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Saturday, July 5, 2008

Don't Ask Him Out

Just don't. It's not worth it. Notice, I'm not saying don't call him, I'm just saying don't ask him out. But don't be the first to call either.
Everything I have read from Venus and Mars to He's Just Not That Into You say the same things. Don't ask him out. Don't push. Don't demand. Let things go. It's hard. We're so used to making things happen. Don't. This isn't a business deal, this is an intimate relationship. The guy has to want to be there.

In Why Men Marry Bitches, the author advocates evening the playing field with men. Keep your boundaries, have a life and don't let a man call all the shots. The one who does the asking is automatically in a position of weakness.

You had a great time, dammit! You want more... WHY NOT??

Because it doesn't work. Because they don't like it. They really don't. Even Bass who says he is shy has his game together. When I asked about seeing his band sometime, he started off by saying, "You can look on our website." My eyes must have glazed over. Yawn. "And I would give you my number." Oh! That perked me up. He also asked me if I would go with him to a jazz festival after bowling. We had just met and I had been interested in another guy. I was so confused. But maybe that made me more desirable.

I actually believe him about his shyness. He tells me that he is glad when I'm around because then he can be himself. He's very reserved around other people, but then smiles and jokes with me on the sly. He still asked me out. He called twice to make sure I got his message, had both his phone numbers and called him back. He was willing to do whatever I wanted. It was sweet.

So ladies, even if a man is shy, he's not that shy. And even though I wrote this before things went bad with Bass, it still holds true.

If you ever feel a need to call a guy, do what guys do after they've had a great time with you. They watch a little sports, go to the gym, go shoot hoops with a friend, make yourself a sandwich and have a beer with a buddy. The guy is most likely thinking about you, but for some reason they have to pull away to gain perspective or something lame like that. Whatever. Just know that they do it. It's only bad if they wait too long to contact you again or don't contact you at all. Either way, don't sweat it. If he never calls again, he's probably done you the favor of deciding that you aren't right for each other.

I'm starting to get that men really are like rubber bands. They experience intimacy with you, and then they can go for awhile without needing anything. They were hungry, they ate and can now go about their business. If we call and ask him to do something when they are in that mode, it's like trying to shove more food in your mouth when you are full. Then you get sick. Seriously, give him space. If anything major is going on that you know about, you can let him know you hope it goes well, you can even say you had fun with him, but don't say anything about seeing each other again. That's his job.

To Call or Not to Call

He's Just Not That Into You--Chapter 1
The Rubber Band Man

1 comment:

Miss Etiquette said...

True, true, true. Let him chase you.