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Monday, June 9, 2008

Bass-line (baseline)

I ran into Bass while playing beach volleyball. I had a sneaking suspicion that he might be there. I know he likes the outdoors, but I do too and I already was planning on going before I knew he was going to be there. I just asked Kimmy who was there. Well, darned if I wasn't going to go.

I hugged other people hello and goodbye, but not him. I did wave. I'm a lady, I'm polite. He was nice. I sat in an empty beach chair that was by Bass.

Savvy: Is this seat taken? I brushed the sand off.
Bass: Oh, no please have a seat.
Bass: So...How's your shoulder doing?
Savvy: Torn rotator cuff.
Bass: Oh, so it's worse.
Savvy: No, this is what it always was. I had an MRI last month finally.
Bass: Oh, that stinks.
Savvy: My physical therapist has been joking that I'm really left handed because my right arm is so weak. How's yours?
Bass: About the same. I hate shoulders.
Savvy: Don't you have some time off?
Bass: No, not really.
I was thinking of summer-all summer that he said he wanted to spend with me before things fell apart. We fell silent. He pulled out his iPhone to look at something. I joked with others who wanted to know about my teacher job fair.
Savvy: So, I'm looking for a new job because apparently, I can't tell kids what to do either. (He was in the same situation as a teacher that I am now. He said he couldn't tell kids what to do.)

People know that I sing and teach choir. They also know that I'm looking for a new job because I went to a job fair that made me late for the beach.

Kimmy: Savvy, please sing something for us.
Jonas: Savvy loves to sing--especially when she's tipsy.
Savvy: Only if Bass sings with me.
Bass: I'm shy!
He giggled, fell against the towel and hid his face in his hands.
Savvy: Yeah, that's my problem, too. I sang I'm shy, terribly, horribly shy from Once Upon a Mattress. Everyone laughed. I still don't know how Bass can be so shy. He's a professional performer.
Bass: It defintely got more fun when you showed up. He smiled.

Honestly, though, I haven't forgiven him. As we were all leaving, he was standing around like he wanted to say something and couldn't. He folded up the beach chair. I hated that I had been sitting in his beach chair. He put his towel around his neck, and gathered up his umbrella. He looked like a tourist in his blue and white hibiscus Hawaiian shirt. He has two of them. We were facing each other, standing in the same position, but I was looking in a different direction. I hid behind my hat and sunglasses, pretending not to look. He looked kind of ridiculous holding all of that stuff. All he needed was the margarita balloon tied to the volleyball net.

Kimmy: So who wants the balloon? Savvy?
Savvy: My vote goes to the person who looks the most festive... I slowly pointed at Bass. People laughed again.
David: Wow, Bass, you look like your ready for a luau or something.
Bass: Haha. Where's the party? I'll pass. You look pretty festive, Savvy.

I want us to talk, I want us to be friends...oh heck, I want to be with him still. I feel bound to him somehow. I feel like I'm the only person who brings him out of his shell when he lets me. I don't know how to make the hurt go away. I hugged other people goodbye, but not him. Some of us went in search of margaritas and beer. I sort of hoped that he would join us, but his grandma lives in the town where we were. I think he went to see her, but I didn't ask. I want to forgive him, but I don't know how.

Today I texted him.
I keep thinking you're the only person who really understands what I am going through with my shoulder and with work. You give me hope that there is life after teaching.

But then again, I could be wrong. I haven't heard from him. I was hoping to reach out even though I told everyone on our margaritas and beer trip what had happened between us and what a jerk he was/is. No alcohol was required to loosen my tongue.

Maybe his bass-line can't be crossed. Maybe all this happened because I did cross the bass-line at one time. We used to talk. I keep wondering if he remembers how good it was when we did.

base line or base·line (bās'līn') n.

The boundary line at either end of a court, as in volleyball, basketball or tennis.
The area near this boundary line: made a basket from the base line.


Tairebabs said...

I really have to say I envy your confidence. I hate running into my ex and unfortunately we kindoff have the same circle of friends so that sucks. Pretending that everything is fine
for me is the hardest part.

AF said...

Soemtimes if there is a friendship before the relationship, then the friendship can continue after the relationship, but it depends on the breakup... Somethings just can't be forgiven...