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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

No More Pretzels and Beer

I've been doing alot of thinking since the date with Pretzel. There are alot of lonely people in the world. They gravitate toward places they can meet other singles. That's what happened with Pretzel at the dance. When I saw one of my ex-Christian dates, he was at a bar trying to meet Christian dance partners. It can happen, I suppose.

I talked with Pretzel this evening. He's been trying to call me and I've been avoiding him. But I felt like I had to say something, that maybe it would make a difference to him, maybe it would help him.

Savvy: I hate to talk about this on the phone, but when I think about our date, I have to say that I've never had anyone show up an hour late, been drinking in the car on the way there and then had a horribly messy car like that. It makes me wonder if you're really ready for a healthy relationship, of if you do these things to subconsciously let people know you aren't.
Pretzel: I'm sorry. Why don't we go out another time and I promise I won't drink. I'll even be early. I can't make any promises, but I'll try.
Savvy: I've just never seen anyone I've ever dated have a drink in the car on the way to our date. were you nervous or something?
Pretzel: Yes, I was very nervous. And when we met, too.
Savvy: It's just that being reliable in a relationship is important. I need to know that someone is going to be there when I need them to be. I've been 15 minutes late before, I could deal with that. But an hour?
Pretzel: I'll really try.
Savvy: An hour is really disrespectful The only time I was a half an hour late, I did it on purpose. (Remember Astro? I was retaliating.)
Pretzel: Well, these are valid complaints. I can see why you would be upset.
Savvy: The whole point is to catch it when it's an observation. This is what actually happened. It becomes complaining, then nagging and whining when you say yes to a commitment and these things are an obvious problem before you even start.
Pretzel: Yes, that actually makes sense. But I still want to give it another shot.
Savvy: Well, there's one more thing.
Pretzel: What's that?
Savvy: It was fun making out with you in some ways, but honestly, I feel really bad about that. I don't usually move that fast and it scared me into wondering what was next and how fast things would go. I was raised to wait until I got married, and even though I could forgive myself and God could forgive me for going farther sooner, it's not what I want to be doing. It's just something you should think about. Most guys when they figure out I'm not playing around, they move on because they don't get what they want. As if I don't have better things to do than pretend I'm a super good girl who's only been with one guy. Life is too short. If I really wanted to do it, why would I play around.
Pretzel: When I was younger it seemed like men and women were farther apart on that, but now they are more similar.
Savvy: Well, that all depends on who you ask. Not everyone feels that way. I don't. And like I said, I feel bad about what we did and I don't want to repeat it.
Pretzel: Can we talk about it some more when you come back from your trip.
Savvy: You have alot of things to consider, though, and if those things can't change, I could only accept you as a friend because those things don't affect me in the same way. And I don't do friends with benefits.
Pretzel: I feel bad now.
Savvy: I know that you are a good person in your heart. Maybe you are just going through some things that you need to resolve.

And there are some things I need to resolve. Different things. I need to find a job, I need to find a church. I almost feel like I can't decide where to go until I know where my job is. I'm tired of dating. And honestly, a date is to get to know someone. It's a risky business. MOST people aren't going to cook you and store your carcass in their refrigerator, but still... not everyone is very aware of their bad manners.

I mentioned to Becky how one of my really bad dates told me I should go back to church and find myself a nice guy. If only he knew how complicated that is!!!

Becky Sue warned me. There's just one problem with church people. They're so hypocritical. You're so naive sometimes. I worry about you, that's all.

As if there aren't hypocrites everywhere.

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