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Sunday, May 18, 2008

Clash of the Pet Peeves

Last night was my last date with Astro for alot of good reasons. I always had reservations about him. I was very tactful about my pet peeves, but I can't say the same for him. All of our pet peeves clashed and ended the relationship in the church parking lot.

I woke up with a headache and decided not to go to a blues festival on Saturday. I decided to get together with Astro for dinner and a boat ride with some friends of his that he knows from a science group. I wasn't going to because I hadn't heard from him all week and he invited me the night before. That's a serious pet peeve.

He offered to come pick me up and drop me off though I live pretty far. I really made an effort to be ready on time since I know lateness peeves him. He was early. That peeves me--five minutes means alot to a girl!

He brought flowers, so that made up for it.
Astro: I gave you yellow for the banana car you were driving, red for your hair and purple because it's pretty.
Savvy: Aww! How sweet! Thank you!

There were some lilies. I'm allergic. It peeved me. I supposed I would eventually tell him how much I love roses. The bouquet looked just like the last one he got for me.

He started talking about his fetish for China and Chinese ladies. I was peeved.
Astro: Maybe it's a nerd thing to have an Asian fetish. I've been to China.
Savvy: I have no interest in ever going to China.
Astro: Have you ever dated anyone Asian?
Savvy: No. You?
Astro: Yeah, my last girlfriend was Asian...
Savvy: Oh wait, I take it back, my ex C was half Philippino.
Astro: I don't really want to know...

I was peeved. He mentioned her on every date to include that she said yes to every guy who asked her out and that she didn't come see him sing at church.

He took a route that took longer to get there and I said something about that--which peeved him. Before we went to the party I decided to finally say something about the things that were bothering me.
Savvy: Since we are talking about pet peeves, I thought I would share mine with you. I hope you can appreciate how hard it is for me to say something to you about this, but this has really been bothering me. I usually just bail because I figure people are set in their ways. But I think you're worth saying something to.
Astro: Sure. It's just so sweet that you would tell me.
Savvy: My dad picked at me until my table manners were decent and I thank him for that. I just think that since you are meeting with people over dinner alot and going into the military maybe, that you have to start thinking about it.
Astro: Really? Well, what did I do? Is it that bad?
Savvy: I wouldn't say anything if I didn't care.
Astro: Well, I like to lick my fingers and if you don't like it, too bad.
Savvy: It's just a matter of choosing when.
Astro: You should defintely never go to China, they smack their food and talk with their mouths full.
Savvy: Yeah, seriously. No worries there.
Astro: I thought in the military the idea was to eat as fast as you can because you have a short time.
Savvy: That's the jarheads. You'd be training to be an officer and that's very different. I just think it's worth considering.

At dinner, he picked on me fairly mercilessly for having made a few peanut gallery type comments at his lecture. He was telling me how cute he thought it was just last week. A lady gave me a look and I could tell his teasing was making her feel uncomfortable.

He nuzzled me during the whole boat ride speaking in low tones in my ear.
Astro: Your happiness is impotant to me.
Savvy: That is soooo sweet!

On the inside I felt a chill of reverie back to Bass who had said the same kind of stuff. The boat ride and barbeque were fun, but it started getting late.
Astro: You could stay with me tonight...
Savvy: Oh. I wasn't planning on it. I didn't bring anything.
Astro: Well, you don't have to have anything.
Savvy: Oh, well, I wasn't expecting you would ask me.
Astro: I thought you would get the hint since I was picking you up and dropping you off.
Savvy: Oh! I'm so dumb. I didn't think about that. I didn't get the hint. I'm actually kind of naive about these things.
Astro: Maybe I should have told you.
Savvy: It's just that I have medicine I have to take. So I have to go home.
He was noticeably angry.
Astro: Well, we better go since I have to take you home though I only live 5 minutes from here.
We said goodnight to those who were there. Once in the car I put it together.
Savvy: Usually when a guy asks me to spend the night, he expects us to get right to it.
Astro: Well, I was hoping.
Savvy: Oh my God, I'm so dumb! Wow! I'm seriously not ready for that.
(Not ready to smell goat all night, or find out that he doesn't wash his hands.)

Astro: Well, we don't have to do anything, we can just sleep, or I can sleep on the couch. (I was catching on. I had heard that before.)
Savvy: You said your place was messy, so I want to give you a chance to clean.
Astro: That's only half of the room, the other half is fine.
Savvy: Oh. I really wasn't expecting you to ask me so soon.
Astro: Is it really about timing? I think it's obvious we feel alot for each other.
(What's with this we stuff?)
Savvy: I'm just not ready.
Astro: Well, I have to drive back down here, maybe you can get your stuff and come back with me....what have we got to lose? We aren't getting any younger...
HOW ROMANTIC!! I was seriously peeved.
Savvy: I've only ever slept with one guy and I'd be nervous about it. Can we postpone until next weekend?
Astro: I'm having a guest, but the weekend after. It's just that I think you're really special. I think you're quite a catch and I really want to be with you. I've never asked anyone. I just think your worth making a commitment to.
Savvy: I'm confused about all of that. I've been debating if I want to wait until I get married.
Astro: We can do that if you want to.

He started talking about that same ex girlfriend as we drove by where Bass lives--Bass has haunted me on every date with Astro. I chimed in, We've all been hurt by someone we really liked. He didn't realize how poignant that moment was for me. I was peeved yet again.

I was even more peeved when we almost got hit by an oncoming driver in my neighborhood. He was driving in the middle of the road. People shouldn't park their cars out in the street, then I wouldn't have to drive in the middle of the road. I stayed up late digesting food and digesting all that had happened. I couldn't let go of how angry he seemed that I didn't go for staying over with him. It's not right to be angry with someone if they aren't ready.

The next morning I was fashionably late for church by 30 minutes while he waited for me. He was peeved.

We were sitting in church and he had his arm around me. I knew it looked right from the outside and this guy was everything on paper that I was supposed to be looking for. We were visiting each other's respective churches, right? We sang together. It was supposed to be so great. This was one of those moments I had always hoped for--going to church with someone I'm dating.

Except I could tell he was still peeved. I had to pop my shoulder and started moving it around so he had to move his arm. He breathed deeply and his breath smelled musty. Then the scent of his suit caught my nostrils. Wow!! Just how long had it been since he'd had it dry cleaned? I mean, I was late because I had showered. Cleanliness is next to godliness, right? I was peeved. I'd rather be late and clean than on time and dirty.

The sermon was something about speaking the truth in love, and the true nature of Jesus. Astro turned to me.
Astro: How much longer is this going to be?
Savvy: About 45 minutes longer.
Astro: I don't think I have the patience for this.
Savvy: Oh, this is your second service. I'm sorry. Do you want to go?
Astro: Well, D, speaking the truth in love, this isn't the church for me. The sermon is meaningless and I can't follow the service. You should have been here to explain it to me.
Savvy: Oh, well, he's not the real pastor, he's just a visiting guy. Let's go.

In the parking lot we paused.
Astro: We really need to evaluate if we should move forward.
Savvy: Oh, do you want to have lunch and talk about it?
Astro: I really want to to change.
Savvy: Do you want me to follow you to your place and then we can go from there to the science thing?
Astro: Sure...
Savvy: Are you still angry with me?
Astro: Timeliness is one of my pet peeves.
Savvy: Oh. I'm really sorry. I had a hard time waking up and--
Astro: --Don't make excuses.
He snarled.
Savvy: I guess it's a bad little habit of mine. I'm trying to get back into church, but it's been hard.
Astro: Church is very important to me and I'm not willing to go through this journey with you.
Savvy: Well, I will get back into it.
Astro: I'm not attracted to you enough to put up with it. And you seem to have alot of health problems. I want to date someone who's healthy.
Savvy: Are you serious??
Pause... My shoulder will heal, my ankle will heal, my cough will go away and so will my migraines--for crying out loud I had an accident. These are things that I have to go through. And it's MINOR. If you can't deal with this, then you aren't going to be able to deal with marriage. I'm done talking. I'm going to go back to church.

I stormed off without looking back. I may have flipped my hair. I left him in the parking lot and went back for communion. A little girl asked me where the big guy went. I said, I didn't want to play with him anymore. He wasn't very nice.

Honestly, the pastor thought it was funny and actually, so do I. Who breaks up with someone in the church parking lot between the sermon and communion? Me!

And I'm happy. Now I don't have to tell him that I'm allergic to lilies, he smells, he's the rebound guy or that guys who say that church is so important to them shouldn't pressure girls to spend the night with them. I won't be crying over this one. Breaking up is a great way to unpeeve yourself. Next time, though, I'm just going to bail. Pet peeve is a synonym for deal breaker.


Steven said...

Well D, that is hillarious. Your writing is even better than your verbal story-telling. I think you've got a future as a writer. I'm saving the paragraph on the meaningless of the sermon for the days when I need to be humbled. Of course, it's tough to impress a guy who's just missed out on a night that was a seeming sure score.

SavvyD said...

He just didn't realize that I wasn't going to be a sure score. As naive as I am at times, I'm too smart for that. I gave his flowers to my mom.

LadyElaine said...

I'm glad you ended it with this guy. I had no idea that the bad table manners actually signaled a bigger issue with him. I'm glad you know yourself well enough to know when a relationship is not healthy and/or not headed towards a serious commitment. This guy definitely had some issues, and the fact that he wasn't teachable and was unwilling to listen or even own his stuff were serious red flags.(Not to mention the fact that he was still recovering from his last relationship).

Amir Larijani said...

Bad table manners? Bah! I always take a shower...once a month...weather I need it or not.

MissEtiquette said...

That was funny. I'm glad you're rid of him. You are much better off. Oh, well. As my cousin and I say, "another one bites the dust."

AF said...

Hi Sav,
You are a great blogger. I love the dialog. I can see these things happen in my minds eye, like watching a sit-com. You've mentioned that you are naive, but when it comes to men we are ignorant about getting a hint regarding women's feelings. Here is this guy that you are not that into, and he wants to call you his girlfriend; more like he is hoping or wishing. When it comes to women, you could give us money and men in general still wouldn't know where to buy a clue. I am sure that is why Astro speaks so often about his Asian ex. I find that the Chinese especially are very direct. They will tell you exactly how they feel and what's on their mind. The drawback is that they won't consider how you feel about what they say. Astro probably appreciated not having to guess. Not a good match, good thing you moved on.

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