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Friday, June 19, 2009

Loser Get Lost

You don't say this to every guy, but let's just face it, some guys are just not offering what you are looking for. Most of my readers are single and hope to meet someone who is in the right place for a relationship and will treat them well--true of both male and female. But if the shoe fits...either drop it or wear it, but it's yours. I met someone who would be a loser for me this weekend. It was on either day 3, 4 or 5 of me not caring. I'm still not really sure, but I should get a token like they do for sobriety.

The man: 51, single again.
Savvy: Indeterminate age because it's rude to ask a lady her age, never married.

I'm going to start practicing my new phrase.

Loser: Have you ever been married?
Savvy: No.
Loser: Do you have kids?
Savvy: No.
Loser: Do you want to have kids?
Savvy: Do you want to buy me a cup of coffee first? Loser get lost.
Loser: How old are you?
Savvy: Haven't you got any respect? Loser get lost.
Loser: I'm almost embarrassed to tell you that I last had sex with my ex-wife 9 months ago. When was the last time you had sex?
Savvy: None of your business. Loser get lost.
Loser: Do you want to come back to my place a drink?
Savvy: That's for later dates, in fact I watch lots of those police shows on TV so I always think of how the police report would read. (IN CAPS BECAUSE POLICE ONLY WRITE IN CAPS) THE VICTIM, BARELY KNOWING THE SUSPECT, WENT TO HIS HOUSE FOR A DRINK. WHILE THERE... In other words, NO WAY! LOSER GET LOST!!

Loser get lost for men:
Glddgr: So, what kind of car do you drive?
Man: Infinity G.
Glddgr: Have you been married before?
Man: No.
Glddgr: Do you want to get married?
Man: To the right person.
Glddgr: Do you want to have kids?
Man: With the right person--loser get lost!
Glddgr: How much money do you make?
Man: That's for my girlfriend to know. Loser get lost.
Glddgr: Want to go back to my place?
Man: Whatever for? So you can show up in ten years when I've made a fortune and claim child support for that one night stand? I don't think so. Loser get lost!

Just so you know, that is based on a true story. So, use your words.

I did one better with the original Loser I spoke to. He was sitting with me and some friends from a group I hang out with sometimes. They are all single and in their 30s.
Savvy: I can't believe I was concerned about going back to your house for a drink. I mean, you told me about all of your roommates and that your son lives with you.
Loser: (not making eye contact) I was just worried about you driving all that way home by yourself. I was going to make you a cup of coffee and then have another beer at home.

My friends and I said a communal "yeah reiiiiiight" talking about it while he was in the bathroom. He then went on to tell us about hw he almost got a DUI and how much he had been drinking. He said he never wanted to get married again--after 2 divorces and two kids, one with each. While he was outside having a smoke, Bill said, After all of that, he smokes!?

I'm with you on that. Loser get lost!

1 comment:

SavvyD said...

I picked up this comment on 20something bloggers

From RhodeIslandRed:
you have the most hilarious blog. Ive been reading it for about 10 years now.. haha.. well.. meh not really but Im pretty sure a long time. Good job.