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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Taking A Swing

Sometimes you have far too much ammo against your friends. Swing has been depressed about his ex-wife recently. As a recap, she cheated on him. Recap from my side, that was the kind of woman she was and that's what you get when you start sleeping with someone you don't care about yet, and don't require that they care about you to sleep with you. Why should they then care if they sleep with someone else? And why should you care that they did either? Seriously folks, these are byproducts of a messed up approach to relationships. Did I say that? No.

But let me tell you what he said to me.

Swing: Maybe you shouldn't go out on dates anymore because guys expect to start a sexual relationship when you go out with them.
Savvy: After 3 dates.
Swing: Well.
Savvy: When I don't even know if they care about me.
Swing: Well, maybe you should find other ways to meet guys like being friends with them.
Savvy: I've been friends with guys for years and years without anything going anywhere.
Swing: Well it's just that when you go out on a date, it raises the expectations.
Savvy: So I should never go out to dinner with a man again.
Swing: No, I don't mean that.
Savvy: Weren't you in love with at least the first few people you were with?
Swing: Oh yes, and I had such vast experience. I didn't really require that.
Savvy: So I should just give it up without even knowing if a guy cares about me.
Swing: I think nowadays you can't expect a guy to make an emotional commitment first.
Savvy: That makes so much sense. You know Stever Harvey from Saturday Night Live wrote a book called Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man and he said that a woman should make a man wait 90 days like a probationary period.
Swing: That's ridiculous. You can't expect a guy to wait by some formula.
Savvy: I'm just saying what he said in his book. You're asking me to do something that I don't know how to do. I've only been with one guy ever and I don't know how to just give it up to some guy who I don't even know if he cares or if he's worth being with. I want to get to know someone first.
Swing: That's why I said you should be friends with them.
Savvy: I should have become a nun is what you're saying.
Swing: No. I don't know what I'm saying.
Savvy: So by your rules, how many guys should I sleep with before I meet someone who is really worthwhile? 2 or 3 more? How about 10? How about 50? Is 50 too many? What do you REALLY think about a women who has slept with that many guys? How would you really feel about her? Be honest.
Swing: I don't know.
Savvy: Oh yeah, and what STD am I going to risk getting with all of those guys who I'm sleeping with who I don't even know if I can trust? And how many women have they slept with?
Swing: I don't know. I have to eat. Let me think about it. I'll try and come up with an answer.
Savvy: Fine. Eat. Whatever. Later.

Like I care. (Right now I don't. I'm mad.) Being friends with Tall got me heartache. Being friends with Swing might get him a fat lip. Yeah right--with my gimpy shoulder.

What does care even mean? I didn't say marriage, I mean care--calling when you say you will, being there when you say you will, knowing if you like someone. After 3 dates I'm not even sure if I really like someone, why would I have sex with them? Who is really stupid in this scenario?

Wow. Christianity requires that we wait till marriage--our interpretation of keeping the marriage bed pure. I would be willing to wait for love and now that isn't even available. I'm supposed to just be a whore. In that case, what does it matter if the people involved are married, single, committed or anything else. No wonder our relationships are so messed up.


Adam said...

Hi Savv,
I just added a mutual friend to my facebook list and I saw a picture of you and realized I haven't kept up with your blog lately. You two must have been in the choir together. I know you both love musich. Anyways I am sorry to hear that you have not found Mr. right, or even a Mr. Right Now...
The problem is that you are fighting the law of averages and your odds are getting worse as time passes (Nothing to do with you, you are an ageless beauty). Like you said, way before you were born the odds of finding your kind of guy might have been 1 in 50 or 1 in 100, by the time you were born that type of guy might have been 1 in 1000 by the late 80's and early 90's that might have been in 100,000 and by the 2000's on in a million. Let's face it the odds are not getting better.
Not to mention that as men get older, they are more likely to have been trapped or burned by a sexless relationship. Which makes them unlikely to start a relationship with someone that doesn't have sex in the beginning of a relationship.
My opinion of it is, that it was practical to preach no sex before marriage when women were getting married as teens. Back then twenty somethings were "Old Maids" if they weren't married.
You have now locked yourself in to a black and white situation of either being a saint or a slut that you deny yourself the pleasure of a "Normal" relationship. I mean normal by the standards of today for our age group. You need not advertise how many people you sleep with in order to be a good person. I don't even recommend you share that number with someone you are dating; unless it is an issue for the development of the relationship. That number being too high or too low can intimidate a man. You are in a proverbial “Chicken and Egg” situation. What comes first? You won’t give a man sex unless he commits to loving you, but you can’t get a guy to stick around to know if he cares about you or loves you if you don’t give him sex…
Tick, Tock Venus, Mars only wants one thing and you know what that is…
Besides, a nun can’t have a smile like yours.

adam said...

I just read the previous post...
I will understand if you don't publish my previous comments, I didn't know. I didn't realize... (Open mouth, Insert foot).
I appologize. I thought I was being clever about dropping hints about who I was talking about, I didn't realize that you two had recently met.

SavvyD said...

Oh, don't worry, I picked up on every little hint that you dropped. I can't believe you knew enough about his situation to know who it was. Um, well, I wish you knew enough about him to call him and tell him that I like him.