Shame on you Miss Becky Sue!! It turns out my friend Becky Sue was awfully naughty. If she hadn't been drinking at the beach, she might not have done what she did. But I wonder if we are all being set up for making the same stupid mistakes. We don't have relationships nowadays and this seems to wear at us until we slide on the slippery slope to sexual sin.
It was just a minor hookup. I'm guilty. It never goes all the way--not even close, but it has been so long since I've had a boyfriends and regular attention from a man that sometimes I let things go a little farther than I should, kiss for just a bit too long, let someone touch places I shouldn't because it's just been so long.
Heaven help me. My conservative parents even told me they would understand. Things have changed. If you end up living with someone or staying over with your boyfriend, we understand. You might need to do that before a guy will ask you to marry him.
Going all the way. Becky Sue hasn't been the type to hop in the sack with just anyone. She's not a Christian, so finally she went for it with that guy from the beach party--BigBob. What a mistake. So what if a guy wants to have sex right away because that's the only way they can hear you? So what if everyone has needs? It becomes indecent when people are just going around scratching an itch--one that can lead to illnesses you really don't want to have.
I'm disappointed in Becky Sue. I understand on a small scale, but on a large scale she still considers us to be in the same category. Not quite. I've had people tell me that I'm never going to have a boyfriend--even a Christian boyfriend-- if I don't put out. Plenty of women have put out and still don't have boyfriends.
Promises, promises. BigBob didn't exactly call her midweek, though he promised to. He probably thought it would be fun to get together again--he told her that at the dance. Seriously, he probably began to wonder how many guys she had done that with if she had been so quick to sleep with him. Isn't that how it usually goes? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. So I don't.
Not the One. I had lunch with a male friend who was depressed over a recent breakup. She didn't think he was the One for being the father of her children, though he was willing to do it all again for her. He told me, Savvy, men are after one thing and one thing only. He then told me how he was craving sympathy sex to help him get over the girl. No way, and he knew I wouldn't. He wasn't asking me. But said he knew friends of friends might be willing. My problem is that I didn't get enough variety when I was married. They had been in separate bedrooms since the children were born, but she married him only because she wanted to have children. The wounds are deep. Why should he care if he made me cry?
Value. I've always believed that someone would value me and want to be with me because of who I am. I sincerely believe that if a man really wants to be with you, nothing can keep him away--especially a Christian man who is supposed to want to make sure you keep up with your relationship with the Lord.
Hunger. But are we so hungry for love and affection that we easily lose our way when we finally meet someone? Does knowing that it won't work out make us consider doing things we wouldn't normally do just because it's been so long? And who knows when the opportunity will present itself again? It's a struggle.
We aren't meant for prolonged singleness. For non-Christians without a relationship, they consider casual sex under circumstances that they wouldn't normally. So, I consider kissing people I wouldn't normally kiss, and letting their hands wander a bit rather than slapping them away. It's been too long. And there is no promise of marriage.
Affection and sexuality are basic human needs. If they don't have healthy expression, it may result in unhealthy expression. I'm not condoning it or supporting it. I've just seen what happens with others and in my own life. Truthfully, not enough Christian writers and speakers address our concerns adequately, seriously and realistically.
Forgiveness. How much is too much? How many partners can you forgive? In the absence of early marriage, how many is too many? How many failed marriages? What if we are away from the Lord and come back? I don't have the answers. It just begets more questions. I wrote two posts months ago as I struggled with accepting my then boyfriends number and his pressure to get me to sleep with him. With the pressure my parents and society place on me to go ahead and do it, the lack of honest dialogue about it, I was left struggling with my own answers. My not being ready cost me the relationship. I had good reasons to hesitate--my beliefs, where the relationship actually was, my lack of experience, not really being in love or committed enough. I have always wanted to wait until marriage, though I might be able to forgive myself if I were engaged. Most people would forgive anyone who was that much in love. But when will that happen?
Love and sex both elude and confuse me as does my place as a Christian. My family and friends find me prudish and yet Christians find me wild. Both sides deride me. I feel pressed to decide which way to go and both sides are pushing and pulling. I've been on both sides. It's a struggle. And I find the Bible sometimes lacking in practicality as a guide in relationships--as I wrote in my anti-courtship humor piece Biblical Ways of Knowing She's the One.
What's Your Number?
What's Your Real Number?