less than the pain of being a second or third choice.

I don't expect people to understand, but there you have it,


SavvyD said...

--It has more to do with what I hear women say when they talk about their 'first love'--

I don't. Not everyone did much of anything with their first love. And not everyone had such a great time of that first sexual relationship. (they are two different relationships for me.) You should listen to what the woman you date has to say to YOU about it, not just other women. I don't expect that all men are the same about anything and listen to each one individually. It's only fair.

And yes, you must forgive the woman for not knowing that she would meet you. When I look at my options, I expect that I will have to forgive a man for what has come before he met me. My discomfort with Chris (my most-often mentioned ex--Diarrhea of the Facebook) is that he seemed to think this was OK and have a STD that I had to wonder if I wanted to get. It was only worth the risk if we were married and I wouldn't have to explain this to another man later. He didn't have a relationship track record that included anything longer than a month and was impatient about getting into the sack. It hurt, but I am so glad I passed on that though I have many people who ridiculed me saying that I should have sex by the 3rd date to catch a man.

SavvyD said...

I wanted to add that the man I consider to be my real "first love" barely did more than hug me, sing worship songs to me and held my hand once. That level of emotional and spiritual intimacy that we shared has never been duplicated in my life. There is far more to a marriage than just the physical. I'm sure you know that, but I felt compelled to say it. Don't give up.

lovelysexybeauty said...

First, I think it's great how you're trying to go back to living a more... mmm... principled life!

I totally relate to what you wrote about how many people will say that "no guy will wait xyz amount of time." As others mentioned, many guys DO wait, the tough part is getting in their orbit right? And finding that they are the types of guys that have the other qualities that we'd like lol :-)

I know this post is old, so no worries if you don't respond... but what about the idea of not having full sex (going all the way) but doing some other things? The author of the book "What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works" actually recommended women be somewhat physical but withhold from the "main event" to satisfy the man and also preserve themselves. I found that to be an interesting idea. Ultimately it depends on what you're comfortable with and goes with your belief system.

SavvyD said...

lovelysexybeauty--It's not so much how I feel about it personally...I have slipped up in terms of being "somewhat physical" with some of the guys I have dated. The issue with that is that it may not offer what it promises. The Bible is clear that sex is for marriage--that includes sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, not being married leaves us vulnerable so there has to be some forgiveness, but everyone is comfortable with a different amount. Anon has an issue with even 1 other partner because he hasn't had any. I had an issue with an ex who had been with 28 partners--that's probably more now. It was more than a guy would have if he were involved in serious long term relationships and indicated to me that this wasn't going to be a lasting thing.


If nothing else, "saving the main event" will at least save you the trouble of dealing with men who are indeed after "only one thing."