No, not a ring on the phone, an engagement ring!! I am certifiably annoyed with the holier-than-thou set at church today. A lady who married at the "ripe old age" of 24 gave me an earful about being single--as if she ever really knew what it was to truly be single. Next week she swears she will bring me a book that promises if you do EVERYTHING the book says, you will be married at the end of 6 months. ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!??????
I haven't gone to this church in awhile and I felt really demonized. This "Single at 24" lady asked if I was doing better than the last time I came because, well, everyone was curious about Astro being that I brought him, we were holding hands and then broke up in the church parking lot. One lady in particular got especially curious but turned it into her chance to argue her case for NOT dating.
I brought a copy of some articles from my blog for a guy who had made me fell bad last time I went when I had just broken up with Astro. His first question for me was, Have you considered not dating? Elisabeth Elliot has a great book called Passion and Purity.
Well, I wasn't hiding under a rock. I've been there, done that and bought the T-shirt. I've worn that T-shirt until it fell apart then bought another. In fact, I even redesigned the T-shirt and sold it on ebay. What am I supposed to say to the crap? What's so bad about dating??? Are you going to wait until you want to marry someone to ask them to go for a cup of coffee? That's when a cup of coffee might seriously boil over in your hands from all the pressure! You could turn a lump of coal into a diamond easily and we'll all be rich that way...actually, go ahead then, just please hold a lump of coal every time you pray for guidance and go on these lethal coffee dates. Diamonds are a girl's best friend!
According to 24, I'm supposed to enjoy my single life and go out on group dates. As if I don't!! I should go to Bible study and just enjoy the company of others. As if I haven't!! She enjoyed being single at 24. Gee, who DIDN'T?? Honestly, I was thinking I NEVER wanted to marry, or that I at least wanted to delay it for quite some time. I was engaged at 24 and I was not happy. It's not like guys were chasing me down just because I didn't want to marry and they aren't beating my door down now that I do, though I do have more dates. And I do confess to being tired and taking a little bit of time off--but I won't confess that to them. It's just that I have alot to figure out right now.
Dating is selfish. You are only focused on the other person rather than talking about something else and learning about each other that way. I gave up dating and then I met my husband soon after. I was old and people were all setting me up. I had friends who married at 16.
I gave up dating and I just gave up dating. I'm still single. So I feel like I have to make up for all the years of not dating by dating. I figured that maybe not dating = not married. All that time of least expecting turned into thinking maybe I should actually open my eyes and look.
What does 24 REALLY know about dating? At 24 how much did she even date? How many guys? How many dates each? How many first dates? How many dreams deferred? How many guys broke her heart? How often does she get prospositioned for sex?
I am a professional dater and I blog about it. I sing. I'm looking for a job right now. I have a life. I have a life alone, sure with God. But all my decisions are by myself, for myself and about myself--and God. It's not what I expected. It's not waht I grew up around. And I have some snot telling me I'm being selfish because I want to get married.
24: What do you want? Sex? Love? Children?
Sav: I guess. What's wrong with those things? You have them?
24: Marriage is no picnic. It's not going to solve all your problems.
Sav: Who said that? I just think 2 are better than one.
24: It's just selfish. You should focus on others, giving.
Sav: But I do! I have alot to give someone. I'm really special. I have alot to offer.
24: Are you even involved in anything? Bible study?
Sav: Sure, when I can. I don't really know where I will be next year and this church is kind of far actually. (Besides Bible studies are on break over the summer.)
24: God should be first in your life and everything comes from that.
Sav: I'm here, aren't I? It's a start, isn't it?
I really don't see myself dating anyone there and I'm not sure I should even return at this point. I'm curious about the book. I want to blog about it. I've read alot of books people have offered to me. I have a life. It was insulting. Why do I feel like married people talk down to us singles sometimes? Am I the only one who feels that way?
I gave that guy a copy of Biblical Ways of Knowing She's the One and told him it's supposed to be funny. He doesn't have a sense of humor. I also told him I hate the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. He can't figure out why. Not only that, for all his terrific spiritual qualities that everyone else sees, I found him to be dismissive and rude toward me. But that's OK because I'm the spawn of Satan demon dater. Never mind the fact that I have had so many guys break up with me because thy think I'm too religious. *SIGH*
Biblical Ways of Knowing She's the One
Some of you may remember this article from when we were just figuring out that we were single: Singled Out by God for Good by Paige Benton Brown