People still ask me about Bass--even in the women's bathroom on a Saturday night happy hour. Sunday, I was talking to a girl at a pool party about dating and meetup and it turns out that Bass contacted her through Meetup. Bass and I are in the same Meetup group. ARGH!! Will it never end? I don't even know how it came up.
Savvy: I've gone out with a couple of guys from Meetup. Bass, Tall, Astro...Bass really broke my heart, we're both really into music.
Kerri: Wait. Bass? Is he in a band called the f... something?
Savvy: Yeah. but there's more than one guy with his name.
Kerri: I went out with a Bass through Meetup. He sent me some little email saying how I had a cute purple top or something like that.
Savvy: Really? Did you go out with him?
Kerri: He showed up in a minivan and I told him they always say that if a man shows up in a minivan that he's probably married. But he wasn't.
Savvy: Yep, that's him. It's for his standup bass. How lame, huh?
Kerri: Well, I wasn't impressed with him.
Savvy: I really was because we both have shoulder injuries.
Kerri: Yes, he told me all about that, he's a swimmer or something.
Savvy: Haha, yeah. At the gym he is. And we both have master's degrees in music, and we sang together when we went out. he was gonna help me start a band and he was all serious. I wanna spend all summer with you, all of spring break.
Kerri: Did he tell you about how his house is worth $600,000 and his parents helped him with the downpayment after he sold his house in Vegas?
Savvy: He says all the same things! He said all a girl wants is for a guy to have his shit together--own a house and have a stable income..
Kerri: He's hardly worth it. But you guys had so much in common that it's easy to see why you fell for him.
Savvy: Plus he was talking so seriously. I haven't fixed up my place because I figure the woman I marry will want to do that...
Kerri: Weird. Honestly, though, you shouldn't let a guy get to you. I only care if a guy has been around for three months and then I care a little bit--just a little.
Savvy: So did he actually talk on the date?
Kerri: Yeah, he didn't seem to have any real trouble with that.
Savvy: What did you guys do?
Kerri: We went to the zoo--my idea. Then he took me to dinner.
Savvy: That's kind of sweet to go to the zoo for a date.
Kerri: Guys can tell if you like them or not, and he could probably tell I just didn't like him.
Savvy: I did.
Kerri: I didn't think he was that good looking.
Savvy: I can see why you would think that. I liked some things about him alot, but some things I didn't. I was divided. And he was asking me if i liked him when I saw him. But for me it's also about having things in common.
Kerri: he didn't ask me any of that. He just knew.
Savvy: I had a great time with him and he took me to a jazz festival. We were laughing the whole time and then he showed up with some other girl from Canada who he met at his most recent gig.
Kerri: Oh, a groupie. Listen, he's having a good time going out. I can tell.
Savvy: He was always telling me how lonely he was.
Kerri: Sure, sure. They always say that.
Savvy: I'm so naive. I went with him in his car to the jazz festival and then on the way back he said he wanted to park in his garage, so I had to go back trough his house. He wanted me to stay and watch his big screen TV. So I stayed and next thing I knew, he turned it off and was kissing me, do you want music, do you want me to turn down the lights? You still have your jacket on. And I said yes, because I have to go. And he was so desperate. Please stay, we don't have to do anything. I'll sleep on the couch. I get so lonely. I'm shy and I don't have any friends.
Kerri: Of course he's lonely. He's having fun being in a band. I'm sure it impresses the girls.
Savvy: yeah, only because he was saying he wanted to help me start a band because I have such a great voice. I thought I was going to be his muse and that this was going to be something really special. I still want to kick his ass.
Kerri: Trust me, he's just not worth it. Just move on.
Really, I'm doing better about it all. Trust me. I don't cry about it. Now that I've met other people he's been interested in and hear what it sounds like to hear him say all the same things, it becomes even easier to move on. It becomes easier to stop reacting by dating people just to help me get over him. I can hold my head up high. When someone asks me in the bathroom, Whatever happened to you and that guy who was in a band? I can hold my head up high, he's a manipulative jerk. He ran out of things to say so he had to end it. I was naive and trusting, but now I'm moving on. Plus it's easy to avoid him by checking his band's website so I know when he's out of town. I still imagine brushing past him and "accidentally" pushing him into the pool with him fully clothed, but I won't. I'm happy with myself that I resisted the temptation to say yes to Bass when that would have been really dumb. I applaud myself for fleeing from temptation. I would have been devastated. I'm glad God gave me some gift of discernment. I couldn't put my finger on anything specific, but it seemed like he was being deceptive. I'm glad I listened.