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Sunday, July 6, 2008

Backwards Asking for a Date

I have discovered the Backwards Ask for a date. Often I have found myself in a position where I want to do something and I have an extra ticket, or sometimes I really want to do something and I'm not dating anyone. What's a girl to do? I start talking about wanting to do these things in a crowd and twice I've been surprised when a guy piped up with, I would do that with you. That is the Backwards Ask.

It's a way of a guy finding out what you like. He might want to get to know you and doesn't really know how, but when the opportunity presents itself, he snaps it up.

One time I was talking about a restaurant I had not particularly enjoyed but wanted to give a second chance to. I enjoyed the novelty of going for the Prix fixe dinner where they serve a 3-course meal at a set price. The desert was a chocolate souffle.

I would do that with you. Chimed in a quiet voice with a smile. It was a shy guy who I had been talking to on and off throughout the evening. I answered, Really? OK. We did end up going out, not to that restaurant, but several other dates. It was his in to find out if I would go out with him. It didn't end well since that quiet voice belonged to Bass.

Another time it happened recently. I was talking about wanting to go see a band I really liked and imagined that it would be alot of fun to get people together. He had heard of the band and liked them too.
Swing: I would do that with you.
Savvy: Really? OK. We can get some people together so we don't have to go alone.
Swing: Oh, we wouldn't want that would we?
Savvy: Oh! I guess we could go just us if you want.

Oops! I almost missed it.

Why do they do it? Because it's easy. Guys need an in. They want to know what will make you happy, why not do something that you really want to do? They get to be a gentleman and feel like they are important to you because they think you didn't really want to go alone. And because it's something they thought they might like to do, too. Listen for this. He's asking you out. Maybe it's not as bold as you might think you want, but he's still saying he wants to spend time with you. That's a date--even if it came from a backwards ask.

1 comment:

af said...

These things evolve because men really don't have social skills. Most don't have any idea what they have in common with women.
What? You like music?? I like music, "I would do that with you..."
It all starts from childhood. We encourage little boys to play with other little boys, and actively discourage them playing with the girls. The end result is that most men get their information about women from other men. In almost every culture and society men share a bonding experience. Call it a brotherhood, fraternity, male bonding experience, men instinctively relate to each other. The male creature is really a simple creature. Our needs are very primal. Women on the other hand are comparatively complex. The way I see it, most women expect men to know what they want, need, or desire...
I have had conversations with women regarding relationships that went something like "If he really cared about me he would..." or "I wish he would just..."
If men are from Mars and women from Venus, then women expect us to know Venetian, but they won't tell us how to speak it. Women should really expect to spoon feed men on what they like, because otherwise they will never learn what specifically .