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Thursday, July 31, 2008

Awful Sari!! (Indian fashions)

I decided to dust off that sari I bought a few years ago and see how it looked. It's dusty, so it made me sneeze--unless I'm allergic to it. I must be doing it wrong. All the models look gorgeous in them. My friend looks amazing in hers. Either they just know how to wear them, or I look awful sorry in my sari. Honestly, It makes my butt look big because of the way it drapes tightly at the knees. What's a girl to do?

I decided to buy a new sari--
a black silk one with a print. I love black. And there are other options for looking like the nice Indian/Hindu girl next door in terms of fashions. Instead of going on a vaction--because they really are getting too expensive--my STAYcation included going online to check out what the latest Indian fashions look like and if there was a store anywhere near me so I can try them on.

Indian fashion essentials:
22 karat gold:
Awesome. I love gold. I can totally live with that. The fact that they believe in not wearing anything less than that means my new husband will have to buy alot of new jewlery for me. I have no problem with this whatsoever.


Salwar Kameez:
That's the long shirt and pants outfit. I found out that there are alot of varieties. Some I like and some I don't. Some feature pants that are like extra long tights or skinny jeans called churidhar. The kameez are sometimes long like dresses and other times shorter like a tunic. Confused? Yeah, me too. I'll take one of each--wide, skinny, long and short. I have to make sure I'm ready for everything. See below.



Half Sari/Pavada Davani:
This comes as a set with a skirt, shirt and scarf (dupatta). I think this combo will look much better on me.



Lehnga Choli:
This is a skirt (lehnga) and shirt (choli) combo. They come in both plain and fancy styles. I can't tell the difference between that and the half sari/Pavada Davani. It must make a difference to someone, so maybe I should buy one of each.



Actually after writing, I discovered that in the South it is called a pavada davani, and in the North is is called a lehnga choli. What it looks like just depends on the designer. I'm glad it's the same basic thing. Not having to buy two of them saves me some money. But on second thought, I'll take one of each in different colors and styles--just in case. I want to be sure I'm ready for anything.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Pitfalls of Indian Matrimonial Ads

When those Indian guys are on the matrimonial websites, they are seriously rarin' to go!! No pussyfooting around like American guys. I get more bites than match.com. First off, I specifically say I want to communicate with someone who is at least a legal resident already over here in the US and a Christian. What's with the Sikh guys who live in Godknowswheri, India writing to me? I guess they look at my picture and are so stunned that they can't read suddenly.

Seriously, I'm starting to wonder what I was thinking when I put an ad up.

One of my first responses was from a nice-sounding guy in Godknowswheri who works for some animal rights organization. The irony of that in largely vegetarian India is sort of amusing now that I think of it... I felt like writing back and saying:
I am American and date Americans. I am a Christian who wants to date Christians. May I suggest sikhsingles.com?

This isn't working out so well. I mean they're all doctors, lawyers and IT professionals, but I find myself wanting to suggest or invent new dating websites:

spiritual-but-not-religious-dating.com
athiest-dating.com
muslim-singles.com (I think that actually exists.)
learn-to-read-english-before-replying.com
read-my-whole-profile.com
US-citizens-matrimonial.com


Then I'd love to invent for myself--
jazz-matrimonials.com, for the jazz lover ready for a relationship.

There have to be some nice Christian guys in my home state, come on! But then, it is only my first day with a picture.

Shanti,
Sumati D

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Love India!!

Sumati D is giving an Indian matrimonial website a try. Why not? As I said before, there are lots of Indian Christians. Plus, I like Indian food and Indian culture. Heck, I even like curry. I am discovering some interesting new things about Indian culture. Trust me, the interest in India is nothing new with me. I'm ready to go with this!

I keep watching Namaste America--an Indian TV show on Saturdays. I love it. The cheesy Bollywood singing, dancing and love stuff is fun.

I enjoy Indian music--the Beatles were heavily influenced by it on their later albums with George Harrison playing the sitar on many. OK, trancedantal mediation and LSD also influenced the Beatles, but I still love the music.

I studied belly dance with Veena and Neena, Indian twins. OK, I studied with a VCR, not a class, but I feel so close to them!

I dig yoga. It's very relaxing. Alright, I do it at the gym. I had some guy freaking out saying that he didn't think Christians should do yoga. But we learned from the Bible that prayer is an attitude of the mind, not a position of the body. I'll contort away. I'm not very good at it.

I used to attend a Hindu/Christian mixed "church" called the Self-Realization Fellowship. I know what you're all going to say. I know, I know, I know. I was already away from the Lord and I was dating this guy... Need I say more? I met some very beautiful, deeply spiritual people with strong morals. But the theology is totally whacked out. Plus I was really bad at meditating. Once one of the leaders talked about humans eveolving or reincarnating from a mineral state I declared two things:
1. You have got to be kidding me.
2. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.


During my SRF days I tried to read the Vedas--interesting. And learned some of the history about India and Indian classical dance. I even devised resetting Mozart's Magic Flute in India. India is considered to be a magical country, so I thought the magical elements would lend themselves well to it. That and blue skin for the holy characters. OK, I admit I mainly looked at the pictures in the Vedas, but I tried. I would have done better with a children's storybook version or something.

I love some India-related movies. Monsoon Wedding, Bend it Like Beckham, A Passage to India, Ghandi, The Secret Garden--where everyone died of cholera or something. Typhoid?

I love that Indian opera Lakme. OK, it's really a French opera set in India about an Indian princess who kills herself, but they all stand around singing in Saris.

I have a Sri Lankan friend and I know that Sri Lankans consider themselves to be a bit seperate from the rest of India. I know alot about Sri Lanka since Duran Duran filmed a bunch of videos down there.

Indians have strong morals and old fashioned values. I think that's great. Of course I have heard that if your husband isn't happy with the dowry offered for you, he can shove you into an oven. If I'm a feminist for being against that, then go ahead and call me one.

Indians typically are hardworking and educational acheivers. Though, my friend's sister is living with her high school educated boyfriend and she just graduated from dental school. Her family isn't exactly pleased. They feel like they could have arranged a better match.

With my fair skin I will be highly prized. Ponds in India just released a mini series of 5 commercials with Bollywood actors Priyanka Chopra , Saif Ali Khan , and Neha Dhupia (who I've seen on Namaste America) It's a love story where the man rejected the woman because he found someone fairer. Then she used Ponds White Beautywith the taglines, Love's Helping Hand and 7 days to love. Next thing you know, they are getting married. The same story was simultaneously filmed with Chinese actors. I feel guilty, but I work hard to stay so fair. It takes commitment and dedication to wear hats, sunscreen and arrive at the beach so late. It makes me wonder why so many Caucasians work so hard to get a tan. Catch it on You Tube. I think the Indian actors are better, but I'm biased.

I've learned alot about how to speak better English from reading Melvin Durai's column--
Chilling out with a new language
Outsourced
Indian English: It vill be wery helpful, yaar!

I have a Sari. I have also worn a salwar kameez and know the difference. Doesn't everyone? I have a couple of bindis lying around waiting to be worn to go with the sari.

I have a half-Indian friend from when I lived in New York. Sometimes he would go native on the Indian side and wear a piyama around the house or really fancy ones that had a matching fez type hat when he had friends over. Sometimes he would go native New York wearing a well-matched suit, tie, hat and shoes with a scarf. I relished the confusion of never knowing what I was going to get as we sat around and smoked hookah. Oh, his other half was Jewish.

In any case, this Saturday, just as practice for my future Indian Christian husband, I'm going to workout with Neena and Veena, maybe hit the gym for a yoga class. After, I'm going to watch Namaste America wearing my sari and bindi while cooking then eating curried something or other. I'm going to give my friend who is doing her residency a call and chat about Indian doctor guys she might be liking (and if there's one for me), catch up with my Indian Jewish friend, read Melvin Durai's blog, let my friend's mom poke around on the Indian matrimonial site for me, rent the latest Bollywood film and go to a hookah bar near here to read some great Indian liturature of which I can't think of any, but something will come to me. I might call a customer service line late at night just to guarantee that I will talk to someone in India while I burn Nag Champa incense and have rose-flavored tapioca for desert. It vill be a wery grreat day, no?

Shadi,
Sumati D


bridal sari, kurta piyama, smoking hookah, shalwar kameeze



Sunday, July 27, 2008

Love Indian Style (Matrimonial Courtship)

And you thought finding a mate was an exclusively American problem. Some guys really are out there looking for a decent mate, some of them are Indian. I watched a dear friend of mine go through some torture when her mother was trying to find a match for her Indian style--though Matrimonial websites. Her mother even wanted me to get on there so she could help me by arranging a match.

I met one of my friend's potential matches. I'm afraid I didn't really understand the situation. He was staying there for a week over the holidays and that made me think he was a family friend. Oops!! It turns out that's the old fashioned way of doing things. It's a supervised, arranged courstship visit. It's just that, it's so un-American. It's the antithesis of our ideas of romance and freedom of choice.

You say you want to be courted or to court someone--what if you didn't get to choose at all? Luckily, my friend had an out. She didn't have to marry any of the guys she met. She said none of them were her type. Though she's 4'11, she confided, I want to marry a really tall guy--six feet. I don't like Indian guys. I want to marry an American guy.

So far neither of us have been very lucky in love. She had a boyfriend she really liked. But he was from a different tribe in her home country. Her parents were angry. How could you when you know what those people did to our people? She neglected her studies. She dropped from the honorable top of her class to a position lacking distinction. With her scholarship in danger and her family angry with her, she then dropped him.

Why does love have to be so complicated? Why does it have to be so hard? I'm still wondering if I should try one of these matrimonial websites. I like Indian culture, Indian food, rice, and there are Indian Christians. Maybe it's worth a shot since they approach marriage a little more seriously than the average American.

I wonder what my Indian name would be?
Keshini means one with beautiful hair.
Tara means star. Betcha didn't know that was Indian.
Mallika means queen. That's nice.
Sangita means music. I love music.
Suchita means beautiful. I like that.
Supriya means beloved. Since I would be getting married, that makes sense.
Sweta mean fair complexioned. I work pretty hard at staying that way.
Tusti means happiness--I wonder if that's where the city name Tustin comes from.
Sumati means good minded--if that's like savvy, that works.


The real question is, do I like curry enough?

shanti and priti (peace and love),
Sumati D

I know what this article will do Google Adsense and that makes it pretty funny too!

For more Indian matrimonial humor, please read the humor of Melvin Durai:
Matrimonial Ads Promise So Much
Matrimonial Ads Can Be Quite Entertaining
Unravelling the Mystery of Matrimonial Ads
Arranged Marriages Seem to Last

Let's Talk About Sex--OR NOT

Everyone is talking about sex. When did you last do it? Who did you do it with? How often do you get it? But what if you don't want to talk about sex with someone? Don't you have that right? Some people don't think so and I ran into just such a person last night. Why don't people get the hint when you walk away??

A large group of us were at the beach for a BBQ and bonfire. Becky Sue was having a conversation with a guy. I hadn't seen much of her in the past few weeks because she had an out-of-town guest staying with her. I approached, and learned it was about sex.

BigBob: See, guys don't think that way. You can be talking all you want but guys are only thinking about one thing.
BeckySu: Oh, really? And what's that?
BigBob: It just sounds like blah, blah, blah. See, men can't even hear you until they have sex with you. Steve, come on over. Let's get his opinion...
Steve: Oh, yeah, that's totally true. We just have needs.
BigBob: It's just a need. Men need it.
Savvy: And that's why it's important to wait to get to know someone first. Other wise how do you know they aren't just going to get their need met and then move on?
Steve: Well, that's just the way things are. That's the risk you take.


At that point, I walked away. If Becky really wanted to talk to these guys, she could go right ahead. Later around the bonfire, I ran into Steve again. I finished my water as we talked.

Steve: were you really offended by what we were saying?
Savvy: Yes, actually, I was.
This would have been a great time for him to apologise.
Steve: Well, why were you offended? Sex is a natural thing.
Savvy: To me it's something sacred and special and I don't want to talk about it that way.
Steve: Women's liberation changed everything. The rules are all different. Maybe if you're looking for a monogamous relationship, but I'm not. You're going to have to find someone either older who appreciates that or find some guys who isn't very masculine and has been downtrodden by women.
Savvy: Excuse me, I need to throw this bottle in the recycling.


I walked away yet again. I don't need his bad advice. Did he get the message? Not a chance.

Steve: I think it's rude that you walked away from me twice as we were talking.
Savvy: I didn't like our conversation. It made me uncomfortable and I decided to end it.
Steve: But you shouldn't have been so rude about it.
Savvy: If a conversation makes me uncomfortable, it's my prerogative to end it, so I excused myself to go do something.
Steve: Yeah, but then where's the learning curve for you?
Savvy: Look, if I don't want to talk about that with you, then I don't think I have anything to learn by having an argument that I've heard before.
Steve: It's not fair to put words in my mouth. You should at least hear me out without being rude and walking away. People say things that bother me all the time, you should laugh it off like I do. You're making a bigger deal out of sex than you should.

That's funny, I didn't see him laughing this off.
Savvy: I'm sorry if you thought I was rude, but it's my prerogative to end a conversation if it makes me uncomfortable. At this point, I'm going to have to excuse myself again. I don't feel it's fair to keep me in a conversation that makes me uncomfortable. There are other people we might enjoy talking to more and other things we might enjoy doing more.
Steve: At least that's not so abrupt and rude as before.
Savvy: Please excuse me.


I walked away for the last time to play light frisbee in the dark. Don't people get that not everyone wants to talk about everything with everybody? Don't people have any manners anymore?


Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Scent of a Man

Neil Simon's play, Star-Spangled Girl uses the idea that attraction based on personal scent can overcome great differences in personality. But is there truth to it? Scientists say yes, but so does SavvyD!!

Remember Astro? He really did smell like goat to me. Maybe if he had smelled a little better, things would have gone differently. I have never wanted to cuddle up to a goat.

I can still recall how two of my boyfriends had really attractive natural scents--even when they had BO, it smelled good to me. I always hope that I will repeat that experience rather than be stuck with a man who smells like goat.

I heard from a counsellor that she often hears that women do not enjoy their husbands natural odor. They end up not wanting to be intimate with them because of it. That's honestly something that no amount of counselling can change--not even showering can really change it because ones natural body odor always begin to seep through.

One problem it seems many women encounter is that taking birth control alters their body chemistry and also their sense of smell. Once off the pill, some women have found themselves disgusted by a man's scent.

I find it odd and amusing because I have been on dates and met men who told me You smell really good. I wasn't wearing anything special. I still laugh to myself when I think of one of my annoying bosses who asked, What is that absolutely exquisite perfume you're wearing? I should have made something up. But the truth was much funnier. Eau de Savvy, I haven't showered in 3 days. Why? It was the dead of New York winter, when I showered it felt like my skin was so dry it would crack. It was so cold I don't remember actually sweating. All I had to do was wash up a little and I was good to go. He wrinkled his nose, Oh. And then got back to work.

Oh, sure, there are other factors to consider in terms of making an actual relationship actually work. And I think Sophie and Andy from the Star-Spangled Girl are actually doomed. She declares, There is no earthly reason why I should be attracted to you. They have profoundly different personal philosophies. It doesn't make sense. But he sure does smell good!


---------------------

The Science of Sex: Does the Nose Know?
http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22081/42913-science-sex--nose-know-

Smell and Attraction. Are there human pheremones?
http://www.macalester.edu/psychology/whathap/UBNRP/Smell/attraction.html

Male pheromones and sexual attraction
http://www.nel.edu/23_4/NEL230402R03_Thorne.htm


Friday, July 25, 2008

Swingin' on a Star

Is there any part of swing that isn't also jazz? He asked. Well, we knew what we were talking about even if you don't. Sometimes he knew more--Tijuana brass, jump blues, swing. We talked about music mostly. The band was hot and swingin. He was late...

I'm a very forgiving soul. I gave him fair warning about how bad the traffic can be to get to my house, but he choose his own path. He was really sweet about it, though--driving so far. We found free parking because it turns out we both hate paying for parking. It's just one of the greatest sins I can think of--paying for parking. He was dressed up in a black suit with red pinstripes. I wore a retro a black shirt and black polka-dotted skirt.

Actually I would say he's a really sweet guy. He offered me his arm as we walked to the park. We ended up holding hands and sitting really close. We really enjoyed the music and talking about it. They are amazing musicians and we have both become very big fans.

He then took me to dinner at a very nice restaurant. We had nice conversation and I began to realize that I'm not that into church right now after my recent collection of experiences.

Savvy: So, do you like, go to church or anything like that?
Swing: Or anything like that? Temple or whatever?
He teased.
Savvy: Yeah...
Swing: Well, I suppose if I did, it would be the Unitarian church right now.
Savvy: Oh, the let's say nice things about God and everybody church?
swing: That's if I went anywhere.
Savvy: My guess is that you were raised Lutheran or something from where you are.
Swing: We used to be presbyterian, but then they started asking my Dad to tithe at a time when he felt like he really couldn't do that because he and my mom were just starting out.
Savvy: Wow, that's kinda rough. It's supposed to come from your heart.
Swing: We stopped going after that.
Savvy: That makes me sad to hear. I think it was easier to get into it as a young person. But as an older single person, everyone has something to say. And on top of that, being a performer makes it more complicated because some church people reallly don't like my personality.
Swing: I can see that being a problem.
Savvy: the ideal situation would be a church I liked combined with being a section leader.
We started giggling over the tendancy of the human to stop on the part that sounds like sex. Section leader. High school students start giggling when one says, today we're having sectionals. FOR SINGING!

As so often it does, the subject changed when the next dish came. We compared notes about cooking--I once won a cooking contest, he used to cook dinner for 60 at a co-op. He started telling me about his troubles at work.

Swing: I take it really personally when I'm told I did something wrong. I'm just fixing someone else's work all the time.
I began to pout and make big eyes.
Swing: What?
Savvy: Are you saying you're a sensitive guy?
He chuckled.
Savvy: I was just trying to get you to laugh.
Swing: So what happened after I left the restaurant at the dinner thing?
Savvy: well, we all were hanging out together--with Bill.
Swing: Yes, but I left before Bill.
Savvy: Oh, Bill... Bill.... He has a thing for me and I just don't like him like that.
Swing: I felt bad leaving, but you're a big girl, you can take care of yourself.
Savvy: It's true, I can, but I don't mind being taken care of some of the time. You did a really good job of taking care of me tonight.
I smiled at him. He smiled back. I realized I saw our interaction from the other night through a different filter. I told him it took me about three days to figure out that he was teasing me because his sense of humor is on the dry side. But I do think I could get the hang of his sense of humor.

There are things that worry me. He really does want to improve his work situation, so in terms of a relationship, he's not in the best of places. He walked me to my door and gave me a sweet hug and peck on the lips in parting. I don't consider that at all sexual. It was just sweet. He seemed shy about it. But he also said stuff about wanting to come to see my show if he wan't in Borneo or Austin whereever. He didn't say anything about getting together before that. He had quite a drive to get home and I called to make sure he was alright. He didn't pick up. I get the sense that our modern dating is clouded by the fact that none of us truly know what we want in our lives.

I feel like I'm finally free from the rebound. I feel like I really listen and can see a guy for who he is now. He's a very nice guy. I can tell that Swing hasn't been pursuing me even though he likes me becuase of the circumstances surrounding our meeting. I have liked him ever since then, but my mind was too clouded from other things. I'm not sure I'm in a good place. I've been a little ambivalent about church ever since I left Redeemer New York. I don't know what I will do. None of us seem to know what we want in life, least of all me.

Even if it isn't repeated, it was a really sweet date with a really nice guy who I would seriously consider dating. He was very respectful. And if it doesn't turn into anything, I'm totally OK with that too. It's all good.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I don't usually get political BUT...

It bothered me that they exposed a little lie Obama told. They call him Both Ways Barack. It's weirding me out. He said he was on a Senate Banking Committee while he was in the Middle East. He's not. And what was he doing there anyway?

I don't get why he's flying out to the Middle East as if he's already the president well, except for the fact that I really DO get that it creats media attention. I've never seen this from a presidential candidate. Have you? Pulling us out of Iraq might just be a really bad idea. We've actually done alot to help them. We halped them create and train their own police force--which they very much needed.

I have to be honest, I'm not digging it. I'm not digging him.

http://bothwaysbarack.com/index.html
Obama No

I try to keep my mouth shut around people because I have alot of liberal friends.





Wednesday, July 23, 2008

No Trace of Bass

We can't figure out where Bass went. He just disappeared this month without saying anything to any of us. His band is off and this was supposed to be the month he spent with me. Where could he be? I was talking about it with Jonas last night and Bill always wants to talk about Bass with me. I finally told Bill to stop.

A few times I had told Bill that I thought someone should kick Bass's ass. But when Bill told me he had confronted Bass, it really didn't sit all that well with me. Then he wanted to talk about Bass in front of Swing. How embarrassing. I finally called Bill and told him not to say anything else to Bass about me. Confronting him won't help whatever is wrong.

Jonas called me last night. I just realized that Jonas was witness to everything that happened and he does to, so we talked about it. The whole situation was soooo public. Jonas had a comment that proved interesting, though I do feel like I'm getting over it.

Jonas: So when did you guys get together, that night we all went bowling and then went to Q?
Savvy: Yeah, we had our first date the next night after some of went to the botanical garden. I had a really nice time with him, we talked alot. I had no idea he was so quiet because he wasn't like that when I met him.
Jonas: It seemed like you guys really liked each other from what I saw.
Savvy: Seriously, he could really talk to me. Everyone's been reporting something or another back to me because people know what happened. I know he's gone out with people and not said a word to them hardly. But he could talk to me. Why would you throw that away?
Jonas: I have no idea. I know I wouldn't.
Savvy: I thought our next conversation was going to be him asking me to be his girlfriend not him showing up with that Canadian girl. I had just been in a car accident and I was taking alot of meds. All this had just happened before the wine dinner. Someone started me off by giving me a glass of wine before we even started.
Jonas: Haha no wonder!
Savvy: I was so drunk.
Jonas: You were beyond drunk. I've never seen anyone quite like that.
Savvy: I was already loopy the day before on the beach bike ride taking all those muscle relaxers. You stuck around just for the entertainment value, and there was Bass, drunk with me.
Jonas: No, Albert and I were talking about everyone there and if we liked any of the girls.
Savvy: I was so uncomfortable with him there at volleyball. That was the first time I saw him. Danielle told me he was watching me the whole time.
Jonas: I had my eye on him to. Are you kidding? He's definitely still interested in you from the way he was watching you. Whether or not he knows what to do about it is another story.
Savvy: I think he feels bad because he's probably not even with her anymore. Who knows though. I almost wonder if he met her when his bad was in Nevada. I don't think this is typical for him, maybe he thought a whole new world was opening up for him and he wasn't going to be shy anymore so with her being in the US, he went for it.
Jonas: It seems that way.
Savvy: Oh well, I'm supposed to go out with Swing.
Jonas: Really? Are you serious? Wait that didn't come out right. I mean, that's great. I'm sorry!!
Savvy: Haha. No worries. You're just jealous cause I date more than you.
Jonas: No, that's great. I just, well, it's been really hard to find someone. And the most recent girl didn't work out to well. I'm gald someone is dating.
Savvy: Well, don't feel bad, there are people who seemed to like me more when I wasn't dating anyone. I keep meeting people when I have just broken up with someone. I met Bass when I had just broken up with someone, then I dated someone right after Bass, and then someone else and a few others here and there where it was just one date, and now Swing. The main problem I have is they want to move things along faster than I am ready to.
Jonas: Good for you.
Savvy: Bit the real question is, where's Bass now? He just disappeared.
Jonas: None of us has any idea. Alright, well I'm at the restaurant now.
Savvy: Try and have fun. They have killer bread.
Jonas: I better have fun.
Savvy: And give Kimmy a big hug for me.
Jonas: Don't worry. Noooo problem.
Savvy: She's a hotty, huh?
Jonas: At volleyball I had to work hard not to stare at her.
Savvy: That's what I love about you. You're so honest.


Someone asked me why I haven't dated Jonas. Well, he does swear alot, but other than that, he's been witness to each and every shining moment with Bass. He wasn't there for Bass showing up with the Canadian girl, but I think he might have had a thing or two to say to him if he had been. Now Jonas is surprised that I'm going out with Swing tomorrow night. Well, that's how it is with me these days.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Lunch with an Ex

I had lunch with Chris just yesterday, my ex-boyfriend from over the holidays. We had fun. We talked, we laughed. As we did so, I remembered what I had found so attractive about him and yet so unnattractive about him. He said he finally went to confession after a long respite...

Savvy: SO what did you confess?
Chris: Well, I had another fling.
Savvy: Seriously?
Chris: Yeah, just a one night thing and I never heard from her again.


Hmmm...this is a pattern with him. That puts him at 29 sexual partners. Gross.

Savvy: So are you seeing anyone special, or is everyone special?
Chris: Haha, well, there is this one girl, but we haven't even kissed yet.
Savvy: Really? I kissed you the first time.
Chris: Yes, you did. I asked her about it and if she would say we were dating and she said that it was a distinct possibility.


This isn't the first time he dated someone who didn't kiss him for a few dates. Last I remember, he got tired of it pretty fast. But then he gets tired of all of us pretty fast. That was one of my main concerns with moving forward in the relationship and really getting to the point of building trust with him.

Savvy: So what about the Russian chick?
Chris: Well, it just didn't work out. I guess the age difference and her having a 16-year-old daughter didn't really work.
Savvy: You're as bad as me. No one can keep up with who I'm dating. Even I can't.


We did alot of laughing. We laughed over not being able to fidn the bathroom key and I was almost going to watch the door so he could use the facilities like a secret agent operation, but then they found the key to the men's room. We talked about alot of stuff. In fact, it was the most fun we had together since before he asked me to be his girlfriend, back when he was on his best behavior. There were some really sweet moments with him when he was my boyfriend. I will always cherish those. But I've moved on.

My cousin Lil was concerned.

Lil: He didn't try to get back together with you, did he?
Sav: Oh, no. Besides, I've moved on.
Lil: Good, I mean, i would support you and love you no matter what you decided, but I don't think he's good for you.
Sav: Agreed. There's nothing there for me. It was just fun to meet up with him since I was down there. I'm seeing other people, he's seeing other people, it just isn't there anymore.
Lil: You don't know how happy I am to hear that. He just has too many anger issues.
Sav: I know, I can't forget that. It was scary sometimes.


We said our goodbyes. She doesn't realize it nagged at me the whole time to remember how he felt like he always had to face the door in case something happened. He always had a gun. Always. It was weird. One time he flipped out when he could find his fanny pack to carry his gun with him on a short walk he was taking. He got scary angry then. It's a slightly tolerable oddity in a friend, but not a boyfriend. There's no going back for me, not ever.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Back in the Swing of Things

I called Swing. I didn't know what was going on because I haven't heard from him, but mentioned it to a friend who thought maybe I gave him an ego blow when I suggested we go to the concert in a group. She also thought that maybe I was being too sensitive and that Swing might have just been teasing me. I decided to check it out. He's what I would call shy and dry.

I called about 5 people and then waited for their return calls while I went about my business. It turns out Swing has been feeling a bit of ennui and wanderlust. He seems to like me, but he's been thinking.

Swing: I'm going to be taking a few weeks off to visit my parents in Nebraska and then go to Austin on my way back. I just feel like there's nothing holding me here--no family, no major social life...
Savvy: Wait, are you serious? I was thinking the exact SAME thing just yesterday. I feel like there's nothing holding me here. I'm not married and if I'm going to be a jazz singer, New York is really the place to be. Austin is awesome. I thought about going to UT.
Swing: Yeah, I thought I'd check it out, that movie Slacker is set there.
Savvy: Are you going to visit the bats?
Swing: Bats?
Savvy: Yes, there are bats under the bridge in Austin.
Swing: I guess I'll have to go see them.
Savvy: So when we met, did you think I was a nut job?
Swing: I didn't really know what to think.
Savvy: I said all that stuff cause I just broke up with someone.
Swing: I think you've mentioned that every time we spoke.
Savvy: Really?
Swing: I think you mentioned it at the dinner thing.
Savvy: Oooohh, Bill was trying to get me to talk about that. Ummm...that was someone else I dated after the other guy. I'm totally OK with it now. It needed to be over, it just hurt at the time.
Swing: Well, it seems like you have a pretty easy time of meeting people.
Savvy: Ummm, well, sort of. I'm really friendly. And I always want to be friends with people if things aren't going to work out, but not everyone feels the same way. It's such a small world and when you might run into someone again...
Swing: Yeah. Sounds good.
Savvy: I know how it is to have a hard time meeting people. It's tough out here.
Swing: I thought it was just me. I started daincing to meet more people.
Savvy: I did too! Though I never met anyone worth dating.
Swing: Me either.
Savvy: I mean, I met someone, but the more he talked the more I heard him stay things about showing up to work still drunk, or about how much he liked to drink.
Swing: Sounds like he was warning you, and you were listening.
Savvy: Yeah, that's what I always say.
Swing: So, this concert is on Thursday, so how about I pick you up at 7.
Savvy: OK. Sounds fun. If you want to dance with other people, I'm OK with that because I can't swing dance right now with a torn rotator cuff.
Swing: It's OK. We can always just sit and listen.


How sweet! We said our goodbyes.

I always think it's a bad thing when a man needs time to "think". He wants a more interesting job. It means he feels unsettled and he doesn't know what he wants. But then neither do I. New York City is the capital of jazz. Sometimes I think I should go there and work on my singing career in the absense of anything "tying me down." Everyone thinks I should be doing something exciting with my single life. Whatever. It's just interesting that we're in a similar place. We can at least be friends. I'm wondering if I should kiss him at the end of our date. I mean, it could be the start of something, but it could also be our last date if he's going to move...hmmm.

When I met Swing---Dating Blunders of a Dating Wonder

Timeshare Condo No Go

A free trip and $100 American Express gift card if I would just go to a timeshare presentation. My parents have a timeshare. Hmmm, sure, why not?

They made me leave a $20 deposit. I guess they do that to know if you might be serious about going rather than waster their time setting appointments. Sure, why not? they said I would get it back.

So I showed up on Saturday morning with a lovely migraine as my guest. I wasn't in the best of moods for a presentation, but I've been thinking I should vacation more than I have been. At least I would get the free one and who doesn't need $100??

Why they do things the way they do...
Offering free vacations is cheaper than paid advertising on television.

You are pre-qualified--you have to make enough money or they won't bother to have you listen to the presentation.

They use heart-felt stories about how well kids remember vacations.

They get you to participate in the sales pitch by asking questions.

They have you do a worksheet with them to show you how much you'll be "saving" by "owning".

They use the idea of "ownership" as a ploy. You won't end up "owning" anything but a week of time. If the whole resort were to burn down, it's not like a 100 unit high rise condo where you own the value of 1% of the land. You own less than that. It's like owning a week of that 1%. What is 1/52 of 1% worth?

Why it's a bad idea
On a "point system" more expensive hotels cost more points, therefore more money. You may not end up saving very much, the points system disguises that.

There are also fees for exchanging to another week/location.

I pay less for a room because I stay at places like Extended Stay America which is usually very reasonable.

They are trying to pry you away from youur money and charging you alot of interst to finance (13% in this case) so they can fund building new resorts "debt free". They save themselves from getting loans by have YOU bankroll their developments.

Sales: You can always refinance at the bank later and we don't charge interest for the first 90 days.

How I got out...

Savvy: I would like to check with my bank about this first. I don't have $10,000 ready to go in cash. Honestly, I'd rather invest my money at my bank which gives me 5% interest than give THEM my money where they get an extra 13%.

Savvy: Do you have a calculator? Of course he didn't. Scratch paper? I worked it out that in simple interest per year, I would be paying out over 1300 each year. I could vacation with that.

Sales: You can't do it like that. So now my math was wrong too? I doubt it.

Savvy: Right, it's compound interest, which means it's even more, but in simple interest, it's $1300. I'm just not comfortable with that.

Sales: I can see that. Let me introduce you to the guy who can give you your free gift for coming in.


He passed me to someone who was willing to sell a one-year trial membership to me where he promised he didn't get anything out of it. Hmmm....except I had to listen to this prepared presentation he had. I asked for a calculator. It worked out to about $90 a night--in the offseason for where I wanted to go.




Hmmm, thanks anyway. Why would I give them my money in advance??

A typical sales technique is to creat a sense of urgency. Act now and get...
Sales: If you sign up today for this special, it locks in the amount we promised you today. Riiight. Whatever. I know where the office is. It's not going to dissappear. I'll bet someone would be dying to let me buy it tomorrow for the same price if I just showed up.

In any case, I decided that I'll go to another time share presentation another time. Why not? I don't mind getting free stuff. Of course, I'll have to make sure I get the deposit back, etc.

Helpful article on About.com:
Timeshare Ownership
Timeshare Freebies--Are they for real?

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Walking Tall

I ran into Tall at one of our happy hours. He chatted away with two women and I figured he wouldn't want to be bothered, but he did want to be bothered. I don't really mind seeing him, I just didn't expect he wanted so much attention from me when I ran into him again.

Tall: Hi savvy, hi. Oh fine, be that way, don't say hi.
Savvy: I did say hi. I waved to you from across the room, didn't I?
Tall: Oh fine, yes you did.


Really, what did he want?? He doesn't want to date me. As the crowd thinned, he remained. He still wanted to be around me. Maybe he genuinely did care for me, but just did a bad job of showing it. I'm still not going back. He made it clear that he wants a girl who will put out. Maybe that's when he started realizing that he's missing out on someone really great.

He walked me to my car.
Tall: I'm sorry I didn't call you. I got really overwhelmed with work.
Savvy: Overwhelmed with work?
Tall: Yes. My boss wasn't as helpful as he could have been and I was swamped.
Savvy: Happens.
Tall: I was really glad to be out of the office with alot of meeting today.
Savvy: Lucky you. Nice suit. Oh my god, please tell me my car hasn't been hit!!


I panicked, but it was just a weird reflection.

Tall: You still haven't washed your car.

Gee. So what? I have my reasons and issues right now--chronic migraines. No place to put my classroom stuff. Still feeling sentimental about the '08 a senior painted on my car. Plus it rained recently.

Savvy: Ok, well, goodnight.
Tall: Goodnight.


As I gave him a quick side hug, he kissed the top of my head. It was kind of sweet. So it made me think he finds me cute and endearing or charming and enchanting even though he doesn't want to date me. It's OK. I don't want to date him either. We're on opposite sides of the slutty spectrum, opposite sides of the political spectrum and opposite side of the religion spectrum. It's just a non-workable situation. But if he can be respectful and find me cute and charming, I suppose we'll get along well enough.


Friday, July 18, 2008

Are We Bitter?

Today my friend Jonas and I discussed our desires for better jobs and compared our dating war wounds. Jonas was a witness to my most shining hour in Love Is Helping Drunk People. He's been teasing me about singing my heart out while tipsy ever since. Jonas called his most recent flame a "bitch" for not phoning him when she returned from vacation. He said he withheld affection because he was concerned that he had been too affectionate in the past and that caused women to walk all over him. He said he counted every handhold, every caress and every kiss. We didn't do this in our twenties. Are we bitter?

Our late teens and early twenties were a time of great hope and optimism. We could change the world then. It was before we were disappointed in our jobs, financial portfolios, marriages, friends and children or lack thereof. We can't seem to connect with people in the way that we hoped--like we did in our teens and early twenties. Then we thought love should last forever. Today we can't seem to find those who are willing to bend into a relationship. And it's all of us? Have we been hurt too many times? Have we given our hearts too many times? Have we slept with too many people or not enough? Are there rules, magic tricks, tips or potions that might help? Special prayers? Incantations? Positive thinking? Have we tried it all and still come up with nothing? Are once tender hearts too hard? How is it that we fail to love and be loved?

We may be too harsh with ourselves. Authors 100 years ago wrote of unhappy, unfulfilling marriages. Just have a read of almost any Edith Wharton novel. I also recently read The Pastor's Wife where a woman unwisely marries a man she hardly knows--a pastor in East Prussia. She becomes ill from 6 pregnancies. Back then there was no birth control and she was ignored. She was tempted to run away with an artist who seemed to want to love her in the way she had hoped. Instead, she returned to a man who hardly missed her. Sounds miserable.

I also recently read Thuderstruck--a novelized true incident which served as the basis for Hitchcock's Rear Window. A quiet Englishman and his loud spend-thrift actress wife finally ended things. He poisoned her, deboned her and hid her skin in the cellar. They never found a single bone. He said she had moved away to America. He moved his secretary/mistress into the house and paraded around town with her. They would have gotten away to America with her disguised as a boy had it not been for Marconi's obsession with perfecting cross-Atlantic wireless communication. They were recognized. She was proven innocent, he was sooooo guilty in a time when divorce would have been an equally great scandal. All this before the Titanic sank.

People once complained about bad marriages, now we refuse to settle for them. Are we now commitmentphobic ? Are we bitter finding ourselves single again after ending bad marriages? Anger and rage seem commonplace. I was slowing to turn into a parking lot today and was cursed at by a man driving a truck for a uniform delivery service. I followed to where his delivery was and called the company to report him. Do we not realize how difficult we truly are? Sure, we live in high-pressure times with bank forclosures threatening to hail in yet another Great Depression, but is that any excuse?

I wonder, though, if most marriages were good enough. We all have our quirks, maybe we just need to learn how to live with each other's quirks. Sometimes it seems like everyone is just about the same but the outside changes. Blond, brunette, brown, bald, silver...Our real saving grace is to take a hard look before we leap. Make sure the person we want to trust with our hearts is truly capable of taking care of it. Take it slowly, but not too slowly. Do things you both enjoy. Look for signs of emotional health and willingness to communicate. Honestly, that's been a key issue in my situations. I've been willing to give things a shot but the other person wasn't. And some have thought me foolish for some of the situations I tried to make work. Maybe a little... Some guys became critical and abusive when they didn't get their way. Some became disrespectful when I shared something that was important to me. (table manners and personal hygiene issues. Sorry, dirty fingernails and slurping food is really not sexy, nor is becoming angry when asked to be aware or pressuring me to have sex before I am ready.) Some were immature and incapable of a relationship. I know I'm not commitment-phobic.

Commitment-phobia is running away from a good thing. Self-preservation is running from a bad thing--someone who shows signs of anger, disrespect, instability or immaturity (relative to their age) or some other character flaw. Wisdom is also walking away from a situation which will bring you unhappiness in the future--don't enter into a relationship with someone who "warns" you that they don't believe in marriage or don't want children and you do. Sticking with someone who doesn't seem to like you that much in hopes of bringing them around is unwise. Hoping someone will change this about themselves is a sure path to bitterness.

Bitterness can be avoided. Of course, if you give in to it, there are some helpful guides out there:
The Bitter Man's Guide to Dating or
The Bitter Woman's Guide to Dating


I read up on him...he seems to be a nice guy who plays with jazz bands. I sing jazz. Maybe there will be two less bitter people in the world. Who knows!! I'll friend him on myspace. ;)


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

My Non-Dating Dude

For one year of graduate school, I had a very intense emotional and spiritual relationship when I Kissed Dating Goodbye. We spent every weekend, all weekend together. We went for coffee, out to dinner, took classes together, went hiking together, spent days of randomness together, went to church together, led worship together...but we weren't dating. HUH?? Everyone thought we were lying.

It happened in everyone's full view at the School of Music. They saw us walking and talking together. They saw us flirting. I would sit next to him during football games while he played with the band. We discussed spiritual topics over coffee and did homework together. He played guitar for me and sang to me. His ex-girlfriend accused him of breaking up with her to date me. He told everyone that "we met on an elevator." Sometimes he would look at me, say, "Cute as a button" and touched my nose.

We almost kissed once. He gave me a lingering hug goodnight. He placed his hands on the wall around me and leaned closer. I looked down and away though we stayed inches apart. The funny thing about that moment not going anywhere was that he had thrush on his tongue--that's a yeast infection in your mouth. So, I wasn't too eager to kiss him, but we cared about each other very deeply, and that was a very intimate moment. He was everything a boyfriend should be. He called me all the time, we would meet for lunch and dinner on campus. People saw us together all the time. He drove an hour to hear me sing. We put together a trio where I sang and he played his instrument. I met his family and stayed the night there.

Never mind that he was enraptured with I Kissed Dating Goodbye and didn't see us getting married. He had admitted that if he was older than me as opposed to a few years younger, I was exactly what he was looking for.

In the midst of that, a girl who had never had a boyfriend, accused him of leading her on. She had a lot of health problems. He put him arm around her as they walked down the hall as a friendly gesture. To her, it was the whole world. Even I thought her accusation went too far. But there were those who took her side. Guys don't do that usually if they don't like you like that way. Though in European culture it is common to kiss people on both cheeks in greeting.

For allegedly not dating, our breakup was really bad. He went away for the summer and didn't contact me at all. It was very difficult for me. When he came back he declared that what we had been doing was wrong and he didn't feel like we should spend so much time together and called it our sin. Ironically, I just found those letters today--along with the cute little ecards he had sent me.

People were confused and asked me what was going on. His roommates thought I was making things up, even though they had seen us spend time together. He took me hiking for my birthday and we had fallen asleep on opposite ends of the couch. Others thought we had been lying about us being "just friends" when they had seen evidence of a strong spiritual and emotional relationship. He said, "If you really like me, just think how much more awesome the guy for you is going to be. I just don't think it's me." Where is that guy? Bass said the same thing really. "I can't be the only guy. You're really sexy and sweet. You won't be alone for long." Really? So how come I'm still alone?

His friends didn't get what it was really like until he met a girl the next summer at the same summer camp where he worked the summer before. He called and texted her throughout the day. He neglected his studies and texted her during class. When my informant from the school of music told me about this, I said, "Imagine even if he did a 3rd of that." He replied, "Wow. Now I get it." I hadn't dated or kissed anyone in three years, except for him--which hardly counts. Before that I didn't date anyone between my ex-fiance and a relationship with a much-older man. When I hit New York, I didn't date much either, but felt like I had to try. I'm still in that mode today.

It may seem to some that I'm looking for love in some wrong places, but I've been going out on dates with people and getting to know them. That's what dating is for. I'm making mistakes now that my cousins made in college. I choose who I go out with and who I kiss for reasons I determine at that time. I'd rather have some trial and error than sit at home and knit. Besides it's hard to find a guy in his 30s or 40s who doesn't have some baggage. Guys in the their 20s are busy working on their careers--at least it seems so. It takes time to suss out if it might be worth pursuing.

No one in my family quite understands how this could have been a relationship without kissing or us calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend. Therein lies the dilemma of being "special friends" or non-dating. It's something, you know it is. But people who haven't seen it or heard of it don't understand. I don't quite understand how I got myself into that mess. Today I would only spend that much time with a man if we are dating seriously and talking about getting engaged. I wonder when that will come for me. I've come so close to being with someone at the altar, so close to that special kind of commitment and yet it eludes me. And not just me, but so many of us. I don't appreciate the view that something is wrong with us because we are still single. Settling for a non-dating dude at this point is tantamount to torture. That's why I hate that book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Please read the reviews on Amazon and on Barnes and Noble. I know I'm not alone.

Please visit:
http://ikdg.wordpress.com is it wisdom or foolishness?

Monday, July 14, 2008

A Ring By Next Spring!!

No, not a ring on the phone, an engagement ring!! I am certifiably annoyed with the holier-than-thou set at church today. A lady who married at the "ripe old age" of 24 gave me an earful about being single--as if she ever really knew what it was to truly be single. Next week she swears she will bring me a book that promises if you do EVERYTHING the book says, you will be married at the end of 6 months. ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!??????

I haven't gone to this church in awhile and I felt really demonized. This "Single at 24" lady asked if I was doing better than the last time I came because, well, everyone was curious about Astro being that I brought him, we were holding hands and then broke up in the church parking lot. One lady in particular got especially curious but turned it into her chance to argue her case for NOT dating.

I brought a copy of some articles from my blog for a guy who had made me fell bad last time I went when I had just broken up with Astro. His first question for me was, Have you considered not dating? Elisabeth Elliot has a great book called Passion and Purity.

Well, I wasn't hiding under a rock. I've been there, done that and bought the T-shirt. I've worn that T-shirt until it fell apart then bought another. In fact, I even redesigned the T-shirt and sold it on ebay. What am I supposed to say to the crap? What's so bad about dating??? Are you going to wait until you want to marry someone to ask them to go for a cup of coffee? That's when a cup of coffee might seriously boil over in your hands from all the pressure! You could turn a lump of coal into a diamond easily and we'll all be rich that way...actually, go ahead then, just please hold a lump of coal every time you pray for guidance and go on these lethal coffee dates. Diamonds are a girl's best friend!

According to 24, I'm supposed to enjoy my single life and go out on group dates. As if I don't!! I should go to Bible study and just enjoy the company of others. As if I haven't!! She enjoyed being single at 24. Gee, who DIDN'T?? Honestly, I was thinking I NEVER wanted to marry, or that I at least wanted to delay it for quite some time. I was engaged at 24 and I was not happy. It's not like guys were chasing me down just because I didn't want to marry and they aren't beating my door down now that I do, though I do have more dates. And I do confess to being tired and taking a little bit of time off--but I won't confess that to them. It's just that I have alot to figure out right now.

Dating is selfish. You are only focused on the other person rather than talking about something else and learning about each other that way. I gave up dating and then I met my husband soon after. I was old and people were all setting me up. I had friends who married at 16.

Where? Tennessee?

I gave up dating and I just gave up dating. I'm still single. So I feel like I have to make up for all the years of not dating by dating. I figured that maybe not dating = not married. All that time of least expecting turned into thinking maybe I should actually open my eyes and look.

What does 24 REALLY know about dating? At 24 how much did she even date? How many guys? How many dates each? How many first dates? How many dreams deferred? How many guys broke her heart? How often does she get prospositioned for sex?

I am a professional dater and I blog about it. I sing. I'm looking for a job right now. I have a life. I have a life alone, sure with God. But all my decisions are by myself, for myself and about myself--and God. It's not what I expected. It's not waht I grew up around. And I have some snot telling me I'm being selfish because I want to get married.

24: What do you want? Sex? Love? Children?
Sav: I guess. What's wrong with those things? You have them?
24: Marriage is no picnic. It's not going to solve all your problems.
Sav: Who said that? I just think 2 are better than one.
24: It's just selfish. You should focus on others, giving.
Sav: But I do! I have alot to give someone. I'm really special. I have alot to offer.
24: Are you even involved in anything? Bible study?
Sav: Sure, when I can. I don't really know where I will be next year and this church is kind of far actually.
(Besides Bible studies are on break over the summer.)
24: God should be first in your life and everything comes from that.
Sav: I'm here, aren't I? It's a start, isn't it?


I really don't see myself dating anyone there and I'm not sure I should even return at this point. I'm curious about the book. I want to blog about it. I've read alot of books people have offered to me. I have a life. It was insulting. Why do I feel like married people talk down to us singles sometimes? Am I the only one who feels that way?

I gave that guy a copy of Biblical Ways of Knowing She's the One and told him it's supposed to be funny. He doesn't have a sense of humor. I also told him I hate the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. He can't figure out why. Not only that, for all his terrific spiritual qualities that everyone else sees, I found him to be dismissive and rude toward me. But that's OK because I'm the spawn of Satan demon dater. Never mind the fact that I have had so many guys break up with me because thy think I'm too religious. *SIGH*

Biblical Ways of Knowing She's the One

Some of you may remember this article from when we were just figuring out that we were single: Singled Out by God for Good by Paige Benton Brown

Sunday, July 13, 2008

To Flirt Or Not To Flirt, That Is The Question

My name is Savvy and I am a flirtaholic. I can't help it. When I see a good-looking guy I start to get giddy on the inside and I can't help myself. I want to flirt. I'm not married, I have no outlet for these feelings. If I had a husband things would be different and I could flirt with him. Sometimes I'm subtle. I look, I smile, I look away again. I mirror his body posture. I'm on a mission to stop for awhile, especially since I was bested by a far better flirt.

I went to a jam session where singers and musicians all interchange from song to song or every couple of songs. A really cute bass player got up there and I did my thing a little bit. I was watching him play. Then I would smile his way and look away. He seemed to be looking at me too. Then a singer got up there who sang, You'd be so nice to come home to. Cute then played a Bass solo. he was great. While another guy played a solo, she bantered with him.

Best: Wow. That was hot. Are you married? Cause you'd be so nice to come home to.
She went back and sang directly to him. The song ended.

Best: You never answered my question. Are you married?
Cute: No, I'm not married.


The whole drama had unfolded before my very eyes onstage for all to see. She started giving out her cards to some people and gave her card to him. I was disheartened. I had been hopeful. Then when I left I was accosted by some guy who I hadn't even met before who wanted to walk me to my car, hug me, give me his card, know my sign and make sure I got home OK. I was so confused. I hadn't even spoken to him. I hadn't even flirted with him!!

I flirt, I find. I don't flirt, I still find. You just never know what you're going to get. I would have had more fun in flirtatious banter, but really, I'm there to sing and make some connections, not date. I don't want people to think I'm easy or that I sleep around. Unless the guy seems really amazing. Romance is so elusive and so confusing.

One time I wasn't remotely flirting with someone and still ended up with a shadow. I was KIND to a guy when he sprained his ankle. I got him an ice pack like one would for a kid. Next thing I knew he drove 80 miles just to see me sing in a show. And for Anon who thinks I say yes to everyone who gives me the time of day, I told him I didn't feel comfortable having dinner with him because that would be too much like a date and I didn't want to lead him on.

Maybe I'm just kind, friendly and funny. Maybe alot of women aren't. Maybe some people take that to mean something it's not. Someone told me friendly = easy. I'm not. It could be that men often mistake friendly behavior for flirting because they just don't know any better. They want to believe that the woman is flirting with him. I was twirling my hair over dinner with I guy I disdained. He said: I saw on Oprah that if a girl is twirling her hair, she's flirting with you. I quickly dropped my hand to my lap and said flatly, Not necessarily.

Well, Anon, and anyone else, maybe I get alot of attention because my personality is a attractive and inviting. Maybe I give a few more guys a chance than I should, but I spent alot of time not dating and then believed it was even wrong for awhile. I really did want to be courted. But when no one came acourtin' I brushed up on my flirting and dating skills. I think I'm going to be OK.

Interesting reading:

Why the Female Flirt is Wasting Her Time

How Men Misread Body Language

What Is Flirting?

On second thought, after reading this last article, I've decided that flirting is OK. If babies flirt, then I can flirt. If men misread friendliness for flirting, then it's important to set clear boundaries if they think they are responding to my flirtatious. Flirting is the grease that keeps things running smoothly. I can tell when someone is flirting just to flirt and someone is flirting because they want a date. I judge myself to be acceptable and find myself not guilty of the charge of dating men who just give me the time of day...ahem, as written a looong time ago...

No Date Required

I also never went out with Bill who made a move for me in The Reverse Stalking of Bass.

And, though I didn't blog about it, I recently pulled my hand away from a guy who started flirting with me a little innappropriately. I probably say no alot more than I say yes, but that's so boring to write about.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Friends With Benefits--Benefit Summary Prospectus

Why no woman should ever consent to a friends with benefits situation. If you want just sex, you can get more out of becoming a prostitute in Nevada where it's legal. Why not just sign up for a polygamous sect--that's what it's like for men--a smorgasbord of women.





See the original blog entry and a bigger picture at:
www.makelovenotdebt.com

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Ain't Got That Swing

It don't mean a thing
If it ain't got that swing!!


I ain't got that Swing. That's for shizzle. I called Swing because it had been a week since I had heard from him and we were supposed to go to a concert. More than a week actually. As we know from our summer reading, that's a definite sign that he's just not that into me.

It was a strange day anyway. I was in his town which is quite far from me. I had quite a few hours with nothing to do and stopped by a university to use their practice rooms to play piano. I finally called him as I was on my way to the party, which prompted him to show up. I thought he would want to talk to me a little bit more than he did. When I asked him to sit by me enthusiastically patting the chair, his response floored me.

Swing: Possessive, aren't you?
Savvy: Huh? Not really, just no one has been sitting there.


(Honestly, I felt a bit left out when people were sitting far across from me. Plus, I felt left out because the last group was a bit geriatric...that sounds mean, but one of the ladies was a grandmother, 2 had late husbands. Someday I will be someone's late wife but that's because I'm always late. And finally, he was there because I had called him.)

In any case, the concert we were supposed to go is cancelled. There's another one coming up, but I don't know how I feel about still going. I can't really dance swing with a messed up right shoulder. I would have been sending him off to dance with other people the whole night.

After dinner I snuggled up (not too snug) between Swing and Bill. Swing tolerated it for awhile, but then he moved away from me. Bad sign yet again.

But it was a good sign that he and Bill stayed with me to talk. Swing sat nearest to me facing toward me. But then turned away. It's weird, I thought we were at least friends.

Bill stayed with me a bit longer than Swing to listen to me talk about how frustrating it is that guys talk so dirty and I don't. Some guy had called his ex-wife a bitch and it really bothered me. He kissed me on the cheek in parting. I had a bit of a flashback to the night that Bill kissed me on the lips in the parking lot. I had just broken up with Bass--if you can really break up with someone who isn't officially your boyfriend.

I'm so confused by all I have been through this year..all I have blogged about. I need a break. I wish I liked Bill romantically, but I do like him as a friend.

Really, that's OK by me. I really do need some time off from dating anyway. Maybe I'll go to that concert by myself so I don't have to deal with someone potentially wrenching my arm out of its socket and further tearing my rotator cuff.