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Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Secret and Christianity

Wherever I turn, it seems like someone is talking about The Secret. Just yesterday a lady I met sailing told me I should get it. What is it? Should Christians be reading it or watching the movie? I decided to look into it myself and see if it there is anything to it.

The author asserts that the Secret has been hidden and suppressed throughout the ages. But the Secret seems to be everywhere. The Bible mentions things that sounds vaguely like the Secret.

Ephesians 4:22-24
22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Ephesians 5:19:
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord.


Aren't these things focused on right and pure thinking as the basis for fellowship? The Bible teaches us to be grateful and thankful to the Lord. Isn't this the foundation of the The Secret?

The Secret lends itself to the "name it and claim it" idea of the Gospel without Jesus. These scriptures are quoted in the book.

Matthew 21:22:
If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

Mark 11:24

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Some things make sense. If you constantly think you will never be happy, it should come as no surprise that you are never happy. If you are grateful for your life and everything in it people will want to be around you. People like happy people. I know I do!

However, the Secret is also cruel.
--The law of attraction is a law of nature. It is as impartial as the law of gravity.
--Nothing can come into your experience unless you summon it through persistent thoughts.

The philosophy of it goes like this:
I attracted my car accident. It's a common occurence that I was concerned about. I didn't want to get whiplash just as I was ending treatment for my neck/head injury from last year--and it occurred just as I was assuming the title to the car. How unserendipitous! It led to me being sick for a month and losing a relationship I valued.

Jeepers! It makes me wonder if it's true!! But with that thinking, they would even add that I somehow attracted all the misadventures of Bass--but how could I have imagined that anyone would do the things that he did? I don't think he even imagined that he could do anything so cruel. I somehow attracted myself to the same place that I have been with Bass on my date with Astro?

But how can one say that a child summons a parent beating them through persistent thoughts? The explanation for mass atrocities and genocides were that the people were somehow resonating in a way that attracted them to that event. Something about that is inherently evil.

It is against Christian theology to believe in one's own divinity. Rather, we are to be humble.
Galatians 6:3

If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

The Secret definitely goes against the Christian grain.
You are God in a physical body. You are Spirit in the flesh. You are eternal life expressing itself as You. You are cosmic being. You are all power. You are magnificence. You are the creator, and you are creating the creation of You on this planet. p164

Overall, it's an interesting concept. Some things are even worth practicing. There is certainly nothing wrong with gratitude or with focusing on what you want to acheieve in your life. What I have seen of the film is very entertaining and dramatic. It's worth watching. But like with a little mold growth on cheese, you have to cut out what you can't swallow.

---------------------------
Links:

http://www.youtube.com You can watch the first 20 minutes of the film for free.

http://www.thesecret.tv You can watch the film online for just $4.95

http://www.thelawofattractionforchristians.com

The Secret, The Bible and The Answer

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Deja Vu

I don't mind feeling like I've been somewhere before. I just mind when it's somewhere I've been with Bass and I'm on a date with Astro. I went to a beach bonfire with Astro. On the way there, we crossed paths with the Beach Bike Ride of one month ago when I found out that Love is Like a Hurricane.

I tried to be cheerful. I didn't realize how far the bike ride was. I wasn't even sore the next day. I felt cheated. I'm sure Astro didn't see my sightly pained expression remembering a fairly awful day that was supposed to be completely different than it was. Before things went down with Bass at karaoke, I imagined that we would spend the day together as a date.

My second date with Astro almost didn't happen because we had miscommunicated about the time. He thought I stood him up, but I actually didn't know what time we had said! Was is quarter till? quarter after? On the dot? I was waiting for his phone call. He was driving home when I told him, I was really looking forward to spending time with you. I would be sad if we didn't go out tonight. He said that was the way to his heart.

I nonchalantly stabbed marshmallows into the huge fire like fencing practice. I felt a little bit panicky when he said, You're my kind of crazy. I feel like I can be myself around you. Bass said that and then...

When Astro told me how great he thinks I am, but was hemming and hawing about commitment I could honestly say, If you want to date me, date me. If you don't want to date me, don't date me. Just be decent about it so that we can be friends if we aren't going to date.

It was our second date. I hadn't asked him about exclusivity. I won't even bring that up. After Bass, its going to take awhile before I can trust someone again. The chambers of my heart are calloused. The bike path was orange lit and ghostly. I feel haunted.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

What's to Become of Me?


Every single has to make choices in his or her life. Fortunately or unfortunately, the decisions are yours and yours alone to make. I am faced with another job search. I don't know where I will end up. I don't even know how to to choose where to go by myself. I had no idea I would be making so many decisions all by myself.


Not too long ago, I had a job working just a few miles away from where Bass lived, but we didn't know each other then. Perhaps things might have turned out differently at work had I had him as a boyfriend (or even a friend) and been able to stay at his place. The drive would have been so easy (5 minutes) and might have been able to save me from the torture of the variable commute stuck in traffic--anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and a half. I had hopes of moving closer to him if I had to find another teaching job when he said, Wow, you were so close to me. Fantasize all I want, I didn't know him and when I did know him, he ended up being a jerk.

I feel so directionless. Am I the only single who has endured a parent or two saying When I was your age, I had two children, a house and a husband? Even a guy I was dating hammered me with, You're so immature for your age. When my mom was your age she had two kids, a house and a husband. It makes me feel like I contribute nothing to the greater good if I don't have two kids, a house and a husband.

Do people really think that all I have to do is say yes to some guy who asks me to marry him? Do they think I've chosen to turn down all of these nameless, faceless guys? Seriously, what kind of bizarre fantasy world do they live in? I have only had one guy ask me to marry him and we were not compatible.

I try, but it seems so difficult to form stable, lasting relationships with mutual interst, compatibility and attraction. Bass was overly attentive and broke my heart. Astro is hardly attentive so the stakes are low if he decides to stand me up on Friday. It makes me long for New York a little bit. At least there I KNEW I had signed up for living a bohemian existence.

I feel like a feather being blown in the wind. I don't know how long I will float or where I will land.









Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Traffic School

One of the things I have to do on my sick day is complete and 8 hour traffic school course. I was very naughty and on the first day of school made a left turn into the school because I was running so late. Bad idea. There was a sign posted.

One of the problems I am having with the online traffic school is that I read REALLY fast. I am a writer, after all. I have always read really fast. In fact I read so fast that people don't believe it. I read whole memos at a glance when I hand them to people. I have read the MOST INTERESTING documents. When I was temping for a medical manufacturer of breast implants, I read everything that they asked us to photocopy. They were none the wiser that I was doing this on their dime. They complimented me on my fast work.

Apparently my fast mouth is legendary.
Principal: Tell me you did not tell the police officer to put the ticket in your box because you had to get to class.
MissD: Ummm. OK. I didn't tell him that.
Principal: Look, she's turning red. Now I KNOW you said that.

Yep, got me. It was the first day of school. I was totally freaked out and the traffic was way worse than I expected.

It's ok, it's giving me a chance to catch up on listening to all the wonderful things on YouTube. I'm addicted to Royal Crown Revue right now. Check them out!! Royal Crown Revue in The Mask with Jim Carrey. Hey Pachuco! You can also visit their cool website with videos and a music player. www.rcr.com


Oopsy! Overdue Bills!!

Sometimes an overdue bill can be an undue burden. I opened my Bloomingdale's bill only to discover that I hadn't even seen the bill 2 months ago. This month's bill somehow escaped being opened until after the due date. Shoot. As if I didn't have enough trouble right now!

I decided to do my best to finagle. I mean, I had nothing to lose but $60 of my hard earned money.

Savvy: Um, hi. I have a little bit of a problem. I'm a bit behind on my bill.
Becky: Please tell me your name and we'll verify your information so we can look at your account.
Savvy: Well, I was in an accident a month ago and I sort of lost track of things...

then I told her all about Bass dissing me after the accident only to show up with another girl, etc, etc. I made it all as dramatic as possible without exaggerating.
Needless to say, I've been a little distracted.
Becky: Of course. Anyone would! As a courtesy to you, I can take off one month. But gosh you've been through so much, let me see what Bloomingdale's can do to help. Give me a few minutes and I'll talk to my manager.
Savvy: Thanks so much! And when you come back I'll tell you another story.


She got all the late charges dismissed. She reversed finance charges for one month. She's my hero! In exchange, I read her all the cards I'm sending to Post Secret--including the ones I haven't told you about. She loved them.

See, it never hurts to try. Just be sweet, be charming, be yourself and be sincere. We helped each other out in a way. Now she will have this really great story to tell her friends. I relieved her work boredom--I know what it's like to have a phone job. It can be pretty awful and that's just the monotony of sitting on the phone. People can be really rude to phone center people so it's really refreshing to them when you are extra nice to them. And she made me loyal to Bloomingdale's. I won't forget her act of kindness.

The same thing happened when I called a collection agency for a bill that had slipped through the cracks as I traipsed across the United States driving from state to state and living in New York for awhile. Finally the bill found me.

Savvy: I'm calling to pay my bill.
Phone: Are you serious?
Savvy: Yes. I was moving around and I lost track of it.
Phone: Wait just a second. Let me pull up your information.
I could hear her smile from the other side of the country.
Savvy: Unfortunately this kind of messed up my credit report.
Phone: Well, don't you worry about that. I'll see what I can do.
To friends: This nice lady called to pay her bill. Can you believe it? This never happens. You wouldn't believe the things people say.
I waited.
Phone: Since you were so nice, we're going to contact your credit agency and tell them that we made a mistake.
Savvy: Wow, really? Thanks so much.


Sure enough, the mark was removed from my credit report. Seriously, it's that easy. Again, be sweet, be charming, be yourself and be sincere. When you are, even people you don't know will go out of their way to help you.



Monday, April 21, 2008

Return of the Replacement


I had an extra ticket to go to car races and invited my old replacement, J. He's the same J as Love is Like Football and Love is Just Like High School. We are forging a friendship. He wants to be known as Manbag on my blog since he had one. I don't know about that...



Of course, Bass came up in the conversation.
D:So, I dated Bass after bowling.
J: You did? I wondered about that.
D: Really? So you caught on that something was up.
J: Yes. You said "Bass is with a girl."
D: Oh, I guess it was pretty obvious.
J: No, you were actually pretty cool about it. Let me get this straight...I was your Plan B?
D: Um...well...I did like you, but then I met Bass that night at bowling and I didn't know what to do because he was already asking me out.
J: Seriously? That takes game. He's really got his shit together. He's got a house, he's good looking, he dresses well.
D: He's a jerk...
J: Yeah, but chicks dig that other stuff. I need to get some of that going on.
D: I liked that we were both so into music.
J: Yeah, musician chicks really dig that.
D: His parents helped him with the down payment to that house...
J: So I was your Plan B...that's actually kinda hot.
D: Are you serious?
J: Yeah I'm serious. He dissed you and then you showed up with me. That's hot. I mean like you, but I wasn't sure about going into a relationship, so I was OK with him cutting in. You flirt alot and that's a little bit of a turnoff for me. I also think it attracts the wrong element.
D: I'm digging our just friends vibe. Everything gets so complicated after college.
J: Yeah, you noticed that too, huh?
D: I'm digging it because it's cool to have friends. The wrong element? What do you mean?
J: OK, think about it, at bowling you were getting alot of attention from the guys. And then when we went to the pool hall it was you and 5 guys. It must have been a real ego rush for him to walk out with you. It was like he won something. But then maybe he just wasn't that into you.
D: I don't know about that. Other people think he scared himself.
J: It's impossible to know. The only person who knows is him and he would have to be really in touch with himself and his feelings and I get the impression that he isn't. He probably doens't even know why.
D: Great. What good are you if you can't help me come up with some answers. You're a guy. A guy with a manbag.
J: I happen to like my manbag. You should call me Manbag on your blog. I'd love to read it. Can I?
D: Umm...no. You already know too much.


We looked around the venue for our aquaintances but couldn't find them and their phone was off. Bummer. Half the fun of going was supposed to be to crash their reserved seating area and binge on their leftover snacks. We had fun even without finding them. J bought lunch in exchange for the tickets. A fun lunch of turkey legs, tri tip and corn. Fair food. And very large beers.

D: So the one thing I wish I had done was to ruin his night by sitting down and saying "Does this mean we aren't dating anymore?" right in front of his date.
J: Really? I soooo wish you had done that. That would have been fun.
D: You're so crazy. I had no idea you would like drama like that.
J: Normally I don't, but that would have been really awesome drama to watch.
D: OMG. You're hysterical.
J: I'm just saying I would have appreciated the show.

I'm sure he's imagining what I did when I wrote Slap That Bass.

J is definitely cool. I'm glad we ended up talking openly about it. Though it would have been cool to have sent in a postcard to Post Secret with my "secret". I was just using you to get back at him and it backfired.

Except that I wasn't just using him. He was my friend and I was interested in him at one point. I did want to find out if there was anything there and I found a friend. A friend who makes me laugh. A friend who has a bohemian heart like mine. He's going to just quit his job to go to Alaska for no real reason--I just think that's cool. A friend who tells me it's still pretty obvious that I am on the rebound. A friend who is man enough to have a manbag!

Astronomical!

I might have made a boy almost cry, but I'm not really sure. I was supposed to go out with Astro tonight and he TEXTED me to cancel! I've been feeling really sick, so much so that I missed Friday, called in sick today, and will also be out tomorrow.

I didn't really know WHAT to think, but I was annoyed and mystified. Actually, some of my sick time today counts as work comp. I was at the doctors office...

Astro: TEXT. Have to teach 2nite. Need a raincheck.
Savvy: VOICEMAIL. That's totally OK. I was hoping I would feel better for tonight, but I've been really sick and coughing and I wouldn't want you to get that...
Astro: TEXT. Got your message -- so sorry to hear you're sick. I hope you feel better soon.


I confess I was annoyed after what I had been through with Bass--constant attention via text without any real direction, a big heartbreak and a big cell phone bill a month later. I should just use the f word and get it over with. Friends. Where was YOUR mind?

Savvy: TEXT. Antibiotics r kicking in. I will try 2 make it 2 yr church thing. We had a nice time but it seems like we have 2 much going on. I've never had xcel by txt!
Astro: VOICEMAIL. Hey I hope you are well today. Thanks for coming to my church thing, I'll look forward to seeing you there. Things are really wacky right now and I guess it's something to think about whether or not it can work out, but what the heck, it's great to know people and have friends and maybe something more. It doesn't matter to me either way, but it would be nice because I think you're a great gal and I really like just talking to you. I hope we can see each other again. I hope you feel well soon. Let me know if Friday 7pm works for you and we'll make a nice Friday of it.


I waited awhile...

Savvy: Hey, you picked up.
Astro: Of course.
Savvy: So, Friday, 7pm? OK.
Astro: Great. We'll just take the plans I had for tonight and make them for then.
Savvy: So it's all still a surpise?
Astro: Yes.
Savvy: Alright. Fun. Maybe I'll still have this fun rental. It's yellow. I needed a little feng shui to brighten my day.
Astro: Well, you're a happy person, yellow suits you.

Must be the antidepressants because I'm still sad about Bass and my job...
Savvy: Aww, thanks.

We chit chatted about injuries, but now we have a date for Friday. This is certainly early in the week by Rules standards, too. I didn't need to say that he shouldn't cancel. If he does, that's it. He already cancelled last Monday that we were supposed to go out. Something about a power outage and getting dinner with his roommates so they could figure out how to deal with it. He also felt a need to take Sunday as a "me" day to "think about things."

As a female I think it's bad when a guy needs to "think about things." It never means anything good. My only thoughts were that I needed to see him to stay interested and that I'm still on the rebound.

Friday there shouldn't be any excuses. I just thought it was unbelievable that someone would TEXT me to cancel a date. But his message convinced me that he cared. His voice cracked a little bit.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Post Secret

Last year at Christmas, I fell in love with Post Secret because someone gave me the book as a gift. I've realized I have some secrets that I want to share with more than just my readers. Look for these postcards I made. I decorated them a little bit more. Of course, some of my secrets are staying secret!!




Read Slap That Bass. It has links to some the other articles.


Read the Reverse Stalking of Bass


Apparently I am just mean enough to send in a post card telling someone else's secret. I'll have to leave you guessing who's secret I told and what I said!


Thursday, April 17, 2008

Dumb Things I Did Lately


I'm sick with bronchitis, my doctor just put me on another round of antibiotics. I just found out I have to look for a new teaching job for next year. So I did what any logical person would do...

I met with a friend who, it turns out, her husband is 6'8". She's 5'6". After, I had to wait for traffic to subside so I went to a bar, ordered fish and chips and drank two beers. I was in and out of tears. I have just realized that's a bad thing in a bar because then you are emotionally vulnerable. I started flirting with some guy who was 6'8" like Astro until I noticed his wedding ring. His wife is 5'6". Then I told him about Astro. I guess they all like little girls.

The bar is near a race track, so it is also populated with short guys. Jockeys. I ended up flirting with one of them. We talked a little bit about racing.
Savvy: Had any good mounts lately?
Jockey: Sometimes, but it seems like it's been tough lately.
Savvy: I keep hearing that fields are getting smaller.
Jockey: Yeah, it's small sometimes, but last week I was in a race with a field of 15.
Savvy: Wow, that's alot. I confess I don't know that much about racing. I've heard of you and a few other people. Everything I learned I learn from reading the Black Stallion books. I read all of them when I was a kid.
Jockey: Me too! I love those books.
Savvy: I went to the races with an owner one day and he tried to teach me how to bet. I don't get it. What exactly is an exacta box?
Jockey: It's when...
Savvy: I'm going to totally forget everything you just said.

We laughed.
Savvy: I met a guy who used to be a jockey and he is now a chaplain at the track. Got tired of keeping his weight down.

I told him about Bass, Astro, Bill and C, my men this year. Of Bill, he said, Guys will try to take advantage if they think you are vulnerable. Then he told me about his fiance and showed me a tattoo of her.
Savvy: Is that why there's a chair between us?
Jockey: Yes. I'm afraid if I sit any closer...
he put his hand on the chair.
Savvy: I see. I put my hand on the chair.


We held hands briefly but intensely. He started talling me how beautiful and sexy he thought I was. I moved closer to him and suddenly his hand was on my thigh. He was trying to convince me that we were actually on a date somehow.
Jockey: So what do you think of me on a ten point scale?
Savvy: I'd say you're about an eight.
Jockey: I was thinking I'd get a ten from you.
Savvy: Well, you're alright.
Jockey: Is it cause I'm short?
Savvy: Haha. No.
Jockey: You're beautiful.

Seriously, I 've been thinking sort guys are really cute after dating Astro.

I did the logical thing. I got out of there and walked to a coffee shop to check my email. I was still pretty ripped when I started walking back toward the bar after checking. I was disappointed. I don't normally go to bars, but I felt lonely and upset. Must be the beer on tip of being sick. I wanted to be with someone.

As I walked back toward my car, he was in my path.
Jockey: Where did you go?
Savvy: I went to the coffee shop.
Jockey: I missed you.
Savvy: You did?
Jockey: Weren't we supposed to make out?
Savvy: Um, huh?
Jockey: I'll bet I have really bad breath....

His lips were on mine. He was french kissing me. I was still drunk, upset and lonely. I didn't push him away.
Savvy: You've been smoking.
Jockey: You're a great kisser.

We were making out on the street. Then we walked back to my car and made out even more there. His hands were everywhere. I was still too drunk to have any real remorse. I was desperate to feel better after my awful day. Of course he wanted to take it way further than I did. I wouldn't let it go anywhere, logically, of course.

Seriously, what a jerk. He has a fiance and there he was making out with me after getting drunk. And there I was, making out with a guy who is supposed to be with someone else. It's nice to be considered attractive, but I was just crying a few weeks ago about how awful it felt that men just want to use me for sex and nobody wants to be with me for me. At least it seemed that way when I was on a ton of medicine and had 5 glasses of wine. I didn't feel that great about it. I can see why a Christian would go from being a jockey to a chaplain. These guys seriously need some guidance.

So do I.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Repercussions from Texting

An adult discovers the pitfalls of texting.

For awhile I had a fabulous text life, at least with two of the guys I have dated this year. First C, then Bass. C was mild. It was my first real experience, but Bass...well, I'm still dealing with the aftermath. It's no fun to get the bill when you aren't even on speaking terms with the guilty party.

The conversation with Bass went like this:
Bass: You have Verizon, right?
Savvy: Yes. We can be Verizon buddies!
Bass: So I figure that means we can text unlimited to each other.
Savvy: We can talk unlimited, too!
Bass: But we can text unlimited, right?


Oh, crap. No. It only means you can talk unlimited, not text. My bill showed 700 text messages. 700!!! Holy moley! I knew we were texting alot, but I underestimated just how much. 700. That doesn't even include last month's texting. I'm sure that was at least 200. That was when I first met him. I had said to a friend that he texted me about 400 times, but if I were to include last month's bill, it might be as much as 500 times. He was a faster and more frequent texter than I ever was.

When we talked on the phone, we ended up talking for an hour. No charge. He wanted to text me. Maybe he got a high bill off that, too. 900 text messages back and forth in a month. Wow. Seriously. No wonder I felt such a profound and deafening silence when we stopped dating.

Of course there was texting in the new billing period that had nothing to do with Bass. I was at a dinner, texting a friend under the table when my dad told me I was being rude. Then I cuddled up to him with my head on his shoulder. Sorry Daddy. Have I told you lately that I love you? He chuckled. I could text left-handed behind his back with my head resting on his shoulder facing backwards and one arm around him. He asked me to pass a bottle of red wine. I was mid-text ended up knocking over a full wine glass and breaking it. The table cloth turned purple. Oops! My little habit was discovered. That has to be the worst, though once I went to the bathroom to text someone when I was on a date with a guy. He had just told me how proud he was of not having a cell phone. Talk about a technological mismatch!

I'm putting myself on restriction. I'm swearing off text. I feel like I have to be my own mom to my own inner teenager.

My Thoughts on Polygamy

If polygamy were allowed then maybe men wouldn't be treating us ladies so badly in their eternal quest to find the ONE. I'm starting to be in favor of polygamy because then at least I would know where my man is and I would know and be sister wives with the women. Only the cool, talented ones could be my sister wives!! I would insist on auditioning them for a band or something. Certainly that Canadian chick who plays trombone and I would get along famously. We'd hold hands and sing kumbaya with Bass. We'd harmonize some great standards. Me singing lead, Bass on his bass singing harmony, that chick on her trombone...We're all sooo good looking! Why not have Astro there, too!?

My dating life sucks!!!!!!!

I'm still not over Bass. I don't want him back, but I'm not OVER it. Someone mentioned me looking at his phone. I was thinking about his iphone and being on our date and I froze inside.

Savvy: What? Knots in stomach.
Shell: You know, at the beer tasting.
Savvy: Beer tasting? Bass...
Thunder. Lightning bolts. Bass walking into the room with that girl. I'm completely stymied. He was so mean. My friends saw everything. The humiliation factor...
Oooooooh! Yes! The other guy...the one with the same name. Oh that's so funny. Nervous laughter. I have a joke right now that I only date guys with iphones because Bass had an iphone and Astro does too. Quietly. You can see that it was a big drama with Bass from my reaction. I'll have to call you and tell you all the sordid details sometime.
Shell: Yes, call me. We'll also talk about Astro.
Savvy: K. Sounds good.


I debate whether or not I should call her about that or pretend like I forgot.

I want to break something, like the windows to his house. I'm the first person Bass would suspect. What if I got a baseball and made sure there were no fingerprints...

I don't do it, if that's what you're thinking.


Friday, April 11, 2008

Flowers from Astro Boy


I wasn't expecting much. I thought he wasn't that interested. After all, he texted me to confirm our date. That's a first. What would you think? But then, even though he was coming to my area, he made the plans on his iphone!

We were going to meet at a sushi place, but he decided it was a hole in the wall, so he said we would try to find something else. When I got there, his impressively tall self was walking around in front of the restaurant, talking to me on the iphone. He was dressed all in black.

Savvy: I love it! You're wearing my favorite color!
Astro: Wow! You are too!
Savvy: It's funny, because my students keep telling me I shouldn't wear black so much, but here we are, wearing black! I'm trying to wear a little more color, so there's a little red, and I'm wearing red shoes!
Astro: Um, that's really not very much red...


We both laughed. I decided he was harmless enough for me to drive to the restaurant with him. He took me to the truck and produced a bouquet of flowers.
Astro: I thought you might like these.
Savvy: Wow. Thanks! That's so sweet!
I'm either getting played or this is serious. It was a beautiful bouquet. I can only think of two guys who ever brought flowers to a first date--high school dances excepted. He's the second. I ended up dating the first guy for 8 months even though he had 3 kids and drove a minivan.

He wanted to take me to a Japanese steak house--one where they grill the food right in front of you. But we couldn't find it. I couldn't make the iphone work anymore. So he called OnStar.
Astro: I make them call me Doctor, it makes me feel good since I have a PhD.
OnStar: Hello Dr. Astro, how are you?
Astro: Good. I'm trying to find a restaurant called ----- at--waht's the address, D?
Savvy: I can't make this thing work... darn!
OnStar: No problem, Dr. Astro.
Savvy: I'm Mrs. Astro!
Astro: No she's not. Maybe in the future, though.
Savvy: Oh! There's the restaurant! We found it.
Astro: Never mind about the directions, we found it.
Savvy: I really am Mrs. Astro, he's lying! Big liar!
OnStar: Laughing. Thanks so much for your call. Have a great evening.
Savvy: I say whatever I feel like saying. I figure if I guy doesn't want to date me because I joked with the OnStar person about being his wife, then he really has issues and we probably won't have any fun because I can't be myself.
Astro: Laughing. I'm a big fan of being yourself. Especially with someone who's as much fun as you.


We had a great time at dinner. We could see ourselves in a mirror across from us and waved at each other.
Savvy: My goodness, they're going to cook right in front of us. We're going to smell delicious later!
Astro: And what's wrong with smelling delicious?
Savvy: Nothing!
We both laughed.
Savvy: I remember reading somewhere today that you shouldn't drink on a date with someone because it lowers your inhibitions and you might do something you regret. Let's drink!
Astro: You were drinking the night we met. Did you do anything you regret?
Savvy: Yes. I gave you my number.
Astro: Wow! You're facetious. I like it! I love your sense of humor! I love making you laugh.


We laughed and shared a Japanese beer. I fed him my filet mignon with chopsticks. We enjoyed getting to know each other. At least twice he told me:
Astro: I don't remember ever having this much fun on a first date.
Savvy: I specialize in having fun. If it's not fun, I'm not doing it.

He'd be surprised at what I don't find fun. Wondering if you are pregnant, not fun. Wondering about STDs, again, not fun. Actually he already knows I'm a nice girl. He still asked me out.

He took me bowling. It's hard going to a bowling alley you know. I remember going there with my ex-fiance. Bowling was a big factor in both meeting and dating Bass. I had to tuck it away to the back of my mind.

Initially, I thought I was going to change clothes, but then again:
Savvy: You know what? Never mind about changing. I think I can just bowl in this skirt. It's a little bit stretchy. Plus I don't mind being the best dressed girl in the bowling alley. I love being well dressed.
Astro: Me too!


When we got our shoes we laughed at the disparity in our shoes sizes. He wears a mens 14, I ended up sporting a womens 6--though I am a 6.5 or a 7.
Savvy: Wow! Look my shoe fits inside your shoe!
Astro: Cute!
Savvy: So, how tall is the shortest girl you have ever dated?
Astro: How tall are you?
Savvy: 5'2"
Astro: That's the height of the shortest girl.
Savvy: I'm the shortest? Seriously? Do you like short girls or tall girls?
Astro: I usually like shorter girls--especially because they are alot more impressed by my height. How about you? Do you like tall guys?
Savvy: Yes. Up until you, the tallest guy was 6'5". That was back in college. It's not hard for a guy to be taller than me, though! Do you know how hard it is to find a guy who's shorter than me!!?
Astro: That's funny.
Savvy: I have a friend--two friends actually who would kill me over this.
(I was thinking of Single/Certain and my opera friend, Mary Joy who both clock in at 6 feet tall. I was thinking of heights...Bass was 5'11", Chris was 5'9" which I thought was perfect. I had a boyfriend who joked that he was 5'12". We talked about cars, since he drives a truck--king cab. That was another first.
Savvy: I suppose it's either a truck or a mini van.
Astro: I don't want a mini-van until I have a family.
Savvy: And then you can put those cool stickers on the back. I've actually dated two guys who drove mini-vans. One was for his 3 kids, the other was for his standup bass.
Astro: Seriously? Why would you drive a minvan for a bass?
Savvy: Yeah, it's pretty gay, huh? A soccer mom van. We made it cool, though. I named it the Jazzmobile.


I told him to give us fake names at the bowling alley. He told me that he had been really looking forward to our date. Somehow we already have another one set up for Monday evening. I didn't know what to believe. He seemed so sincere, so sweet, so easy to talk to. And he seemed to really like me, but not with the mania and exhileration that came with dating Bass. I wanted Bass to treat me this way. Bass actually treated me really well at first. He was always comlimentary and seemed to really like me alot too. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to believe.

The good night kiss was nothing short of amusing.
Savvy: Maybe I should stay on the step to your truck so we can see eye to eye.
Astro: That's not about height, that's about agreement.
Savvy: Oh, no! And all these years I was deceived!
I winked. Maybe he's used to stupid girls.
Astro: Don't forget your flowers.
Savvy: Oh, no, I won't! Thank you. That was sweet.
Astro: I had the most fun I've had in a long time. I'm looking forward to seeing you again.
He kissed me carefully. I was still looking at him, amused by him bending 16 inches just to kiss me. He kissed me again, and it was a little more relaxed. Just lips in case you're wondering!

Well, I didn't think much of it, but then today he called me.
Astro: You sound happy.
Savvy: I am happy.
Astro: I wanted to call you and tell you that I had a great time with you. I'm really looking forward to seeing you again.
Savvy: That's so sweet! Thanks. I had a fun time, too. Thanks for the flowers.
Astro: I thought you are a happy person and I thought you would like yellow in your bouquet.
Savvy: Oh yes, I did. I do. And I like carnations.
Astro: How are the flowers doing today?
Savvy: Good, last I checked. I haven't been home all day.


My favorites are roses, but I do love carnations. Just don't get me lillies or tulips. The bouquet actually has daisies and lillies. I'm seriously allergic to those lillies and tulips. He told me about what he was up to that evening and invited me to come by if I wanted to. (Not his place--he started a meetup group with a science focus.) He talked about what a lovely day it was before saying goodbye. I already decided not to join him, even though the wine tasting event I thought I would attend this evening is actually next friday. I thought about going to see a jazz band that I had seen with Bass on our first date. But then even though they are talented, I decided against it. I get enough Bass reminders. I decided I should save money instead.

I walked into the date with Astro completely thinking he was a jerk and a player. On the other side of the date, I'm impressed. He seems sweet and genuine. He is Christian and attends church regularly. We are both singers, he sings in his church choir. I didn't expect to have so much in common--except that I haven't been very regular about church attendance. It's not like what I felt with Bass. It's quieter not strong and stormy. We have things in common, but I don't feel that level of resonance that I did with Bass. But then, resonance can cause crystal to shatter--just like he shattered our fledgling relationship. Maybe I'm just a little too bitter right now, but we'll see how it plays out. But if he's actually genuinely sweet, then he's worth gettting to know. It's easy to take it slow. I'm still a little bit stuck on un certo non so che something I can't explain. After all I've been through, I'm still a little bewitched, bothered and bewildered by Bass.

Call Me!

There is a guy from Christian Cafe--we exchanged numbers a year and a half ago. A year ago we talked on the phone. Or maybe that was someone else!! In October, we talked about calling again. Then I started dating Chris, then Bass... We still haven't talked, but we've been emailing about calling each other again.

On his profile, he has some really cute pictures of his golden retriever that I remember with special affection. It's a really cute dog!

Original Message (Sent Apr 10, 2:31 AM)
-------------------------------

Hey there,

whatever happened to calling? We should talk, have a few laughs and all that.

I'm sure we've both dated other people in all this time. I guess you could say we have a very open relationship! D


Original Message (Sent Apr 11, 2:25 AM)
-------------------------------

I would like that.
Perhaps this weekend?

--------------------------------

Fabulous! Well, have to start all over again. Could be fun!
D



Now that I think of it, this guy is in the tech field and the guy who I actually spoke with was a real estate agent. Hehe. Oops. Oh well, maybe I'll finally talk to this guy.


Return of the One Date Wonder

I got one of those emails saying I had mail at Christian Cafe 2 months ago. I had to wait until I got free time to read it. He told me he would call and didn't. I didn't even like him enough to date him. I had hoped he would be a good replacement for my last boyfriend. The weekend after that I met and started dating Bass.

--------------------------Original Message (Sent Feb 10, 11:44 PM)
Thank you for a wonderful dinner and for being so good about sharing the chocolate, ice cream topped, raspberry adorned dessert! That took character, selflessness and discipline!

I like you and your fresh honest outlook. I am also challenged in the the way you suspected...perhaps time will change that, but I am glad we met.

Sincerely,
Chris


Huh? I was confused, so I wrote to him--2 months later:

--------------------------Original Message (Sent Apr 10, 11:44 PM)
It was fun. I don't remember what I suspected you were challenged by. I started dating someone the next weekend after we went out. I didn't get this until now because I let my account lapse. That ended and I have a date for tomorrow. I've been busy. Hope you met someone you like. It was nice of you to write, though I suspected you wouldn't call when you said you would. I wondered why you bothered with that.
D


At times like this, one must go back to the beginning:

--------------------------Original Message (Sent Jan 20, 11:44 PM)
Wow! What a wonderful profile. I absolutely love the way you write! What a wonderful combination of interesting and funny!

Your emphasis on classics made an impression...I like classic and traditional things too. You sing with gusto and I can even act in your movie (I have not done plays since a church Christmas play in 1998!).

The Bible verse you displayed pertaining to a lack of knowledge of Jesus and belief in Jesus leading to a peoples destruction says much about you, and what it says I very much like. Please read up on me and write me back if you are interested. I am very interested in you and do hope to hear back from you!

Sincerely,
Chris
-------------------------------

Hi Chris,

I enjoyed reading your profile, too. You sound rather cool yourself. We do seem to have quite a few things in common and I do like your interest in typical man things like military service. My dad was in the military. I confess the movie thing is really more of a joke. But who knows, maybe someday I will write a screenplay based on my adventures and misadventures. I can dream, can't I?

D

Original Message (Sent Jan 24, 11:51 PM)
-------------------------------

Hello D,

Christopher is on my birth certificate and I like the name but go by Chris. I am impressed that you are conversant enough with -------- County to have heard about and visited -----. It is a quaint and beautiful town. I have not been for over a decade but doubt it has changed much. I too enjoy hearing coyotes howling, beats dogs barking doesn't it!

Wow, you remember acronyms like FTX and military aptitude training techniques! Very good! Small world, but I currently plan and conduct emergency preparedness exercises.

Sincerely,
Chris
------------------------------------

Well, Chris as in Christopher. That emergency preparedness stuff would most likely kick my butt. Do you make people skin and eat their own cottontail bunny rabbits and rattlesnakes and stuff like that? LOL! Just kidding! I was good at night orienteering--but now I'm getting into my stories. Such a tease!

Just wondering what you find most attractive in a woman? Do you have a type?

D
----------------------------------------

Hello D,

No, we don't skin animals and reptiles. In fact we have some exercises catered! Man have things been backsliding since the bad (food) old days! Glad you asked. I like 1.1 women. Take an average woman's measurements and multiply them by one point one. That is what I like.

Sincerely,
Chris

-----------------------------
Hello D,

I have not called you because you asked me a question important to you and I answered it. You read my answer, but perhaps did not think I wanted to hear back from you first...based on what I told you, would I be attracted to more than your face (which I am by the way, you have a very pretty face, but I can't see anything else), so you tell me?!

Sincerely,
Chris


-----------------------------
Oh, yes. Now I remember. This guy felt challenged because he thought I was too fat. WHATEVER!!! Honestly, I didn't like him because I thought he was a little bit weird and maybe too old for me because he is 47!! He made rude comments about his last girlfriend going to counselling. He also insisted that my stress level would get better if I just switched jobs, then I wouldn't need counselling. Not likely, but everyone's entitled to an opinion.

By contrast, I'm very open to stuff like that, though I don't usually volunteer information about my own experiences. Bass accidentally showed me a website for a counselling center he was looking at on his iphone. He was embarrassed.
Savvy: What's that?
Bass: I haven't gone yet, just thinking about it.
Savvy: We all see SOMEBODY!


Back to the One Date Wonder: The year I was on Christian Cafe I only ended up writing to 12 guys, talking on the phone with about 5 and actually meeting 3 of them. They were both one date wonders. I will not be renewing my account. With such abysmal odds of actually meeting someone, I'll take my chances in person. I've gone out with a few guys that way lately.



Thursday, April 10, 2008

Slap That Bass!

I wish I had a more devious mind back when I discovered Love is...Like High School. Maybe I was still trying to hang on to things with Bass, compete or win. I don't know why when he had already lied to me. (I Know What You Did Last Night). I wish I had ruined his night. It would have been so easy. Why didn't I think of it before? It would have been so perfect to sit down with him and that Canadian chick and said, "Wow, so, does this mean we aren't dating anymore?" Blink, blink, big doe eyes, tear, sniffle. I remember Natalie Portman in Closer saying See this tear? I want you to take a picture. This is what you did to me. That Canadian chick would have gotten fiery and slapped Bass or something. She would have called a cab and then told all her girlfriends back in Canada what an immense jerk he was and how soundly she had slapped him. She would have been in disbelief that he had done such an awful thing to both of us. Instead, I backed off. There are pictures from that night. My night was ruined. My faith in love was ruined. My heart is still a bit wrecked. Why keep it in? He didn't. Instead of feeling like I was humiliated in front of my friends, I would have humiliated him. Next time, I'm gonna go for the gusto. I'm going to stop being such a nice girl. What's wrong with exacting a little social vengeance? Who says you can't take karma into your own hands? I might still slap him.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Adventures of Astro Boy


I'm supposed to go out to lunch with Astro. He, in all of his 6'8" splendor, will be taking wee little me out to lunch.

I'm 5'2" and intend to wear flats.

Hey D how are you? This is Astro who you met at the Partaaay last Saturday. I really enjoyed getting to meet you and I am really looking forward to lunch on Thurs at 1120. It is such a prviledge to have met someone as sweet and cute as you!

Hold on, where's my barf bag? Seatbelt on? This is quite a takeoff with Astro! I should save it. I should compare it to other text messages I have gotten. He has an Iphone and he knows how to use it. I've never seen anyone type so fast on it. Bass has an iphone and he found it was abysmally slow compared to his Blackberry. I realllllly want a full QWERTY layout on my next phone. Bass characterized it perfectly. I'm like typing 32 words a minute on this and you're like.. yes. I laughed so hard.

Why am I not so taken with Astro? Let me count the ways...

He didn't CALL me to confirm, he TEXTED me! That's a first. It's impersonal. It's like he's racking up his scores or something. Did he text other girls for lunch...
D on Thurs.
V on Fri
J on Sat
C on Sun

All in a day's playing...

I heard a snippet of a conversation where he said something about trying to meet 5 women a day and getting their contact information.
Savvy: Can I have your contact information?
Astro: Sure.
Savvy: Wait, how do I know if I want it??

As I was leaving the party, I saw Astro getting another girl's phone number. How many phone numbers did he get? It makes my lunch seem less special.

I heard snippets of a slightly innapropriate sexually charged conversation between him and an older woman who then texted him You are yummy. Gross!

Lastly, alas, my poore hearte!! I just don't want to put my heart on the line again. I am too hurt to care. My heart has deep Bass wounds right now, a little lashing from Bill, plus a few scars from my ex, C.

But I am going to go to lunch with Astro anyway. I need to at least try to move on from Bass right now. After all, he didn't have a problem dumping me for that Canadian chick.

I haven't texted him back yet. Ack. I really can't deal. He probably thinks he's playing me, but honestly I don't care at all. I was kind of hoping he didn't really save my number. I didn't have his, so I had no way to contact him. The problem is, guys sometimes like a challenge.

I can always text him this message:
Let's save some trbl. Instead of a d8, pls send a check for $50. I can buy a sweater.

If nothing else, it's blog fodder.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Love is... Forgiveness


I went to a beer tasting party. I almost thought Bass was going to be there when I called Mindi. D--which guy is it that you used to date? Is it Bass? There are a couple of guys who have the same first name as Bass.

It wasn't him. I was relieved, but also saddened by the news. I'm avoiding Bass, but I don't want to be. The other person I want to avoid was there. Bill. I had him confused because I hardly spoke to him. I know I did, but honestly he has me totally confused and I'm staying out of it.

One minute he was comforting me, the next he was french kissing me. He never even had the decency to ask me out on a date. He told me about some other girl he had been dating, I had no idea. We aren't even very close friends, we don't talk on the phone really and I'm not attracted to him. I didn't like kissing him. I didn't like that he was telling me that Bass is a player when he was putting the moves on me the very next Monday.

I had a conversation with a a guy about Bass. Intorspection brought on by a couple of beers:
John: I was seeing a girl a really liked and then I got scared. I think that's what happened with him. I really regret it.
Savvy: Seriously, we had all these things in common, we had a great time together and he dumped me for some chick who lives in frigging Canada.
I sing the Canadian anthem with new words. Oh Canada! I hate you Canada.
John: That's just temporary if that's the case. Do you still like him?
Savvy: I don't know, yes, but he hurt me.
John: If you like him, keep the door open. He'll be back. Don't invite him in, just keep the door open. I know exactly what you should do when you see him. Be friendly, be happy. He'll know what he's missing.
Savvy: I don't know. It seems like a better idea to just move on.
John: You had all those things in common, that's priceless. He won't forget that. That's worth more than some fling with a girl in Canada.
Savvy: We could have been together.
John: Maybe the connection was too deep and he got scared. Maybe he wasn't attracted enough...
Savvy: Oh no, he was attracted enough. He told me how pretty I was, how hot I was, he wanted to spend all of spring break with me, and all summer, then he shows up with a Canadian chick.
John: He told you all of that? He definitely won't forget you. Sounds like he scared himself.
Savvy: She's from Montreal, Quebec, Canada. There are way scarier things in life than being with me. Bungie jumping for instance...
John: I've never seen him connect with anyone else. Trust me, he won't be with anyone else--not from our group.
Meanwhile, I was thinking about my conversation with Vera...she thought she had a connection with Bass...
John: People forgive way worse things in a marriage. Do you think you could forgive him if he came back?
Savvy: If he came back...maybe. I don't know. It wouldn't be the same. It would be harder. It's just so hard to forget that connection. I've never had that kind of connection with anyone. I just don't understand why you would mess that up.
John: People get scared. Leave the door open. Try to forgive him. Men get scared when they feel a deep connection with someone. They feel like they have to do something about it.


I know Bass says he isn't ready. Maybe in ten years I'll finally get married. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm learning. I don't know what to believe about him anymore. I've had people come back into my life when I thought they were gone. I don't know which of the things Bass says are actually true. He made reference to a 40 year old virgin...was he secretly talking about himself? He's 37...

I don't know if John was asking me to forgive Bass so much as he was asking for himself to be forgiven. See, If I could forgive Bass, then maybe the girl he had been seeing would forgive him.

----------------------------------------------------
By the way, Bass's real name is not John.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Bass, the final frontier...


This is getting ridiculous. Bass is here even when he's not here. He's out of town and his perfume fills the air. More like his unsavory swirling stench...


The evening wasn't all bad. I went to a party and met a guy who is 6'8" and has a roommate who is 4'10". I'm only 5'2". He sings second bass--crap. Bass!! In any case, he is a classical singer and astrophysicist who plans to go through Officer Candidate School for the Air Force. He said he had to slouch 3 inches to qualify. Seriously, he really does have a PhD in astrophysics. It was annoying when he explained what it is. Duh! Like I've been to JPL and worked for a summer science camp and met astronauts. I studied geology and geography in college. I took a class on the solar system--OK it was all math and I bombed miserably and I would do worse in quantum physics. But that's obviously not the ONLY thing in life I don't understand. We sort of hit it off. I think he might be a player though. He was talking to an older woman who later texted him You are yummy. Whatever.

Let's call him Astro. He asked me out to lunch. I really can't take anyone seriously. The phrase All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise permeates my being now after Bass since I reviewed a book by that name in Books Nice Girls Shouldn't Read. In any case, we found out the end result, but the journey was so much fun (NOT!)

Pops was at the party. The thing I realize now is that people do and say dumb things after a few glasses of wine. All of us were a bit tipsy at the progressive dinner I went to a few Mondays ago. Pops said some dumb things too. He was a little bit distant. I was actually flirting with him a little...but the thing is he knows it won't go anywhere, so that explains the distance. Plus, I had my guard up because I only had one glass of wine and a few sips of a lychee martini that I didn't like. I was threatened with Jagermeister when I scratched on the 8 ball but managed to get out of it. (Yes, this guy whose house it was has a pool table in his living room.)
Pops: We were worried about you. Everyone was.
Sav: Thanks. I learned to read the warning labels on medicine. I was taking cough medicine and musicle relaxers.
Pops: That'll learn ya.
Sav: Yes. For sure. I've never felt that awful in my life. I thought everyone was mad at me. Everyone was worried about me?
Pops: Someone said they would make sure that you got home OK.
Sav: Really? Who?
Pops: I think it was that guy you were seeing.

Huh? Bass? Bass said that? I don't know what to believe.

I pulled Becky aside to tell her the unfolding drama from after she left pool on Monday.
Savvy: And the next thing I knew Bill's tongue was in my mouth after telling me I should forget Bass...Pops was the one who hit on me. I'm so confused.
Becky: Oh my god, are you serious! You're soooo like me, sister. You pulled a Becky at the progressive dinner.
Savvy: Oh Becky Sue! What am I gonna dooooo???


I talked to yet another guy for awhile, but didn't sense any connection, though he seemed nice. I decided to check out a karaoke event I knew was happening with some aquaintances. I hesitated a bit because I can't sing from all the coughing I've been doing, plus it was the same karaoke place that I went to with Bass and Xtina when I found out Love is...Just Like High School I was also worried that Bill might be there. He wasn't.

This pretty older blonde lady, Vera, was there. She had been on the beach bike ride Easter Sunday. She asked me how it went after she went home.
Vera: I was dealing with my daughter's bike and there was something wrong with it. I had to give up after that hill.
Savvy: It ended up being me and 5-no 6 guys at the end. We went and got smoothies. They waited for me and then seriously we waited for longer to see if anyone else was coming. He asked about you.
Vera: He asked about me?
She got all shy. He didn't ask about her in a special way, just wondered if she turned back.
Savvy: Do you like him?
Vera: Yes. He saved me like 4 times during the bike ride. I just feel like we have a connection like when we were at bowling that one time--you were there too.
Savvy: Yes. Bowling... Have you exchanged numbers? Have you gone out?
Vera: No. He hasn't asked for my number, but I haven't volunteered it. One time -he knows I'm a postal worker- he said 'I thought of you when I went to my mailbox.' That's so sweeeet!! We've just been at a few things together and I liked him right away after 5 minutes.
Savvy: Yeah...listen... a guy doesn't need you to volunteer your number. If he's interested in you, he'll ask you out.
Vera: Do you think he's a player? I mean, you know he's in a band, right?
Savvy: Actually, I know all about that...
Vera: Have you been to the band's website? The bald guy in the band is really hot, too. Is he single?
Savvy: Yeah. He is. 3 out of 4 of them are.
Vera: I visited the website with my daughter and she thinks Bass is the only decent one.
Savvy: No, you're right about Baldy. He's hot.
Vera: Do you think they're all players? You know what they say about guys in bands. But I can't help it, I just like guys in bands.


She giggled a little and looked shy again. I've been a professional performer so I'm not as impressed by Bass. Just jealous. He was in the right place at the right time for an enviable career. But is it enviable when he says he is so lonely? That's why I got out of performing. I want to slap Vera.

Savvy: Vera, you should know the truth. Bass is not a nice guy. When you thought you were connecting with him, I met him for the first time at bowling and then I dated him for a month. He lied to me about things. We were also supposed to do something together with Xtina and he brought a date.
Vera: He did? That's mean. What was she like?
Savvy: She was pretty, she looked like she could be his cousin.
Vera: Maybe they were cousins.
Savvy: They could be, you can marry your cousin in 25 states. But it was definitely a date. I saw him kissing her.


I almost added 3 feet from where you are now seated. Someone took a picture of them together. He was supposed to take me to karaoke, not her. We were going to be the cool kids. Me, Bass and Xtina...bestest friends forever. Xtina and I haven't spoken either. The memories of that first spring break weekend still smart.

Vera: Were you guys exclusive?
Savvy: No, but I thought that would be our next discussion, not him showing up with a date.


I didn't want to belabor the point by explaining every detail and exactly how much he was texting me. Him asking about my schedule and saying Good, you can finally spend time with me. And you're a teacher. We can spend all of spring break together. We can spend all summer together. We can go swimming all day if we want. We'll have our own private group for two...

Vera: Maybe she was his exgirlfriend?
Savvy: No, I've seen a picture of his ex.
Vera: Well you weren't exclusive.
Savvy: We had an amazing first date, probably the best I've had with anyone. I've been a professional musician, I teach choir and piano. We have amazing amounts of stuff in commmon. We had alot of fun. This is a really small group. Why would you trash something when you have so much in common with someone? You shouldn't crap where you eat. That's why I think you should know the truth.
Vera: That's why I don't date guys from work. Was it really a date? Did he pay for stuff?
Savvy: Yes.
Vera: Maybe you should talk to him. Find out why.
Savvy: We don't talk anymore.
Vera: But you should just ask him why. Get closure.

Quite frankly, maybe it's more fun to talk bad about him. Not really fun per se but he's a menace to women in our group. We aren't friends, so I can say whatever I want about Bass. They deserve to be warned. If he's going to play social inexperience cards, then here's his come uppance. If you misbehave, you get talked about.

Savvy: We've already tried to talk. You don't do the things he did to me. We don't talk anymore. But now it's all confused because Bill put the moves on me after telling me that Bass is a player.
Vera: Really? Wouldn't that be great if you guys got together after what the fortune teller said at the Valentine's party?
Savvy: How did you know about that? Did Bill tell you?
Vera: I was there when she pulled you two together and said you have what each other needs. That's soooo romantic.

More like soooo barfy. My impression of that is recorded for Bachelor #3 in No Date Required.

Savvy: That's not going to happen, though. I don't like what Bill did. I don't like him like that.

Vera: That's too bad.
Savvy: Do you still like Bass after all I've told you?
Vera: Well, I just don't want you to be mad at me if I go out with him.
Savvy: Well, sweetie, I'm not going to be mad at you. You can have him. I'm done with him. I just want you to know what you're up against.
Vera: I've already had a daughter and I feel like I'm done. I asked him if he would date an older woman and he said yes, if he felt a connection. I'm three years older than him--40. I just look a little older because I'm always in the sun.
I thought she was in her mid 40s but guessed 38 to be nice.
Savvy: You should wear a hat. They have those USPS ones.
Vera: I haaate hats. I can't help but think about him. I just know that he's never been married and he might want kids.
Savvy: He already had a talk with another lady about not wanting to date anyone with kids. He's also really immature. I was willing to put up with it because we had so much in common.
Vera: Do you have kids?
Savvy: No, so that didn't matter.
Vera: Maybe it's a competition thing. That lady liked him. I like him. You liked him.
Savvy: It took some convincing with me, but now I can't help wondering if he was only after sex.
Vera: Wow, so he hit it and quit it.
Savvy: No, he begged me to stay and I didn't. He said it was because he was lonely not to have sex, but I really can't believe him after all the other stuff that happened.
Vera: I did notice he's a little immature. I mean, he kept talking about his grandmother the whole day and he had those bows and ribbons on his bike still. I wondered if he was a mama's boy.
Savvy: All day? He takes care of his grandma because she lives closeby.

I thought the ribbons and bows were funny. It was a gift. I'm leaving them on there. He told me when I first saw the beach cruiser parked in his garage. Bass asked me if I thought it was gay like others in the group said when teasing him. It was really amusing to me when he admired a little girl riding her fringed bike. He told me if the airport in his hometown were worth anything, he would live with his parents in a heartbeat. He did tell me all about Grandma, but not all the time.

Savvy: Do what you want. Just think about it carefully. I won't be mad at you. I don't care if you talk with him about what I said to you. I honestly don't. You're a pretty lady, you have a nice body. You deserve better, you deserve someone who can partner with you. You deserve someone who can relate to your daughter. It's really cold, I have to go. Good night. Think about it.

I don't cry over Bass anymore. I don't feel victorious. I feel sorry for her. I can't even be friends with her because she's, for lack of a better word, dumb. She can't say I didn't warn her. She probably won't heed my warning. He's obviously just being friendly. He's obviously a little bit of a talker. I say all kinds of crap, too. When I was leaving the karaoke bar, the KJ (karaoke jockey) invited us all back.
Savvy: You know I'll be back. I fell in love with you.
He looked pleased and surprised

Maybe we're living parallel lives, Bass and I. I was part of another group where I was accused of turning the guys on just to turn them down. I've had my moments with Bill and who knows who else that I wasn't aware of. I guess I'm a talker, though not much of one. He says things that women find appealing like talking about how whoever he marries might like to fix up his house so he leaves it how it is. Barf. But isn't it the same sin when I was comparing the top edge of my sexy underwear with a girl in line for the bathroom?

Maybe Bass and I are both full of it. Maybe I need to conquer the Bass within.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Love is... taking care of yourself

Sometimes you have to do your business before you can have your fun. Really, it should be no problem. I am a mature, responsible adult. I have things to do at home. I don't NEED to go out on a Friday night when I have to take care of things like taxes, and finally unpacking after my trip to San Francisco. Really, I'll be fine.

I was going to go to karaoke. It would be fun to do some singing and meet some new people that are not associated with Bass, but I've had a cough for almost two weeks. I could feel it coming on when I did the beach bike ride. It was a little bit hard to breathe. But the next day and at the progressive dinner, I was in full swing trying to prevent vocal damage by taking cough medicine. Well, oops, that was part of my social faux pas of drinking wine on top of that and muscle relaxers. Try being a choir teacher when you can barely sing. It sucks.

So tonight I'm going to show myself a little love. I'm going to stay in. I'm going to do all the stuff I should have done. I'm going to finally get that nifty check from Uncle Sam.

The thing is that it almost takes me back to high school. One Friday night I drove to the Christian book store and read through some stuff. The guy at the counter was somewhere near my age--maybe college. He took one look at me and asked:
Guy: What's a pretty girl like you doing alone on a Friday night?
Sav: I don't know. Reading?
Guy: Wow, those boys must be stupid.


It's sort of the same thing. Only, now I'm a mature adult and...on the inside I'm still wondering the same thing. But,I really do have to get these taxes and stuff done. I was a little too messed up emotionally, physically and spiritually after the whole mess with Bass. I'm going to be productive. I'm going to get well. I'm reverse stalking all of the boys because I don't want anymore drama right now.

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At the end of the evening, I accomplished the following:

I made dinner.
I blogged.
I hung clothes.
I contemplated giving away a bunch of my brother's 80s records.
I organized clothes that I plan to return (a little sin of mine)
I tried on some sexy lingerie.
Put up with my parents yelling at me about possibly burning down the house while I was cooking, guilted about not calling my grandmother to thank her for the $50 she gave me, criticized for having had moneythat $50 stolen from my wallet by my students, yelled at by my dad about paying my car insurance (my business) and yelled at some more by my mother (tag team yelling?) about changing the title to the car and being threatened for a law suit for nothing that made any sense and threatened with being thrown out of the house for my "attitude." WTF?

I did not do:
My taxes.
My dishes.
(The pot is in the sink and the bowl I ate from is sitting in my room.)

I was TRYING to do something good for myself. I might just get a hotel for tomorrow night. I wish I was dating someone who had given me a key to their place. Why did I come back home after grad school and New York? I'm saving to buy a condo. I just have to know where I will be working next year. If I have to look for a job, that changes things.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The Reverse Stalking of Bass

Love is giving people space? Reverse stalking is when you want to know where someone is so that you can maximize your chances of NOT running into them. That's how it is with Bass right now. I went to his band's website and marked all the dates in my calendar he will be out of town for a gig. I'm in the clear alot this month, I won't be so lucky again until August. I just have to figure out how to get through May, June and July--Time that we were supposed to spend together.

Bass wasn't with us shooting pool last night. He's actually in town right now. I should know, right? I'm kind of relieved, but kind of sad because I don't hear from him anymore. Fun dates, hot makeout sessions, phone calls that left me laughing, 400 text messages that had me in stitches and now I'm avoiding him. Yes, he brought a date to karaoke. So did I. We never talked about being exclusive, but that was still mean. It hurts to be cut out of someone's life. It hurts to cut someone out. It hurts to look for when someone who was so special to you will be in or out of town so you know when you can relax socially.

I admit he really got under my skin in ways that most guys didn't. Sometimes I watch YouTube videos of the band just so I can see him. And then I get over it a little because he's not like that in person really. Sure, he was like that with me, but that only lasted a month. He inspired me. I want to sing again. He shared my pain. We iced our shoulders together, though mine doesn't hurt as much anymore. He makes me jealous. I wish I had his career. I teach music, so in that sense I am a professional musician, but he just sings and plays his bass. I'm so inspired I think I should contact that chick from Montreal he brought to karaoke--she plays trombone, maybe we can start a band that can perform with Bass's band! Of course, I have to be the lead singer...

He dumped me for some pretty chick from Montreal who plays trombone. Crap.

I hate him right now. Sort of. Not really. Best to stay out of his way. Best to reverse stalk. Maybe he's reverse stalking me too. Maybe he found out I would be there shooting pool and he decided not to show up.

Maybe he was concerned people he would be embarrassed after last Monday's progressive dinner where I got royally plastered. I didn't really have to worry about anyone being upset with me about it. Most people were just glad I was OK and wanted to know how I got home. They were glad to see me acting normal again.
Al: So, next time you'll read the warning labels on your medications, huh?
Sav: Oh, yeah, definitely.

I deserved to get teased at least a little.

With Bass out of the picture, other things could happen. Though, one guy did ask me about him.
Rol: Hey, where that tall guy who likes the older women?
Sav: I don't know. I'm done with him.

We both laughed. He has a reputation for talking to older women. I guess he doesn't find them intimidating.

Some guy named Don who is a high end hair stylist blanched when I told him my beauty secret. Supercuts. I laughed hysterically.
Bil: You laugh like Kate Winslet.
Sav: Really?
Bil: Yes. Really.
Sav: When I was living in New York, my beauty secret was the Dominican lady who ran a salon in my neighborhood and would cut my hair for $12!!
Don: I guess I shouldn't give you my card.
Sav: Why?
Don: I'm reallly expensive.
Sav: Oh, unless you made it a part of our date.
Don: Sure. I'll do your hair, put some Manolos on your feet and buy you a Gucci handbag.
Sav: Sure, why not?
Don: Manolos would look really good on your feet.
Sav: Thanks but they're kind of high for me.
Don: Oh, and then we'd take a helicopter ride an art museum.
Sav: Sure, I'm all for it.

We ended our flirtation when he said some rather forward things.
Sav: I think you're too naughty for me.
Don: That's what my exgirlfriend used to say. Just cause I like to experiement...

Shoot. Well, glad I ended it there. We did have a fun time flirting up until then. He even saved me a potato skin when they came. I would have gone out with him. Why do people open their big mouths with things that are better left unsaid??

Some of you remember Bill who ended up consoling me the night of the progressive dinner. He's also Bachelor #3 from No Date Required. It worked out for him to constantly ask me to be on his team for pool since I sank the last shots that won the final game. I told you guys I used to be a little pool shark when I was 14! I did a victory dance. Bill gave me a high five and a hug. Throughout the evening I told Bill all about Bass. If I had realized all that had gone on, I would have clocked him one right then and there. Next time I see him, we're gonna have WORDS. Shoot. I don't know if I really want Bill to do that. Part of me does want Bass to pay up a little, but part of me wants to declare an official end to all of the drama.

I ran into Bill outside. He walked me to my car and said, Forget Bass. He's a jerk. You deserve to be with someone who will treat you well. He went to hug me and the next thing I knew he was French kissing me. I was stunned. No date, just the tongue...
Sav: That's not friends. I didn't know you liked me like that.
Bil: Well, let's see, you're gorgeous. You're alot of fun and we have a great time together. How did you miss that?
Sav: I was busy, I guess, dating Bass.
Bil: Don;t remind me. Isn't it amazing how out of all the women at the Valentine;s Party, that palm ready pulled you aside and said I have what you need and you have what I need.
Sav: Yes. Amazing...


The thing is, I didn't like kissing him like that. Bass waited until we were halfway through our first date. Oh wait, I prompted him. I was sitting on his lap and his arms were around me.
Bass: We've got the music, we've got each other, what more could you want?
Savvy: A kiss?

It was sweet and tender. It has to be the most romantic first kiss I have ever had. It was the third date before we were french kissing. It was so long since I had done that. High school. I liked it, it made the french kiss really hot.

I'm so confused. Bass teased me about kissing all the boys. That guy in the kilt when I was in San Fran and now Bill...

Bill called me as I was driving home to see how my traffic was. Flimsy. I missed the call because my ringer was off. I didn't call him back. I can't deal right now.

Now I'm reexamining Bill's motives for telling me that Bass was a player. Maybe Bill doesn't REALLY know what's going on. Maybe those were just carpool rides. I couldn't reason through it all when I was drunk. When I told my friend Mike, he said, I'm really not liking this Bill guy right now. It sounds like he's trying to take advantage of the situation so he can get in your pants. He's trying to get in when you are vulnerable.

I might just have to reverse stalk all the guys until my poor heart heals.

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In case you are wondering, that is an actual picture of Bass playing his bass.