Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Feeling Bass, Feeling Better, Growing Up
Election Day. It was all backwards. Nothing went as planned. Nothing at all.
First, I signed up for a bunch of mystery shops that I wasn't able to complete. That was a loss of alot of money. Second, I got a call saying I didn't qualify for unemployment because there were no funds that went in to my account. That has to be a mistake that I'm going to fix it. Tall opened up a bottle of Crystal to celebrate Obama winning the election, was slurring all his words together, making me laugh and rubbing it in about Obama winning. Another friend said, I couldn't decide what was worse--listening to Obama or looking at McCain. And lastly, I ended up actually talking to Bass.
I called him just to see if he would pick up. He didn't and I didn't leave a message. Then a few minutes later my phone was ringing.
Bass: Hey, sorry about that. I'm back.
Savvy: Um, hey. Do you know who you're talking to?
Bass: Uhh...hehe. Umm...
Savvy: It's Savvy.
Bass: Oh wow. Savvy. I didn't recognize the number.
Savvy: Yeah, I got a new number. I didn't leave a message cause I didn't know what to say. I guess I wanted to talk to you because, well, I felt really bad about the last time we ran into each other and I didn't know what to do about it.
Bass: Yeah, that was really weird. I mean how totally random.
Savvy: I had tried to call you and I didn't hear anything back. I just couldn't talk to you. I had heard alot of bad things about you and I hadn't heard from you at all, so I was pretty mad about that.
Bass: I guess I thought at the time that it would be too hard to be friends.
Savvy: It didn't have to be that way. It could have been different.
Bass: It's true, it could have been. Things didn't end very well between us.
I thought we had something good and then you started lying to me and you showed up with that girl. We already talked about that.
Bass: I wasn't happy about the way I behaved with you. I felt better after I ran into you at volleyball.
Savvy: That was actually really hard for me because I was still hurt over what happened. I really don't understand why things happened the way that they did. I really liked you and I'm not sure you got that.
Bass: I didn't at the time. I've been through alot of changes in the past few months.
Savvy: Like what?
Bass: Well, I fell in love--something that hasn't happened since I was in my 20s. I think I started to get how much I hurt you when I fell in love.
Savvy: What happened?
Bass: We broke up.
Savvy: How come?
Bass: Well, we were just very different politically, socioeconomically and culturally. It was too much to overcome. I'm over it now. I did alot of growing up from that.
Savvy: You actually do sound like you really did. I'm impressed.
Bass: I'm curious, what things did you hear about me?
Savvy: Well, Bill doesn't have anything nice to say about you.
Bass: Well, nobody's perfect.
Savvy: And then I ran into a girl from meetup and she didn't like you at all.
Bass: That's really interesting because I thought we had a really good time. I just knew I didn't want to be her boyfriend or her husband so I didn't call her. That's probably why she's mad.
Savvy: I don't know, she said it was more like she was onto you that you were just out for fun and you were in a band and she didn't want any part of that.
Bass: Well, that is true. I was out for having fun. I feel like for the past 3 years I've been going through what most people went through in high school. I've really done alot of growing up.
Savvy: Having been a high school teacher, I have to say that's true. I watched kids be really awful to each other. And I think when people go through that period later on in life, they put the people around them through alot of pain.
Bass: Yeah. I really wasn't ready when I met you. But I now I am. I don't know if I'm ready for marriage, but I'm definitely ready to be with just one person. But I learned so much from going out with different people. I've learned I'll never understand women, though.
Savvy: Why's that?
Bass: You think you know what's going on and then you find out that you don't.
Savvy: Well...I don't know.
Bass: And everyone's so different. Some people are really religious. Some women are all over you while others are more reserved. I'm learning how to talk about things, though I still don't like confrontations.
Savvy: Communication is key. I mean, sometimes you think a confrontation is going to be big and it's easy. Other times you think it's going to be minor and it's huge.
Savvy: Honestly, you kind of scared me when we met. I started to be upset that maybe you just wanted to have sex with me because of the way things ended.
Bass: Savvy, if that was all I wanted, I wouldn't have gone out with you those other times. It's a really good thing that you're a good girl. You're good.
Our accidental conversation lasted 40 minutes. We talked about jobs, shoulders and various topics here and there. He asked how my shoulder was doing and how my singing was going.
Savvy: I'm glad that we talked. I hope that we...um... talk again sometime.
Bass: That's a rising possibility. I hope you're great in whatever you do.
Savvy: Thanks, have a good trip with the band.
I feel better somehow. It was our first real and honest conversation that didn't involve immediate emotional pain.
And yet I don't. I want to be in love. I wanted to be in love with him, but he wasn't ready. I wasn't ready either, and I admitted that to him. I had just broken up with someone. Why didn't I meet him later when he was ready? When I was ready? How can you be friends with someone who stomped all over your heart?