Dancing was a weekend theme. Friday night I went to a dance with some friends. I coincidentally ran into Becky Sue and our posse as they were walking through the parking lot. What luck! I honked at them to get their attention and they waited for me to park my car.
Soon we were all doing our thing and dancing. I went to talk to a friend who was waiting in line to get a drink. I wasn't sure where our table was--and the posse was scattered.
Wouldn't you know it? I met a man. He was standing right behind her in line and offered me a bite of his pretzel.
Pretzel: What do you think?
Savvy: It's a little spicy. Like jalapeno and cheese or something.
Pretzel: That's what I was thinking.
He seemed to be in his late 40s and very attractive. This turned into a conversation, an offer of a sip of his scotch (a double), and a long discussion. He walked out to the car with me from the hotel so I could get my parking validated. We finally hit the dance floor and my friends gave me the thumbs up because I found someone. In between songs he suddenly kissed me. I was surprised because that was a true stolen kiss. I was neither flirting or anticipating. He told me later that he had been thinking about kissing me as we were talking.
The thing is, even though I kissed him and might go out with him again--after all--what's dinner or a cup of coffee or whatever; I was comparing how he kissed me to my experience with Swing who was so sweet to me and gave me just a little peck on the lips but has left me hanging.
And now Pretzel was kissing me like a vacuum cleaner. I haven't kissed like that since high school. He even licked my face accidentally, I giggled. It reminded me of that episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte tries really hard to make it work with a guy who is a really bad kisser. He wasn't that bad, but there might need to be a few adjustments. He was an inspiration for further writing, though. (It's in His Kiss)
There were things about him that concerned me. He's divorced and has four children, but I thought he might be nice to me.
The date with Pretzel:
He kept talking about coupons to take me to dinner. It was weirding me out. Could he be serious? Yes. I left a message for Becky Sue: Oh no, I think he might be really weird he keeps talking about coupons and said he was going to get an entertainment coupon book so we could go out together. I'm going to order the most expensive thing on the menu. Yikes. Help!
He was an hour late. I've been late before, but never that late for a date. The dinner part was OK. I picked a Japanese steakhouse because they make the food in front of you--an ideal setup for a first date in case the conversation lags. The chef does very entertaining things, makes everyone laugh and if your date goes south, you have other people at the table.
I thought I smelled alcohol on his breath. Did I? That's never happened to me on a date before. He had just driven an hour to see me. Was is possible he drank before he left home? He had talked about drinking with friends a few nights before.
He owns property and fixes everything himself, so his car was loaded with stuff. That much I was OK with, but then we went to a park to hang out after and talk. Pretzel got out of his car. I was shocked. I tried to stay pleasant, I'm not sure if he could tell my deception as I closed my body to him.
Pretz: My friend said I should clean out my car, but I told him you'd understand.
Savvy: Ummm, wow!
Pretz: I can explain everything in here. It's my work car.
Savvy: Um, except for that beer can.
Pretz: Oh, that. Hehe, well, that's just an open container.
Savvy: You mean you drank it on the way over here while you were driving?
Pretz: Yeah, I probably shouldn't have. It wasn't always against the law.
Savvy: So, I understand about the work stuff, but there's alot that's unexplained...like a styrofoam cup at your feet, the stack of coupons you're sitting on, the newspapers on the floor at your feet, all that and more on the other seat, the empty McDonald's cup...ummm, wow.
Pretz: So you think my friend was right?
Savvy: I sure don't want a ride in that thing.
Pretz: My tenants have a joke that I fill my cars up with trash and then I have to buy a new one. But I have to buy a new one only because they break down. And then I have to fix them but I don't have time.
Savvy: I can explain my car--I cleaned my classroom out and I'm still organizing. Wow, it's getting late.
Pretz: So you have to get up early?
Savvy: Yes, well, I'm recording music this summer, I have a concert coming up and I have alot to memorize. I'm going to be substitute teaching so that I have the energy to work on my singing career. (I didn't dare ask what his condo looked like. I dream of singing a duet with Josh Groban on TV. We just became friends on MySpace. Haha, he doesn't even run the site, it's his people.)
Savvy: Wow, they turned off the lights. Oh my god, I just saw a mouse.
Pretz: It's nice to be in nature.
Savvy: Something just flew in my hair! I keep thinking the cops are going to drive by and tell us to go home like teenagers.
Pretz: That would be funny.
Savvy: Yes, kind of, wow, I just saw a shooting star.
Pretz: Make a wish.
Savvy: I did, I just can't tell you what I wished for because then it won't come true. (I wished to go home asap.)
Pretz: You were actually parked right next to my car when we met.
Pretz: But I didn't tell you because I was worried about what you might think.
Savvy: I wish you had been worried enough to clean it out.
Pretz: Is it OK if I tell my friend you were OK with it though? Otherwise he's going to give me a bad time.
Pretz: I have a story that can top that. My friend had cockroaches in his car. He cleaned his car out, but he asked me for poison so he could kill them. The cockroaches in the car aren't my fault as a landlord, but he's my friend, so I gave them to him.
Savvy: Are you serious?
Pretz: Yeah, well, he set off the bombs in his car and when he was on the date with this girl a cockroach crawled across the dashboard.
Savvy: Please stop, I'm going to be sick.
Pretz: I'm sorry. Then he tried to say he didn't know how that happened, maybe his daughter left food in the car. Then she said she saw another one on his seat.
Savvy: Really, I'm going to be sick. I started laughing. The schadenfreude!! I couldn't bear it.
Pretz: I'm sorry. Everyone tells me I should see this movie where the guy made friends with all the cockroaches in his apartment--Joe's Place.
Savvy: I used to live in New York, that's not possible, he must have been smoking crack.
He changed the subject to the ladies who gave their testimony at church the night before. For the fourth time, he told me:
Pretz: I've heard everything the guys have said before, and that doesn't shock me. But this little church mouse was telling us all about how she had all these sex toys and that she would go on mission trips and have sex with the natives.
Savvy: Wow, seriously, it's getting late. I have to go to the bathroom. I lied.
Pretz: If you really have to go, you can always use the bushes.
Savvy: No thanks. Home isn't that far.
Like I really need public urination and indecent exposure on my record as a teacher. Just waiting for the cops to come by at just the wrong time.
We headed back to the cars. Oh, my word! Even though I was grossed out, I still made out with him. Amazingly, his kissing has improved. He's really good-looking and he smelled good, too. I was worried he might be angry with me if I told him what I really thought. I had already said enough.
Pretz: So, I'll give you a call tomorrow.
Savvy: OK... Just so you know, most guys don't want to date me because I want to take things slow and I really want to know a person before I do anything. So I end up having to get rid of them because they get too pushy. In fact, I was raised on waiting until marriage, so I'm really confused. I feel bad about making out with you. You're going to end up with me having to give a testimony over all the bad things I've done and making out with you in the parking lot is one of the things I will have to testify about.
Pretz: We were all raised believing that, but then it got hard. Even that church mouse said that. And she was a really mousy looking!
Savvy: OK, well, goodnight. Remember, take a right turn to get to the freeway.
Yeah, I really want to hear from a freaking alcoholic slob. Oh yes, that's the ticket for the best show in town. A freaking alcoholic slob with four kids--whose own FOUR kids tease for the condition of the interior of his car. Yes, yes, call me.
I saw another shooting star.
My wish: Please don't call!!
Etymology: German, from Schaden--damage/harm + Freude--joy
: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others
How about enjoyment obtained from my own troubles!???