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Monday, April 7, 2008

Love is... Forgiveness


I went to a beer tasting party. I almost thought Bass was going to be there when I called Mindi. D--which guy is it that you used to date? Is it Bass? There are a couple of guys who have the same first name as Bass.

It wasn't him. I was relieved, but also saddened by the news. I'm avoiding Bass, but I don't want to be. The other person I want to avoid was there. Bill. I had him confused because I hardly spoke to him. I know I did, but honestly he has me totally confused and I'm staying out of it.

One minute he was comforting me, the next he was french kissing me. He never even had the decency to ask me out on a date. He told me about some other girl he had been dating, I had no idea. We aren't even very close friends, we don't talk on the phone really and I'm not attracted to him. I didn't like kissing him. I didn't like that he was telling me that Bass is a player when he was putting the moves on me the very next Monday.

I had a conversation with a a guy about Bass. Intorspection brought on by a couple of beers:
John: I was seeing a girl a really liked and then I got scared. I think that's what happened with him. I really regret it.
Savvy: Seriously, we had all these things in common, we had a great time together and he dumped me for some chick who lives in frigging Canada.
I sing the Canadian anthem with new words. Oh Canada! I hate you Canada.
John: That's just temporary if that's the case. Do you still like him?
Savvy: I don't know, yes, but he hurt me.
John: If you like him, keep the door open. He'll be back. Don't invite him in, just keep the door open. I know exactly what you should do when you see him. Be friendly, be happy. He'll know what he's missing.
Savvy: I don't know. It seems like a better idea to just move on.
John: You had all those things in common, that's priceless. He won't forget that. That's worth more than some fling with a girl in Canada.
Savvy: We could have been together.
John: Maybe the connection was too deep and he got scared. Maybe he wasn't attracted enough...
Savvy: Oh no, he was attracted enough. He told me how pretty I was, how hot I was, he wanted to spend all of spring break with me, and all summer, then he shows up with a Canadian chick.
John: He told you all of that? He definitely won't forget you. Sounds like he scared himself.
Savvy: She's from Montreal, Quebec, Canada. There are way scarier things in life than being with me. Bungie jumping for instance...
John: I've never seen him connect with anyone else. Trust me, he won't be with anyone else--not from our group.
Meanwhile, I was thinking about my conversation with Vera...she thought she had a connection with Bass...
John: People forgive way worse things in a marriage. Do you think you could forgive him if he came back?
Savvy: If he came back...maybe. I don't know. It wouldn't be the same. It would be harder. It's just so hard to forget that connection. I've never had that kind of connection with anyone. I just don't understand why you would mess that up.
John: People get scared. Leave the door open. Try to forgive him. Men get scared when they feel a deep connection with someone. They feel like they have to do something about it.


I know Bass says he isn't ready. Maybe in ten years I'll finally get married. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm learning. I don't know what to believe about him anymore. I've had people come back into my life when I thought they were gone. I don't know which of the things Bass says are actually true. He made reference to a 40 year old virgin...was he secretly talking about himself? He's 37...

I don't know if John was asking me to forgive Bass so much as he was asking for himself to be forgiven. See, If I could forgive Bass, then maybe the girl he had been seeing would forgive him.

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By the way, Bass's real name is not John.

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