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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Bass Fishing

Why do I keep running into someone I used to date? I went fishing Sunday night--an evening charter where we didn't have to get licenses. Friends were there who I hadn't seen lately. I was catching Manbag (J) up with all the happenings with Bass (the man, the myth) while J had been in Alaska--mostly my personal realizations after talking to a girl he had met through Meetup. He filled me in on hiking, etc. I teased him about only hearing from him very rarely.
J: The service up there was really awful...
Savvy: Can you believe he said all the same things to her that he said to me?
J: Gross! You have to change things up.
Savvy: Yeah, well, I'm totally over him after talking to that girl.

And suddenly, Bass was there, standing directly behind J.... SPEAK OF THE DEVIL!!!

He smiled really big and said a healthy hello to me. Speaking of having nothing to say, I mumbled a curt hello, and continued my other conversation with Manbag--who had been there as my "Replacement" the evening of the big Karaoke Stunt.

There was another boat next to ours where a wedding was to take place. Bass held a huge gift that his date had bought, both dressed elegantly--complete with pink carnation boutinere. His date also knew several people among us. For as many people as Bass could be on good terms with, he was on equally bad terms with because of what he had done--Mike and J. No one greeted him. Why would they?

Bass and his date walked toward their boat as we waited for ours.
J: That was random...but you look really good, so you have nothing to worry about.
Sav: I have nothing to say to him. He even lied to Bill about it not being romantic and not nearly as many text messages as I claimed. I'm the one who got stuck with the bill!!
J: You really seem alot better about the whole thing.
Sav: Well, after all that "I'm not a social guy" crap, going to a wedding with someone is an awfully social thing to do. Can't believe anything he says. He just looked.
J: I'm not quite sure who she is, but I'm not sure she's all there, loopy.
Sav: Whatever. He keeps looking back over his shoulder.
J: He's gotta feel bad about you.
Sav: I offered to be his friend and he didn't call me. I'm very forgiving, but he should have called. It makes me think even less of his initial treatment of me. I'm not some whore that I'm going to spend the night after one date. Remember, I kept my coat on.
J: Say, do you still call me Manbag on your blog? Cause you totally can.

We boarded our fishing boat.

Mike: WELL! That was random...
Sav: Yeah, to be sure. I didn't exactly want to see him.
Mike: I can imagine.
Sav: I wonder what lines he told her. I mean, I got the extra-special ones about wanting to help me start a band. Like he wanted me to be his friggin' muse or something.
Shelly: Why are you still talking about Bass?
Savvy: We just SAW him.
Shelly: That was HIM!?
Savvy: You act like you've never met him and I know you have. He's not supposed to even be here. He's supposed to be out of town with his band, I'm reverse stalking him, remember?
J: Websites lie.
Sav: I don't know. I'm going to check when I get home. I might drop out of things for awhile because he's supposed to be around this month.
J: You can't do that, this is our little social club. But, by the way, you aren't going to meet any dudes if you hang out with me all the time.
Sav: After what I've been through lately, I'm good with that.

We got to the business of fishing. It was fun, and I know nothing about fishing. My best strategy was having a guy who worked on the boat teaching me, baiting my hooks, and fishing for me while I went to the bathroom. When left to my own devices, I pulled my bait back up to check it. I discovered that it had been nibbled at mercilessly while I chatted away merrily with J who warned another girl not to date Bass. Is there any better way to tell the whole world that we think he's a jerk? I wonder how my lack of fishing skill applies to the dating world. You have to pull up on the line to get the fish hooked. You have to pull the bait around to get the fish to really take the bait. I suck at this in more ways than one. Ironically, I caught a Sand Bass. I enjoyed watching that get filleted for cooking. How will I cook and eat my Bass?

I gazed over at the other boat, still docked there while the last of our fish were filleted. It looked like the party was long over and I would be saved from any discomfort. As we disembarked, there was Bass with his date and big big, stupid uncomfortable fake smile on his face. I was hoping not to run into him again. Crap. I made sure to hug my friends and walked out with Mike and J. What triangulation effect had caused gravity to attract most of the major actors from the karaoke night to the same time and place?

I leaned against the car with Mike while we discussed his recent dating life and mine.
Mike: That was seriously random.
Savvy: Yeah. I just don't know what to make of it. What do you say we find his car and fish up the door handle?
Mike: Fun! He'll have a fishy smell while finishing his date.
Savvy: He'd know it was me.
Mike: Now they're parked in the same row?
Savvy: She's driving. I never would have picked his car. He just looked.
Mike: He's got to feel bad about what he did.
Savvy: Well, he knows how to use a phone and he didn't call when I offered friendship. He also didn't come to see me sing--neither did you.
Mike: So, I know what a total sex fiend you are. I'm being ironic, so I went out with this woman I met the other night...
I rolled my eyes as he described sexual details.
Sav: You're so bad. You can stop now.
Mike: It turns out she's married!
Sav: Gross!
Mike: I could have been with her again tonight. I confess that I just wanted to get laid.
While we talked, a drama unfolded before us that had Bass directing his date while she backed up her sedan.
Bass: You're good! Come on out. A little more. You're fine.

Sav: Wow, this chick can't drive.
As the car pulled past us, she stopped so she could remove her sweater--placing Bass directly in front of me, leaned back in his seat, looking at me while I looked at Mike.
Mike: Could you get any more random that than? I mean of all the places to stop, right in front of you!?
Sav: Yeah...Anyway, I'm going to jazz club now. Swing might join me. I hope Bass feels as bad as you think he does.

This is my LIFE!

If you were to click on Bass below, that would pull up all the stories that include him.


Amir Larijani said...

A couple observations:

(1) I'm not convinced that Bass was being "random". And I wonder how long it will take for his "date" to pick up on him like everyone else has.

(2) Mike is smoking something I want legalized. Just who is he trying to impress by discussing his sex life?

SavvyD said...

1. The random part was him being where I was. But he has a real track record for his words not lining up with his actions and vice verse.

2. Mike was in a loveless, sexless marriage (he loved her, but she married him so she could have children) and is happy to actually be having sex again. He is under the impression that we all want to hear about it thanks to Sex and the City.

AF said...

Chaos Theory states that certain dynamic systems(Savvy) whose state evolve with time(Her social pool)exhibit dynamics that are highly sensitive to initial conditions (Bass). As a result of this sensitivity, which manifests itself as an exponential growth of perturbations(Mutual acquaintances) in the initial conditions, the behavior of chaotic systems(Her dating life) appears to be random. This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future dynamics are fully defined by their initial conditions, with no random elements involved(Encounters with Bass). This behavior is known as simply chaos.

In other words these "random" encounters are mathematically predictable and are actually probable. It's kind of like when you hurt a finger and all of the sudden you bump that finger into everything...
Your best bet is to become completely apathetic to him. Simply just don't care about where he is or who he is with. Treat him as a complete stranger.(Not so easy)

Superstar said...

I personally enjoy running into my "ex" I normally shock the women that are w/them!

Almost all my previous relationships ended in a friendly way...broke my heart, but not horrible, car wrecking, plate throwing or anything..

I like the "fish" name!!! hehehehe
I'll be back!

SavvyD said...

Superstar--Bass actually refers to him being a professional bassist in a jazz band that tours internationally.

Sand Bass are also bottom feeders, a friend pointed out. This applies here also!!

AF--I looooove the chaos theory applied to me. hehe Another theory is God having a sense of humor.

OMG, how is it that we STILL haven't had coffee??!!

SavvyD said...

PS If I treated him as a complete stranger--which I sort of did Sun-- means being open to getting to know someone.

Amir Larijani said...

Savvy: I thought the "Sand Bass" reference was amusing. Bottom-feeder was the first thing that came to mind.

You really need to get out of the People's Republic of California, though. The looneys are going to take you hostage. LOL

SavvyD said...

I just realized that in Matthew God commands us to be fishers of MEN. How do I get better at fishing men? ;) LOL

SavvyD said...

The marina where we were was 60 miles or so where either of us live. The neighboring event (a wedding) had nothing at all to do with the event I was attending.

It's either wacky chaos or the Law of Attraction a la Secret, or a Divine appointment--why, God, why?

SavvyD said...

The real question is, why does it all still hurt. I really thought that when I blogged about it so many moons ago that I wouldn't still be hurting today.