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Sunday, July 13, 2008

To Flirt Or Not To Flirt, That Is The Question

My name is Savvy and I am a flirtaholic. I can't help it. When I see a good-looking guy I start to get giddy on the inside and I can't help myself. I want to flirt. I'm not married, I have no outlet for these feelings. If I had a husband things would be different and I could flirt with him. Sometimes I'm subtle. I look, I smile, I look away again. I mirror his body posture. I'm on a mission to stop for awhile, especially since I was bested by a far better flirt.

I went to a jam session where singers and musicians all interchange from song to song or every couple of songs. A really cute bass player got up there and I did my thing a little bit. I was watching him play. Then I would smile his way and look away. He seemed to be looking at me too. Then a singer got up there who sang, You'd be so nice to come home to. Cute then played a Bass solo. he was great. While another guy played a solo, she bantered with him.

Best: Wow. That was hot. Are you married? Cause you'd be so nice to come home to.
She went back and sang directly to him. The song ended.

Best: You never answered my question. Are you married?
Cute: No, I'm not married.

The whole drama had unfolded before my very eyes onstage for all to see. She started giving out her cards to some people and gave her card to him. I was disheartened. I had been hopeful. Then when I left I was accosted by some guy who I hadn't even met before who wanted to walk me to my car, hug me, give me his card, know my sign and make sure I got home OK. I was so confused. I hadn't even spoken to him. I hadn't even flirted with him!!

I flirt, I find. I don't flirt, I still find. You just never know what you're going to get. I would have had more fun in flirtatious banter, but really, I'm there to sing and make some connections, not date. I don't want people to think I'm easy or that I sleep around. Unless the guy seems really amazing. Romance is so elusive and so confusing.

One time I wasn't remotely flirting with someone and still ended up with a shadow. I was KIND to a guy when he sprained his ankle. I got him an ice pack like one would for a kid. Next thing I knew he drove 80 miles just to see me sing in a show. And for Anon who thinks I say yes to everyone who gives me the time of day, I told him I didn't feel comfortable having dinner with him because that would be too much like a date and I didn't want to lead him on.

Maybe I'm just kind, friendly and funny. Maybe alot of women aren't. Maybe some people take that to mean something it's not. Someone told me friendly = easy. I'm not. It could be that men often mistake friendly behavior for flirting because they just don't know any better. They want to believe that the woman is flirting with him. I was twirling my hair over dinner with I guy I disdained. He said: I saw on Oprah that if a girl is twirling her hair, she's flirting with you. I quickly dropped my hand to my lap and said flatly, Not necessarily.

Well, Anon, and anyone else, maybe I get alot of attention because my personality is a attractive and inviting. Maybe I give a few more guys a chance than I should, but I spent alot of time not dating and then believed it was even wrong for awhile. I really did want to be courted. But when no one came acourtin' I brushed up on my flirting and dating skills. I think I'm going to be OK.

Interesting reading:

Why the Female Flirt is Wasting Her Time

How Men Misread Body Language

What Is Flirting?

On second thought, after reading this last article, I've decided that flirting is OK. If babies flirt, then I can flirt. If men misread friendliness for flirting, then it's important to set clear boundaries if they think they are responding to my flirtatious. Flirting is the grease that keeps things running smoothly. I can tell when someone is flirting just to flirt and someone is flirting because they want a date. I judge myself to be acceptable and find myself not guilty of the charge of dating men who just give me the time of day...ahem, as written a looong time ago...

No Date Required

I also never went out with Bill who made a move for me in The Reverse Stalking of Bass.

And, though I didn't blog about it, I recently pulled my hand away from a guy who started flirting with me a little innappropriately. I probably say no alot more than I say yes, but that's so boring to write about.


Anonymous said...

Ah, but Savvy, you prove my point... "My name is Savvy and I am a flirtaholic. I can't help it. When I see a good-looking guy I start to get giddy on the inside and I can't help myself."


SavvyD said...

But that's so different than flirting just because ANY guy gives me the time of day. Did you read the posts where I actively said no way and walked away? Anon, Sweety Pie!!

I don't think there is anything wrong with flirting, if we call how babies respond to people as wide-eyed and wonderful, its all good.

anurag said...

hehe...i loved ur post, the way u express urself, and being a flirtaholic, not bad at all...I m confused how a girl like u still a single...lol!!


AF said...

I know why you get guys even when you don't flirt directly with a guy. You still have a twinkle in you eye... not to mention a very coquettish smile. So even if you are not directly flirting with someone your mojo is still doing its thing. I think your problem finding a man is commitment-phobia. Yes, I am the pot calling the kettle black... but lets face it you are not willing to take the submissive/supportive role most men crave from a relationship. It is very rare that a man is looking for an intelectual equal in a mate.
Good luck,

SavvyD said...

Honestly I would love to be in a loving relationship, but most of the time I'm not being offered love. If there were more being offered, I'd be more willing to accept. I've genuinely made a go of each of these situations I faced this year--I especially wanted a real relationship with Bass. I was talking to a guy today who told me I seemed really young and naive. That's an attractive quality when you are both in your early 20s, but not so much to a guy who has been married and has children of his own. Plus I won't let someone use me. OK, beyond kissing.

Will said...

I'd flirt with you in a red-hot minute! Any gal who kisses Kermit, has to be a sweetie-pie!

Be still my heart!
Single & flirtaboulous!

SavvyD said...

I was flirting pretty heavily with Kermit that night, which led to a kiss. Alas!! He really is a frog, but I have loved him for so long, to me he is a true prince. Will, you crack me up.

Are you cute? ;)

The cup is half full of something I don't like said...

Nothing wrong with a little flirt. Be careful it doesn't lead where you don't want it to go.

(thanx for stopping by - xmarks)

SavvyD said...

Only good-looking guys anon!!

Apparently it's hard to fingure out what the magic bullet is. I have a guy putting the moves on me to the point I am uncomfortable. Last night he walked me to my car and started sing to me. I started taking a few steps back because his hand was on my door. He asked me to call him again. Get a clue!!

Will said...

I'm more than cute..I'm old & very wise..and, not old in heart..

...I'm a diamond in the rough;
all the better to flirt with!


cletsey said...

Well,flirting is a part of the human body language and also affects our relationship issues. Anyway,will certainly visit your site more often now.

pheromone cologne

SavvyD said...

Wow!!! How cool that someone is reading my old stuff!! Thanks so much for stopping by.

SavvyD said...

Ah, how sad, they read it---maybe---but then left a link for pheromone cologne. Don't bother with that stuff. How disappointing. I tried it and I can tell you it didn't make a difference unless the person was way up close.