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Saturday, April 26, 2008

Deja Vu

I don't mind feeling like I've been somewhere before. I just mind when it's somewhere I've been with Bass and I'm on a date with Astro. I went to a beach bonfire with Astro. On the way there, we crossed paths with the Beach Bike Ride of one month ago when I found out that Love is Like a Hurricane.

I tried to be cheerful. I didn't realize how far the bike ride was. I wasn't even sore the next day. I felt cheated. I'm sure Astro didn't see my sightly pained expression remembering a fairly awful day that was supposed to be completely different than it was. Before things went down with Bass at karaoke, I imagined that we would spend the day together as a date.

My second date with Astro almost didn't happen because we had miscommunicated about the time. He thought I stood him up, but I actually didn't know what time we had said! Was is quarter till? quarter after? On the dot? I was waiting for his phone call. He was driving home when I told him, I was really looking forward to spending time with you. I would be sad if we didn't go out tonight. He said that was the way to his heart.

I nonchalantly stabbed marshmallows into the huge fire like fencing practice. I felt a little bit panicky when he said, You're my kind of crazy. I feel like I can be myself around you. Bass said that and then...

When Astro told me how great he thinks I am, but was hemming and hawing about commitment I could honestly say, If you want to date me, date me. If you don't want to date me, don't date me. Just be decent about it so that we can be friends if we aren't going to date.

It was our second date. I hadn't asked him about exclusivity. I won't even bring that up. After Bass, its going to take awhile before I can trust someone again. The chambers of my heart are calloused. The bike path was orange lit and ghostly. I feel haunted.

1 comment:

Tairebabs said...

I think I walked the path you are walking right now. Last year, I was in a relationship with some guy. He bought me an Ipod and one of those combination cds..simple something..i think rock. We broke up. I started dating another guy this year and on my birthday he bought me one of those really cute Ipods and the combination cd. This time simple classic. Kept having the whole deja vu feeling.