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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Dude! Chick it out! (How women use "dude" in conversation)

For some strange reason, academics cannot fathom why a woman would say dude to another woman. Not only that, they question why a well educated woman, such as myself, who has a masters degree would endeavor to use such language. Well, dude, check it out!

Being a chill dudette from Cali, I can attest that “dude” has greater shades of meaning than just way for two young men to address each other. I'm the girl who was nicknamed “Dude” because I would say “Dude, what's up?” when a friend called me. It morphed into her saying just “Duuuude” when she called me. I instantly knew it was her. Another friend, asked, “Dude, howcome you say dude so much?” I answered, “Dude, I don't know.” All of this makes me an self-professed expert on uses of the word, “Dude.”

Let's look at a fictitious conversation:

Person#1: Dude! Where's my car?
Person#2: Dude! I don't know!
Person#3: Duuuuude.

By using an exclaimation point, “dude” becomes a word which signals others to pay attention—an interjection. Person #3 takes “dude” to a whole new level by extending it over the u. Person #3 expresses sympathy, dismay or surprise at the events which have transpired. Confused?

A chill dudette like me can't comprehend the confusion when Dictionary.com spells it out so nicely for the last word that shared a cross-gender expression; man.
Slang. a term of familiar address to a man or a woman: Hey, man, take it easy.
Slang. an expression of surprise, enthusiasm, dismay, or other strong feeling: Man, what a ball game!

Man! How could you forget? This was seen frequently in popular film and television. Perhaps the very people who are confused by a chick saying, “Dude” often used “Man” in their day without regard for the address going to a man or a woman.

Let's change Dictionary.com to include these very real meanings of Dude:
Slang. a term of familiar address to a man or a woman: Dude, chill.
–interjection . an expression of surprise, enthusiasm, dismay, or other strong feeling: Dude! Where's my car? Or just: Dude! Also: Duuuuuuuude! Or even: Duhuhude!

In case interjections confuse you, here is an updated Schoolhouse Rock explanation:

So when you're happy (Hurray!) (Dude!)
or sad (Aw!) (Dude!)
Or frightened (Eeeeeek!) (Dude!)
or mad (Rats!) (Dude!)
Or excited (Wow!) (Dude!)
or glad (Hey!) (Dude!)
An interjection starts a sentence right.

By now it should be clear that many uses of the word “dude” are acceptable coming from a woman.

Dude, my work is done.

Dude! I love comments!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Merry Christmas

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. May 2010 be a wonderful year for all of us.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

That's So Gay

I went to watch my friends ice skate this weekend and at the rink there was one of those roach coaches. The license plate said, "GAYCAFE."

Savvy: So if someone said "that's so gay" about the cafe, would that be alright?
GaCafe: Well, I guess in that case it would be appropriate.

He looked a little sheepish. I noticed there is a sign saying all their proceeds go to supporting Gay charities. That's super Gay. How about supporting other kinds of charities? That wouldn't be gay, I suppose. I mean, true, there are times when people go too far with things, but in LA?? If I'm driving down Santa Monica Boulevard and see two men holding hands, why can't I say "that's so gay"? I mean if it really IS, what's the problem? But no, we have an entire commercial campaign with posters and TV airtime.

A photo of a man with a handbag near West Hollywood...really, I'll bet he's gay. I have gaydar. Let me reiterate, this is WeHo.

So far the recommendation from these commercials is to insult back. How big of them.
* That’s so “jock who can complete a pass but not a sentence.” (Huh?)
* That’s so “cheerleader who like, can’t like, say smart stuff.” (Like, who cares.)
* That’s so “gamer guy who has more videogames than friends.” (Ouch?)

What if you are a gay gamer guy, gay cheerleader or gay jock? We are supposed to believe that saying That's so jock is somehow the same...except that we make fun of jocks all the time. Geology is real science, geography is called Rocks for Jocks because it's easier. The thing is, they can take it. If the jocks get mad, they are called gay.

And let's face it, these commercials are stupid--like the one chosen. It's not at all the same thing to say something is "so Emma & Julia". Is gay REALLY who you ARE? Or are you a "homosexual", "homo", "lesbo", "pitching for the other team", "dyke", "butch", "nancy boy", "pansy", "light in your loafers", "faggot", "fag", "art fag"...? In England cigarettes are fags but you can be "bent", a "bender", a "poof", a "poofter", a "hoofter", "Harry Hoofter" or be crowned "Queen of the May." In both the UK and the States a man can also be a "queer", "queen" or a "queenie." In Australia, you can be a "quince." There are even more terms than that which are far more graphic. But "gay" deserves an ad campaign??

Ultimately all this whining and crying about being called a name that was chosen for the group is, well, really GAY! So is making a t-shirt about it. How about you choose another from the plethora of terms?

Kids will always find a way to insult each other. Maybe it's not the word that's the problem. They'll find another word. Take away "retarded" and they call each other "special". In fact, I speak Spanish and usually Mexican kids don't say anything about anyone being "gay." They take the high road and call each other "mongol" or "maricon" Sweet, huh? ("Maricon" means "light in the loafers.")

If you don't get that this was supposed to be sarcastic, it's because you're special, an imbecile, an idiot, a moron or a mongol. (But I wouldn't call you "retarded" or a "retard", because that upsets people.)

More food for thought:
Connor Boyack - That's So Gay

Gay Gay Gay

That's So Gay, You're So Retarded

Think Before You Speak

When kids were kids and insulted each other freely:

The truth is nothing has changed but the words.

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009


As the end of the year returns, I find myself reflecting on all the Ds I am or could be.

ChavvyD--If I visit the UK chavvy is bad. I will have to take care not to wear too much bling, any track suits or Burberry. It might be a good idea to stay away from the bad or "chavvy" parts of town. Chavs are what punks were--usually poor, working class and uneducated. (see illustration)

BunnyD--When I listen to Echo and the Bunnymen--which is alot lately.
PunkyD--When I listen to any punk or post-punk music--for scholarly study, of course.
GroovyD--When I listen to the Doors or Echo and the Bunnymen covering the Doors. Also when I go to see bands alot.
CurvyD--When I am feeling a little sexy.
PeevyD--When someone hits my pet peeve or I hit theirs.
SkankyD--If I were to start sleeping around...
HeavyD--When I need to lose a little weight or am in a serious mood.
BlabbyD--not a D I would like to be, but who I would be if I started telling people your secrets.
SlavvyD--If I were to visit Slovakia...
TrannyD--I dressed up as a man once for Halloween. I used mascara on my facial peach fuzz and voila! I got double takes and then people would start laughing. Pass on being a real tranny.
PiggyD--When dressed up as Miss Piggy this year for Halloween. It was fun.
Trage-D--When bad things happen.
NavvyD--When I worked in food service or retail as an unskilled laborer. Also chavvy..
DivvyD--When I am not very smart--another British slang term.
NervyD--When I am feeling brave.
CheekyD--When I am insolent or impudent.
ChevyD--When I chase after the wrong things.
MavvyD--When I am exceptionally skilled in any field like say blogging. Maven...
HeavenD--Sort of sounds like heavenly...I'd like to be more of that to other people. I mostly fall short

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Monday, December 7, 2009

How To Send a Phone Number to a Guy (While On a Date With Another)

Yes, another night, another blind date. Stranger things have happened. As I walked to the restaurant, I figured we'd have a drink and I would stop at Sansai or the yummy NYC style pizza place. When I arrived, the guy was clearly a little nervous. He said he hadn't eaten dinner and invited me to dine with him rather than just have a drink. I did my best to put him at ease. Really, the only thing I want to talk about these days is music, so I did.

Savvy: I'm really into a band called Echo and the Bunnymen. They were really big in LA. I guess in Michigan maybe not so much.
Blind: No I think I've heard of them. What songs have they done?
Savvy: The Killing Moon...eveyone's covered it or so it seems.
Blind: Doesn't ring any bells.
Savvy: Bring on the Dancing Horses...People are Strange--they covered that.
Blind: No. Can't think of anything.
Savvy: You'd know them if you saw them. The lead singer has hair like a peacock...trenchcoat...prescription Ray Bans because he was blind as a bat... (crickets chirp) So...what do you like?

Let's see, he's from Michigan, so it was the expected parade of Classic Rock. Now listen, I like Classic Rock more than most people, it's just not what I'm into right now. In the meantime, a man wearing glasses and a nice sportcoat sat down in the bar area. He was attractive. Back to classic rock...

Savvy: You like yes? That's awesome. The lead singer has an amazing voice.
BlindL: He really does. Jon Anderson.
Savvy: I like Led Zeppelin, too. I just feel guilty sometimes when I listen to some of the songs.
Blind: really? I don't.
Savvy: Well, Jimmy Page is really into that satan guy, Aliester Crowley and then some of their songs are really naughty.
Blind: Yes that's true.

I was thinking specifically about the song where the lyrics say "Squeeze my lemon til the juice runs down my leg. Squeeze my lemon till I fall right out of bed" or something like that.

Meanwhile, the Glasses guy was seated at the table right near mine. Our eyes met and I looked away. I'm on a date, right?

And then there were topics like how he was Catholic, how I don't feel like I've really had communion at church because I go to a Protestant church right now and they use grape juice. It doesn't feel holy. Then he started telling me about all the dating services he was using.

Savvy: So, do you think it's that people are too picky?
Blind: Yes, I've definitely seen that.
Savvy: I've just decided that I'm going to enjoy my life with my friends and not worry about it anymore.
Blind: Have you ever been engaged before?
Savvy: Yes.
Blind: Really? Was that a good experience?
Savvy: Some of it was good, some of it wasn't. I really don't like to talk about my past relationships.

Some of the date went OK. I didn't really get a interested vibe from him. I wanted to be interested, but I wasn't. However, Glasses did turn around and look at me and raised his eyebrows as he looked away. I didn't know what that meant but thought it might be good. Meanwhile I was on this blind date.

Blind: So did you park far?
Savvy: No, not too far.
Blind: Would you like for me to walk you to your car?
Savvy: I don't know. Ummm...I guess.

Really, I was thinking if he walked me out then I wouldn't have a chance to do anything about Glasses. But I relented.

Dessert came and went. I spilled something on myself which I went to the bathroom to clean up. When he said he needed to use the restroom, I knew exactly what to do. I walked up to the hostess and asked for a card. I wrote down my name, phone number and, "I like your glasses." I couldn't think of anything else.

Savvy: So, I'm on this blind date and I know it's over, but...
Hostess: Yes?
Savvy: Well, there's this guy who I find attractive at the next table.
Hostess: Oh really? Which one?
Savvy: The one with the glasses at that table right there.
Hostess: Are you going to give him that card?
Savvy: well, even though the date is basically over, I want to be respectful and I was wondering if you would help me out with giving him the card.
Hostess: Oh! Yes, I can do that. Do you want me to do that now?
Savvy: No, if you could wait until I leave, that would be really great.
Hostess: OK, sure. No problem.

I went back to the table to gather my things and speak to my date.

Savvy: I just wanted to get one of their cards. I really liked this place.
Blind: Sounds like a great idea.

I looked at Glasses on the way out but he didn't look up. Shoot!

On the way home I called the restaurant.

Savvy: Hi, I was calling to talk to the hostess there...
Host: Oh, OK, I'll get her.
Savvy: Thanks.
Host2: Hello, thank you for calling, how can I help you?
Savvy: I was waiting to talk to the hostess...I asked her to do something for me...
Host2: She's right here.
Savvy: Awesome...so...what happened?
Hostess: Well, I gave him the card and he seemed really flattered.
Savvy: Really? that's awesome. Just so you know, my date ended with a handshake.
Hostess: Do you want me to tell him something?
Savvy: Well, I guess you could tell him I called and see what he thinks of that. Only don't tell him that I said to say that. Oh I don't know. I guess we should just let the card speak for itself. As long as he knows that it's a blind date and I wanted to be respectful.
Hostess: Sure thing.
Savvy: Have you ever had anyone do something like this?
Hostess: No, never actually. This is a first.
Savvy: Seriously? I didn't know what to do. That's cool. A first. Well, it was a first for me, too. I mean, if he calls, great and if he doesn't, I guess that's OK too.
Hostess: Well, I hope he calls.
Savvy: Thanks. I'll let you know if anything happens.

I imagine he and his friend had a good laugh over my card. Part of me was thinking that he might be gay since men don't often split a bottle of wine over dinner. Part of me was enjoying being the mysterious woman at the table next to his. Maybe I made the man smile. Maybe tonight, he'll look at himself in the mirror and think what a handsome guy he is in those glasses.

The guy did not call. If he doesn't have a girlfriend, his loss.

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Happy Birthday Sylvia!!

Hi Savvy,

I want to thank you for your gift, but unfortunately I am not sure what card or gift you gave. All my gifts were placed in to one bag. Please let me know.

P.S. Your presence was a true gift.

Thanks for your thank you!!! I hope you at least got the card. I gave you a 3 carat diamond ring. What do you MEAN you can't find it!!!?????
;) Savvy

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Friday, November 27, 2009

Drinking and Texting Don't Mix

A guy I met at church was at a party with me. It made sense since it was a party hosted by people from church. We chatted in the kitchen where he held a glass of wine. I've basically forgotten what he's told me about himself. So I have to ask again and rediscover that he does something with computers.

Savvy: Hey, so, how have you been?
Techie: Doing pretty well.
Savvy: Awesome. Have you been here long?
Techie: Since 9 or so. I came out with a group of friends and we celebrated my birthday before coming over.
Savvy: Wow, it's your birthday? Happy birthday.
Techie: I'm 36.
Savvy: Perfect age.
Techie: Though I'm worried since the cutoff age for the young adult group is 35, so now I'm officially old.
Savvy: Oh, no! Well, what are they going to do with us if we reach that age and still haven't met anyone? Kick us all out?
Techie: No, but we aren't supposed to go on any of the trips.
Savvy: If you're really worried about it, you could just start asking all of us out and see who says yes.
I touch his arm to let him know I would say yes.
Savvy: So, are you on Facebook?
Techie: Yes.

I ask him his last name 3 times to no avail. It's too loud.
Techie: Um, why don't I text you with my last name.
Savvy: Sweet. OK.

As is the way of parties, we end up splitting up and I talk to a guy friend.

Savvy: I was just talking to this guy who is worried about having aged out of the group. I told him he should just ask us all out to see who says yes.
Friend: Um, that might be a seriously bad idea.
Savvy: Whatever, might actually motivate some of these guys to actually ask out some of these gorgeous women.
Friend: Yeah, but that's sort of creepy.
Savvy: Nah. What are the chances he'll actually do it?

I go sit on a couch and who do I find but Techie.

Techie: Oh, here. Have a seat.
Savvy: Thanks. I'm getting kind of tired and thinking about going home. Hey, why don't we take a picture?
I flip out my camera and after numerous attempts at taking our own picture, finally come up with two to choose from that aren't blurry or completely off. My arms are too short. He hugs me really tightly.
Techie: I think I had too much wine.
Savvy: Oh no! You aren't driving home are you?
Techie: No, someone else drove. I'm waiting for them to be ready to go.

Hello, my name is Savvy and I just gave my phone number to a guy who won't remember to text me. And that's basically what happened. Part ineptitude and part shyness without wine, there was no text message. Now I know what a friend meant by saying that she's had guys from church flirt with her without following through. Hmmm. well, at least I'm making some friends.

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Strange Announcements on Facebook

SYLVIA: okay...my dating season has officially started. I am doing nothing execpt deciding to accept offers to know new men.
x--Ummm... OK...
y--Now that's an announcement...
z--I wouldn't facebook that...lol
q--you go girl!!! i admire an independent woman who knows what she wants!!

Hmmm...what does one say to that?

1. I'm amused that she would say this.
2. I wouldn't say that on Facebook.
3. I really enjoy this girl's company, but now I question her sanity just a little bit.
4. I would spell things correctly.
5. I wish her well, but I'm skeptical.

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Monday, November 16, 2009

Conspiracy Theories...People are Strange

I attended a party with some friends on Friday evening. Parking in downtown is fairly awful when there is an event. A lot that is normally $7 goes for $20 just because of a Lakers game or other event. A little further and a spot can be found for $5. A little walking never hurt anyone. Once there, I found myself involved in a conversation about conspiracy theories--most of which was me listening and getting more stories. Some if it was rather tasteless musing about Disney being in the Illuminati and purposely corrupting children.

Some of the conversation involved Switchfoot since I just saw them at the Roxy. However, People Are Strange by the Doors fits perfectly. It is beautifully covered here by Echo & the Bunnymen. Please press play while reading the rest.

Savvy: So what do you think of a band like Switchfoot? I mean, they're Christian but they don't preach at people with their lyrics.
Theory: There's power in the name of the Lord.
Savvy: I agree, but they are singing about the things of God, like that His love is like a symphony and praiseworthy things. That alone can make people look for more. I know that happened for me with listening to really early U2. I wanted to know what they were singing about but it was never Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
Theory: Yes, but in order to make it on that level, the bands get involved in some sort of Satan worship.
Savvy: Oh really?
Theory: remember that thing with Taylor Swift? that idea of putting someone down and then building them up is a Satanic ritual.
Savvy: Oh?
Theory: And then Jack Black had that prayer to Satan?
Savvy: That was pretty outrageous.
Theory: The whole record industry is Satanic.
Savvy: How so?
Theory: Do you know who Aliester Crowley is?
Savvy: I've heard the name.
Theory: He wrote a book about Satanism.
Savvy: Oh yeah, that guy. Led Zep, Ozzy, etc.
Theory: What does God's law say?
Savvy: Love your neighbor as yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul? Which one do you want?
Theory: All those are great. But Crowley said the law is, "Do what thou wilt."
Savvy: I see. Very different.
Theory: He is one of the most influential people in rock and some bands lifted lyrics right out of his book. People used to come and live at his old house--Led Zeppelin.
Savvy: Sure, but just as many don't. I refer to Switchfoot again.
Theory: There is still power in declaring the name of the Lord. In order to be as popular as they were, they have to do something.

Doubtful. Yes, Ozzy, the Eagles, Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones, Jim Morrison and even the Beatles admired the Crowley guy, but that can't be said about everyone. Bands that fall in line with what is requested and keep getting hits don't get dropped from their labels. In Crowley's picture at Wikipedia, his photographed attempt to look majestic is actually laughably ridiculous. Why some rock bands have paid homage to the guy, I'll never know.

He went on and on. Disney is trying to corrupt children with drawing phallic symbols in their cartoons, etc. Check Snopes.com But then, even Muslims are concerned. He showed me a trick with a $5, $10, and $20 bills which seem to show images of both the Pentagon and the Twin Towers going up in smoke. That one was really wild and can be found at www.FoldMoney.com

But after awhile, it becomes a useless exercise in everything being suspicious. After awhile I found myself thinking, "You have got to be kidding" while at the same time thinking, "What a bunch of hooey!" These are the same people who think they can see Satan's image in the smoke rising from the World Trade Center or the face of Jesus in a slice of toast. Is every sky scraper really a phallic symbol? Seriously folks? Even Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

He showed me cell phone pictures of chem trails in the sky and said the government fills these chemtrails from jets with chemicals to control the people. The USPS issued stamps with chemical trails on them--however people who think that have never studied the atmosphere and I have. It's ludicrous to think that a cirrus cloud could be created so easily by man-made means when it's in the upper, upper atmosphere. The Germans used flouride to control the prisoners in the camps and now everyone drinks Flouridated water. He expressed concern over the use of ancient symbols. These symbols are basically dead without followers. The last event I went to at a Masonic lodge was a service for someone who had died. The Masons I spoke to were concerned that their organization was aging and dying because so few people join fraternal orders nowadays. The Christian cross means nothing without followers.

But I found my mouth actually asking for more. It was great entertainment. Though not as good as Switchfoot. John Foreman says something significant at 1:40 and then the song begins.

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Thursday, November 12, 2009

Back from the 80s, into the "Noughties"

Welcome back big hair, frilly clothes, cowl necks, big socks, rolling up sleeves, shoulder pads, baggy pants, and Depeche Mode! Being a girl who can't get rid of her curls, it's a relief.

The 80s are everywhere, in true second hand fashion. 18 years olds wearing 2-tone ska inspired black and white check or mohawks with spikes hanging out in a group together made me wonder if it was 1985. High school students wear T-shirts for bands that my brother introduced me to: U2, Metallica, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Depeche Mode, The Pogues, The B-52s, The Ramones, Madness, the English Beat. 2008 ushered in the 2080s.

Some bands never left. They refused to go gentle into that good night that was the 1990s and beyond. Output became sporadic for some and members took time off, but now they are experiencing a resurgence in what Britain calls the "noughties". (Get it? Nought is the 0.)

Bands leading this group: U2, Van Halen, Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Nine Inch Nails (!), Depeche Mode (Live on Jimmy Kimmel they were vocally top notch. The lyrics are to Wrong are stunning. I was impressed. If you find Personal Jesus offensive, I apologize.)

Some bands experienced brutal breakups, lawsuits, semi-stagnant solo careers or just disappeared.

Bands leading this class: B-52s, Yaz/Yazoo, Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, Echo and the Bunnymen (If you recognize Lips Like Sugar from Coldplay, this band did it better. The Bunnies were FIERCE.) And from 2-tone ska we have Madness and the Specials touring again.

(Spandau Ballet's new song is called Once More. Time doesn't seem to have passed for the B-52s. Duran Duran, still charging $35 yearly for their fan club, gives me the heebee jeebies.)

World famous LA station, KROQ, has even launched a web page honoring its 80s glory with links to the videos that rocked the 80s world. www.roqofthe80s.com

Sticking around is nothing new. In the 80s, Lou Reed was an "old" guy who still turned out some hits. Robert Palmer went on without Led Zeppelin. David Bowie officially became "old", turning 40 in 1987. People still walked on the wild side, then put on their red shoes and danced the blues under the serious moonlight. Let's not forget other guys who kept going: Paul McCartney, Paul Simon, Elton John, Micheal Jackson, Sting, and our American bard--John Denver, RIP...the list goes on.

We even have an "old girls" club with Celine Dion, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper who started in the 80s. But even then the original legends like Aretha Franklin, Donna Sommer and Diana Ross kept going into the 80s.

Johnny Cash scored a hit with 2002 Hurt--a cover of a Nine Inch Nails song--well into his 70s. The lesson here? Age is just a number. Rock on!

It just struck me that Van Halen, Aerosmith, Madness and the Specials are actually from the 70s. And Echo and the Bunnymen actually started in 1978. Well, guess what? If that's your era, even Fleetwood Mac, Kiss and Blondie are having a go. Time to dust off those old records.

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Sunday, November 1, 2009

Nobody to Love

"Do you need anybody? I just need someone to love." the Beatles, All You Need is Love

I went to a friends Halloween Party. He is a wonderful guy. He's very sensitive, artsy and creative. He's also very social and has many friends. I was shocked when after a few drinks and jello shots that his tongue was loosened to express disappointment over his single status.

Savvy: Woo hoo! Dressed like a pimp so you can show off your abs, hey?
Darren: That's right, rock solid.
Savvy: Yes, me too...underneath this marshmellow exterioir, I've got abs of steel.
Darren: I can't even get a date at church.
Savvy: What??
Darren: I try to tell the girls I'm not ugly.
Savvy: It's true, you're not that ugly.

I'm joking, people. He's really photogenic.

Darren: I'm creative, I can cook, I'm multi-talented, and a great kisser, too. Can't get a date at church.
Savvy: Are you serious?
Darren: Look what I do to get these rock hard abs.

He walked over to the stereo and turned on some music.
Darren: this is my ab workout music. Look.

I whisper to another girl.
Savvy: Is he serious?? He's a great guy. How can it be that someone who I hear so many good things about can't find someone?
Girl: We'll just have to help him find someone.
Savvy: I'll be on the lookout. He's really sweet. He showed up the help a girl move, he showed up to help another girl get her place ready for a party. I just don't get it.
Darren: Watch me!

He does even more difficult moves for his abs. We cheer him on.

The thing is, last time I tried to encourage someone to consider dating someone the question was, What about you, Savvy? You're single. Yes, it's true, I am. But the guy has to be interested in me. No one from church has asked me just yet. I guess we're all waiting for someone where the feeling is mutual.

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Saturday, October 24, 2009

Sex Degrees of Separation

I've been saying this for years. And now there is an article saying that people should be aware that when they sleep with someone, they are in effect, sleeping with everyone that person has slept with. I first heard this concept at, of all places, my church youth group.

The best prevention is abstinence or severely limiting the number of sexual partners one has. In other words, God's design of sexual intimacy being enjoyed in marriage and for procreation is still the best design. Solving the "problem" of procreation with the Pill, leaves us with STIs/STDs in higher numbers than in the past. And now they are more deadly (HIV/AIDS). Please note that I said sex is meant to be enjoyed. I know that it would be difficult for me to enjoy it any other way than in marriage. That's why I'm waiting.

LONDON - THE average British man or woman has slept with 2.8 million people - albeit indirectly, according to figures released Wednesday to promote awareness of sexual health.

A British pharmacy chain has launched an online calculator which helps you work out how many partners you have had, in the sense of exposure to risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STIs).

The 'Sex Degrees of Separation' ready reckoner tots up the numbers based on your number of partners, then their previous partners, and their former lovers, and so on for six 'generations' of partners.

The average British man claims to have actually slept with nine people, while women put the figure at 6.3, giving an average of 7.65.

'When we sleep with someone, we are, in effect, not only sleeping with them, but also their previous partners and their partners' previous partners, and so on,' said Ms Clare Kerr, head of sexual health at Lloydspharmacy.

'It's important that people understand how exposed they are to STIs and take appropriate precautions including using condoms and getting themselves checked out where appropriate.' -- AFP


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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Cowboy UP!!

Sometimes even what seems like the tallest tale is true. I went country line dancing for fun on Saturday and dragged my friend Nikki with me for the meetup group. In case you haven't been in awhile, it's changed a bit over time. There are line dances for Men In Black and some rap group teaches line dances with their songs--71 North Boyz. Around midnight it's cowboys and girls dancing ghetto freestyle. I go for the lessons, a little exercise and to hang out with meetup people. And yes, I met a real life Cowboy with a beer in one hand and a thumb splint on the other.

Savvy: Oh, no! Look at that!
I pouted and pointed at his thumb splint. He pouted back.
Savvy: How did you get that boo-boo?
Cowboy: Long story.
Savvy: I hope it gets better soon.

I kiss his hand. He smiles.
Cowboy: Aw, thank you, little lady.

Savvy: Well, I know how it is to have injuries. I'm gonna call you Boo-boo.
Cowboy: I hurt my shoulder recently. Had to have surgery.
Savvy: Me too.

I show him the scars on my shoulder.
Savvy: They've gotten way better. It's amazing what they can do arthroscopically nowadays.
Cowboy: I got a ton of injuries. Heck I've been stabbed, shot at, thrown off a bull...
Savvy: Wow! Are you serious?
Cowboy: Yes. I used to support my kids ridin' bulls. That's a cowboy. People ask me if I dance and I say, "No, ma'am." Seriously, we don't sit by the fire at the end of the day and dance this sh*t. Bunch of fags out there. Real cowboys don't dance.
Savvy: Well, then, you're a real cowboy, so what do you care? You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
Cowboy: That's right. If I weren't so fat now, I would still be ridin.
Savvy: You don't look fat to me. But I can see that you might be too big to ride bulls. I guess you have to be light. I'd be too scared to get hurt.
Cowboy: Yeah, I've been playing minor league football, so I've gotten really big.
Savvy: Yes, yes you have.

This is so interesting that I miss the line dances I know to hear more stories. The funny thing is that this isn't very flirtatious, I don't think a date or a kiss is on anyone's mind. I start poking at his shirt while we're watching the guys do the birthday dance. Boo-boo smiled.
Cowboy: What are you doing?
Savvy: Well, Boo-boo, I want to see the scars from when you were stabbed and shot and I was trying to find them.
Cowboy: Alright, fine. I'll show you.

He sets down his beer and untucks his shirt. Nikki's jaw drops. He pulls it up and shows me. It's hard to see in the light. He has the most amazing six pack ever, a few tattoos and the scars are impressive, too. This is fun.

Savvy: Wow.
Cowboy: I was shot when I was in a gang.
Savvy: You were in a gang?
Cowboy: Yes. That's how I got stabbed, too.
Savvy: Wow. Rodeo, football, gangs...what else do you do?
Cowboy: I'm a steel worker. That's how I hurt my hand. Almost cut off my thumb.
Savvy: Seriously? Steel worker?
Cowboy: Yep, I got the pictures from when I went to the ER.

He searches his phone to find them. It's pretty gory. I almost asked him to send me a copy. Should I have studied medicine? I'm fascinated.
Savvy: Awesome.

His friend comes by to collect him for a short time.
Nikki: Darn, where's our boy toy?
Savvy: He's not a toy, he's a man. Though, he is very entertaining.
Nikki: Do you even believe him?
Savvy: I don't know. Some of my stories must sound pretty wild to some people. I was a professional opera singer, schoolteacher, head injury salsa dancing, shoulder surgery...after awhile it sounds like blah, blah, BLAH, right?
Nikki: Meanwhile, we're missing all the line dances.
Savvy: It's OK, I'm terrified someone's going to hit my head on the dance floor.
Nikki: Really?
Savvy: Terrified. I know, not normal, huh?
Nikki: He's coming back.
Savvy: Awesome...hey, Boo-boo. We missed you. Tell us more.

Cowboy: I got plenty more, sorry I had to leave. My friend feels guilty because the injury is kind of his fault. He was in the middle of breaking up with this girl and he left me working on something by myself and that's when it happened. I've been working for him managing the company.
Savvy: So you help manage the company for him, too? That's a big change from rodeo.
Cowboy: My friend always asks me why I tell girls all of this stuff, since half of them think I'm lyin. If they don't believe me, shoot, they can always look me up on the internet.
Savvy: Well, I believe you, but now you have me curious about looking you up. I love rodeos.
Cowboy: Well, OK, I'm on YouTube.

He tells me how to find him. Nikki doesn't have much to say, but she looks amused.
Savvy: Alright Boo-boo, it was really great fun.
Cowboy: You are the sweetest thing.

I give him another get well kiss to his hand. He gives both me and Nikki a hug.

Nikki: I'm still trying to figure out how you got him to lift up his shirt.
Savvy: Oh, I don't know, I guess I can get people to do things sometimes because I'm sooooooo SWEEEEET. After all, I got you to come all the way up here for me.
Nikki: Yes, it's true.
Savvy: I hope you had fun.
Nikki: Boo-boo made it all worthwhile.

Look him up, I did. Sho 'nuff, he was being totally honest. I think it might be a lesson to me to take a man at his word--whatever that word might be. Listen long enough and you can tell. I have heard men sit across the table and confess that they were actually still married but hoping to be free really soon.

I really did want to see videos of my new friend getting thrown off a bull. There were no football pictures at his team's website, sadly. No, I won't post my secret cowboy's videos, after all, it's an anonymous blog. But, here's wishing Boo-boo a big Cowboy Up for his hand. He really ought to be more careful out there!

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Monday, October 12, 2009

Another Night of Insanity

I am convinced that out of all the screenwriters out there who say they are working on a screenplay that 75% of them are insane. And don't get too mad at me because I haven't had a date in a few months and would never do this again.

Screen: I just left my job to work on screenwriting full time.
Savvy: Have you ever worked on a screenplay before?
Screen: No, this is my first one.
Savvy: Really? That is so coooool.

A year ago after 2 glasses of wine, a glass of champagne and just having barely survived an awful school year, it all made perfect sense.

And then the next time I saw him, I ended up getting together with that atrocious guy who pulled my hair. Boys, Boys, Boys: Boys at the Roller Rink

FADE IN: one year later...

When I saw this ghost from the past at Betty's birthday shindig, I tripped on Becky Sue's boyfriend's toes and was hugged by everyone at that table. I even greeted Pops though I'm still mad at him. He gave me a guilty look for things he said last time. And then I finally made my way over to Screen.

Savvy: So, are you still working on that screenplay?
Screen: Yes, actually I am.
Savvy: So, I meant to ask you what it was about.
Screen: It's about this guy who is going about his life and he realizes everyone is sleeping their way through it and he can see through everything at once.
Savvy: I want to hear more about it, but I need something to drink first. I'm trying to decide between the Belgian or the Half Moon.
Screen: I'm not much of a beer drinker.
Savvy: Oh, no worries.

I paid for my own beer. Usually a man uses this as an opportunity to show interest. I didn't write that rule, it just exists. I shrugged it off.

Savvy: I really want to hear more about this screenplay, so let's go outside.
Screen: It really is too loud.
Savvy: So how far along are you in that?
Screen: Well, I had a 1000 pages and then I worked it down to about 400.
Savvy: 400?

A successful screenwriter wrote a book which recommends only 110 pages. It's called, Save the Cat.

Screen: I moved to Tahoe so that really has helped me.
Savvy: Tahoe?
Screen: Yes, my doctor said I needed less stress in my life, so I decided to move.
Savvy: Doctor?
Screen: Well, yes, I have glaucoma and I'm on disability.
Savvy: Me too. I had shoulder surgery and it's taking forever to heal.

I showed him my scars.
Screen: Wow, that's from shoulder surgery? It doesn't look like much.
Savvy: Arthroscopic. It's taking longer to heal on the inside. So, tell me, have you read any books about screenwriting?
Screen: A book? What would I need that for?
Savvy: I read one called "Save the Cat" that gave me ways to structure the story and points to hit within it.
Screen: Why would I need that? I know movies.
Savvy: Um, oh, OK.

And that's the trouble with most people who are writing anything, there are things that everyone thinks they already know. Good luck. But somehow after one beer, this all made perfect sense, as did going to the beach to have a glass of wine.

Savvy: So, I'm just curious. What happened that night? I remember having a good time and then all of a sudden that was it
Screen: Do you want to know the truth?
Savvy: Well, yes. I mean, I remember some really nice kisses in there.
Screen: Yes, me too.
Savvy: So what happened?
Screen: You started acting flirty with another guy.
Savvy: Another guy? That was my friend. We're all friends.
Screen: Some guys would stay anyway, but it was a real turnoff to me.
Savvy: Why didn't you say anything?
Screen: I started seeing someone else after that.

What really happened? It was a combination of things. He started acting weird and angry. An acquaintance told me later that Screen asked her out that same night, but she had seen him with me so she told him no. Hmmm...sounds like someone else was flirting and misinterpreting.

Savvy: I was tipsy that night. I can barely remember what happened.
Screen: Well that's what happened.
Savvy: So what happened with the woman you were seeing?
Screen: I told her I was leaving for Tahoe and after a year of being together, the best she could do when I asked her to give me a reason to stay was tell me the weather was really nice.
Savvy: If you had been my boyfriend for a year I would have told you I needed you to stay.
Screen: Wow.
Savvy: So how about we make a deal and I don't talk to anyone else tonight but you.
Screen: Deal. It's been a really nice surprise running into you again.
Savvy: Awesome.
Screen: Do you want to go to the Angels game with me tomorrow?
Savvy: OK, sure.
Screen: How about we take a walk on the beach? I have a bottle of wine.
Savvy: It's really late.
Screen: It's not far...

Somehow that led to a blanket, more kissing than I intended to do and feeling bad about it. He wanted to cuddle with me and though I relented for awhile, all I could think of was Seattle and that there was more for me in Seattle than in Tahoe. I tried thinking that it was Seattle holding me, but it wasn't working. Besides, Seattle and I are only friends.

Savvy: Wow, it's really getting late and I have to get home.
Screen: Just a few more minutes.
Savvy: Um, OK....

Silence for awhile. I got up
Savvy: I really can't. Don't you have to get a hotel room?
Screen: I was just going to sleep in my car, or maybe go to Denny's for the night. I don't get a check for another few days.
Savvy: Um, oh.
Screen: Come to Tahoe.
Savvy: Um, I don't know.

Overnight I started to put it together. He told me he just turned 50. He left work, not so much to write a screenplay, but because he has other health issues. He didn't have the money for a hotel room for himself. I so don't want to go back to living like a Bohemian. Plus, he lives in Tahoe and I would got there to... to what? Seattle is already bad enough. How do I explain why I want to ditch an Angels game with this guy to go to church instead? How do I explain that I don't want to see him again because I don't think he is marriage material. Decision time...my phone was ringing.

Savvy: Hey what's up? How are you?
Screen: I just woke up.
Savvy: So where did you sleep?
Screen: By the beach, in my car.
Savvy: Um, really?

So, in addition to everything else I had been pondering, he would expect me to sit next to him at an Angels game, sweating profusely in the hot sun, getting a sunburn while noticing that he reeked distinctly of goat from not having showered? I don't ###ing think so.

Savvy: Listen, I feel really bad about this, but a girlfriend of mine asked me to go to church with her and have lunch after, so I'm not gonna make it.
Screen: So you waited until an hour before we're supposed to be there to flake on me?
Savvy: I'm sorry. I just got out of the shower.
Screen: Let me get this straight. You're flaking on me?
Savvy: I forgot about the other plans.
Screen: An hour before we're supposed to be there?
Savvy: You asked me at the last minute.
Screen: But the whole point of us talking about it was so that you would come.
Savvy: I know and I feel really bad. You're probably going to be too angry with me to talk to me later.

And I would be so OK with that. I felt guilty. How would I explain? I need to go to church because I'm a bad person and I want to try and live better and I just don't see how going to an Angels game with some guy I made out with last night when I was imagining someone else is going to make me feel any better.

I told my mom about canceling as I left to go to church.
Savvy: He got mad at me for canceling, but I just didn't want to sit through the game.
MyMom: Anger is a bad sign.
Savvy: And he lives in Tahoe anyway. I would go there to what?
MyMom: You better not.
Savvy: I know, it's just that I felt really bad.
MyMom: Why? It's not like it hasn't been done to you plenty of times.

Moms have such a way of making things feel better--and she didn't even know the whole story. Maybe the whole story doesn't really matter.

For those who say I should have been completely honest: I really did want to go to church. And please tell me if there is a NICE way of telling someone that you don't see a future with them because you don't see them wanting to get married and have a family with their present financial and health situation, don't want to visit him in Tahoe and don't want to have sex with him on those visits.

Canceling sent a clear enough message: Yep, I'd rather go to church than go to an Angels game with you even if it means you never talk to me again--in fact, I hope you don't. Clear. Crystal clear.

Note: this happened two months ago at time of posting. What else is clear to me is that people DO NOT DESERVE SECOND CHANCES!
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Saturday, October 3, 2009

Wired on Vacation

A vacation used to mean getting away from it all. But somehow, it really isn't anymore. We bring our wires with us whereever we go so that we are never truly where we are. After all, I'm writing this to you from Palm Springs on my netbook.

We all used to get so angry with our uncle who had to be conscious of where the payphone was because he had to make a phone call for a business deal. Now there are cell phones for that. And we have to bring cell phone chargers. We all have to step away from the family so that we can take or make a phone call.

A computer used to be too big to take with you, and laptops were too expensive. Now I can type from my $300 netbook while sitting at the hotel which has internet service throughout the area for no extra charge. This time my dad even brought a printer with him for a week's stay in the desert. A printer? Even that's going a bit too far for me.

We don't just listen to the crickets, talk and have a nice dinner on the porch. We don't play cards or games or talk. We have to have the computer, cell phone, television and camera there. Because it's not how much fun you had, it's how much fun you can make it look like on Facebook later...

And yes, I'm guilty, too.

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Thursday, September 24, 2009

So Long, Seattle...

A new rom com, Love Actually is set in Seattle. I went to B&N and picked up a book called Table Manners thinking it would be about that. It turned out to be a novel set in Seattle. I got another nice email from Seattle, but it was missing a key element...

Hi Savvy,

Glad to hear you're recovering ok from your near-accident. I've had more than a few close calls in LA and even a few since I moved up here. Sounds like you're being patient and open to God's lead on your next career move. Hopefully an opportunity will come along that has your name on it.

No major travel in October so if you come up then I'm sure we could set up a get-together. I definitely encourage you to go on the LA retreat. I went for the first time last year and it was really great. You get to know a lot of people and they always have a phenomenal speaker. One aspect on that retreat that I'm sure you'd get a lot out of, given all the transition you've been going through, is a session with a spiritual adviser.

I've been doing okay up here. I feel like things are finally coming together, my move is done, and I'm working on getting my routine back together.

Take care,

Did you catch it??

Hello Seattle,

Okay is not phenomenal or great, but getting into a routine is probably key. People do drive thoughtlessly, so you are lucky to have avoided anything.

When I was thinking of coming up to visit, I was hoping I would stay with either you or your sis getting the inside story about what's cool about Seattle. It's sort of a big trip and I'm not as brave as I once was. The other option would be trying to find someone to go with me, which may or may not work out.

I do plan to go to the retreat. I try to forget what I have been through, but I recognize it's alot--especially when someone says that. Getting hit in the head while salsa dancing was no fun and am working on my "big comeback".

Thanks for the encouragement.


A get-together?

No word back and its been two weeks now. Times are hard and the friend who said she would go up there may not have the funds, though I haven't asked directly. I'm sad because I had hopes that there would be something, but an offer of "a get-together" with me on my own the rest of the time was not what I had in mind--even if we are just friends. I know a guy who flew to Russia just to have a date with a girl (and be on another continent than his ex.) I can't help but wonder...average in LA might be considered gorgeous in Seattle and there might be other really nice guys up there.

I guess it's time to move on yet again. I wish it weren't. He's a really nice guy. I'm so tired of being disappointed.

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Saturday, September 19, 2009

How to Gain Weight, 10 Fun and Easy Steps

It's time to celebrate what I'm really good at!! If there's one thing I've been good at on and off throughout the years, it's been gaining weight. This is dedicated to all those people who say they try to gain weight and just can't. It's time to turn that attitude around! YES YOU CAN!!

1. Hookup with Ben & Jerry's. Make them you best friends and meet with them EVERY NIGHT. In fact, have a pint of Ben & Jerry's as a meal replacement.

2. Exercise is good for you, even when you want to gain. Studies show that people don't lose when they exercise because they feel they can eat more since they are exercising. So, go to the gym, just make sure you meet up with Ben & Jerry after.

3. Take prescription meds like Prozac. Anti-depressants and other psychotropic medications are known to cause weight gain because they stimulate appetite.

4. Drink soda, not water. Thirsty? Have a soda. Tired? Have some pop.

5. Get the large latte with heavy cream. Everyone knows that coffee drinks are loaded with hidden calories.

6. Have a muffin or a bagel with that coffee. Bagels are like 5 servings of bread. Muffins are loaded with oil--cupcakes are less fattening.

7. Super-size everything. You heard me! In fact, do this for lunch every day. Don't forget to order the regular coke!

8. Take the elevator, not the stairs. Avoid exercise when you can, even though it's OK to exercise.

9. If you don't have an injury, pretend to have one. A sprained ankle, messed up knee, out of whack shoulder. Stop doing those things which you now take for granted because of that injury, even though it isn't real. If you do have an injury, this is very easy to accomplish.

10. Remember, the most weight gain comes from eating just a little bit more than you need. If you eat 100 calories extra per day, it works out to 10 lbs at the end of the year. Just do the math:

100 calories per day
x30 days per month
x12 months in a year
36,000 calories
/3500 calories in 1 pound of fat
10 lbs.

Don't expect it to happen overnight. Be patient. Soon everyone will be telling you how great you look. Ready, set, GO EAT!!

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's You? What the ...?

I was trying to call someone I had met about singing with his band for a guest spot. The drummer is a former classmate.

Paul: I was just returning your phone call.
Savvy: Oh, awesome. Did you listen to my message?
Paul: No, but that's OK. What's going on?
Savvy: I thought we could meet up and talk about stuff.
Paul: Sure thing.
Savvy: I'm trying to think of a place to meet, where you can bring your guitar.
Paul: If you want me to bring my guitar, then you've got the wrong guy.
Savvy: This is Paul, right?

How do I get into these situations?
Paul: Yes.
Savvy: Ummm...So how do we know each other if you aren't in the band?
Paul: I'm not sure, but let's just go out anyway.
Savvy: I don't know. Are you a nice guy?
Paul: I'm a very nice guy. I have alot to offer the right girl.
Savvy: What do you see us doing?
Paul: I just got a new car last night--a white convertible BMW. We can go for a drive on Mulholland, we can go to Santa Monica; anything you want to do.
Savvy: I'm just trying to figure out when we met.
Paul: Well, we must have exchanged phone numbers at one time so there must have been some attraction.
Savvy: Can you send me a picture of yourself? I still just don't remember you. What do you look like?
Paul: I'm about 5'10", handsome, I work out at the gym every day so I'm really muscular. How about you?
Savvy: Short, cute, green eyes, curly blond hair, more to love right now.
Paul: Sounds familiar. How about I give you a call tomorrow and we figure something out.
Savvy: OK, You'll send me a picture then.
Paul: Yes.
Savvy: What's your last name?

He told me and I ran it through my head for two days. I thought about it at stoplights. I thought about it and wondered if this was going to be something great. I wondered if I should really do this when I really wanted to be with Seattle and he hadn't left yet--but Seattle hadn't asked me for my time. Paul called me again.

Paul: I'm guessing you're in your 20s from you voice.
Savvy: Oh just so you know...I'm 40 and I weigh 400 lbs.
Paul: 30s?
Savvy: nooooo....I'm 50 and I weigh 300 lbs, but you gave me your phone number anyways.
Paul: You're really funny.
Savvy: Funny looking, too. Nothing can stop love, though.
Paul: Well, we must have found each other attractive at one time.
Savvy: Yep, so why worry. Except that I lied, I really weigh 350.

Later, like an electric shock, I gasped. It hit me who he was. The day I met him, I stuck up a conversation with him:
Savvy: Hey, I really like your shirt.
Paul: Thanks.
Savvy: Let's have a seat and talk.
Paul: Sure.
Savvy: So, tell me about yourself and that cool shirt of yours.
Paul: You seem really cool, but I'm thinking I should ask out that girl over there because she's totally hot.
Savvy: Oh, she's totally hot?
Paul: Yeah, just look at her.
Savvy: Oh, you mean Michelle who has a boyfriend?
Paul: I'll ask her anyway.
Savvy: Um, hey, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

I didn't go back. I tried to be gracious to him and got an earful about some other girl. I can guarantee you he didn't walk out with ANYONE'S number. But I am an eternal optimist. Maybe he was having a bad night.

He then canceled our impending date via text.

Paul: Let's reschedule. I'm wiped out.
Savvy: I drove all the way out here for you. Would coffee help?
Paul: I'm taking a nap.

Riiight. A nap on a Friday night. I hate last minute cancellations...that's how I ended up going out with Trainer at the last minute. He also tried texting and calling several times during the evening when I was out with Trainer as if would actually go out with someone who had already inconvenienced me for the evening. As if I would even pick up! I thought to cancel the whole thing, but I like to see things to fruition. I called him and we decided to meet in a town near both of us.

Savvy: I remembered who you are, by the way.
Paul: So where did we meet.
Savvy: It was a year ago.
Paul: That's a long time.
Savvy: Yep and that's all I'm going to tell you because I want it to be a surprise.
Paul: I'm on my way. I have to take a shower first.
Savvy: Ummm...OK I guess.
Paul: Oh yeah, I have a peg leg and a hook arm...and a huge stye.

I rolled my eyes, it was too late for that.
He was two hours late. It was annoying.

I wore dark sunglasses, red lipstick and a scarf to keep my hair from blowing all over the place.

Paul: I'm here. Can you peek out?
Savvy: No. You have to come all the way around.
Paul: Come on, the game is going to be up in about 60 seconds.
Savvy: Then you have to wait 60 more seconds and park.
Paul: Can you see me?
Savvy: Yes, just a second.

I walked out side with a smile. He looked at me with a flattened affect. His expression didn't change.

Paul: It's you? What the fuck?
Savvy: Wow, what a sweet thing to say.
Paul: Why didn't you just tell me it was you?
Savvy: I don't know I thought it would be a fun surprise. So are we going somewhere?
Paul: Yes, the earth is rotating on its axis and around the sun, we're going somewhere.
Savvy: I meant in the car. You talked about going on Mulhulland and showing off your new car.

I moved a banana peel that he had placed on the brand new white leather seats. What idiot does that?

Paul: Did I? We should all wear a scarf for our hair.
Savvy: I don't want it to get messed up.
Paul: What are you doing out here? Isn't it far from where you live?
Savvy: Um, well, not really. I go shopping here when I need things.
Paul: Oh.
Savvy: So have you heard anything from that girl you were seeing?
Paul: No and I hope I never do. What was I thinking? She just turned 39 and is gonna be 40 next year. What an old hag. I went out with a girl last night who is 22. She's a stripper.
Savvy: Last night huh?
Paul: Yeah. What did you do?
Savvy: I had a date.
Paul: Did you send me the same text message twice. It was exactly the same wording.
Savvy: Yes. I was busy.
Paul: It looked like the same message, exactly. Did you have fun?
Savvy: It was OK.
Paul: Do you ever talk to the other Paul?
Savvy: Well, I sorta stopped talking to him because he wanted to use my out of state phone number to get out of a contract by saying he had moved. I didn't feel comfortable.
Paul: Let me show you what happened when I call. I always get this message.
Savvy: Well he did say that he might actually move. I guess he did.

Dude, let it go.

I was out with friends and a guy I met started talking about a really nice friend of his who had his heart broken by some girl. He put me on the phone with him because that girl was there with us. We talked and exchanged numbers. He said he thought I was really nice. Then I figured out he was the guy in the red shirt. Why did I make another excuse when I remembered who he was? He wasn't having an off DAY, he is just socially off. Creepy. Someone had to step in and tell him to stop calling that 39 year old. I remember listening to him obsesses about her, hearing every gory detail about what a tease she was sleeping in her thong and how little he slept that night he stayed over.

Paul: I just feel like calling her and asking her why she changed her mind.
Savvy: Don't do it. Keep not calling her.
Paul: Keep not calling her. I like that.

It was like it was the first time he ever heard of the concept.

Returning to the present, we neared where we had left, I was ready to say goodbye.
Paul: You know you can call me anytime.
Savvy: Thanks. And have fun going out with your stripper.
Paul: I don't know, it's alot of drama with them.
Savvy: OK, then don't. See ya. Have fun with the car.
Paul: I would say that the game was a draw.
Savvy: I wouldn't.

I think I am like an Edward Gory Gashlycrumb Tiny.

Find me along with
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
S is for Savvy who went out with a rake..um, OK, not deadly.
Just very uncomfortable.

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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Why He Didn't Call You Back

What are the chances of a phone call after a first date? I told a guy friend that we can never expect the same feelings about people as in our early twenties when we were so open to the world and everything in it. We were unencumbered, relatively unsophisticated, hopeful and had a great deal more time for hanging out with friends--especially if we were in school full time bankrolled by our parents. From my perspective guys seem disappointed by not having those feelings and that's part of:

Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date by Rachel Greenwald (a matchmaker):

The New Dating World
So how easy is it to have a successful first date? Unfortunately, it's not easy at all. During the past ten years, I've observed a shocking trend from my vantage point in the dating business: there are more failed first dates than ever before. If the upsurge in the dating industry is any proof, people are going on more and more first dates. But these connections aren't working because the number of single people is at an all-time high. It's important to understand this current landscape, especially if you're newly single after a long relationship. The new dating world reflects three major challenges: the fallout from online dating, more sophisticated singles, and easier-to-obtain sex.

The question for most singles is no longer if they are dating online, but how many sites they are using. Singles typically have dating profiles on two or three sites now. And they're open for romantic connections through their social networking sites too( e.g., facebook, MySpace...even blogs.)

Dating from a blog?? Lordy no! I don't even have a real picture of me.

This does not address the other issues at had.
1. You didn't want him to call because you didn't like him.
2. You didn't return his phone call.
3. You didn't mind either way if he called and certainly not enough to pick up the phone yourself.

In any case, just tell people when they ask... It's not me it's you. And you, and you, and you, and you, and you...

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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Sexy Table Manners

Is it just me being picky or do people have really horrible table manners these days? Sometimes I have looked across at a person when they did things and said to myself, You have GOT to be kidding me!!! Why would someone choose to have such obviously horrible table manners when good table manners are sooooo sexy!!

Recently, I watched a 5 year old pulled cheese off of his pizza. He toyed with his long string, rolling it around his little fingers while he chewed away merrily. I was laughing as his mom said, Stop that. Don't play with your food. But she was amused too. He's knitting cheese, I said. Keep in mind that cute at 5 is not cute at 35.

I sat across from a guy who slurped his spaghetti, had grime under his nails and was thinking that I was super into him. What?? Must be something about an extra rush of oxygen to his brain from the slurping. Not cute!!

A college roommate who invited me out to dinner with her boyfriend--just the three of us! She didn't like him that much and I felt embarrassed that she used me as a shield. I was even more embarrassed as I watched her cut up her steak. She held part of it with her hand, tugging as she sawed away with her knife. Then she ate it with her fingers. Gross. Why was this guy still dating her?

I was faced with dodging a goodnight kiss after a date with a guy. It was easier to tell him that I was never really attracted to him than to tell him the complete truth. Yes, I wasn't attracted to him anymore, but it was a matter of degrees. Was it the curve in his back, telling me too much information and his penchant for complaining? Nay! The veritable straw had already broken the camel's back at dinner, everything else was dessert when too full with far too much icing made with rancid butter. He used his hands to eat when he could have used a fork. He shifted chunks of meat around in his taco salad with his whole hand. There were two good points: The date ended and at least he knew how to use a napkin.

I have had the pleasure of being seated across from a few guys who didn't realize that there is a proper way to hold a fork or a spoon. You hold it like a pencil--not a baseball bat! It was like eating with a 5 year old. I don't expect a small child to be able to eat properly because their motor skills are still developing, but I do expect that much from a grown man or woman!

This behavior should come with a warning label--don't do this at home or you might do this in a restaurant in front of someone you really like. A guy I dated actually thinks I don't want to date him anymore because he's an atheist and I am Christian. Um, well, that's part of it, but the other part is that he has rotten table manners. My cousin, finally couldn't take it anymore with one guy she had been dating for a year. She said, I can push, push, push with my knife, knife, knife. She finally push, push, pushed him out of her life, life, life and found someone who treats her like a queen and has good table manners.

I thought I could forgive some bad habits when I went out with a guy who I was really attracted to. I mean, we were eating finger food on our first date. He licked his fingers. Middle finger, index finger, thumb. He only did it once. I tried really hard to ignore it when we had sushi on our second date. Middle finger, index finger, thumb. Then I noticed he REALLY looked at each finger as he did this because he did it twice. But, gosh we had such intense chemistry! Surely I could work with this. Someday I would tell him. He didn't do it the next time I ate with him. That was good. But then when he had a burger and fries...yep, you guessed it. He looked intensely at his hand. Middle finger, index finger, thumb. Lick, lick, lick. Gross, gross, gross!! Get a napkin! Colin Cowie did a social experiment on some people and licked his fingers at dinner. The whole table assumed that if Colin Cowie did it that it must be OK, and soon they were all doing it. He later said, It is never OK to lick your fingers at the table. Maybe it's a slight dose of obsessive-compulsive disorder with that guy. We broke up for other reasons, but I'm glad I don't have to deal with his bad table manners. That's for mommy to teach, not a girlfriend.

Let's review--
A human licking fingers at the table? Not cute.
A gecko licking his fingers at the table? That's very cute.

As far as I'm concerned, I shouldn't have to sign up for a lifetime of watching some guy chew with his mouth open. Yep, I've seen that, too! Unfortunately, I was on a date! It was combined with slurping, putting his elbows on the table and licking his fingers. I was so horrified that I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I was lightly banging my head against the bathroom stall asking myself and God, How do I get home without holding his hand or kissing him?

I shouldn't have to watch someone lick their fingers, eat with their hands when it's not finger food, slurp spaghetti, talk with a mouth full of food, cut food up into tiny pieces like a mommy does for her 5 year old, etc. I shouldn't have to say anything to anyone, either. People don't do that on TV because it looks gross! So please don't do it in real life!

Mothers--Please teach your children good table manners so someone doesn't sit across from your kid someday and think Are you freaking serious??? I told that to the lady with the 5 year old. She started laughing again!!

I've written about some of these guys before. I'm so embarrassed for them that I've even left out their online psydonyms!!! I'm sure men have experienced equal horrors at the table with women. I would love to hear about it.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Unattainable Beauty Standards

Women have often complained about the unattainable beauty standards of today. When there is a 10 out there, who would settle? Why should we even look at a guy who doesn't have washboard abs? What girl sitting next to you in church under fluorescent lights would measure up? Even the celebs don't measure up without the lighting and makeup at photo shoots, onscreen and on the red carpet. With all of those things, even the homely girl sitting next to you at church would look like a treasure. What makes me angry is that men and women alike are being misled by something we can never attain!
More photos
Scar Jo looking average. What can I say for myself? It's 107 and smoky from the fires in LA. Shouldn't be going to the gym.

Savvy's "Problems with Relationships"

After my migraine lifted enough to restore personality (Thank you Motrin!), I told relationship stories to girls while we waited backstage to sing in the Beethoven 9th Symphony (Ode to Joy). They were cracking up the whole time. What's even funnier, is talking to some instrumentalist/band teacher/Catholic guy who gave me a very warm hello. It turned out he is on his third marriage which is ALSO having problems. He scratched his chin and said, I think I should set you up with a friend of mine...though I would have to find out if he's on the market. Oh? Is that the way guys on their 3rd marriage ask a girl for her phone number? Like a band teacher/instrumentalist's salary can really support 3 ex wives, a child and a 4th wife? What is this, Big Love? No thanks! And NO "problems." It's just that simple.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Sister Savvy Posts It All

A video about nuns sent by my aunt:

Led to another:

And another:

I *still* feel no calling.

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Sunday, August 23, 2009

Love 200 years ago Jane Austen Style

Ah, love! Somehow the rumor has been that all marriages 200 years ago, nay just a scant 50 years ago were the most vile arrangements imaginable. They couldn't possibly work out or result in actual love. Inconceivable! In our modern fiction, we see echos, reflections and exaggerations of ourselves. Jane Austen's quaint works of fiction offered just such a reflection. It wasn't always pretty and certainly there were obstacles to perfect felicity. I have just read her earliest novel, Northanger Abbey and present to you some notes of interest for both men and women.

Rakish Behavior:
The heroine--a minister's daughter, Catherine, speaks to her love interest, Henry. She was staying with his family, getting to know all of them. She speaks of her former friend, Isabella Thorpe who was engaged to her brother, James, and dropped him for Henry's brother, Captain Frederick Tilney:

'I see what she has been about. She is a vain coquette and her tricks have not been answered. I do not believe she ever had any regard either for James or for me, and I wish I had never known her.'
'It will soon be as if you never had,' said Henry.
'There is but one thing I cannot understand. I see that she has had designs on Captain Tilney, which have not succeeded; but I do not understand what Captain Tilney has been about all this time. Why should he pay her such attentions as to make her quarrel with my brother, and then fly off himself?'
'I have very little to say for Frederick's motives, such as I believe them to have been. He has vanities as well as Miss Thorpe, and the chief difference is, that, having a stronger head, they have not yet injured himself. If the effect of his behavior does not justify him with you, then we better not seek after the cause.'
'Then you will suppose he never cared about her?'
'I am persuaded that he never did.'
'And made only so for mischief's sake?'
Henry bowed his assent.
'Well, then, I must say that I do not like him at all. Though as it turned out so well for us, I do not like him at all. As it happens, there is no great harm done, because I do not think Isabella has any heart to lose, But suppose he had made her fall very much in love with him?'
'But we must first suppose Isabella to have any heart to lose - consequently to have been a very different creature; and, in that case, she would have met with a very different treatment.'
'It is very right that you should stand by your brother.'
'And if you would stand by yours, you would not be much distressed by the disappointment of Miss Thorpe. But your mind is warped by an innate general principal of integrity, and therefore not accessible to cool reasonings of family partiality, or a desire for revenge.'
Catherine was complimented out of further bitterness. Frederick could not be unpardonably guilty, while Henry made himself so agreeable. She resolved on not answering Isabella's letter, and tried to think no more of it.

Alphas and Betas
In our modern terms, Catherine stood by her Beta men in her own Beta way. "Alphas" were shown for what they were and exposed as vain pretenders very quickly. I'm sure they were quite entertaining at parties, but those with any sense kept their distance. And even "Alpha" ladies with poor judgment were typically kept in check. However, both characters were shown to be equally vain. Nowadays, it's hard to tell who is who and often all ladies and all men are lumped together by both sexes and treated with ill regard.

Gold Diggers?

Catherine is sent away from the Tilney family without being given a reason. We later discover that reason: Isabella's brother, wanting Catherine for himself and being an unlikeable braggadocio, bragged about how much money Catherine's family had to General Tilney. Then later said how little. Somehow this was attributed to Catherine. But Henry knew Catherine to be of good character, offered her his hand in marriage and convinced his father of the truth. So yes, there were issues of dowry (the money a family presented to a man for the care of their daughter), but there were also issues of character. It turns out that Catherine had a good character and a generous dowry, though not an excellent one. Dowry, what a scary word! But that's how families helped each other out.

Courtship and Marriage.

Huge Courtship? Nay friends, nay. None at all. Walks in the country, a carriage ride perhaps. His sister or father were present the whole time as if it were perfectly natural and normal. Huge wedding? Nay again. In fact, it was hardly mentioned. 'Henry and Catherine were married; the bells rang and everyone smiled.'

The Age for Marriage:
The heroine was 18 and married the hero aged 26; 8 years difference. No one batted an eye over this and accused men of taking too long. Men did what men did and that was considered to be OK.

Savvy Advice:
Men, if you are ever talking to a woman who says she loves Jane Austen's novels, that is code for you to look more closely at that girl. Jane Austen's heroines are of good character or learn it quickly. The rakish men are held responsible for behaving badly and being the exception rather than the rule. Good men are shown to be good and desirable for marriage. And, yes, to be sure, no man would ever dress that way for fear of being labeled "gay", but I assure you they were manly fashions in their day and that real men did go to tea--to meet the ladies, of course! As for me, I always observe what a man says about his family and how he treats his sister. I know that most of the time, he will treat me about that well. And lastly, everyone did attend church on Sunday. Though the Bible was not quoted, in every Jane Austen story the fruit of a character
s spirit showed who they really were--as it is in real life.

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Saturday, August 22, 2009

Is-shoes--Should I keep the Prada?

Savvy breaks for frivolity, she has Is-shoes. Buy me! I understand shoes in all the languages they speak. Spanish: Comprame! Italian: Compratemi. I bought some lovely Prada shoes at a deep discount and am now faced with some options.

I normally take a 36.5 or a 37 in European sizes. These are a 36. I'm certain I would have taken a 37 in this design. There is no other pair like it before or since. $199 down from $600. They go with anything and are beautiful!!! Maybe they'll stretch...

I also bought a pair of pink metallic sandals, also Prada. The size is right. A bargain at $109.90 down from $330. It's just that I feel guilty--

Because I bought a Ferragamo bag at $498 down from $1400. I'm totally keeping it. I got it for practically a knockoff price without the knockoff guilt. The pinks don't quite match so I'm faced with a choice.

Do I really need all of this crap? Ummm, no.
Why did I get this crap? It's complicated. I would much rather have Seattle in my life. I was so distraught over his departure that the handbag was, in a word, irresistible.
Can I return this crap? Yes, I can still return the Prada. In fact that amount would easily purchase a trip to Seattle...Though that is fraught with emotional dangers.

Turns out I showed them to someone who works at Nordstom and they thought something else looks better on me. Done. They go back.

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