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Saturday, May 3, 2008

Do Men Marry Their Mothers??

For some reason, Astro took a serious turn in our conversation. It makes me wonder exactly what he meant when he said, It's true. Men really do marry their mothers. My mom is 5'3". I'm 5'2". Does he really think I'm the ONE??

Why do men start talking seriously so soon? Maybe not all of them, but it seems like they do. They all at least give lip service to marriage.

Bass always talked about getting married. I have a house, but I haven't really fixed it up. I'm going to leave that to her, she might like that. He took great pride in showing me around. He even told other people this same thing, not just me. I thought it really meant something at the time when he said Good you can finally spend time with me over spring break since our schedule finally match up. And you're a teacher, so we can spend all summer together. We can go to the beach and go swimming at my pool. I wasn't sure I could say yes to everything, but I thought we could take it one day at a time and see how things went. People thought I had nothing to worry about since he was texting me and calling me so much. He really ought to at least have the stains on the carpet steam cleaned since his actual timeline for getting married is in about 10 years. That will put him at 47.

C started talking about having children and being at odds with really having fallen for a woman who had already had the children she wanted and had her tubes tied. Now he's dating a woman with a 16-year-old daughter. Quite frankly, I don't think it will work out between them either. But maybe she will do things that I wasn't willing to. Who knows, maybe it's already over.

And now Astro...I feel peaceful about my involvement with him. we've had some fun together, he hasn't pushed me at all to be physical with him, he goes to church. But he leaves me alone alot. He is searching for a job and doesn't seem to be truly certain where he will end up. I get the feeling he wasn't really expecting to meet someone in this time. He said, If you play your cards right, I'll take you with me. I don't know what I will do.

Sunday, I went to see Astro sing at his church. He looked really happy to see me. His whole face and demeaner visibly brightened. He had to leave to get his cell phone and then tutor someone in physics, so I offered to meet up with him for lunch after. If you aren't going to be here, I'm going to go to the church I used to go to because I haven't been in a really long time. And, you'll be proud of me, I really did go!

On the way to the restaurant, I reached for his hand.
Astro: Oh. Is that a hint? I guess so. I wasn't thinking anything of it. He had hugged and kissed me chastely after church. Holding hands shouldn't be a big deal.

As we walked toward the restaurant, I reached for his arm because it was a pretty far walk--especially when you have sprained your ankle AGAIN and are wearing the boot AGAIN.
Astro: Do you have to grab at me like that.
I wasn't sure I heard him right.
SavvyD: Huh? What do you mean?
Astro: Nothing. It's just that...
SavvyD: Do you not like holding hands? Do you not like being touched?
I dropped his arm.
Astro: It's not that, it's just that I just don't know what you want.
SavvyD: What are you talking about?
I walked ahead of him..
Astro: Nothing nothing. I'm sorry. His hands were on my shoulders. What was going on?

Astro: I just want to make sure we're on the same page.
SavvyD: Well, we don't have a commitment. We aren't exclusive. We're just dating and getting to know each other.
Astro: Well, it's just that you were talking about being my wife to the OnStar person on the first date. I mean, I do want to find someone I can share the rest of my life with and everything.
SavvyD: If I were only interested in getting married, I would have done that by now.
I was engaged once, after all. I didn't tell him that, though.
Astro: I just wanted to be sure.

It was a silly show for an OnStar person. I stated flatly:
SavvyD: I said that stuff because I really didn't care. I didn't care what you thought of me. I was just having fun.
Astro: Well, how are we supposed to get to know each other if we're always being facetious with each other?
SavvyD: I was just funnin.

So, he was being facetious? That's good because I don't really even know him well enough to consider going with him to the middle of freaking nowhere so he can have an aerospace career. Suddenly, sitting across from him was seriously no fun. The peace I felt a few days ago fled. It was intense and uncomfortable. Wow. So, Astro Boy thinks I'm trying to trap him!

Suddenly I began to notice all the things about Astro that I didn't like.
-He's really uptight.
-He's not very affectionate.
-He doesn't call or text me very much. He didn't email when he said he would.
-He started complaining about money when he paid, so I offered to pay.
-He doesn't know where work will take him.
-He's already teased me about being late. I know I run on Latin Standard Time.
-His truck smells kind of funny, like goat or something.
-He might smell like goat.
-He was dismissive toward the waitstaff when we had a really nice waiter.
-He was slightly rude to me. When he got into my car he said, Move your purse. He didn't give me a chance first and he didn't say please.
-His tie was ripped.
-He slurps his food. There is a polite way to eat spaghetti.
-His nails were caked with dirt for no real reason. He an astropysicist, not an automechanic. I certainly didn't try holding his hand again. Gross!

Hmm. I "forgot" to thank him for lunch or a good time since it wasn't a good time. I also didn't answer his Good Morning text today.

The only way this was going to work is if he kept treating me well and trying to win me over. He brought me flowers on the first date. While that was a nice start, it had to be followed up with good manners.

I had the good manners not to tell him that my heart is still broken over Bass. I also didn't tell him that it was the seccond time we had crossed paths with that fateful beach bike ride. Only this time it was the other side of it. I just said cheerfully, How come you always take me to the beach?

Maybe I should forget my good manners and tell the truth:
I was trying to forget someone and it didn't work. I'm sorry. Haven't you wanted to forget someone, too?

Bad idea. How about...
You have alot of great qualities, but now isn't a good time for either of us in terms of our careers.

Looks like he will have to find another mother.

1 comment:

LadyElaine said...

I think the best thing you can do is SLLOOOOWWW DOWN. You just got out of a messy relationship, and jumping into another one on the rebound to forget that relationship doesn't really deal with your feelings surrounding the big flags----what caused the messiness?

True, this "Bass" guy sounds as emotionally and relationally mature as an 8 year old, but that's his feelings, thoughts and actions. You have a choice. You can lick the wounds that were created from this relationship and mope, or you can take it to God in prayer, figuring out what the big lessons where in this relationship and what not to repeat.

Here's a question for you: Could you be close friends with any of these guys if you never dated them? Sometimes these questions eliminate much doubt about whether or not we should even think of pursuing a relationship with them. It also reveals our understanding of friendship and love.