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Friday, August 22, 2008

We Can Have Fun--Or Not

Just 2 days ago I was determined not to accept anymore dates, but then a friend--acquaintance really--started acting on his interest in me. The last time I saw him was at a pool party a week and a half ago. He tried to kiss me on the lips in parting and I turned a cheek. Hey, we're just friends.

He is divorced, Persian from India, older than me by alot, and has two adult children. Personally I didn't see the harm in talking to him a bit since I've seen him around and will most likely run into him again. It's not like a pickup.

I was headed to the mall for a last minute venture to buy something I'd had my eye on--in the name of charity. Not only were they giving me a discount, but a percentage of the proceeds were going to a music therapy program. However, the best music therapy would be for me to be teaching music--but I digress.

Finally in touch with each other, he invited me to come hang out with the meetup group he was with. That sounded tame, but I was "proceeding" to the mall.

Savvy: I'm going to the mall, will you still be there in an hour?
Older: Oh you're going to the mall, which one?
Savvy: The Westfield, why don't you come shopping with me and buy me things? I'm kidding!!
Older: I'll meet you there, shopping with you sounds fun.
Savvy: What's the plan after that?
Older: Whatever you want to do.
Savvy: I guess we could get a drink or something.
Older: I'll call you when I get to the mall.

After the purchase, we went to an upscale bar that was actually quite swank. We chatted about wine and various aspects of Meetup over mini Kobe burgers, ice wine and a mojito. He took a call and referred to me as a friend. Honestly, I sat there thinking how rude it was to accept a call while hanging out with someone else.

As we left, I went to the ladies and he went outside to have a smoke. As I exited the restaurant, the server came up to me with her hand extended:
Serve: You forgot these keys.
Sav: Oh, those aren't mine. Oh, they belong to him. I know what I'll do.

I tucked them in my bag. As we walked to our cars I asked:

Savvy: Do you have everything you need?
Older: Yes I think so.
Savvy: Alright.
Older: Oh wait, I seem to have left my keys somewhere.
Savvy: Really? Where do you think you left them?
Older: I think they're back in the restaurant.
Savvy: Do they look like this?
Older: You devil!

He began tickling me. That hasn't happened on a date since college. As he tried to get closer to my lips I kept trying to turn away. He smokes. Finally he kissed me.

Then the talking continued.
Savvy: So, I'm just curious, when did you develop this thing for me?
Older: Ever since we met.
Savvy: Ah, really? What made you like me?
Older: I like your smile. You're alot of fun. I thought we would have fun together. It seemed mutual.
Savvy: Maybe... Fun?
Older: I'm not looking to get serious or make any kind of commitments. There's no harm as long as you're upfront about these things.
Savvy: I don't think we're looking for the same things.
Older: Well, no one wants to get married, at least not in California.
Savvy: You're killing me. I think I'm going to go home and cry. This is my home state.
Older: Don't do that.
Savvy: It's just that you've already been married. I haven't had the chance to do that. Why would I get involved with someone who isn't able to offer what I'm looking for?
Older: We can just have fun. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do.
Savvy: I've heard that before.

Older: It's getting late and I'm tired. I have work tomorrow. You're more than welcome to stay at my place--it's just 2 minutes from here which is why it was so perfect to meet you here instead of having you go all the way to the bowling alley. Believe me, I'm just going to sleep. I'll even stay on the couch and let you have my bed. I just worry about how far of a drive you have.
Savvy: I'll be alright... It's not fair. I'm not bitter--I've never been divorced (I had just heard some divorce doozies that night.) and you're done with it. I want to experience it for myself. After all, even yours was good for the first part. I deserve to be with someone who can make a commitment to me.

He knew I was right.

Savvy: I was trying to keep things just friends between us because I already knew that might be a possibility.
Older: Please call me to let me know that you got home OK.

I did call, but that's the end of it. There are alot of guys who want to waste a woman's time without truly offering anything. The Non-Dating Dude is no better than the Out For Fun Guy on many levels. Both are using you for your time and attention without a commitment. One uses your body, the other uses your soul. Nobody gets what they want.

In saying no to him, I know I have his respect. I'm actually still on speaking terms with Tall, who respects me a great deal now. They both know I'm not the Just For Fun Girl. And so much for Indian guys being more traditional. I need to find a different group. A Christian group.


Amir Larijani said...

Bravo! NOW you're getting it, sweetie!

Aflores said...

Hi Sav,
That's right, nip it in the bud. Don't try to change a guy into something he's not. You'll never find Mr. Right with 100% of everything you want, but letting guys know what you are looking for and what you expect early on will let them know you are not looking to pass time for the "Fun" of it.
By the way I setup a new blog form my business. Check it out at http://blog.urdomainnames.com

SavvyD said...

He actually called me while I was in the middle of another phone call. Blah. What does he want? He isn't going to get "THAT".