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Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Wedding Registry

I'm getting married! At least I am in the land of mystery shopping. I signed up for a wedding registry to assess how they sold it. Just so you know, weddings are big money for stores. And how he listened so carefully with a sweet expression as I told him about my fictitious fiance--based on a real person.

I'm happy about the $25 I got paid as my shop fee. I'm still getting emails thanking me for signing up and what an exciting and special time in my life this must be. It's bothering me that the real person hasn't called me when he said he would when he got back from a business trip.

In any case, the story:
I knew him in high school. We were in choir together and we never quite noticed each other. He used to drive this red t-top convertible that everyone wanted a ride in. In any case, we ran into each other at a reunion. He's a widower. It's really kind of sad because his wife was a kidney transplant patient and had to go in for another surgery of some kind. Needless to say, he's still in the middle of suing them for wrongful death. They had been talking about starting a family together, so neither of us have kids. But we started talking after and then we fell in love and now we're getting married.

What I concluded is that people listen so carefully to a love story because it gives people hope. It was great to have a love story to tell--even if it isn't true. I might just keep telling love stories as if they were mine.

Friday, February 27, 2009

The Dating Game

I actually did go to that Valentine's Day party and had a blast playing the Dating Game. Then again, my expectations for Valentine's Day are pretty much the null set in terms of romance. I was set for fun and frivolity. I was selected to be Bachlorette #1...and you know that people offered sex, sex, sex. Not me, not even pretending to be on a Dating Game show.

Question #1
Bachelor: So, Bachelorette #1, how would I order you for breakfast?
Savvy: Well, first of all, you would have to call me because I'm not that type of girl and then you would order me scrambled, to go because you never know what you're going to get.
Bachelor: Bachlorette #2?
Bachelorette #2: Over easy, baby.
Bachelor: Emphasis on the over or on the easy?
Bachelorette #2: Easy, baby.

Question #2
Bachelor: If we were going on vacation together, what would we do and where would we go? Bachelorette #1?
Savvy: Are we in love?
Bachelor: Yes.
Savvy: Well, if we were in love, then we would go to Madrid and learn to dance the flamenco. And if we were married, we would do the horizontal flamenco.
Bachelor: Well, you're assuming I can dance.

Question #3
Bachelor: If I were Tarzan and you were Jane, what would you do to make me scream in the jungle?
Savvy: Knowing me, I probably stepped on your toe.

I won the game, won laughs and won a memorable time. He said he picked me because I was genuine and made him laugh. Anyone can offer sex, but few girls can make you laugh.

I know I'm funny. But am I cute? Laughs are easy to get. Relationships? Well that's another story. I won the game, but I didn't actually win a date or anyone's heart.

Other party news:
I developed a crush on one of the guys I talked to. But then, I develop crushes at the drop of a hat. I also drop them, like the unfortunate hat, for a new crush just as quickly. Who will be my flavor of the week this week?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Quirky's DilemmaS

I met Quirky through Swing. Sometimes Swing can't stand some of the things Quirky does. Loving Quirky, let's just say, you have to be very forgiving. He always finds himself in the middle of the most interesting dilemmas. Not your average, everyday things that people shrug off, I mean D-I-L-E-M-M-A-S.

In DILEMMA #1 Quirky found himself choosing between having an Iraeli houseguest for an indefinite period who had just been thrown out of her prior digs and his life of continued early 30s solitary bachelorhood in a messy apartment.

Quirky: So what do you guys think?
Savvy: Have you met her?
Quirky: Well, no. This is a friend of a friend.
Savvy: Of a friend of a friend of a friend?
Quirky: Well...
Swing: How well do you know said friend?
Savvy: Of a friend of a friend of a friend...
Quirky: Not very well. But she comes highly recommended.
Savvy: Riiight...and it's not like she would want to stay for an indefinite period and not go back to Israel making it impossible for you to get rid of her.
Swing: I don't think it's going to lead to thee romantic relationship you're hoping for. Besides, where is she going to sleep?
Quirky: well, I have a comfy reclining couch...
Savvy: Oh, wait, I get it now! Really, that's not going to work for a girl.
Quirky: So what do I do?
Savvy: Just say your lease doesn't allow it. Then you can just say you would but you can't.

Dilemma #2 A late night phone call...
Quirky: So, I wanted your opinion about something.
Savvy: Sure, anytime.
Quirky: Well, I met this girl at a bookstore.
Savvy: A promising beginning.
Quirky: And we even went to see a movie.
Savvy: And...
Quirky: We started making out. She was even reaching up my shirt and down my pants.
Savvy: You're such a sleaze!!
Quirky: And I thought I felt a ring on her finger, which would be just my luck since I always get hit on by gay guys and married women.
Savvy: And...
Quirky: It turns out that she is married, her husband is much older and he doesn't satisfy her anymore.
Savvy: Of course he is. That's what they all say when they cheat.
Quirky: So my question is, should I call her.
Savvy: Well, I'm going to leave that up to you and the kind of person you want to be.
Quirky: You're making me feel bad.
Savvy: Why? I left it up to you.
Quirky: I won't call her.
Savvy: And I will be blogging about you!
Quirky: Great. My dilemmas will be legendary.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Compare notes!!

Hey Folks, Sorry I haven't been posting as much this year. I have to play catch up and write about all of my great thoughts. We should all go see He's Just Not That Into You and compare notes!!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I Don't Care About Valentine's Day

I really don't care. I swear I don't. My best Valentine's Day was with a boyfriend I had in college. I was so excited because it was my first valentine's day with a boyfriend. I've hardly ever had a boyfriend for Valentine's Day and when I did after that I remember it being a disappointment. I was hoping that this year I would have a special Valentine, but that went bust about 2 weeks ago. Last year I hoped to have a special Valentine, but we broke up in January. I met someone right after Valentine's Day and pretended like it was Valentine's Day when we went out. Then he broke my heart. Then Tall broke my heart. I'm tired of having my heart broken. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of not trying. I'm tired of being overlooked. I'm tired of being lonely.

I'm tired of people's lame advice starting with things like:
1. It'll happen when you least expect it.
2. Maybe you're being too picky.
3. He's just not that into you.
4. The Lord is sufficient for you.
5. Find a nice guy at church. (My recent favorite. Thanks Quirky!!)
6. Maybe you should move to ____________ (pick one: the Midwest, Alaska, etc.)
7. Maybe you shouldn't kiss them on the first date.
8. Maybe you should have sex.
9. Maybe you should lose weight.
10. Maybe you should f off--oh wait that's me with my bad attitude again.

I feel sad for the people who are rushing around trying to figure out what they will do with themselves. I feel sad for Swing who rushed to make plans to attend a gaming convention with a bunch of single geeks who have nothing better to do. I feel sad for my new friend Quirky who also felt the need to make plans to go hiking with a bunch of people who also don't have plans for Valentine's Day. Some people are actually going on an anonymous date. I think I might actually be working. I agreed to go to a party, but I might rather work.