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Saturday, February 23, 2008

Belated Happy Valentine's Day!

I decided not to let Valentine's Day get me down when I heard that people in some Muslim countries get arrested for celebrating. Seriously, doesn't that change your perspective on it?? Suddenly I was celebrating immorality and decided that I was going to celebrate it BECAUSE I CAN.

Can you believe it?? If you wear red, give candy, exchange greetings, hold hands, kiss or celebrate in any way, you could be arrested? Valentine's Day is immoral?? Are you kidding me? Are you serious?? That's outrageous!! What's wrong with celebrating love? Even without a boyfriend, love is still worth celebrating!!

My students were getting all ho-hum and some even called it "Singles Awareness Day." At 15 and 16 they're already aware?? Something about that just isn't right!!

When I told them that kids aren't allowed to celebrate it in other countries, they couldn't believe it. Did that change things for them? Suddenly I felt like a Valentine's Day missionary preaching the Good News Celebrate because you can!!

I ended up having one of the best Valentine's Days I have ever had. I wore red. I wished people a Happy Valentine's Day. It was nice to wish people a Happy Something--whatever it may be. I went to a party. I didn't meet any guys I liked there, but I ended up having alot of fun getting my palm read. Some crazy lady also did a Tarot card reading. She prayed over the cards and kept telling me not to cross myself because it blocked her energy. See No Date Required

I was distressed over the recent breakup so close to Valentine's Day. I figured having a boyfriend around then that we would certainly fulfill a little fantasy of mine to have a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. But if I hadn't broken up with C, I wouldn't have been making a concerted effort to get out as much as possible. I wouldn't have gone bowling and I wouldn't have met Bass. Basically, I think had to meet him bowling because that's how I ended up with an ice pack on my shoulder because bowling made it hurt. I also made everyone laugh when I tried to bowl left-handed and dropped the ball as I pulled back. If I didn't have an ice pack on my shoulder, he wouldn't have brought up that his shoulder hurt from playing his bass. We might not have ended up finding out how many other things we had in common. Things may not work out with him either, but I had the best date I have ever had with anyone with Bass. Maybe he was distressed over a recent breakup too, something that he alluded to, but I didn't ask any questions about.

Can you believe I almost cancelled? My shoulder was hurting, I shouldn't have been bowling at all. But I thought, what the heck, I'll go anyway.

I decided to go out on a limb when he texted me again to say hello. I texted him a picture of a conversation heart that said, HEP CAT. I know it's a bit late for Valentine's, but it's so perfect. (He plays bass for a jazz group.) He looooved it. He texted me from Houston, then from Cleveland and called me twice that night. He's also texting me on the way home from his gig. I expect we will have another nice date when he gets back.

If you didn't celebrate this year, celebrate next year;
BECAUSE YOU CAN!

Muchos besos,
Savvy D

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Still not enough inspiration? Visit my pal, Ze for more Valentine fun!

www.zefrank.com/valentine/

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Church Hurts When You're Single

Due to some catastrophic health events last year (a head/neck/inner ear injury), I stopped going to church. It was pretty severe and I couldn't think straight. Actually, the injury just sealed how I really felt. I quit alot of things, not just church. I am now thinking about going back. But there are alot of issues to consider in going back.

What church is the right church?
I had a church that I really loved in a Big City. There were alot of other singles and it was easy to make friends. They were very welcoming of performers. I also made alot of friends who didn't go to church. I've tried a few churches out here and haven't really felt like I belonged anywhere. In fact, I'm not sure that my personality as a performer/teacher really belongs at church. I seem to be judged as too loud, fun and outrageous to be a good Christian girl.

Being Single
Being single at church sucks where I am now. Everything is about couples. My ex-boyfriend told me that at church they had a bet on him as to when he would get married. One guy promised him 8000 pennies for when he did. Funny, but a little painful. He's kind of a jerk, but I get the feeling that he genuinely wants to find someone.

Sitting Alone
It stinks to sit alone in the pew and watch the oblivious couple in front of you. She has her head on his shoulder, he's stroking her back or her arm. You sit there watching that instead of listening to the sermon because you know how good that would feel.

Read This
Everyone wants you to read the latest book on dating because it will really help. Help you what? Barf? Last time I was at a singles thing at church, the guy started talking about his friend who was going to come speak and had written a book on dating. Honestly, I've been reading them all since I was a teen. My response, "Oh God." Everyone laughed. They're all in the same boat.

Singles Groups
At church they suck. For crying out loud, I'm an adult. I like to do some fun things. I like to get my drink on every once in awhile. When you do things with a singles group from church, it just seems like I don't feel like I can really let loose and have a good time. If I have to be single, at least let me have some fun.

Join the Choir
As soon as they find out I can sing, they want me to join the choir. Oh, that would be soooo fun. That's like asking a professional contractor to come paint your whole church for free. I teach choir. Why not hire me to run the choir?

The Gay Boys in Choir
Are you shocked? There are lots of gay boys in choir, especially if your church has paid soloists and an organist. After having been a paid soloist myself, coupled with being a professional performer, I'm really tired of gay boys. I love them, I just don't want to hang out with them anymore. I'd rather have a straight boyfriend.

The Best Place to Meet A Guy Is At Church
Umm. Yeah, right. So I've heard. I've been trying to do that on and off for awhile. It's not working. Then I got a married lady saying, Please tell me you don't come to church just to meet men. Wow, does it LOOK like I do that? I mean clearly I don't if I haven't dated many guys from church. But what's so wrong about meeting and dating someone from church? What's so bad about that when the Bible tells us we are not to be unequally yoked with non-believers? What's so bad about finding someone within your denomination? Just wondering.

Why Bother?
Honestly, I'm wondering why I even want to go and deal with all of this by going back to church. Maybe I'm just too single, to cynical and too tired of it all. I do believe in God, but I'm going through some real hurts that most church people don't understand. I'm sort of like the prodigal son right now, but I get the feeling no one will celebrate with a fatted calf or a big party when/if I return. I used to love reading the Bible when I was a teen and I loved going to church and being in the choir. I had lots of friends. I went to college and was active in Intervarsity Christian Fellowship. I had lots of friends there too. I used to go to Bible studies all the time. But it's different now.

No one thought I'd be the one that stayed single. Quite frankly, neither did I.

Does church hurt you? Share your experiences...

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If you think I'm just complaining, have a read. I'm not alone.

If Singleness Is A Blessing, Why Does it Feel Like A Curse?
Open Letter to Single Men (Christianity Today)
Why Men Hate Church

Misunderstood World of Single Adults

The Mormon Church throws all their singles together into Singles Wards.
www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_singleswards.html
Latter Day Singles

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Cell Phone Revolution

Is this thing even on? I know it is. Is the ringer off? It's on. I need a positive affirmation from the guy I went out with recently (Bass) and it just isn't there. We had some textual contact yesterday, but that was yesterday. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I can text after a date when I would never call. It's sweet and simple. Yesterday went like this:

Savvy: I had so much fun last night! Thank you!
Bass: Yeah it was so fun. Just got back from lunch with my parents.
Savvy: Did u tell them how much fun u had?
Bass: Yes I told them about the sweet kisses too!
Savvy: You did? ;) I'd be happy to share a few more.

....

Umm... still waiting for a response to that.

Yesterday suddenly seems so long ago, as does our date two days ago. We met just three days ago. He called me twice before our date to make sure we were going out. I know I should give it a rest.

I just looked over at my cell phone again. Nothing.

But, I love cell phones. Bass and I showed each other pictures on our phones. He let me mess around with his Iphone. I tried to check my email and it kept crashing. He played a song for me. I took a picture of a landscape and he stepped into the shot so I would have a picture of him. In fact, I think my first words to him were,

Savvy: Watcha looking at?
Bass: Directions for the museum.
Savvy: Iphone! Oooh, neat!
And then I stuck my finger on the screen and made the map move all over the place.
Bass: Yeah. It's cool. You can do that with the map.
Cell phones are great!

I would never date someone who didn't have a cell phone and I just found out that I'm not the only one. Bass was supposed to meet up with a lady for a carpool and she didn't have a cell phone. It's difficult to coordinate with someone if they don't have a cell phone. She was 20 minutes late. Plus, I want to be able to call someone I'm dating when I'm stuck in baggage claim. Not having a cell phone is a red flag to me. You should live at least in the year 2000 and this is 2008.

I certainly don't want to wait around at home for some guy to call me. I can be anywhere and get that special phone call. If that special phone call never comes, I can still be anywhere rather than staring at my landline willing the phone to ring.

I was especially glad for the cell phone this last Tuesday. I went out with a guy who didn't have a cell phone last Saturday. He promised to call and didn't. I went to the gym, looked at my phone and decided he was lame. In 1950 I would have been stuck at home. But perhaps I wouldn't have felt the great generational divide with that guy. It was weird to go on a date with someone who doesn't have one. His defense: If I am going to go meet you, I'm not going to change my mind because of a phone call.

That's touching, but I want to know how long you will be if you are late. I want to know where you are. I want to know how bad the accident is if that's what is holding you up.

Seriously, even my Dad has a cell phone and knows how to use it. My Mom has one and she barely knows how to use it. We get a kick out of it. But she has one! One of my exboyfriends is older then the Cellphonephobic date and he had one also.

The Cellphonephobic date seemed so rigid and inflexible; a dinosaur of the pretechnological age being left one the other side of an ever-widening rift. He probably found it uberannoying when I got two text messages on our date and had the audacity to read them. One of them was from my exboyfriend. I slipped into the bathroom to text him back.

How did people even live before cell phones?

1. You HAD to be HOME to get a phone call. How limiting!
2. If you were going to be somewhere, you had to give them the phone number where you would be. I can remember my parents giving the babysitter the phone number at a restaurant or a party in case anything happened.
3. You had to ask permission to use someone's telephone.
4. There were payphones everywhere.
5. If you agreed to meet someone, they would have to just wait there.
6. If you got lost in a public place, you had to go to the place where they kept the lost children. Now you can just call your parents and tell them where you are.
7. If your car broke down on the road, you had to find a call box.
8. If you got lost driving somewhere, you stayed lost.
9. If you left home without directions, you had to go back and get them.

10. People would meet to hang out--now they text each other the gossip.


Despite all the technological advances, I still think my cell phone must be broken. I am still willing it to ring. I'm still dying to hear his voice. I am still hoping he will ask me out again. I keep looking at it and it keeps not ringing. ARGH!! I'm so upset I'm going to leave it in my room while I get some dinner. No I'm not!

I guess some things will never change.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Resonance

In the dating world, there are some things you just can't fake. There has to be a real interest in someone beyond attraction to keep up the relationship. This weekend I had an amazing time with a really wonderful guy.

I went bowling on Saturday thinking it woud just be one of those things. Ho hum. Whatever. I know how to have a good time with friends. I don't expect to meet anyone anymore. I was in for a really nice surprize. I thought I was interested in J who is a wine dealer. We flirted mercilessly while bowling. Our conversation was light, breezy, fun and everything that it is supposed to be according to that stupid Rules book. And if it weren't for outside interferrence, it might have gone differently.

Usually it is a complete turnoff to mention any physical or health problems you have, but not this time. I had an ice pack on my shoulder because I have problems with it. Next thing I knew, I was talking to a guy about shoulder injuries because he had one also.

I hurt myself last summer doing too much swimming and I was playing my bass wrong.

Oh, really? Do you make a living playing bass.
(See I was thinking he was a hobbyist or an enthusiast.)

Actually, I do.

Really? That's cool. I teach choir and piano. Tell me about your band.


It turns out he plays bass and sings for one of those bands that has been going since the 1950s. They just replace members as they retire. Wow. I was impressed. We've both been teachers, both performed professionally, and both have Master's Degrees in Music! I have met plenty of guys that were musicians, but the difference is that we were also attracted to each other on top of having alot in common. This is resonance.

I have gone out with alot of guys. I have often wondered what the trick is to relationships. I now believe it is resonance. It explains why a guy can flirt with you, have sex with you and forget you. I don't let them do that, though! Without resonance, there is nothing to keep you interested once the infatuation runs out.

--Physics The increase in amplitude of oscillation of an electric or mechanical system exposed to a periodic force whose frequency is equal or very close to the natural undamped frequency of the system.

--Richness or significance, especially in evoking an association or strong emotion.

--Relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people, rapport.



Resonance is why it was so hard for me to let go of my exboyfriend. I have felt that so rarely with anyone. There are parts of me that only he understands. But there are parts of me that only Bass can understand since we are both musicians.

I had a wonderful time just talking to him as we spent time together in a group. And then when we were alone, suddenly some of the things that usually matter to me, didn't matter to me. I didn't freak out over his table manners not being perfect. That would be Too Picky. I listened to what he had to say. There were no red flags. It was just fun. He wanted me to be happy. He kept saying, It's your night. Whatever you want to do. Whatever makes you happy. Or some variation of that.

He took me to a jazz festival where his band had performed, so admission was free. That was fun! I got to meet some of the performers. We talked about how much we love music, how much a part of our lives it is, how spiritual it is. We talked about our families, the role of religion in our lives. We slow danced bad shoulder to bad shoulder. No swing dancing for us! We laughed, we sang along with the live band, we danced, he gave me the advice to stand up straight with my shoulders back and chest high.
Don't make me look! But then again, if I were as sexy as you, I'd flaunt it. I laughed. We talked some more and hugged as I sat on his lap.

You look really pretty tonight.

Thanks.

We've got great music, and we've got each other. What more could you want?

A kiss?

That was the first of many kisses. I wasn't even completely turned off when he was offering to let me stay at his place. Of course he said he would sleep on the couch... I don't think that's all he was after. You can't fake resonance. Maybe some people call it "chemistry", but I prefer resonance.

Resonance also has music related definitions:
--Acoustics Intensification and prolongation of sound, especially of a musical tone, produced by sympathetic vibration.
--The quality imparted to voiced speech sounds (or singing)by the action of the resonating chambers of the throat and mouth and nasal cavities.
--Oscillation induced in a physical system when it is affected by another system that is itself oscillating at the right frequency. The soundboards of musical instruments, are designed to resonate with a large range of frequencies produced by the instrument.




Saturday, February 16, 2008

No Date Required

I don't need a date to figure out that a guy is totally wrong for me. Neither do you! Get to know someone in a hurry! I'll teach you how! Just listen up when you first meet a guy.

Bachelor #1
I went to a Valentine's Day party. I sat next to a man who started telling me about himself. I'm from Chicago, so I'm used to being direct. I like women who are direct.
I'm direct.
That's good. My ex-wife was not. Actually, you remind me of her a little bit. I mean that as a compliment. Huh? I don't even know him, why tell me about his ex? I sure don't even want to go on a date with someone who is comparing me to his ex wife.

So, did you guys have kids? 10 years is a long time to have been with someone.
No, we didn't. I'm diabetic, my mom was diabetic, my dad was diabetic, my grandparents were diabetic. It's just not something I want to pass on.

Me either. I moved on.

Bachelor #2
So, tell me about these funky glasses you're wearing.
These are my sports glasses because my real glasses broke. They're bullet proof and shatter resistant. Perfect for rock climbing. Oh. Whatever. They were really thick. We made small talk about glasses, he showed me his stepped on glasses, etc.
This party sucks, why don't we get out of here and go bowling or something. I just don't see anything I'm looking for here.

What are you looking for?
Wow. Do you want me to just open up to you and tell you everything?
Um, no. What an idiot. How about the short version.
I'm looking for a woman who wants to travel with me and can put up with my shit. I don't care about picking stuff up and putting it away. I'm looking for someone who will do the dishes after I cook. And I'm looking for someone who can put up with the fact that I like to drink and I like to smoke marijuana. I'm high now, but not high enough. I'm high most of the time.
I see. It doesn't seem to do much to mellow you out.
No not much.
I think I would like to get my palm read. I'm next! I cheerfully sat in the chair.

When I saw another girl making a glazed over expression while talking to him, I knew what that was about and I helped her by waving to her. She cut away. "How have you been since the last party? It's so good to see you again. Thanks for getting me away from him. Oh my God he's weird."

Bachelor #3
The Palm Reader looked over at me. Come here, sweetie. See this guy's hand? He has what you need. And see her hand, she has what you need. You guys should talk. Uhh, ok. We tried, but basically most of our conversations up to that point started with me singing songs with his name in it.
Come on and marry me Bill.
Yeah, my heart stood still. Yeah, his name was Bill. Da do run run.

He's my Bill from Showboat.

I felt like an idiot. We tried to make conversation, but it was awkward and stilted. He's going to be at a bowling event tonight, so I guess we will figure it out then.

Bachelor #2 interrupted us trying to talk and told us we were the coolest people there because we were non-judgemental.
He just doesn't know that we've been gossiping about him!

Bachelor #4
I went to a Pub Crawl with some friends and had some similar experiences.

I was sort of into #4. He was cute, intelligent and had a decent job and all. He said he really likes to read, mainly non-fiction.
Really? That's cool, me too. Um, yeah. Decided not to tell him that I keep a blog about dating and have reviewed some non-fiction books about dating.
I read this book recently that your personality is determined, not by genetics by by how much your mother used to hug you.
Really? Do you need a hug?
Yes, I do.
I didn't feel like your mother when I just hugged you.
I hope not! What would you like to drink? I'll get you something. I'll be right back.
I'll be right here.

Sweet. Buying a drink for you = interested in you, right? After a few more bars and a few more drinks, he confessed that his relationships never last because of his job which requires alot of travel and late nights. 4 out of 6 relationships started with sex on the first date. In other words, sex on the first date is still a bad idea.

I watched him get more and more sloshed and begin buying rounds for everyone on the company credit card. He could write it off as a business expense. I guess I was the first to be treated to his card and a drink, but it seemed like no big deal. He held my hand regretfully as I left. Whatever. I might like to see what he is like when he is sober. I might text him when he comes back from DC. But then, again I might not. He's already told me that he's not such a great choice.

Let's review:
1. Doesn't want to have children because he is diabetic.
2. Constantly high.
3. Worth getting back to? Maybe not.
4. Possibly insincere. Not much time for dating/relationships.

I wonder why men just tell me these things. I'm glad they do, so we aren't wasting anybody's time. It's better to know upfront without a date. Rather than a miserable 2 hour ordeal, why not have a compact 20 minutes or even 10 that tells you everything you need to know about why someone wouldn't be a good choice for you and who you might be interested in getting back to?

Closure (He's Mostly Harmless)


Closure can be healing. It can also be an opportunity to tell your ex the things that were bothering you. I feel much better.

I probably would have let it all go if it hadn't been for a friend. I was still hurting that everything seemed so great at one time, but then fell apart so quickly. She asked me, "Did you ask him about that?"
"Umm, well, no."
"Why not ask?"
"I guess I never thought about it. I didn't think he would answer."

I decided to give it a shot. Pun intended since we do plan to go to a shooting range. I can just hear some of you saying not to do it, but seriously, we are going to an indoor range. If he were going to put a bullet in me, he would have done it long ago with no witnesses.

He called me to discuss advantages and disadvantages of shooting indoor vs. outdoor shooting ranges. There's a bunch of stuff I never thought about. I was just scared with some of the recent violence in our schools. As we firmed up our plan, I couldn't contain myself.

I asked how the cruise went. He had a great time. He asked how my commitments went, they went well. I just wish they hadn't had such a high price.

Pause...

There's something that's been bothering me and I feel like I need some closure on it before we move into being friends. Basically there's no risk involved since our relationship is already over. Why did you work so hard to get me only to let it go?

I ask myself the same question. One of my military buddies called me the Two Week Wonder. I am the master of the short relationship.

You should warn us poor females about this. Actually, I picked up on that and I'm sure you noticed me hesitating. We had alot to talk about before we were intimate and it wasn't happening.

The conversation gets a little blurry in here. I know I told him it wasn't fair of him to pressure me to be intimate with him when he knew he had herpes. It wasn't worth the risk to me for something that wasn't long term. He was saying things that made me uncomfortable like looking at the cruise as a proving ground for the relationship. Prove? I don't have anything to prove. Sex isn't about that for me. You already knew what I was like and that I haven't been with alot of guys. I don't have nothin to prove to nobody by opening my legs.

He asked how my parents were doing since he had met them. They're doing well. Should have told him they were angry at him? Naah.

I was planning on breaking up with you, but my mom talked me out of it.

Oh? What did your dad say about it? He sounded sad.

I didn't ask him. (Gee, what my dad really said was that he didn't like him for leading me on, and liked him even less for pressuring me to have sex and even less for having herpes and doing all of that.)

I was just upset because I had really committed myself to trying to work things out. The only reason why I didn't break up with you sooner is because I care about you and I didn't want to lose you completely.

I'm still friends with a number of my exgirlfriends.

I guess that's because we all figure that a few weeks isn't worth being angry over. The breakup was bound to happen either way. You were being a real jerk and you know it. I've said my peace, so I'll let you off the hook.

But I still want to know--isn't he embarrassed? He introduced me to his friends at work and at church. They had alot of postive things to say about me and about us. At church they wanted me to come sing with them. His friends and roommate said we were a good match. He told them all about me. They thought we acted like we had been together a long time. He proudly told everyone how long we had been dating and they teased me when I couldn't answer, Women always know these things. You mean you don't know! I smiled and said, He's my calendar. At the time I had no idea it was so important to him. Isn't it embarrassing to tell everyone it didn't work out for basically NO GOOD REASON?? He should realize that it hurts to introduce someone around like it's serious and then just drop it. It's unkind.

Seriously, I don't think he did these things maliciously. He's just dumb. I think he really hoped it would work out, despite his track record as the Two Week Wonder.

I don't think he's violent either. Does he have anger management issues? Sure. But INHG (I'm not his girlfriend), so it doesn't really affect me. Does he swear like a sailor? Sure he does! But he works in law enforcement and I've actually heard worse from someone else in law enforcement. Does he need counselling? Absolutely! But again, NMP (not my problem) because INHG (I'm not his girlfriend).

My declaration: He's mostly harmless now.


Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Quote at the Bottom of My Blog

Life unravels like a cheap sweater,
Since I gave up hope I feel alot better.

I finally met the person behind this great quote; the eminent Steve Taylor. He's still youthful, charming, witty and looks great in skinny jeans (let's all hate him)at--get this--50 something. He could be the Christian Mick Jagger and keep going till he's 100.

Don't know who he is? I'm not surprised, but you may know his work indirectly. He produced Sixpence None the Richer. If you ever watched Dawson's Creek you at least heard Kiss Me. Their other hit was There She Goes. He was the lead singer of a band called Chagall Guevara. One of their songs appeared on the soundtrack of the Christian Slater movie, Pump Up the Volume. If you have heard of a Christian band called the Newsboys, he produced them, too.

Steve Taylor appearance was hosted by a church. Though he is considered to be one of the greats of Christian music "back in the day," he admits to having always struggled with that position. In his lyrics, he was always slightly sardonic, sarcastic and very witty. Some people were offended--mainly superchristians. But, there was a huge underground of kids who passed his music to each other. We liked what he said because while he was critical of the establishment as we were, he still loved Jesus like we did. He urged us to make Christianity our own and think for ourselves.

I had a few moments of commiseration when he explained how he barely passed the piano proficiency requirement at his university and sheepishly admitted one of his great musical inspirations was the Clash's London Calling. I made the sign of the devil and said, "Rock the Casbah!" Then I slapped my hand. Oops! Sometimes I get in trouble in a Christian crowd, too. Kids are listening to all that stuff again. Who knows, maybe Christian kids will turn back the clock and listen to his stuff. The interviewing host read many of the lyrics for which he was well known and asked for commentary. He confessed to get a little tired of the constant self-promotion that is a part of business and the entertainment industry. I got a bit tired of that and audtioning as a singer. We should totally be BFFs!

When they asked if anyone had any last minute comments or questions that they had to make. I raised my hand. "I'm so glad that your lyrics were mentioned because they continue to have an impact. I put a quote on my blog Life unravels like a cheap sweater, since I gave up hope I feel alot better; which is perfect since I write about dating!"

He told me later how glad he was to hear that again. Some people don't get how funny that quote is to me. I'm glad at least one person on the planet does--as well as those who laughed at this event. Maybe you too?

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Pre-Date Confidence Builders

I fell in love with this on http://www.zefrank.com/. Ze is a great friend to you by letting you know how hot you look. It's nice to have a big butt. That outfit looks great on you! I refreshed my memory just before a date. Damn, I felt good! The date went well, too.

Visit Pre-Date Confidence Builder

Impress Your Date
It also helps to look at someone really messing up on a date. Your bad date couldn't be nearly as bad as some of the crazy stuff Ze does to annoy, pester and disturb his date. Visit How to Impress Your Date


Communication Skills
Of course, if you just need a good old-fashioned laugh, why not learn communication skills from Ze. It's a great way of thinking through your responses to annoying emails. Highly recommended. Communication Skills

Valentine
Want to feel better about Valentine's Day? No one to celebrate with you? Ze can make you feel better about that, too! Visit: <3

Social Network
A social network built just for two awaits you in two versions.
1 contains a reference to the Valentine episode. Ze is the duckie.
2 is simpler and is just animated text.

Great
Need to feel better in general? Someone out there thinks you're great, and that someone is Ze! And me--I think you're great for reading my blog!!!

I consider his to be The Blog That Makes You Feel Better. That's what he wants since he says, Many have come, but I like you the best!


Dating Blunders of a Dating Wonder

I went to dinner with a group after a tough week and a tough breakup. Not caring what people think of you can be seriously liberating. Is it really a dating blunder if I just don't care?

I was late.
I wasn't sure what time the dinner was anymore. Unfortunately my excuse was pretty bad. I was doing some returns at the mall across the street and it took longer than I expected--quite frankly because I just didn't care. I dropped off a ring to get it sized, freshened my makeup at a makeup counter, got samples of some chocolate, returned some shoes and tried on a few more just for fun. But I did finally get there. Maybe I wasn't late, I just have an alternate sense of time.

I lied.
When they asked me what I do, I answered:
I'm a stripper. I have 4 kids and that takes a serious toll on the body.

Swing: Well, since J is a personal trainer, I'm sure he'd be happy to help you out.

We all had a good laugh. I usually find these kind of responses annoying. I've had guys tell me they are a butt model and it's seriously not amusing when you are being serious.

When they asked me what I do for fun, I answered:
I like to go to dinners with people I don't really know and lie to them. I like play 2 lies and a half-truth.

I talked about my ex.
They got a kick out of it at first. How many people break up with someone and then get matched to them on match.com? Then again, it's sort of the second time something like that happened to me with match.com.

Swing asked me, In your perfect world, was he the one?
I made a face. No. In other words, I lied.

The truth: In my perfect world, he would be perfect too.

Swing: No more talking about your ex or we're going to think you're bitter. By the way, how long ago was this?
Savvy: Last month.
Swing: No wonder,

Not all the dating blunders were mine. J was really cold and had his arms crossed over his chest. My hands were warm, so I took his hands in mine. Wow! You were serious. I thought guys didn't get cold.

Well, I have gastric colitis and it makes me anemic. I thought it was another whopper, but he was serious. Yuck! Who wants to know!!??

Maybe I'm not ready to meet someone new just yet. But then again, we'll see because I have another date tonight.

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I have gone back through and labeled the comments Swing made as Swing. He didn't have a nickname then because I hadn't started that yet!


Sunday, February 3, 2008

Why Can't We Be Friends?


Is it possible to be friends with an unpopular ex? Is it possible that the alarm bells going off in everyone's head were false? I don't have the answers. All I know is that I have to try.

I have to know that he actually cared about me. I shared his bed, I thought about being intimate with him (we did some things but didn't go all the way), I contemplated making a future with him. Now that we are broken up, the pressure is off. Is it possible that we'll be OK?

Let's be honest, men have been known to be dogs throughout history. History repeats itself. But let's remember, dogs are trainable. Perhaps we have trained men's doggy behavior to be worse because we ladies have lost our feminine power. That's how it is with dogs and owners. Just a theory.

In any case, as friends, the pressure to be intimate is gone. The pressure to make a relationship work despite difficult circumstances and past experiences is gone. It won't matter if he talks about his exs or if I talk about mine. We can just enjoy each other's company and hang out. I genuinely liked this person. Yes, even though he was a complete dog at the end. Wasn't that just a way of trying to get me to break up with him? Well, now we are broken up. Problem solved.

I don't have to worry about him breaking up with me AFTER we have sex because he knows I wouldn't have sex with someone who isn't my boyfriend. In fact, I wouldn't be with my boyfriend unless I know it's serious. I don't have to worry about pregnancy or herpes or work things out in the bedroom. My issues and inexperience are no longer HIS issues. So he has family issues, a horrible childhood that he still isn't over, an anxiety disorder and some anger issues. As his girlfriend, these were PROBLEMS. As a friend, I can laugh it off. Oh, that's just HIM. Hahaha!

Maybe he's so used to women dumping him that when a really great lady like me came along, he realized he wasn't as ready as he thought. Maybe we both changed when we made a commitment. Maybe our communication level was only good enough for friendship in the first place and trying to make it be more was the mistake. Maybe we'll try again once we know each other better. Or maybe familiarity will breed distress and contempt.

It's just that when some really crazy things went down at work, I really wanted to call him and have him be my friend knowing full well that he had been a bad dog. I can be right, but I can also be alone. I made a vow to only date guys I can be friends with. So he might be a dog to other women, or maybe not. I'm a really good dog trainer--I'll just grab him by the jowls, look him in the eye and say NO, bad dog!

The only reason why I didn't break up with him first is because I didn't want to lose him completely. I do care. And I think he cares too.

Aren't you ever curious to know if you can be friends with an ex?