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Saturday, January 24, 2009

Being More Loving... at least to myself.

I am being more loving. Sometimes, anyway. At least to myself. Sometimes you have to be harsh.

I went out with India a few times and heard a typical song and dance with the following lyrics: If I could be committed to anyone, it would be you. But I just can't because my divorce isn't final. **YAWN** As if I cared that much. Do they not realize that we have heard it all before? I ended it by just not calling. It seemed that he thought I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I didn't.
In fact, the last time we went out I had a queasy feeling in my stomach about being with him even though he was expressing concern over my recent unemployment. He also expressed concern that I had never been to his place--as if I didn't know what that meant. I just didn't want to spend my time with him any more.

I got a Merry Christmas text message. I got a Happy New Year text message. Whatever. I didn't answer.

Then he called. **SIGH** So I dealt with it.

India: Hi Savvy. Happy New Year.
Savvy: Oh, hi. Happy New Year.
India: Is this a bad time?
Savvy: No, it's an OK time. I need a break from entering reports.
India: Did you get my text messages?
Savvy: Yes. I did. (Did I care? No.)
India: Well how are you?
Savvy: Good. You?
India: I went to see my kids and spend some time with them. (He went on and on about the visit. He had been really concerned because his son was in an accident, so those are points in his favor.) Bought a condo...blah blah blah...
Savvy: That's nice.
India: So, how about you? Did you have a nice New Year's?
Savvy: Yes, I did. I had a great time and some Italian guy kissed me when it turned to the new year.
India: Oh, really?
Savvy: Then he told me I had too much makeup on.
India: Do you have any special wishes for the New Year?
Savvy: Yes...
India: Anything you can share?
Savvy: Yes. Maybe this year I will meet a decent guy who is ready for a relationship.


In other words, not you. The goodbyes were awkward and stilted. I gave him the ultimate in kiss offs that shows no intent to spend time with him on purpose. He never did listen when I said I just wanted to be friends.

Savvy: Hey, so I'll see you around.


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Looking after yourself is very important!! Your blog is really good, i appreciate the add, and i've returned the favour.

i'll make myself anon now, just in case the dates are watching ;)

Ame said...

good for you.

do be really good to yourself.

you are worth having a really great man. hold yourself in high esteem ... men like this india are a waste of your time.