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Saturday, May 16, 2009

You Don't Need A Man

I'm coming to the point in my life--a point that many of us have been coming to--of wondering what our lives should be if we never find the one (or anyone). I've been told time and again by Christians and non-Christians that I don't need to be married. The thing is that I had planned on being a wife and a mom. Other than wanting to be an opera singer for a time, I didn't focus on a career because I was going to be a wife and a mom. I used to imagine the conflict of continuing a career vs. getting married. I had people tell me they thought it was sad when I said I should learn how to be my own husband, but here I am four years later--still single. I wanted to be a choir teacher but it didn't work out.
What should I do?
What do I really want to do?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've actually been thinking a lot about this lately. When I was younger I always said I never want to get married or have kids. I wanted to focus on me and my "career."

However, the older I get (one more year to 30), the more I'm realizing that I do want someone special in my life. I do want to settle down and get married. I don't want to be alone forever.

However, I am still single. And the dating pool gets more shallow the older I get.

So, I'm right there with you...asking myself the same questions...

Adam said...

Hi Savv,
your story would be a love tragedy worthy of a master playwright. Yet I still maintain that you have all the control. If you will excuse my generalization, you have what all men want. Now of course you don't want all men, so by default that makes you the decision maker. This is extremely simplified, but welcome to the promise of the 60’s & 70’s, of women’s liberation, and free love. The truth is, nothing is free, and liberated women must work harder for everything including love. The availability of No Strings Attached sex is up so why have a relationship. Besides that, for women, there is no longer value in giving up a career for a relationship. Statistically speaking the odds are a marriage will end in divorce regardless.
Let’s face it, there are no single men in our age group that has had a relationship that hasn’t ended with his heart broken, bank account broken, and / or ego broken. Is it a wonder that men don’t want relationships? Men our age want to date, and by date, I mean they want to have sex and they ideally don’t want another relationship, meaning another possible heart break, ego break, bank break. You are in a tough situation, but not a hopeless one. I’ve said it before, you have a sexy smile, and when you dress up, your ample bosoms and legs display very nicely. You have all the tools you need find a man and date, you just have to look at your definition of dating and a man’s definition of dating and see if you can’t find a compromise. I have every confidence that you are on the verge of finding someone that is more than just a friend.

SavvyD said...

I guess it's my fault because when I was younger I never caught on that guys liked me. I also thought I wanted to be an independent woman--which is highly overrated. Like I never caught on that Adam was checking out my legs. Those were, BTW my bare legs. I was very tan back then from being on swim team.

SavvyD said...

Oh yeah, and all of that stuff is so not fair to me because I'm not that way. So I get them being jerks because they are afraid of another broken heart, so I have to move on because I am tired of having my heart broken.

Tairebabs said...

Hey Savvy, this post was really sad. Relationships are one of the hardest things to endure. Finding that person who will compliment you can sometimes wear one out. I just feel you shouldn't give up. I refuse to accept being single not that being single is a bad thing if it is your decision. Yes, yes time is going, men and have been coming and going but so what, no one ever said it will be easy.

I also think it is never too late to start a new career. Take time out to think about what you want. Then work towards it. There are always stumbling blocks but imagine what life would be without them.

livindagodkulture said...

The compatibility and wanting a special someone is an issue for guys too.

Guys too have girls that use them as pawns while trying to woo another guy, or like an interlude or skit to amuse themselves while eyeing someone else. So we too get used and hurt.

I don't believe in recreational dating, or getting involved with someone for the sake of it. Naturally this means i don't have an illustrious dating history with a string of exs with an axe to grind, but i do wonder for a few moments at times.

When it comes to dating or relationships, the question we should ask


When the issue of "How far is too far?", we should ask "How far would i want my future spouse to go with the person they are currently dating?"

A lil off point i know, but Nice piece Savvy

SavvyD said...

I have gone out with a guy to try to give him a chance in case there was something there. I hoped that like my friends who married guys that they didn't initially like that I could be wooed. It didn't work out that way. Just read about Astro. But the problem with him is that he wasn't that into me. I overheard something about asking out every woman in hopes that one would say yes--indiscriminately asking women out in hopes that one will say yes doesn't lead to happiness for anyone.

SavvyD said...

I have gone out with a guy to try to give him a chance in case there was something there. I hoped that like my friends who married guys that they didn't initially like that I could be wooed. It didn't work out that way. Just read about Astro. But the problem with him is that he wasn't that into me. I overheard something about asking out every woman in hopes that one would say yes--indiscriminately asking women out in hopes that one will say yes doesn't lead to happiness for anyone.

desiree may said...

It doesn't matter whether he's not a christian or muslim as long as your in love and have a feeling towards each other then go for it... thanks for the post lots of love.



desireemay