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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Maybe I'm Not

I was at physical therapy for my shoulder and mentioned to a lady there that there are worse things in life than not having a boyfriend or a husband.
She: Maybe you're too particular.
Me: Maybe I'm NOT.

She looked surprised.
Me: It's not like what you see on TV where I can't decide between these two really great guys and one is a lawyer and the other is a millionaire property owner. The millionaire property owner was an alchoholic, then there was the guy who pulled my hair, and then there was the man who I dated most recently who wanted me to go away with him when I had just had surgery and was still on vicodin. So thanks anyway, but you wouldn't pick any of them either.
She: Well, it sounds like you're making a wise decision not seeing them anymore.

She kind of didn't know what to say after that... I didn't really either. (I've been dealing with some dramas that I actually can't blog about not even anonymously that truly fit in this category.)

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Man and the Automobile

I was sitting across from a French guy for drinks and dinner. We talked about a wide variety of topics. We waxed rhapsodic about the wine, the gazpacho at Le Pain Quotidien and a movie he said nobody else seemed to have ever seen but me. I talked about my burgeoning career as a mystery shopper--in particular the auto shops.

He told me about the cowboy bar he has in Idaho, his small ranch, the horses he used to ride. But cars? that was a sore spot. I can't understand why when men have bragged about their automobiles for 100 years.

French: When I first got here, the company gave me a Toyota Avalon and alot of women didn't like it. I thought, come on, don't you want someone to share your time with? I mean I wonder how some of these women would react if I went to get them in my pickup truck.
Savvy: Is it a king cab?
French: Yes, of course.
Savvy: That's the only way to ride.
French: Now I have an Audi.
Savvy: Really? What model?
French: An A6
Savvy: Ahhh, the A6. That's a man car. I love Audi. In fact I love Audi so much that I dated an Audi salesperson for awhile.

For some reason cars are a sore spot for guys since some women only date men that drive certain cars.
French: I wonder why women are like that.
Savvy: I don't know. I didn't do that to you.
French: True. You waited to ask me.

This begged the question, when did I ask him? I told Swing about it.
Savvy: I left the guy a message. I'm trying to rack my brain to figure out when I asked you about the car, but you volunteered that you own an Audi. I asked what model. In any case, it's too bad that pickup is in Idaho.
Swing: Wait, so he told you about owning horses, owning property and a cowboy bar in Idaho, wanting to buy another house out here. There's only one reason why he did that.
Savvy: What reason?
Swing: He wanted you to know.
Savvy: Hehe. Whatever. You're totally right.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Savvy Mothering

Ever heard an annoyed parent in a restaurant? Oh lordy how it goes on.
Child: I want chocolate.
Mommy: They only have vanilla.
Child: But I KNOW they have chocolate.
Mommy: I swear you are on my nerves!

Mom is annoyed, harried and frustrated. She sits in a huff and takes a lick off the vanilla cone and hands it to the child. The child runs to hide behind a sign, but comes out soon after. They sit at a table near me. Savvy to the rescue.

Savvy: Actually, they don't have chocolate.
Child: Yes, they do.
Savvy: Well, since you don't want the vanilla, how about you give it to me?
I wink at mom.
Child: Vanilla's not so bad.
Savvy: It's better than nothing. But you said you didn't want it, so I can take it from you.
Child: I like vanilla.

Mom starts to smile
Savvy: Darn, I was really hoping to get that cone. You have to be good now, mommy said you're on her last nerve and that's not a very good place to be.
He starts to enjoy the cone. Mom relaxes. Savvy is the savior.

Savvy: He's so cute.
Mommy: Thanks.
Savvy: Have you ever seen Jimmy Kimmel Live? he has these segments where he has kids on there and he has them try foods like jelly beans, only he puts them in pinto beans or he puts broccoli in their cereal to see how they react. You would put him on there.
Mommy: That's funny.

The kid is practically singing as he happily licks his cone.
Savvy: Are you sure about the cone?
Child: Yes. I like vanilla.
Mommy: Have a great day.
Savvy: You too.

Either I'd be an awesome mom or a slightly psychotic one, but I swear they both felt better when I was done with them.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Setup

I got set up with someone...I wasn't sure if it was someone I met before.

Savvy: I think I met that guy before and he had stains on his shirt.
Gabbi: No...this guy seems pretty clean cut.
Savvy: Ummm, really? The name sound so familiar.
Gabbi: So you'll meet, right? Just for a drink?
Savvy: Sure, what's a drink?

It was him. We had, let me tell you, sooooo much in common. I also realized that an acquaintance of mine had gone out with him...

Cutie: He's the only guy I've met who seems cool at all.
Savvy: Really. Awesome.
Cutie: He just says he's really busy.
Savvy: You know what that means, right?
Cutie: Umm...he's really busy?
Savvy: Ummm, yeah.

What it really means is he's just not that into you. Back to me sitting across from him. He's so busy that he asked a friend to set him up. Lucky me!

TheGuy: I really don't know what I want in a woman. Everyone keeps telling me I should hurry up and decide, but I just don't know what I want. I think I'm going to find ways to meet lots of women and maybe I will figure it out that way.

It was amazing. Just to deal with the rudeness and boredom I excused myself to go to the bathroom... twice. Wow, could dinner come any more slowly? Could my waiter be any cuter?

It's amazing how I just wasn't into him telling me that he wasn't into me. *YAWN*

Savvy: (To waiter) It was amazing. I thought that was never going to be over.
Waiter: Wow. You're really polite.
Savvy: You're really kinda cute. Why don't we go out?

Haha! Just kidding. I didn't say that last line, but I wish I had.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Savvy Reads Skinny Bitch and Divorces Ben & Jerry

Calling a book Skinny Bitch is a marketing ploy--pure and simple. But it does give food for thought. I've been feeling like crud lately, but maybe that's because I eat absolute crap without realizing it. (Except sometimes I know.)

When Peter had a vision that all things were acceptable to be eaten, I just don't think that the good Lord had today's practices in mind. I don't think He intended animals to be filled with antibiotics, eating pesticide laden foods to plump up and then being fed to us after going through an inhumane butchering process. I might have to start buying meat from the local university where they raised and know the animals that they butcher. That has to be better. At least they aren't being fed disgusting crap. I like meat. It tastes great, but it should be eaten in moderation. I had a lovely piece of tri-tip tonight with some rice. Delish! The Atkin's diet wreaked havoc on my dad who took eating meat to heart and then suffered gout. Not fun. Maybe I'll go vegan, I really don't know right now.

Every few years I make an attempt to stop drinking diet soda and then start again. I've been hearing from this book and other sources that it stimulates appetite. Well, that's something I don't need. I haven't had a soda today and only had one yesterday and I'm feeling pretty good.

Cupcakes were not part of the dream. Refined sugar is evil--there are sweet alternatives. Who said that sugar has to be totally white to be acceptable? Why some industry executive who thought perfectly white cake was heaven sent. Here is a link to some alternatives:
Table of Sugar Comparison
The Truth About Sugar CBS News
I bought some completely raw, unprocessed sugar and some stevia. I'll be seeing how it goes.

Buy organic. Again, all things are good to eat--but do I really want to be eating pesticide-laden food? not really. Maybe what I eat is making me sick.

Eat fruits and veggies. Duh, people, duh. It's the best way to get vitamins and minerals. But if you really want to throw money away on diet pills and other crap, go ahead and knock yourself out.

I'm no angel. I love to eat crap. I love ice cream. Ben and Jerry are my constant companions. We're breaking up. Think about it, milk comes from a mommy cow and makes a 100 lb calf gain weight and grow into a 2000 lb animal. Got milk? No wonder we're fat!!

Granted, it makes sense to drink milk when you have a small family farm or back in the day when all you had was a couple of cows, some chickens and a few goats. It was important to find ways of feeding a family and preserve foods (cheese, canning, etc.) so that they lasted. But we are the victims of our own success as a society. Obesity is a sign of wealth. So is a gym membership and I'm going to go use mine, ASAP.

LG Lotus

Now there's a new phone I like to muddy my waters. I really want the LG Lotus. I've flipped over a purple flip phone. I've had flip phones since they first came out. I can't resist a flip phone. But is $99.99 monthly unlimited everything really worth it to get this honey of a phone for free? Is paying the same service fees as an iPhone but not having an iPhone worth it? Oh wait, the iPhone costs $109 per month for unlimited service. In 11 months, you've saved $99!! Ay!!!

I keep telling salespeople that I will take a brochure and pray over it. Maybe if I lay hands on it, it will become clear what phone and service plan I should get. Mystery shopping is making me looney.